“Hyun...”

“...”

“Woohyun,”

“No,”

“Woohyun, I can help you,”

“No, you can’t”

No. None can help me. Not you, not even myself. I’ve been like this since i was child, it’s the only way I protect myself. None can protect me, not even my parents.

What is parents anyway, i woke up in the orphanage with an old lady take care of me. I grew up with digusting wound on my neck that sometimes smelled like a rotten fish for 3 years, the kids said it was a curse for me. They said i was a dark wizard liked to kill people on the neck that’s why i have this. They laughed at me, i cried, the old lady said it wouldn’t be last long. Yes it wont, but it left a big scar.

I said to myself that day, when they kids yelled I was the son of evil, to not believe anyone.

But once i believed someone.

They said they were going to be my parents, they were visiting me for twice a week, they bought me cool toys, they said they were going to pick me up soon...

But the soon never happened.

It happened just like that: a newborn baby found and they decide to adopt her. They left me like they never promised anything on me. They left me like the scar on my neck.

And I just grown up like that; having trust issues with human being.

I passed all my classes at elementary and high school. None will remember me, anyway. I was that one who sit in the back corner, never talked to anyone, never on the top of class rank. I’m just so so. I spent my lunch break at the class or library.

“Nam Woohyun?”

“Coming”

“Oh, I forgot his name is Woohyun” someone whispered not-so-secretly.

After graduated, I decided to work. I’m working at a small cafe, cleaning all the tables and dishes. My routines just like that: wake up, bath, work, back to orphanage, help the old lady then sleep.

Until that day I met you.

Not so many customers come to this cafe because actually this cafe really dull. The decorations just like that, nothing special and look old. Not even vintage, just plain old. People comes because another cafe is full or they want a quiet place. Or because the coffees here are cheap.

Then one day, this guy came. He ordered vanilla latte and sit on a chair near the window. I just stood there, at the corner, did nothing because really nothing to do. He was waiting his order, his eyes were wandering until those pair of sparkle met mine. I blinked, lost everything on my mind because that was the first time after years someone look at my eyes directly.

His eyebrows lifted, maybe asked something but I didn’t understand and I just looked down at my shoes. None can interact with me, especially a stranger.

His latte came. He enjoyed his time with a small book on his hand and never looked at me again that day. I encouraged myself to look at him.

He has, amazingly, beautiful features. He has pretty hand and long eyelashes. His skin is pretty fair, his brownish hair look really soft. My hand trembled, felt the strange new feeling to touch someone else hair and ruffle it.

I blinked again. He didn’t disappear.

I thought he was an angel.

He just stayed like that for hours then he suddenly closed his book, made me startle at my place. He put his book back to his bag and stood up. He was walking a few step and going to leave the door before turned back and looked at me again.

“See you later,” he smiled.

I freezed.

He said see you later to me. None wanted to see me later before.

Or it was only a politeness .

I’m not going to believe anyone again. Include that guy.

But he came back again the next day, everyday that week, ordered the same thing, read two or three books and the end of his visits he always said see you later to me. I couldn’t do anything for the six days but then i couraged myself to smile back at him the seventh day.

And he grinned. Grinned widely.

My heart stopped for awhile.

It was really beautiful. His eyes disappeared, formed a pretty crescent on a night without a cloud.

From that day i changed ‘he’ to ‘you’.

 

And the next two days you didn’t come. I thought you wouldn’t be come again but then when i almost gave up and forget you, you rushed in.

I stopped my work—cleaned a clean table—and looked at you. You stood there, breathless—and beautiful.

“Hey,”

The first word you said and smiled.

My face automatically formed their muscles to make a smile. An awkward one, because i almost never smiled before.

“I want my vanilla latte. Two lattes,”

“T-two?” my voices cracked because rarely used.

“Yes. One for you. I need someone to talk with,”

Your voice was so beautiful. It’s ringing in my ears like those old songs were missed. Your voice was demanding, unconsciously whinning.

I couldn’t say no.

“B-but-“

“I pay. I treat you,”

And I sit in front of you, awkwardly, with two lattes in front of us.

I never sit with anyone except the old lady from my orphanage.

You looked at my face. I couldn’t read anything from your eyes. Those amazing pairs were wandering at me.

“S-something—I mean, w-what can i h-help you sir?”

“Don’t call me sir, I’m not that old,”

“...S-sorry,”

“Are you originally stuttering”

I shaked my head, “I’m j-just not used—“ i stopped my words there. I couldn’t open myself too much to a stranger.

“Not used to talk with people?”

And I looked at you back, with surprised face.

I didn’t answer anything, but you seemed understand. You stared at my name tag the gave me your name.

Kim Sunggyu.

That’s so pretty.

Then you talked so many things. You talked many things i never know before. I only formed ‘o’ or amazed face. I still not used to use my voice.

“You didn’t get into college,”

Shaked head.

“Well college is kinda fun, just the task and assigment,”

“I l-like to work,”

You looked at me, “I can teach you anything,”

I kept silent. I won’t take it as a promise or anything. I won’t believe any promise.

But then you came after the classes. The cafe usually empty so my manager let you to talk or teach me. Teach me everything you know. Literature, law, geography, newest news and gossips even lame jokes.

I never laughed on any joke, but I always laugh on yours.

This becomes a routine. Unconsciously I’m waiting for every your visit, wait you to talk everything, to listen to your beautiful voices.

“You never asked anything,” you pouted, gave me this strange feeling to touch them with my own lips.

“W-well—“

“Yes?” your eyes grew wider. I squaled inside.

“C-can you sing f-for me?”

You blinked a few times but then smiled and sing a song for me.

That was the most memorable moment for me, the most important things that you were singing for me only for me.

None even gave their attention fully for me and you just sang a song with your flawless voices.

The song ended amazingly. My mouth still went agape and you laughed.

The laugh were ringing on my ears, like a morning bells from a small beautiful chapel in the countryside

“It’s your turn, sing for me Hyunnie,”

I bit my lower lips. I never sang anything for anyone.

“Anything. Your favorite song,”

I cleared my throat and tried to make my voice stable.

“It’s cold here even when I hide my hands in my pocket
It’s so cold even when I blow into my hands
My heart is so frozen that my lips get cracked

I’m the only cold one even when I wrap my body in blankets
It’s so cold even when I’m in someone’s embrace
I try to block the hole in my heart but the wind keeps coming in”

“Woohyun,”

“I-i’m sorry—“

“Your voices so perfect”

I blinked, then weakly smiled, “You too,”

And everything changed, i guess. We not only meet at that dull cafe, but also outside. Sometimes you ask me, sometimes i ask you. We walk slowly around the city, or sit at the park or sometimes i ask you to try watch at cinema.

“You never watch there? Not even once?”

Shaked head.

But we went there anyway. You choosed a comedy one. Actually it wasn’t funny at all, but you cracked. You looked so beautiful and free when laughed. That made me smile. And laugh a bit.

“Hyunnie, do you know why i choosed that movie?”

Shaked head.

“So you can laugh. I want to see you laugh”

Freezed.

I feel this so right, but also wrong.

None can see me laugh. Never. Why him?

I hold my self, I never laugh or smiled at anyone. Just him. He is the first one smile and made me smile, laugh and made me laugh, tell everything and made me speak...

Did I just believe in him unconsciously?

“Woohyun,”

“Y-yes?” I startle from my thoughts.

“I—I—“ you blush.

You never stuttered. And your blush is the most pretty things, when the red shade came up to your chubby cheeks.

“Gyu?”

“I want to... Help you,”

“Help?”

“Can you—will you open yourself?”

I freeze, “I... Never—“

“Please? For me?”

“I never... I can’t believe anyone..”

“But, Woohyun...”

“No, I’m sorry,”

“Hyun...”

“...”

“Woohyun,”

“No,”

“Woohyun, I can help you,”

“No, you can’t”

“I can, Hyunnie. I can. You started to believe me, right?”

He is right.

“I just afraid... I’m scared of... Believing people,” I say it honestly.

“I won’t hurt you, Woohyun. I promise,”

Promise.

I look at him with blank expression, “You are not the only one... said promise,”

“Woohyun did I ever hurt you?”

Shake head.

“So please believe me?”

FIN

((the song woohyun sang = It’s Cold – Epik High ft Hayi))