Before anything else! Thanks for actually bothering enough to click to the Foreword, lol. 

This fanfic was born out of the need to just wanting to release this pent up creative energy amongst the stress of a technical and dry college life I now live in.

Give it a try? It gets angsty from the get-go but it lightens up quickly after. And I am striving to have the Infinite timeline and facts as accurate as I can, wish me luck!(The research has my head hurting smh). 

Sweaty Palms. Cold blood coursing through my veins. Despite the warm air in the room, I can almost shiver. The feeling was familiar. I can’t quite count how many times I’ve done this but the feeling is still the same. I can never get used to this.

I can never get used to this. Being the center and nailing the choreography. Despite countless practices and knowing I won’t mess up, I’m still nervous. Yet this is everything I’ve yearned for in this stage. The deafening shrieks of thousands of fans screaming my name. My member’s name. My group’s name. INFINITE. The blinding lights that almost blind me, leaving me to focus only in the moment of dancing and singing on stage. The audience only seen through the occasional blinking lights from phones, but can always be heard. This is paradise.

This is my hell. It is pure irony that I even think that it’s becoming a habit. Countlessly auditioning in front of many companies. Different people but always the same set-up. Cold, grey room. A table set in front of a clear space, 3 or 4 business suit clad women and men waiting to judge yet another hopeful. Worded differently but the same words and criticism, the same message that I hear each time. It’s not that I’m a bad singer. Heck, I’m the “next Alicia Keys/BOA.” But it’s always the same “BUT.”

            “Have you thought of double eye lid surgery?”

            OR

            “A little bit of …” a judge hand motions towards his noise, “adjustment in here and little bit in other places and then come see us to sign the contract”.

That’s only to the companies who were a bit “kinder”. Others would just dismiss me with backhanded whispers to the judges beside them of me being “ugly” and “plain”. Am I too ambitious, too egotistic for wanting to stay the same? Keep the face that my parents born me with? The face that God deemed to grace me with? Should I give up on my dream to make a “small” sacrifice and give up on my ideals?

I can’t. I absolutely can’t. I love music. I want to be judged on my talent and my skill as a singer. Is that too impossible? I hope that maybe. Just maybe. These moments have just not been the right moment. And that I will have my time to shine.