I'm standing at your front door; a bouquet of pink roses in my hand with a cheesy letter because I know they're your favorite. I'm shaking in place as I wait for you, nerves on the edge of my skin; but as that burgundy door opens to reveal your shining presence, I can't help the smile that breaks out on my face. You're beautiful is all I can ever think; the twinkles in your eyes and your effortless smile. Today is a day I will never forget. This is the day our relationship will kick off: our first date.

It's our ten year anniversary. It's been ten years since we've been married, it's amazing isn't it? To spend that much time together. So we should be going out, celebrating with red wine and those pink small cakes you adore. However, the weather's gloomy and I'm all alone. I miss your presence by my side. Why did you leave me all alone on our special day?

“You're such an idiot,” you said with a light laugh as you smacked my arm, your eyes closing as your smile filled your face.

“I'm your idiot, though,” I say with a cheeky smile with a wink at the end. I poked at your sides until I was suddenly on top of you, tickling you to no end. Tears slid down your face as you laughed the most beautiful laugh I've ever heard; and you looked at me, so many emotions in your eyes as you gazed into my own.

You smiled with sincerity as you spoke; “Yeah, you're my idiot,” you took my hands in yours, lacing our fingers together, “and I'm yours,” you paused as you bit on your lower lip, a nervous habit that you picked up two months ago.

“I love you,”

That was the first time you ever said those words to me.

I leave our house dressed in all black, with your favorite type of wine and roses, a small gift in my back pocket. Rain started falling from the sky and painted the pavement with grey, I blink the drops away as I make way for our meeting place. I stopped visiting you everyday over three years ago, hopefully you'll forgive me for by rudeness, but it's just too painful to see your beautiful name engraved into that dirty, cold stone.

I wish I could see you again.

Just one more time.

Performing has always been your passion. Ever since you got the lead role in some play in high school, you've been unstoppable ever since.

“Why do you love performing on stage so much?” I asked one day when you were so busy rehearsing your lines that you forgot to eat dinner, again.

“Because, even though I'm ultimately just an ordinary person, I feel some sort of empowerment when I'm up on that stage, portraying a character so well it can move people to tears. It makes me feel important in a way,” you spoke with such adoration towards performing, I swear your eyes started to shine like an angel in the sky. You talked about how it felt to be upon that stage every week, the pain, sweat, and tears people put into producing it, and I finally was able to grasp why you loved it so much.

You really do feel like you're accomplishing something, becoming important to those around you. But this must also be why I feel so moved whenever I rewatch your performances, and I'm so happy to have been able to record them.

Because you are absolutely breathtaking.

The courtyard is empty when I walk in and I trudge to your special spot like a zombie, almost dreading this decision of mine. Across the street stood the town's theater, lights shining all around as the performance starts. It's kind of ironic because that's the musical you've always wanted to be in, the one you've told me about on countless nights, saying how you think it's one of the most emotional musicals you've ever seen. I wanted to watch you on that stage, giving your heart and soul to a crowd of people you don't know, but you aren't able to sing your heart out on that stage anymore; the only person singing now is me, while I wail our song into the depths of the night, praying that my voice reaches the heavens.

You've been acting strange for the past few weeks, always avoiding me in the most absurd ways possible, you even refused to sleep in the same room or eat together. I was petrified that this was it; that you were finally going to end this relationship. It worried me to no end, but I soon figured out why when I came home one day, a trail of pink roses leading to our bedroom. I followed the trail like a rabbit, excitement and confusion raced through me as I opened our door. And there you were, looking more beautiful then ever, kneeing down on the floor, a ring in a burgundy box, a smile on your face

“Kyu, I know I've been pretty ty for the past few weeks, but,” tears ran down your face as you spoke to me, love adorning ever feature on your face, “but I love you more than you will ever know. I want to wake up next to you for all my days to come. I want us to have an unspoken bond that not everyone has, I want us to last for as long as our souls live on. Kyu, would you do me the greatest honor of my life and marry me?” hopeful wishing radiated off of you as you wait for me answer.

I'm almost positive I looked so stupid standing there, smiling at you with tears streaming down my face. But none of that mattered, not when I can have you for the rest of my life.

“Of course I'll marry you. You're the best thing to ever happen and I don't think I could live without you,” I whispered as I fell into your welcoming embrace. I could feel you nuzzle your face into my neck, mumbling 'thank you's' and 'I love you's' over again.

I think our marriage will really last, don't you my dear?

I sit down in front of that cold stone with my favorite name on it; your grave. The rain has finally started pouring down at a blinding pace, making it impossible for me to decipher my own tears and the ones that fell from the sky.

“Don't worry, my dear Sungmin, I've never hated you a single day that I've known you. Even that one time that you broke my computer or that other time you smashed my starcraft game,” I reach my hand out to touch your grave, tracing my fingers over name. I choke back a sob as I look at the date of your death, remembering all to well what had happened.

I was coming home after work one day, exhausted and drained to a pulp; but I knew that you'd be there like always, smiling and welcoming me home, and I couldn't help but smile at the thought. Walking up to our small house, I unlocked the door and stepped inside, sliding my shoes off as I lock the door once again.

The house was quite. The radio wasn't blasting from the kitchen and you weren't sitting on the couch, a smile on your face as you saw me. It was almost like the place was empty.

“Darling? Are you home?” I called out into the house, my voice echoing throughout the complex. More silence welcomed my ears and I started to get nervous. You never liked hiding from me because you got scared by yourself, especially since our bunny died a few weeks ago.

Walking further into the living room I felt my heart rate quicken and my hands started to shake. Something was wrong. Terribly terribly wrong. I ran through the room, making my way to hallway, checking out bedroom first. Nothing. Your clothes were still there and all your important thingabobs. That means you didn't move out.

“I'm so sorry Sungminnie, I never thought that,” I cried as I looked at your grave, not even trying to fight the regret that settled into my stomach.

“I never thought that you felt that way, even after all that time we spent together. I'm so sorry my love, I'll make it up to you, I swear,”

Seeing all the other rooms empty I practically start panicking. Then I saw it. The light seeping through the bottom of the bathroom door.

“Oh God no, please no. Don't you dare tell me,” I wept as I ran to the bathroom door. I grabbed the handle, trying to turn it in my desperation, and to my dismay, it was locked.

“Sungmin! Oh, lord, please open the door! Sungmin? Sungminnie? Please, please answer me,” I screamed at the door, fear exploding through me.

“Remember those times we would gaze into the starry night and talk about our lives? I do. I don't think I ever told you how much they meant to me. It was like seeing a whole new light to the world, you, and myself. I've wanted to thank you for opening up to me,”

My blood ran cold as I rammed the door open, my desperation at the end of its rope. I felt the whole world stop, I couldn't hear or breath, nothing meant anything to me except you. I walked forward, my bare feet stepping into something warm, something gross, something I really wish I never felt.

“No. No. This can't be, but we were – oh God, Minnie,” I mustered out as I saw you there, laying motionless. I always thought you were beautiful, a killer smile and gorgeous eyes; but this, this wasn't you, this can't be you.

I don't want this to be you.

I knelt forward and cuffed your face, my thumbs shaking as I caressed your skin.

“Minnie? Please wake up. I need you, you can't leave me like this. I love you so much. I need you in my life. Please, just please wake up,” I wept as I stared at you. You said nothing. No movement. No smile. No laugh. No joke.

“DAMN IT! WAKE UP!” I screamed as I finally lost my mind, I clutched your body close to mine, shaking as I cried until I was empty.

“I know you always wanted to go travel to some European country. To make cheese and milk goats. Maybe even move to some rural area in a country we know nothing about. I wish I could have done that for you. I really wanted to give you the world,”

The paramedics came when they received my call, coming as quickly as possible. They fought with me as I tried to stay next to your lifeless body, ending up with them almost sedating me so I would calm down.

“Sir, I found this note, you may want to read it,” and they left, no more words, no stupid therapy cards. No more happy marriage. No more cute and feisty-bunny lover. My entire life crashed before my eyes.

“Hey, Min, I still have your note. Weird, huh?” I say as I lean against your stone, drinking a swig of the wine next to me.

“I can't bring myself to throw it away, it's too important to me. Everyone tells me, though, that I should get rid of it and finally go to therapy. I keep refusing because there is no way I would do that without you, but you,” I look up at the sky, the dark clouds blocking all – if any – sunlight. “You aren't here with me anymore,”

I couldn't sleep without the help of sleeping pills. I wouldn't eat for days, losing so much weight in a short amount of time. I wouldn't smile. I wouldn't speak. I barely even wanted to breathe or move. All I knew is that I needed you in my life because without you, my whole world is grey, and my body is numb, and my heart doesn't work as well by itself compared to when I had you by my side. You became a part of me, but with you gone, it's like a chunk of me disappeared, too.

Thunder crackled through the sky as lightning struck the ground somewhere in town. I sigh as hug myself one last time, pretending that this rigid body of mine is actually your soft yet masculine one instead.

“Don't worry, my sweet love, I'll be with you soon, I promise,” I whisper and the wind takes it away, sending it to the great skies and I know that you'll hear this somehow.

I shakily reach for the neck of the wine bottle and hold it up close to me, smelling the intoxicating scent that reminds me of you and your tendency to be so enticing.

“With this last thing, we'll be together once again,” the words aren't heard as I fish out the present in my back pocket. Unscrewing the cap, I dump the magic into my mouth, drown myself in alcohol, and lay myself beside your bed once again.

Because this is where I'm meant to be.

These few years were an absolute hell for me, I can barely imagine what you went through during your thirty-six years; the depression, hatred, fear, stress. I wished I would have noticed so I could comfort you in the those times when I was gone.

Everything started to hurt. My head started pounding loudly against my skull, I clutch it and close my eyes, tears seeping out. My stomach felt like tons of tiny knives where being embedded into my skin, slowly, painfully, going deeper and deeper. I could feel myself slipping out of consciousness.

My love, even though you thought I never truly loved you, I will defend my love for you with every ounce of my being.

I must be hallucinating because I can see your breathtaking smile and twinkling eyes again.

I was right.

You really are the most beautiful like this.

I know you were scared, but now I'm scared, too. I wonder if you would hate me instead if you found out what I'm going to do.

I'm going to follow you.

Four years from now, on the seventeenth of March, I will follow your exact footsteps.

I promise you, my dear, we won't be apart forever.

“You were right all along, my love,” I say as I stare at your angelic form.

“I really am your idiot,”

You always had this saying. You preached it everywhere; wrote it on sticky notes, getting it tattooed on your wrist, you even had a bracelet made for me with it engraved on the inside.

“But you're not just my idiot,” you say as you lean down to caress my cheek, tears freely falling from your eyes onto the ground. Landing gently on the dead figure laying in front of your grave.

“I'll always be your idiot, too,”

Never in all my years did I think that quote really suited us. But now, standing here with you in my arms, watching my lifeless body being pulled into an ambulance, I learned that we truly are just that.

“When we are apart, life is dull,” I say while holding your hand, falling in love with the feeling all over again.

“But we,” You said while looking at me, an understandable emotion swimming in your eyes.

“We are infinite once we reach the skies,”