[FLASHBACK]

She never thought this would happen to her, after graduating from high school she decided to take up college in the city, and that meant to leave her family and friends behind, but nevertheless they supported her decision. Starting out in a place unknown to her and seeing people she doesn’t even know made her want to go home, but because of the dream she had to accomplish for herself and her family, she got all the strength to continue. She survived the first tough weeks, she began to work at a café to support herself even though her parents still sends her money, ‘It’s a kind of self-achievement to provide for myself’ she would always tell her mom.

***

She then enrolled in a college, the first days were not bad, she made friends but not that close, and their views were much different from her, they just don’t go together. Those times made her homesick and deepened the longing she has. She continue to meet people until one time she met those who certainly matched her views, her best friends, the seven boys who made her smile a bit and forget her sadness. The seven of them were part of the same club she was in, ‘The Music Club’. Three of those were rappers and the other four were vocalists. They were in good terms with each other; they were like siblings in nature. Others students would envy her for having such popular friends so easily, she dismissed that thought and played deaf to all stupid rumors they even made up to destroy their friendship. But they still bully her and give her threats, ‘Maybe life wants me to suffer more. Tch’ she would tell herself. They survived school together; they celebrated occasions and holidays together like family, until one of them, that certain person who tugged the strings of her heart from the first time they met, the boy who made her giddy and treated her special in any ways, was Taehyung.

The most unforgettable moment began when Taehyung confessed to her, he even planned it with the help of their friends, it happened when that last day of autumn at the school festival. She wanted to enjoy the festival with her friends, but she couldn’t find them anywhere. Suddenly a student came to her and handed her a piece of note, it says ‘School garden, now J’. She sighed and just went to the garden at the back of the school building. She arrived there and saw nothing, it was pitching dark and she can barely see. She turned around to get back to the fair, but someone held her hand. She gasps and turned. “I know you would walk away, but I won’t let you go, no, not this time.” Then the lights . And she could see Taehyung, he was wearing a white button down shirt and jeans, it was way too simple but she can’t get her eyes off him, he was just so. Perfect.

At the place she saw Jungkook playing the piano, on the other side where a canopy tent stood, was Namjoon and Jin dressed as waiters they smiled and waved at her, then Jimin, Yoongi and Hoseok. Yuan was shocked and touched at the same time. Taehyung held both of her hands as he looked at her eyes. It was full of love, and she felt the same too, but something was holding her back. He led her to the table where Namjoon and Jin served the both of them dinner. She was happy because it was the first time someone did this to her. After eating dinner, Taehyung led her to the open space and danced together, he was so clumsy that he accidentally stepped on her foot, but she just chuckled as he apologized. The music ended and both of them stared at each other, Taehyung took out something from his pocket. It was a small box, inside was a ring, Taehyung pulled out the ring and said, “From the first time that I saw you, you captured my heart, you brought color to my life, and everything became beautiful because of you. I like you, no, I love you Yuan… will you be my girlfriend?” she was speechless a tear dropped from her eye, she held Taehyung’s hands enclosing the ring inside it, “I’m sorry Taehyung but I can’t I’m really sorry” she said. Taehyung’s mouth was wide open, he can’t believe what he heard but he insisted “I can wait, Yuan, I know you feel the same, just let…” she did not let him finish what he was saying “Taehyung please understand.” She cried. “I just… can’t.” then she ran away leaving Taehyung crying and his friends dumbfounded. The last week of their senior year became cold; Yuan and Taehyung became distant with each other. Whenever he tried to approach her, she would run away. She even talks less with the others; she became concealed and she was often alone. Her friends tried to ask her why but she would smile and tell them that she’s okay, when she’s not. Especially if there is Taehyung, he would smile at her, but it was full of pain which made her guilty. It made her guiltier that she rejected him.

***

The day of graduation came, it was dull and sad. All of them were present, except Hoseok. He was involved in a car accident the day before the graduation, everybody was shocked. Moreover he had to have his legs amputated.

But the program continued and it ended miserably. Each of them congratulated each other. After the event they went to visit Hoseok at the hospital, he look frail from the accident but he managed to joke. This guy is full of sunshine.

Afterwards Yuan went home but before that, Taehyung managed to grab her and gave her a box, “You know, I still feel the same for you, but if you really don’t feel the same for me it’s ok. And please keep this for me. I’ll be always here for you.” Then he kissed her forehead and walked away. That moment she cried, that night where pain crept into her heart, she opened the box and saw the ring which Taehyung was supposed to give her. She cried even more, her vision became blurry, guilt and sadness filled her. She stood up and went to get some water, and then she spotted a kitchen knife, because of the melancholy she’s feeling, she can’t think straight. She picked the knife and sliced it on her wrist, she shivered when she saw blood gushing out of her wrist; she stood there crying. And her vision doubled and her breathing hitched. Her phone rang, she weakly reached for her pocket and answered it was Taehyung, “Hey, were having dinner at Jin’s would you like to come?” she sniffled; her breathing was becoming more uneven, “Hello? Yuan are you still there, you ok?”  Taehyung was panicking on the other line. Yuan’s vision was spinning she held onto the counter, “I… i… ” was all she can say, and then she out and fell on the floor.

***

She woke up and Taehyung was on her side holding her hand. He was sleeping. That moment she reached out to ruffle his hair, she smiled. She never expected Taehyung to stay with her. She continued to admire his sleeping figure, from his closed eyes, his nose, and his lips, those lips she wanted to kiss. Her moment was cut when he woke up; he rubbed his eyes and smiled at her.

“You’re awake. Do you need something?”

“Nothing. I’m okay.”

“Do you remember what happened?”

“I … don’t.”

He sighed and said, “You cut yourself. You lost a lot of blood. But thank goodness we had the same blood type so I donated some for you.” He showed his arm and pointed at a small red mark, but he held her hand and assuringly smiled at her. “Don’t worry I’m fine.”

“Thank you. But I’m afraid I can’t repay the things you did for me especially your Love.”

“It’s okay, you know I’ll do anything for you.”

Yuan cupped his face, she leaned forward and set her forehead next to Taehyung and whispered “Thank You”.

Taehyung smiled at her, but they were interrupted when the nurse came in to check her. Taehyung went out of the room. Outside the room he saw Yuan’s parents waiting and he sat with them.

“You’re Taehyung right?” he was shocked at the question but he confidently answered, “Yes.”

Yuan’s mother started to talk, “Yuan used to talk about you; she even showed us your photo with your friends.”

He smiled genuinely and nodded, he can’t believe Yuan talked about him to her parents, and he was happy, maybe Yuan did like him.

After a few minutes the nurse exited the room, and then Yuan’s parents came in leaving Taehyung standing outside the door. Yuan’s and her parents talked about everything, and then he overheard his name and listened to what it’s all about.

“You still hadn’t told your boyfriend about your condition?”

“Mom he’s not my boyfriend, were just friends.”

“But you told me you like him.”

“Yes, but what if… ”

“But what if he won’t accept your condition and leave you? If he loves you, he would be willing to accept and support you. And as I can see that boy loves you Yuan just as we love you. You should give him a chance.”

“It doesn’t matter, I only have counted days to live so what’s the point of telling him anyways.”

A tear slipped from Yuan’s eyes as she looked outside the window tiny snowflakes started to fall. She was suffering from a certain disease that eats up the cells in the body, she was also diagnosed with depression and since there’s no cure for her disease the doctor numbered her days to live.

As soon as Taehyung processed everything he heard, he went inside the room, tears falling from his eyes his fist clenched, not because he hate Yuan, but he was disappointed that she didn’t tell him about her condition. Her parents gave them time to talk and left the room. Taehyung looked at her eyes his gaze full of pain. Taehyung slammed the table beside her bed and she flinched. “Why didn’t you tell me? After all we’ve been, you kept this to me and the others? Why?! Tell me!” he was now raising his voice. “You haven’t told me you love me, even you do and that hurts me so much.” His eyes were now red and his expression was unreadable and still Yuan kept silent.

Because of this he painfully went out of the room. Yuan cried the feeling of pain, anger, regret and guilt. After a few minutes she stopped crying and decided to find Taehyung to apologize and tell him that she loves him.

***

She got up from the bed and pulled the dextrose needle from her hand and ran outside. It was snowing already and she was only wearing a thin hospital gown, but she still went on finding Taehyung. She was about to cross the center of the intersection when she saw Taehyung at the other side hanging his head low.

“Taehyung!” she shouted. He quickly looked at her direction and wiped his eyes to see her clearly, he muttered her name and crossed the road, and Yuan too crossed the road. A car came speeding by at Yuan but Taehyung quickly pulled her next to him, so they avoided the truck. They stayed in each other’s arms for a while, and locked eyes. Yuan said, “I’m sorry Taehyung, for everything. I do really love you.” He smiled and kissed her and held her hand, “I forgive you Yuan, and I’m going to love you even if I’ll die.” They took few steps to reach the other side of the road when a speeding truck beeped and blinded them with its light, Taehyung hugged her tightly and everything out.

***

It felt endless, the silence and darkness combined. She can hear someone crying. Suddenly she saw a bright light; it blinded her so she closed her eyes. When she opened it she was sitting on the grass. It was a dull afternoon, dead leaves fall off their branches and a thin group of dark clouds forming ahead. She sighed and clutched her chest, feeling her heartbeat and the aching sensation running through her nerves. A tear slipped from her eye, sadness overwhelmed her, when she saw what’s in front of her.

In the memory of our beloved

SONG YUAN

February 16, 1996 – December 03, 2013

You may rest in the heavens in peace.

 She opened but no words came out from it. She looked at her surroundings. She saw her mother together with a woman, then her father talking with some people, it was her friends. She saw Namjoon and Jin comforting her father. Then Jimin, Jungkook, Hoseok and Yoongi, their eyes blood shot from crying. She searched for Taehyung but she didn’t saw him. She cried and said, “I’m sorry for leaving so soon, I’m sorry for leaving you Taehyung, I’m sorry.” She continued to cry, it just felt like a second ago, she was all warm and now she felt cold and empty.

And suddenly she felt someone sat in front of her, it was Jimin. He was holding two picture frames, he placed the first one on her tombstone, and it was picture of her. When Jimin was about to place the other one, a hand held her shoulders and she froze for a second and turned her head. She can’t believe whom she saw. She looked back at Jimin, he was placing the frame at the tombstone beside hers, and she shook her head in disbelief.

In the loving memory of

KIM TAEHYUNG

December 30, 1995 – December 03, 2013

You may rest in the heavens in peace.

She stood up and turned at her back, and she came face to face with Taehyung. He cupped Yuan’s cheek and said,

“You didn’t leave me Yuan. We’ll be together. Forever.” Then he kissed her. Her memories flooding her vision.