The moment I woke up and stared at Yunho’s sleeping figure beside me, I realized that I did not love him anymore. His mouth was wide open and he was even drooling, his snores resounded in the room. He had his arms wrapped on my waist as I wiggled my way out. I looked back at him again and heaved a sigh. If I haven’t been used to this sight, I would have been completely disgusted.

I quickly entered the bathroom. When I finished taking a bath, he was still fast asleep. He gets up half an hour before I would leave for work. He would kiss me with his mouth full of dried spit and sit down for his breakfast. Yunho had an appalling appetite. He won’t get satisfied with just buttered toast and coffee. He always demands for fried rice with eggs and sausages, reasoning that he needed this size of meal for his work, which I silently disagree. If not for his daily exercise, he would definitely get obese. But I decided that I won’t be cooking for him today. If he wants breakfast, he should make one by himself.

I dressed up quietly, careful not to wake him up. It’s not that I want him to get his full rest. I just don’t want to talk to him with all his dull-witted remarks. I glanced at him one last time before leaving the room.

As I trail through the highway, my thoughts were plagued by Yunho again. His scent is all over the place, in me, in my clothes, in my car. It’s not the first time that I noticed how Yunho’s scent is just damn everywhere. We use the same perfume but there is so distinct in him that I get to notice his presence without even seeing him. I should really start thinking on how to get rid of it while there’s still traffic. My eyes roamed the road and I spotted a cinema, they’re currently showing Haemoo where my favorite actor, Park Yoochun, is starring. I decided that I’m going to watch it, without him. Yunho never appreciate my level of movies and would just snuggle to me and doze off. When I would try to open up a conversation about the movie we just watched, he would give the shallowest remarks that I would regret asking him in the first place. He would rather prefer those Bruce Lee and martial arts s where there’s only nonsense and uninteresting plots.

When I got in my office, my secretary was mouthing his name and holding up the phone. Yunho would always call, checking if I got in already, whenever he needs a ride home or we’re going out.

“Tell him I’m still not here.” I muttered to her and she gave a nod as I quickly entered my office.

The paperworks in front of me kept me occupied as I will images of Yunho’s eyes, Yunho’s smile, Yunho’s laugh away in my mind. Really. I sighed in defeat and slumped my head to the desk. Yunho have this funny way of sneaking in my mind sometimes. I rested my head on the leather chair and closed my eyes, counting from one to ten in hopes of calming myself. I continued on doing my tasks again until my secretary came in.

“Sir. Mr. Lee is asking for the JCI contract papers.”

“Oh. It's right here. Wait a minute.” I opened the drawer on my desk and took the documents hurriedly. I handed her the papers and she left immediately. When I looked down to close the drawer, a photo of Yunho splayed on the grass. His almond eyes turned into narrow slits because of his boyish smile. He look very young and carefree.

It was on Jeju, as I have recalled. We were celebrating our second anniversary and I remembered how he seemed like the best boyfriend in the world. How the two of us get along so much. How we were just being lovers.

Lovers. That was what Yunho always say whenever he introduce me to everyone. He's my lover. Yunho would say without a single thought. Although I know that I loved him, I cannot do the same to him. I was never proud of him. My friends did not go well with him. He's rather dense, one would say. The two of you are somehow different, another would add. I did not mind them before, but sadly, I do now.

Afternoon break came and I did not notice it if not for my secretary buzzing on my line, informing me that Yunho is calling again. I knew that talking to him is inevitable so I thanked my secretary and picked up my phone.

This is another reason why I knew that I'm not in love with him anymore. Yunho can't be sensitive at the right time. He cannot even sense my growing dislike towards him. On how much I hate how he raise his voice when he's trying to make a point. Or the way he touches me when he's drunk. I absolutely hate it. All of it. Hell! If I could only make him disappear.

The rest of the day came off peacefully but as I was driving my way home. It came to me how Yunho and I are different. Very different. I’m black, he’s white. He could never understand my type of songs. I smoked, he didn’t. He drank, I didn’t. Just then, I decided that all of these have got to end. I’m not happy nor in love with him anymore. We’re just different, too different. Tonight, I’m breaking up with him.

I passed by the cinema showing Park Yoochun’s movie. I did not notice before that beside it was one of Bruce Lee’s martial arts movie. Yunho would definitely drag me there if he saw that one. I shooked my head again when I realized that I’ve been thinking about him again. Will I miss him after we end? I think that I might. Three years can do so much to me. He might have even grown on me. I guess. I decided that I should start preparing my parting speech.

The lights on the house are on as I parked my car. He even forgot to turn the lights off! Just great. The moment I got in, the smell of food greeted me. He’s already home but the living room was empty and I ascended the stairs while rehearsing my break up speech. His rubber shoes are sprawled in front of our room. Tsk. I arranged them beside mine and entered the room. The moment I went in, silence engulfed the room. He’s probably in the bathroom.

“Yunho, are you there?” I called out as I knocked on the bathroom door. I heard a groan and I knew it was him. I immediately opened the door.

“Yunho!” There on the cold bathroom floor laid Yunho groaning, probably in pain. His eyes were remained closed. I quickly came to his side and lifted him to a sitting position, panic starting to creep on me.

“Yunho-yah, are you hurt anywhere? What happened?!” I shrieked in anxiety, he was burning. Definitely a fever. He opened his eyes and looked at me.

“I just felt dizzy while washing my face. You’re home.” He gazed at my eyes softly and smiled. It was heartbreakingly painful to see. After making sure that he wasn’t hurt anywhere, I dragged him out of the bathroom and guided him to the bed and laid him down carefully, his arms never leaving my waist as I arranged the pillow on his head.

I managed to reach for the thermometer and placed it on his ear. 41 degrees celsius. How he managed to cook with a fever this high is a mystery to me.

“Yunho-yah, you have a fever.” He only nodded with eyes still closed, implying that he already knew.

“Jaejoong-ah.” I hummed in response.

“Dinner’s ready.” He replied.

“Yes. Kimchi fried rice. Looks delicious.” I answered him with a smile.

“The only thing I can cook.” He said back.

I looked at him, his almond eyes are already open and we gazed at each other. “My favorite though.” I replied, sincere with my words. He smiled so softly and the burn in my chest stirred.

I coughed and sat up straight as I adjusted his Bambi blanket on him. “You’ve got sore throat too. I’ll go and call Dr. Park.” I readied myself to stand up.

“Prescription’s on the bag.” Yunho muttered as he held my arm. Great. He even bought his own medicine already. I felt like I was slapped in the face. Just how long have I been neglecting him already?

“Jaejoong-ah.” He suddenly pulled me to him. With his eyes closed, he placed his chin on my neck, his hot breath on my skin. “I love you.” He muttered. I nearly choked at the words, trying to keep the stinging of my eyes at bay. My hands reached his head and soothed his hair.

“I know baby… I know.” And a stray tear ran down on my cheek.

The moment I made sure that he’s comfortable and asleep, I decided to go downstairs and arrange my things. As I passed by the kitchen, the smell of food reached through my senses. I decided to sit down and eat at least. The kimchi fried rice in front of me made me realized that I was very much hungry after all. I pulled the large plate near me and helped myself with it. As I held the spoon in my hand, sudden guilt overcame me. How long has he been unwell? Last night when I went straight on the bed to sleep early and ignore him? This morning when I did not even wait for him to wake up and just left? A flash of ache passed through my chest and I felt the sting on my eyes again. I let out a sob as the salty taste of tears was mixed with Yunho’s spicy sweet kimchi fried rice.

I stared at the clock and followed the ticking of the long hand. Two minutes before one and he has to take his medicine again. Slowly, I tilted my head to his direction. He was sleeping peacefully, with his mouth slightly open. His Bambi blanket was covered on him and he moved a bit to wrap himself more.

I reached his head and gently caressed the brown sticky locks with an attempt to wake him up. He stirred on his sleep and his eyes opened slowly, a faint smile etching on his face.

Maybe I’m just being stupid. Maybe he has really grown on me. Maybe I’m just too used to him being around. This morning, all that I’ve felt was indifference and dislike towards him. But now, when I saw him on the bathroom floor, feverish, when he hung onto me tightly and told me that he loves me, all I could feel is love. I did not even know why. But I’ve decided that I should not care less. Despite his idiocy, despite his childishness, despite his terrible appetite, what’s important is that he loves me regardless of our differences and all.

“Yunho-yah. Time to take your meds.” I smiled back at him and gave him a kiss on the temple.

And I know that I love him too. Really.