Cold winter

It took one glance for me to fall in love with him and it took a year for me to make him mine-or not. One year ago, I was just an ordinary student in CUBE University. Learning art and admiring every single sculpture was the best thing I could do. I was a very shy and timid student who always has my face hidden behind a big sketchbook.  Nobody wants to be near me and it was the same for me too. I want to befriend them but every time I open my mouth, no words came of it. After series of failure friend making, I gave up and now I am perfectly fine by myself-at least until he came to my life. Since that day, I always look at him from afar and secretly slipped love letter to his locker. One year passed and here I am, waiting for him under the biggest Christmas tree in town ready to confess my love to him. I arrived earlier than the promised time since I was very excited but afraid at the same time. I am afraid of rejection especially if that rejection comes from the person I admired for a year.

“Yoseob?” My face went red when I see him standing tall right in front of me with my letter on his right hand.

“Junhyung-sunbae..” I pulled the scarf closer to my cheek, hiding my shaking lips and red cheek behind it.

“The one who sent me this love letter, it was you?” Here we go.. I nod my head slowly and sink deeper to the white big scarf. Come on Yoseob!! You practiced it yesterday!! Be a man and do it!!

“Y-Yes.. I-It was m-me..” Damnit mouth!! Can you stop stuttering for a moment? I feel like slap myself hard and just die at the spot. I had practice this since a week ago but in front of him, those efforts disappear along with the cold wind.

“I-I l-l-lo-lo-love y-you J-Junh-hyung s-s-sunbae.”  Oh God.. Please spare me from the pain.. If he reject me, please make it hurt less.. But, if he accept my love, please make us the happy for a very long time.. I beg you..

“Ahh.. I-I’m sorry Yoseob but I love someone else. I’m really sorry..”  

“Thank you sunbae.. Thank you for all the happy memories we made.. I hope you get that person Junhyung-sunbae. Whoever she is, she will be the happiest person in this world.” So warm.. He give me one big hug and wipe the tears on my eyes.

“I’m sorry Yoseob.. And, thank you..” Sunbae.. If only you know how much I love you.. How much I wish to be the only person in your warm hands and the only person to feel your soft touch on my skin..

“Merry Christmas Sunbae~!” I put on my happy mask and smile for one last time.

“Merry Christmas Yoseob..” He smile back and ruffled my hair before disappear from my sight.  Hurts.. Rejection hurts.. Those words stab me straight to my heart and the unknown force pushes it deeper. That bouquet on his hands, make it hurt even more. He planned to reject whoever sent that letter to him and I should have known it from the start. Stupid.. How stupid.. My vision turned blur as snow falling slowly, decorate everything in white. Christmas songs were sung from the every places and color decorating the tree, dancing under the snow rain. Everybody cheers and sing along, they were happy with whoever they with leaving me alone in sorrow and pain. I hide my face between my fingers and cry as loud as I can.

“Hurts.. Please make it disappear.. Anybody..” I cry louder, mumbling the words repeatedly like a mantra. It hurts.. It hurts so much.. Somebody help me.. That night, I spent hours crying under the tree between thousands people. My tears did not dried out easily as I cried for hours, until I feel warm chest touch my nose and chin on my head.

“I will help you lessen that pain. Just cry..” I cried for another hour in his warm hug but the moment I open my eyes, he was nowhere to be found. How strange.. I look around try to find him but empty park was the only thing I see. I quickly check for any lost item and sigh when I still have my phone and wallet save in my pocket. I quickly go home and went to my room to get my sketchbook. I open my window and start to sketch the white wonderland outside. However, I find myself rip another paper every time I draw shaky line. Soon I close the book and just stare at happy people outside, I used to love sketching winter scenery from this small room but today that passion just disappear, along with my first love..

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Pleasant spring

I never seen Junhyung sunbae or that mysterious person again.. Sunbae graduated 2 months ago and I am currently at my final year, it was crazy madness for art students because we have to find our muse in less than 3 months. Since sunbae graduated, I did not have any idea of whom or what my muse is. I spent one year to catching up with him only ended up with pain on my side. Life so unfair.. Snow melted away and flowers blossoming everywhere. I love spring.. Spring gave us privilege to mix and match colors on our white paper.

“So beautiful..” I went to some famous places and saw varieties of flowers, start from cherry blossoms, azaleas, and forsythias. Each of them made my hand itch to put this beautiful sight on my sketchbook. I went back to my small room with my sketchbook, decorating the white paper with varieties of colors. Hours passed by and suddenly it was dark outside. I close the book and put it somewhere close, did not forget to close the window. Then I went out to take my usual dinner and Gikwang’s Café. Gikwang is my childhood friend, very cheerful and always filled with energy every single time. He just opened his café near my apartment last year with his boyfriend Son Dongwoon who is my dongsaeng at university.  Sometimes I quite jealous with them, both of them was lucky to find each other in such young age while I still struggling with my final project and broken heart. It took me only 15 minutes of walking before I arrive at his café.

“Yoseobie!!” It was only 30 minutes late and they nearly crushed me with a tight group hug. I pat them on their back as a sign of suffocating. Despite his small body, Gikwang has strong grip and not to mention his tall boyfriend beside him.

“Just take a seat and we will serve you our new menu~” Gikwang ran to kitchen while Dongwoon drag me to my usual chair, the two-seat table near the window. After put on glass of water, he ran back to cashier and served the customer with smile. I cannot imagine what those girls reaction would be if they know their favorite cashier person is the owner’s boyfriend. I drink the water and look around with boring eyes. I guess I am lucky to have Gikwang as the owner of this place, because if not it will be hard for me to dine here since the place was really packed with customer at this hour.

“Alright, thanks for waiting Yang Yoseob-ssi. Please enjoy our new menu, meatball pasta, chicken teriyaki rice burger, blueberry cheese pancake, tiramisu parfait, green apple mojito, and green tea milkshake.” My eyes widen from the amount of food before me. Is he possessed by some kind of demon right now?

“Are you kidding? I can’t eat all of this!!! You know I have small appetite at night.” I cry silent tears as Gikwang put one plate after another. There is no way I could eat all of this by myself.

“Don’t care~~ You need to eat a lot since you did not come for lunch today, so I have to give you two portion to make up for your daily nutrition.” He went back to the kitchen and left me alone with four plates and two glasses on my table. I looked at Dongwoon try to ask for his help but he just gave me the same evil smile like Gikwang did. Well.. I guess I had no other choice.. Since Gikwang taking care of my nutrition every single day, I guess this was one of way to thanked him.  I lift the spoon and eat it one bite at a time.

“Oh!! Almost forgot!! Like usual, just write if anything doesn’t suit your taste Yang Yoseob-ssi.” I nod my head and shooed him. Every month Gikwang would ask my opinion for his new menu. He said I have special tongue but for me his ‘special’ word mean ordinary and normal tongue like everybody else. After I ate two bite of each dish, I take the note he left earlier and write my opinion about it. The meatball I think should be smaller. Can you imagine eating meatball pasta with a meatball as big as tennis ball? For me it’s a big no, NO!!  Then, the chicken teriyaki in this rice burger should be more flavorful since the taste disappeared when you ate it with the burger, make it a little bit sweeter should do good. Next, the blueberry cheese pancake should have more cheese because it more delicious that way. Then, tiramisu parfait should be less sweet, what do people expect when they eat tiramisu? The coffee taste and the mascarpone cheese between it, so make it less sweet and focus more on the excat flavor of the tiramisu itself.

“Uhm.. Excuse me..  Can I sit here?” I nod my head without looking at whoever wants to sit here. Honestly, I am fine with whoever sat there anyway, at least better than by me alone.  I put the plate one by one in front of me as I comment on it one by one, trying my best to find flaw point from these amazing dishes.  Where were we? Ahh.. The green apple mojito should add more mint and green apple syrup, maybe with more ice would be nice. Alright!! What else? The green tea milkshake need more decoration like some green tea powder on top of the bubble or mint leaf on the side. DONE~! I put the note down and continue eat slowly.

“Wow.. For someone as small and cute like you, you sure eat a lot.” That was time when I realize I someone actually sit with me. Not to mention this person is so handsome and charming.

“O-Oh.. I-It is not like that. My friend, the owner of this café asks my opinion about this new menu. It’s not like-I-eat-a-lot..” My voice disappear little by little until it just small whisper as I sank on my chair slowly. Something about this person has strange effect on me, feels like he can read my heart and mind with one glance.

“Hahaha.. You face!! Just too funny!! Relax.. I will not judge or anything like that. I just thought ‘Ahh.. Maybe this guy still in pain since you cried so much that time.’ Funny isn’t it?” Yes..Very fun-Wait? Don’t tell me-

“Y-You’re that guy?!”

“What? You did not remember me. Awhh… I’m so sad..” No way.. No way.. I found him!! I finally found him!!

“Ahh.. I’m so sorry.. I didn’t get to look at you since-you know..”

“Well.. Now you know how gorgeously handsome I am, right?” He smile and drink his chocolate milkshake slowly. Oh God.. He really is handsome.. I put my hand in my mouth when I realize I just said it aloud. Stupid me.. Stupid me!!

“A-Anyway, thank you..”

“You’re welcome.”  Both of us went silent after that,  I just look at my hand while he continue drinking his milkshake silently. Something about this person makes my stomach feels funny, it feels like Junhyung-sunbae all over again.

“Uhm.. You can have some of this if you want. As you can see I don’t eat that much and it’s a waste to throw away delicious food like this. ” I ask Dongwoon for another pair utensil and give it to him. He stared at me for a while but then I push the plates in front of him.

“I guess since you insist I eat this, I will eat it but if you eat it with me.”

“W-What?”

“Let me be honestly direct with you, I like you-like a lot. So, why don’t we eat this as well as get to know each other? I really want to know you better.” W-What? He took the spoon from my hand, scooped some pasta with it, and ate it.

“Hmm.. Delicious~!” A-Ah-Ahh.. T-That was.. I-Indirect kiss, right? He glanced at me and the spoon before give the new one to me. I just take the spoon timidly as my mind still processing in my mind. He then offers some pasta to me and I just tried to hide my burning face from him. Oh God.. That smile of his.. Makes me melt.. I eat the pasta shyly and turn my face away from him. I bet my face was red like a boiled crab.

“Hahaha.. I really like you..” My face turns redder each second and soon the food taste more delicious. We stay silent after that and I just keep eating even though my stomach screaming ‘I’m full!! I’m full!!’ but I just eat bite after bite.

“I’m