He watched as she neatly piled her clothes in her leopard print suitcase. He felt helpless as he saw her determination grow stronger with each possession being kept in a box. She was packing up her entire life, sending everything she owned to some place faraway, intent on bringing only the most basic and important necessities. Including his heart.

“You don’t have to do this, Hyun. Please.” He begged.

She didn’t even turn to look at him as she continued to seal the last of the boxes that were to be sent to her parents’ house.

“You know I have to.” She replied sternly.

“But why? Must this be the only solution? C’mon Hyun. Be an adult and think things through. This isn’t you wanting a break. This is you, running away.” he accused.

By this time, she felt her blood rise as she turned around to face him.

“I’m in my early twenties, Yong. I’m entitled to be stupid and make mistakes.” She reasoned out. He was going to argue but she raised her hands in the air, an action which, immediately made him withdrew his tongue.

“I’m tired, Yong. I’m drained. What’s next after being burnt out? Because to be frank, I think I’ve surpassed that level. I just can’t do this anymore. I want to be selfish, but how can I, when even I, want to escape me? I know I’m not making any sense to you right now, but I really can’t find it within me to articulate all my struggles, fears, burden, and doubts. Call it whatever you want, but I need this. I desperately need this for me, Yong. Please be kind and don’t convince me to do otherwise.” She pleaded, tears streaming down her beautiful face.

He reached out to wipe those tears but she turned her head away and just let it flow. It made his heart bleed, seeing her like that, unable to do anything. There are just some battles in life that you have to fight on your own, and he knew that she had just entered the warzone. He’d been through this before and only now did he understand exactly what she felt back then. He bit back his tongue and tried to fight his own tears as he wrapped his arms around her. She collapsed in his embrace and they silently stayed in that position far longer than they would’ve preferred. He gently her hair as he heard her say,

“So this is how it feels like Yong. To fight yourself, trying to discover who you really are and finding equilibrium to that and who you want to be. It’s confusing and overwhelming at the same time. Was it like this for you? Because for me, it feels like I’m stuck in a never ending maze. Just when I thought I found the point of exit, the pattern changes and once again, I am lost.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I know I’m being irresponsible and though a part of me wants to be the Seohyun or Seo Joohyun others want me to be, I just can’t. I’m too tired trying to keep up with myself. Each night, when everyone else is falling asleep, I’m falling apart. How do I bring back the pieces, Yong? And even if I do, how do I deal with the reality that I’ll never be the same again? How? Tell me, Yong. How were you able to win this?”

“You won’t be the same, Hyun. From experience, I can guarantee that. Change is inevitable. These obstacles were designed in order to mold us into the person we’ve always wanted to be. If not, then the kind of person we were meant to be in this life. But even so, know for certain that what I feel for you will stay the same. I love you now, Seo Joohyun, and even after all this time, I’ll tell you right now that I’ll love the you in the future much more than I love you this second.”

She cried even more as she tightened her hold on him. She glanced upon the clock and her heart broke once more. It was time to go.

“Don’t wait for me.” She commanded, though deep inside, that was a lie. A betrayal to her heart in its highest  form.

“Don’t tell me what to do.” he answered back.

She was about to say goodbye, or start on another one of her lengthy emotional speeches, when he leaned closer to kiss her lightly and said,

“And don’t even dare say goodbye. We’ll meet again when you’re ready Hyun. This is where you and I end, and where we begin.” He released her from his hold and he mustered up the courage to smile and say,

“So I guess the next time we’ll be seeing each other would be on our wedding day. Until then, I’ll be here. I won’t even do anything to find you. I won’t call, text, or email you. Nothing. And I know you’ll do the same to me. We will meet each other again, perhaps not in the most ideal setting, but I know that when there’s you and me, that moment would nothing be short of perfection.”

She smiled upon hearing that, and though she wanted to ignore the fact that her heart skipped a beat, she knew she couldn’t deny the evidence that’s written all over her face.

“Yeah. See you when I see you.”

She picked up her luggage and got into the car. Just before she closed the door, she heard him yell,

“Preferably on our wedding day, Mrs. Jung! So if I were you, I’d be sure to sneak in the bridal gown or something. That is, unless you want to get married wearing your Keroro pajamas.”

She could hear his laughter as the car drove farther away. Maybe he’s right. God knows how much she wants herself to be wrong. Before she could decide against it, she took out her phone and sent a final text:

“If I were you, I’d bring in my tux and get a nice haircut. You wouldn’t want the groom to be mistaken as the ahjumma next door because of that perm. See you when I see you, Mr. Seo. Preferrably on our wedding day.”

With that, she clicked her phone shut and started on her journey. Maybe things will work out. Perhaps it won’t take that long. Whatever, whenever, and however it is, she needed to deal with the rest of this on her own.

Author’s Note:

I wanted to write something fluffy and happy but well, this ended up. I wish I could elaborate more to make things clearer, but I’m writing this in a rush (I know that’s a lame excuse) just as a means of an outlet. For changes that occur in the blink of an eye.

I wanted to give it a tragic or the angst-kind of ending, but perhaps there’s a tiny bit of those “fluffy feels” that’s left in me that’s why this turned out the way it did. Anyway, that’s all. Thanks.