Work wasn’t the same since Himchan stopped coming in. Jongup still enjoyed it, there was no doubt about that. He loved the smell of fresh coffee and goofing off with his colleagues, but it wasn’t the same. It took him a month to stop preparing Himchan’s usual’s. At first he made them because he thought he would return, and then because he hoped he would. But by the end it was out of habit, his mind forgetting what happened that Monday morning. He made it and stood there waiting for the grumpy man to come barging through the door at the end of the day, about a headache, his assistant, how much work he had left to do. When he then remembered that no, the business man wasn’t just caught up at the office late, he simply wasn’t coming, realisation dawned on him. Jongup missed him.

He wasn’t angry at Himchan that morning, he was angry at himself. He let himself fall in love with a man so obviously from another world. Let himself believe that the man liked him back. Sometimes he was so sure that he was being flirted with, but it wasn’t anything more than light teasing and him being friendly. It was his fault. Eunha still scolds him whenever he says that, says that Himchan was in the wrong and that she stands by her words to him that day. Jongup doesn’t agree, but he never bothers to argue with her. Arguing with Eunha was always a fruitless pursuit, and anyway, he knows she was only trying to help him. Still, he wished he’d come back in just once.

With the chairs all stacked, Jongup looked outside into the dark city hopefully. When no one came, he sighed. Picking up the takeaway coffee left on the counter, Himchan scrawled on it in black marker, he left the shop, throwing the full cup into a bin as he passed.

--

He almost missed him. Two months later and there he was. But was it him? Jongup knew it was but at the same time could not be certain. The man that entered had the same features, had the same colour eyes and hair, but everything about him was so strained, lifeless, drawn. His hair hung limp, stubble around his chin, bags underneath his eyes. The suit he wore was not kept with the same neatness and style that Jongup had become accustomed to see him wearing. Surely this tired man could not be his Himchan? But he was, and then he was gone. Rushing out the door with a fatigued anger. Jongup almost ran after him, but as he was already half way through making the customer’s order and with his boss looking on he knew it was impossible. Himchans two colleagues kept his drink at their table, thinking he might return. He didn’t. He could have told them that. And once more he was left to throw away that drink.

--

February came by quicker than ever. Himchan never left his mind, but Jongup always made sure to keep him in the very back corner of it. He told himself he had moved on. That’s what Hana was, him moving on. Eunha didn’t approve. She thought he was trying to fool himself, and that it was cruel on the girl. She didn’t seem to understand that he could like her as well as that man. Hana was pretty and kind, she made him laugh and blush and feel warm. He liked her.  Just not as much. She wasn’t able to make his heart flutter like he did. She couldn’t take over every single thought in his mind. She didn’t understand him the way Himchan did. But she would. He had known her for less than a month, while he knew Himchan for over a year. She would.

--

A birthday present was their undoing. Not hers. Hers was good, sweet. Matching Pikachu phone cases. He wasn’t lying when he said he loved it.

The coffee shop had gained a few new workers and Eunha was off for the day. The new staff didn’t know about Himchan. When a man walked into the store with a small wrapped up box and card they thought he was a friend or relative of Jongup’s. They didn’t found anything odd about how agitated the man looked, how quickly he left once they said they would give the present to him. He was a business man, they assumed he was busy.

Jongup didn’t mean to shout.

Who gave this to you?

He didn’t, but they were being too slow, too vague.

What did he look like?

He couldn’t open the box before he knew for sure who it was from.

When did he come in? What time?

 He didn’t want to get his hopes up only to find it was from a busy cousin. He scared Hana. His anger, his shouts, he tears. She left quickly with the promise that he would call her later.

Closing time came and he arrived home. He didn’t call her. The box and card still remained unopened. From the kitchen he could hear his family talking. He’d open it later. He’d call her later.

--

By the next month Hana ended their relationship. She said he may have liked her but his heart was with someone else. The “I told you so” never came from Eunha when he told her, but it was clear she was expecting it. In all fairness he had expected it as well. It had been due since his birthday. But it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt any less.

The box and card still sat on his desk. A part of him wanted to throw it away. He may not have been angry with him that Monday morning but he was now. Everything would have been fine if he had stayed out of his life completely. If he had not given him the present everything would still be good.

--

Sat on his bed Jongup looked at the box. It was delicately wrapped in sophisticated wrapping paper. The colours were all subtle, swirls of dark and pale greens mixed in with silver and black. Only a small bit of tape was used, and a green ribbon was tied around it with a bow. In his mind he could image the man wrapping the box, tying it together delicately with his slender fingers. Placing it beside him he picked up the card. A golden envelope with Jongup scrawled in pink pen. The colour brought a small smile to his lips, the image of Himchan scrabbling through his draws trying to find a nice pen, finding only a pink one. The one he gave him randomly back when Himchan was still new to the coffee shop.

With a deep breathe Jongup carefully opened the envelope and pulled out the card. The front was of a snowy landscape, with silver glitter on parts of the ice and snow. Jongup stared at it, desperately wanting to look inside but also wanting the exact opposite.  With his hand now shaking, he opened the card, and felt slightly relief at the sight of hand written words and not just a printed message.

To Jongup

I’m sorry.

A soft whimper escaped his mouth. Tears welled in his eyes but he held them back.

I’m sorry for that day, for everything trouble and pain I caused you. This apology is late I know. I know by now, probably ages ago really, you have moved on. You probably don’t even think of me anymore. I wonder if you even remember me? Probably not, and that is for the best.

I know writing this is cruel and selfish of me but I need to say sorry, and I promised that I would buy you this for your birthday. I hope you have a good day, and a good life. Happy birthday Jongup.

Himchan

with tears trickling down his cheek Jongup almost missed the words scrawled out above his signature. Black ink covered the pink writing, making it unreadable. Closing the card he placed it back into the envelope and looked back at the present confused. Undoing the ribbon and the paper, making sure not to tear it, he unwrapped the little present box. Inside was a CD, which once more brought a smile to his lips. Chris Brown. He remembered that conversation, how he was whining that his parents would not let him buy the Chris Brown CD he wanted. Himchan had said he would buy it for his birthday jokingly. He had laughed and felt happy at the idea then, but didn’t believe he would actually buy it for him. He didn’t believe it now.

A frown formed on his lips. The CD was propped up higher than the bottom of the box. Removing it revealed another CD case beneath it. The case was blank. There was no booklet or anything written on it. Curious, Jongup placed the CD in his laptop, not sure what to expect.
 

_______

Authors Notes

So this isn't going as I planned and is a lot longer than I planned so I am splitting this one into two chapters. There will be a happy ending....eventually. 

I have no idea what is going on with my writing style for this fic either... so sorry if it bothers you, the next chapter will be back to normal probably

Also all the female characters are made up