Lee Joe counted his steps as he chewed his lips, bearing the distinct burning sensation in his chest as he walked back. He made a mistake. Autumn was not supposed to know, not yet. A week after he woke up from the accident; Lee Joe could not remember anything that had happened between him and the latter when he was in the brink of death. But when the next year came and he saw Autumn once more, when he declared to everyone that Autumn stood right beside him and got called a maniac, he realized that the young man, that god was too high beyond his reach. No one could see Autumn except him. Autumn gave him life and so, Lee Joe is forever somehow attached.

“I just really couldn’t take much longer Au.”

≈

Lee Joe stared blankly at his two hands. His mind was playing game of hide and seeks, as he reminded himself of what he had said yesterday and fought to put it behind. He couldn’t. “Stop staring at it and get over with, Lee.” the newly wed older sister, Lee Ann demanded while stirring the hot scrambled eggs into the kimchee stew. She sighed, worried at the state of her brother who was always alone especially during this season. “I’m worried about you.” She calmly confessed as the bowl of kimchee stew slid in front of the younger boy. She sat down and dunked a set of spoon and chopsticks into the hot soup, waiting for his response. “I’m fine.” He replied, sipping the steaming liquid from his spoon and smiling foolishly at her face. “I’m trying aren’t I? Lee Ann?”

“Yeah… don’t push yourself though. I love you, so does Sungyeol. Keep that in mind.”

“I know. I’m going out again today, is that okay? I’ll be back before dusk.”

“Okay, take care.”

≈

The sun was going down, tainting the skies with a cottony pink and orange color. Beside a big tree, Autumn was staring at a crying child, left behind by her mother. The young, five-year old was squatting as she sobbed gently, so slow that no one bothered to pay attention. Lee Joe started to run as he watches the young god whispering, mumbling to the girl and being completely unseen. But soon when he lifted his hands and made the dead leaves float and danced around cheerfully around them, the girl slowly calmed down as she watched them move. Lee Joe slowed down and soon, he stood frozen as he stared at Autumn petting the girl’s forehead as her mother scrambled back and snatched the child away. She brought the child into her arms and tears of joy spilled down her wearied cheeks as they both smiled.

Autumn smiled too. Lee Joe sighed as he bent down, cupping his knees and breathed. He was drained, but enlightened at the sight, so much that though the air could barely pass his lungs, he was laughing. He waved at Autumn and laughed more.

“Hey. You’re here. I’m so happy.” Autumn spoke shyly; facing up to the darkening skies as he leant on the tree trunk like usual and waited for the latter. “Why? Did you think I would just stop?” Lee Joe asked as he sat beside the latter and smiled at his hands, somehow just as embarrassed.

“Stop what?” Autumn asked in return, raising Lee Joe’s brows as he giggled. “Stop seeing you, the Autumn.” The latter smiled widely as he heard the words and as he exhaled, he felt a certain weight on his left shoulder. Lee Joe was leaning on him, for the first time in 13 years the boy leaned him and sat so close their arms were rubbing against each other. “Are you alright, Lee Joe?”

“I’m fine, this time Au… tell me a happy story would you. Tell me how you saved me, how I caught your attention.”

The latter’s lips curled sweetly as he brushed Lee Joe’s hair, still as gently as he did the first time a decade ago.

“I was walking, like usual putting all these trees to sleep. Then I saw you, you were wearing your shirt neatly, warmly tucked into that pretty knitted sweater. You were holding onto a letter, all crumpled up in your dainty little fingers and the leaves kept falling on your shoulder. There were happiness in your young eyes, they were beautiful.”

“As well as hopeful. So I made the trees cover the sunlight from your face and made the wind blow you a gentle breeze so that it would dry up all your nervous sweats. I could see that you were waiting for someone.”

“I saw your expression as the wind blew and I thought, I did a good job. I walked ahead but then after a few minutes, I heard noises and cries by the river. It was you and you were so close to death.”

“They told me you jumped into the river because the wind blew off that letter you held.”

Autumn paused as he felt his eyes burn, the guilt was still eating into his heart. His fingers paused and trembled on Lee Joe’s forehead as he reminded himself the painful memories, a story that had always made him tear up. Lee Joe nodded gently and softly, he grabbed the latter’s hand and spoke, “It’s okay. You saved me. It’s okay.”

“You saw me. You saw me amongst all those people around and you asked me to save you. You could see me.” Autumn continued as he locked his fingers with the smaller. “After so long, I was not alone anymore. You could see me, Lee Joe.”

Lee Joe smiled; looking up to the latter’s translucent, light brown eyes and adoring their miraculous beauty under the dim, barely lit night sky. “I always do.”