I ran away from Junhyung…

I think this is the manliest thing I can do right now…

I’m not gay I just happened to love and it just happened to be a guy…

I am your normal guy who can also get swoon with girls…

Junhyung was my first love though..

It is the first time I have experience it…

Butterflies in the stomach..

Feelings a spark whenever our hands happen to touch one another…

Unlucky me, because he happened to be a member  of a boy group called Beast which I am in, my best friend and most of all a guy…

Why does luck doesn’t side on me?

I keep those feelings all this years to protect the friendship that is keeping us closer to each other…

This barrier called friendship that is some sort of reminder that I will not have a happy ending with him just like in fairytales…

There is no such thing as us…

Us being a couple..

I know that I know that…

That’s why it hurts right now…

I know that someday he will have a girlfriend and that happened to be right now..

Why so sudden..

I feel left out..

I feel that now that he have her already…

He will have less time with me..

He will be so dedicated to her…

Just like how he describe to me how he will be caring to the girl she will date in the future..

His plans for his future gf was too sweet.. that I imagine I was that person…

But no.. no.. there is no chance…

He have met already some girl worth his time..

Worth his love…

I should be happy for him..

I think I might be somehow okay if he was the one who told me..

Do you know it’s like rubbing salt in the wound when I heard it from the news and he told me that it wasn’t worth mentioning to me.. That hurts you know..

Because I felt like I don’t hold a position in his life anymore..

I feel like I was thrown out…

He doesn’t treat me as a best friend anymore since he doesn’t trust me to this…

I am so sad…

Tears started to form in my eyes

“Hyunseung pabo”

“Why are you crying?”

“He will notice it”

“He will”

“He…”

“Jun..”

/Coughs/

I decided to stay at the apartment that my family owns.

This apartment wasn’t used so I was alone here now..

I texted my mom, my manager and doo that I will be staying here right now..

And they all say it’s fine…

I don’t want Junhyung to see how am I wasted right now…