Last year’s winter, Seoul

“Ah choo!!!”

“Hey, what’s wrong with you, dongsaeng? Are you cold?” asked Seung Ho oppa to me. The weather was so cold today; the snow fell down from the sky. Both Seung Ho oppa and I were sitting in a café, drinking warm cappuccino while I read an English novel.

“Nope, I’m fine… Don’t worry about me…”

“By the way, are you sure that you will leave this town to pursue your dream in Canada?”

“Yup, no one can hold me anymore. I had followed the scholarship test for it…”

“And the announcement will be on Friday. It’s tomorrow, right?” asked Seung Ho oppa again.

“Yeah…”

“Are you sure that you will leave him for three or four years?” He looked at my eyes deeply.

“I have to. He is no longer loves me anymore… He is more concern to his career than me… Even though I have to keep my feelings without confess it.”

Suddenly, my tears were dropping from my eyes. I did not know why, but I could not stop my tears now. I was so lost…

Byung Hee oppa, who I love, seemed did not care to me anymore, since he got a lot of job schedule. Together with my big brother and his other friends, they joined a boy band called MBLAQ, and I was one of their huge fans, or called as A+ (read: A plus). He was my biased one.

I met him for the first time when I visited my brother in their dormitory in 2009. My brother greeted me first, and the other followed him. Then, I saw someone who looked like the Korean world star, Rain.

“Oppa, who is he?” asked me to my brother, Seung Ho.

“Ah, he’s G.O. His real name is Jeong Byeong Hee, the main vocalist of our group. He has the most amazing voice among us…”

I just nodded and stared at that man again. When he looked at me, I could see the warmth of his sight, which made me, fell in love at the first sight. Then, he stepped closer to me, introduced himself to me, and then we chatted each other.

Two months after that, he messaged me. He asked me to hang out with him. Then, we went to the amusement park together. It was spring when went there. I tried to confess my feelings to him, but I decided to hold it. I think it was too soon to confess it to him. So, I kept my feelings right inside of my heart.

 He was totally a good man for me. Sometimes, he treated me as a little girl, but sometimes he also treated me as a young woman. The way he treated me, the way he touched my hair and ruffled it with his big hand, his embrace when I cried on something, his smooth and tender voice when he talks, his amazing skill on singing which bewitched me, everything about him are the most unforgettable things for me. But now, what do I have? After he met a girl, a celebrity too, he started to ignore me. I though he also loved me. But at the end, my assumption was wrong. Even so, I still support him as his fan.

And now, after I passed my national examination of senior high school, I decided to go college in Canada, taking the English literature on there. Seung Ho oppa kept persuade me to go college in Seoul National University, or usually called SNU. But, I denied it. I have my own decision. That’s why I tried to apply to University of Toronto in Canada by scholarship entrance exam. One reason that I have was… I didn’t want to see him again, until I can forget my love to him completely, because I know that he never loves me. He just treats me as a younger sister to him. And one more thing, I couldn’t leave my big bro’s friends just like that. So, I decided to make a farewell party in their dorm next week.

“Soo Yun-ah…” Seung Ho oppa called me.

“Oh, Oppa!”

“What’s wrong? Do you have a fever?” asked him.

“Nope, I’m fine… I just murmur about something…”

“Let me guess, the farewell party?”

“Bingo! When can we do it? Do you have any idea, Oppa? Are you busy for this week?” Actually, the farewell party WAS NOT what I thought right now.

“Let me see… Well… I think I have several schedules this week. But I’ll call you later. Aracchi?” he ruffled my hair with his hand.

“Nde… Arasseo…”

Then, both of us walked out form the café. We said nothing on the road. Our voices remained silent until Seung Ho oppa stopped the car in front of my house (because he lives in the MBLAQ’s dorm since he has chosen to be the leader).

“Okay, then. Take a good rest… Don’t force yourself. I know that you’ve got a high fever last week. So, don’t play Pump It Up for these weeks until you get back your health (he knows that his yeodongsaeng is an expert pumper of Pump It Up, unlike him who cannot play that game even though he’s an expert dancer in the group).”

“Ndeee~ I have to go now…”

 

***

Inside of my room, I was lying on my bed with holding my novel. Nothing flows in my mind right now. My mind is blank. Now it was only filled by G.O oppa, combined with my disappointment towards him. I wonder what he did now… Was he in the dorm with the others and my Oppa? Did he practice for his first studio album? Did he still like me?

“Soo Yun… Are you still in your room?” My mother called out my name.

“Nde…” replied me.

“Come downstairs now. We’ll have a tea together. I’ve made a delicious cake for you…”

“Okay, I’ll be there…”

Slowly but sure, I came out from my room, stepped down the stairs slowly, and then I found my mom prepared her tea and afternoon snack for both of me and her.

“Eomma…”

“Oh, you’re here. How about your feelings, my dearest daughter? Is it much better now?”

“Yeah, it’s much better after I met Oppa…”

“That’s good. Now, have your seat, and let’s have our tea. I’ve made a mini cake for you…” Mother offered me my mug, and I drink my tea little by little.

We remained silent for several minutes, until…

“Tomorrow is the announcement, right?” mother asked me.

“Yes. The announcement is tomorrow…” I answered my mom’s question.

“I will be so lonely after you go to Canada. Since your father passed away and your brother left us in 2009, there are only two of us in our home. Are you sure with your decision, my dear?”

“Definitely, I won’t regret it…”

“Mom...” I called out my mother softly.

“Yes, my dear?”

“I’m so sorry…”

“Why do you have to make apologize to me, sweetie?”

“I’ll let you alone for three or four years.  And I have nothing to give for you. Besides, I’m a spoiled girl. I’m sorry for make you feel hard for these times…” I shed my tears little by little.

“Why do you say so? There is nothing to regret for. You are the best gift that I’ve received for my entire life. You never disappoint me. You always make me proud. Even though I always mad on you, you are the greatest daughter I’ve ever had… I’ll be okay if you leave me for several years. Your oppa will visit me often. Don’t worry. Okay?” Mother touched my hair and ruffled it softly.

I nodded. My mother kissed my cheeks. And she asked me once again.

“How is Byung Hee-sshi? Do you still like him?”

Ugh, I almost chocked by the piece of cake that I ate before.

“Mom!” my face started blushing.

“I think it is already shown on your face. Hehe…” Mother started to laugh. And my face became redder like a steamed crab.

“But, mom…  I…”

“What’s wrong? Do you have a problem with him?” my mom asked me again. And this time, I was nodding to answer her.

“He met with a girl and I think he was starting to date with her. Then, I…”

“You still haven’t confessed your feelings, right?”

“Yup, Mom…”

“Aw… Poor Princess… I wish if I could help you. You must be heartbroken, right?” Mom asks me again.

“Yes, but I think it will be okay, as long as I could forget him during my study years in Canada. Don’t worry about it, Mom…”

With that word, my conversation with my mother comes to the end. After finishing the tea and the cake, I went back to my room and got some sleep.

 

***

The announcement day was come. I came to the school today to take the announcement letter. Then, after I arrived at school…

“Yang Soo Yun-sshi…”

“Ah, Joon Ho Seosaengnim…”

“The announcement letter is already arrived. Let’s come to my office for taking the letter…”

Then, I slowly followed my teacher to walk into his office. After that…

“Firstly, I have to say that I am very proud of you because you had tried hard to follow the exam. I know that this kind of exam is the hardest entrance exam than SNU’s. I’m sure that you’ve already put your best effort to do the exam. And now, it’s your time… Here is the letter…”

I took the letter with my shaking hand. Then, with full of anxiety and nervousness, I open the envelope. I feel shock and happy at once after I read the letter. Well then, finally… I manage to enter the University of Toronto in Canada! Yes!!

“So, how is it?” Joon Ho seosaengnim asked me.

“I accepted in University of Toronto!”

“What study program did you get?”

“English Literature, as I chose before!”

“Congratulation, Soo Yun-sshi… I’m so proud of you…”

“Thank you so much, Seosaengnim…”

“You have to tell your mother…”

“Yes, indeed. Thank you so much once again, Seosaengim…” I’m bowing to my teacher. Then I go out from the office.

Shortly after that, I went home from the school (because there’s no subject in my class after the announcement of the final exam, the school will held the graduation ceremony at the beginning of spring…). I directly gave the letter to my mother and then my mother hugged me. She cried with full of happiness.

Suddenly, there was a knocking sound from the door, and I was walking right away through the door. I could not believe it! Seung Ho oppa comes!

“Oppa!!!”

I jumped to his embrace right away and he hugged me back. He was really dying in happiness now after texted him about my achievement.

“Chukkae, saengie… Congratulation, my sweet sister… I know you will make it!”

“Thanks, Oppa. So, when will we celebrate it with another Oppa in your dorm?”

“What about this evening? We don’t have any schedule tonight…”

“Are you sure?” asked me.

“A hundred percent yes. I’ll call the other after this…” said Seung Ho oppa.

“Well, then. C’mon, Oppa. Step inside! I don’t want my brother gets cold out there… Mommy must be happy if she sees you now… Mom! Seung Ho oppa is here!!!” I shouted to my mom shortly after a short chat with my brother.

“Ask your brother to get in! I have prepared some tea and cake for you two…”

Then I pushed my brother’s back right away after my mom made a call for us to go to the living room.

 

***

In the evening, I finally arrived at MBLAQ’s dormitory. I was about to open the door while my brother opened the door at the same time.

“Oppa!!”

“Oh, you’re here… Come in, they have been waiting for you…” Seung Ho oppa pushed my back to enter his dormitory. Once I am stepping my feet into the dorm, another voices call my name.

“Ahh… This is it. Our lovely sister, Yang Soo Yun… Please come in! We have prepared this to you…” Lee Joon oppa, whose real name is Lee Changsun, shouted cheerfully. I showed my smiley face to him as the response to his shout. On there, Mireu oppa, Cheon Doong oppa, even that furry oppa also here. They gather in the dining room, with lots of food on the table.

“Jja, where must I begin with?” asked Joon oppa clumsily. I laughed a lot after that.

“Ah! Let us celebrate the acceptance of our beloved yeodongsaeng, Yang Soo Yun, in University of Toronto, Canada! Chukkahamnidaaaaa!!!!!!” with other oppars, they shot the party confetti toward me. Omo, they surprised me with those popping sound!

“Oppadeul, jeongmal gomawoyo. Thank you very much for all of your love to me. Thank you for being my coolest oppars for me, besides Seungho Oppa. I am sorry for bragging all of you if you had nothing to do. Thank you for sharing your memories for me…”

“Eeeyyy… Soo Yun-ah, do not thanked us like that. See, you made your Jjoon oppa cried,” Mireu oppa pointed his fingers to Joon oppa who held his tears.

“Haha… Uljimayo, Joon oppa…”

“It likes letting my only daughter go away from Korea…”

“Omo, am I your daughter? You are not married with my mother instead,” I said jokingly.

Soon, the entire room exploded with the sound of our big yet loud laugh.

However, without my consideration, there was someone who tried to hold his tears and disappointment quickly. Without being realized by me, that person stared at me with lots of passion, love and regret at once. However, he pretended to be alright when Seungho oppa asked him…

***

G.O

She was accepted in Canada. It meant that I would not see her again for several years. I would not be able to meet with my source of energy. I would not see her smile for years. Her smile which resembled the warmth of morning sunshine always brightened up my day, and that was one of my reasons why I could stay and survived in MBLAQ until now.

Up until now, there was a piece of regret deep inside my heart.  I admitted that I was the most coward man to her. I never confessed my feelings to her, even though I knew that she loved me for more two years since my debut as member of MBLAQ. I was a man with no courage to confess how much I love that girl. I was a man who made her hurt until this time.

Dear God, what shall I do? I am not ready to be parted from her. I could not stand with my bare feet anymore if I did not see her warmth smile and beautiful hazel eyes again. I could not imagine how loss I was when she stood miles away from me. God, please, give me your strength to me, so I can tell her how much I love her.

***

April 2012. At Incheon International Airport;

South Korea.

There she was, standing with her luggage beside her. She wore her favorite long-sleeved sky blue wool shirt and jeans, with white coat wrapped her tiny body. She looked amazingly beautiful, even for today. I could not hide my smile when I saw her beautiful smile on her soft-pink colored lips. She waved her hand toward us. Then Seungho hyung came to her with other members, including me.

“Soo Yun-ah, please be safe…” said Seungho hyung to his only younger sister.

“Please maintain your schedule to eat since you have your digestion problem through this year,” said Joon.

“Eat well, eo?” said Thunder.

“And make a lot of friends,” said Mir.

She nodded her head and smiled lightly. Her smile was like she said she will be alright.

“G.O hyung, say something to Soo Yunnie,” asked Joon to me.

“Well, just be healthy. Please take care of yourself well, okay?” I said.

“Alright then, I will remember all of your messages to me, oppa…”

“Jja, the airplane will take off soon. Let’s do check-in, saengie-ya,” said Seungho hyung while he took her baggage and lead her to the counter to check-in.

“Oppadeul, I am leaving now. Naega kanda…” said Soo Yun slow and bowed to us.

“Annyeong… Please comeback soon, Yunnie-yaaa!” shouted Joon.

“Do your best, okay??!!” shouted Thunder.

“Annyeong, Yunnie-yaaaa! See ya on the next 4 years!” shouted Mir while he waved his hands to Soo Yun.

Slowly but sure, her footstep’s voices started to fade from my ears, and so as her smile. She walked brightly to the check-in counter and then entered the waiting longue. I could not take my eyes off from her back.

“Hyung, let’s go back to the dorm,” said Thunder to me.

I nodded, and slowly walked away from the airport. Leaving her alone in the longue without saying any word; then went back to the dorm.

However, there was something that encouraged me to confess my feelings toward her, because I felt that she would go away for a long time, and maybe she would forget all about me, about our memories, and got a new boyfriend.

No, to be honest, I could not let her go. She IS the only woman I loved until the end of the time as I made a vow to myself to love her for the rest of my life. It was my fault not to confess my feelings beforehand. Because I did not want to make the same mistake, I stopped the car, rushed away back to the airport, without listening to the other’s warning.

 

***

And there was Soo Yun, with tears formed in her eyes. Actually, her smiles to the members of MBLAQ were lie. It was a fake smile. Now she was sitting in the waiting longue, held the tears as she could. She could imagine how she should be living apart from a man she loved at much. She could not even imagine about how she would be after studying hard for her undergraduate degree without knew everything about news from the man she loved for almost three years. Yup, it broke her heart so much.

To cheer herself, Soo Yun turned her smartphone on. She touched the Gallery icon on the screen and searched a folder which contained thousands photo of G.O, from the camera-focused one to the no focused one. She gathered those photos with her professional camera, which she brought to Canada today. Her lips were stretched a bit when she saw several funny expressions from her brother and her first crush. She giggled a bit when she saw a hilarious photo of those five boys, which she took it from her camera. She promised to herself that she would print the photo on the biggest scale and hung it on the wall of her apartment over there. So she could remember her five oppars when she missed them.

Then, the announcement was broadcasted. Her plane was ready to take-off. She packed her stuffs into her white backpack, stood up from the chair and started to walk out through the departure gate. She held herself not to turn her head off, so she would be so sad anymore.

However,

“Soo Yun-ah!!”

Someone called her name from behind. She knew exactly who the owner of that voice was. So, she turned her head.

And saw G.O who was standing in front of her.

“G.O oppa? What’s going on? Anything wrong?” asked Soo Yun.

“Please don’t leave me…” said G.O slowly.

“Nde?”

“Please don’t leave me alone. Please don’t study abroad. I could not imagine how my life will be without you by my side,” said G.O with a trembled voice. It seemed that he tried so hard to hold back his tears.

“But oppa. I am sorry. I have to go…” said Soo Yun with her smile.

G.O was speechless when Soo Yun said she should be gone. Then he said, “alright, then. I could not stop you to reach out your dream. But please, remember this.”

G.O walked a step closer to Soo Yun and held her tiny hands.

“Please remember that this Jung Byunghee, the man who is in the same age with your big brother, is in love with you since the first time your brother showed your photo to me. Please remember that no matter how far we are standing right now, even we are separated by the seas when we stand on the same sky, I will always love you until the end of my time. And I will always right here, waiting for you…” said G.O softly and wiped the tears from Soo Yun’s face.

“Oppa… I…” Soo Yun tried to talk back, but G.O shut her lips off quickly with his finger.

“You should not say anything because I knew that you loved me too. But keep that love confession until we meet again. Arrasseo?” asked G.O to her. She nodded, wiped the remaining tears from her face and showed her beautiful smile to the man she loved.

“Now go. Go find your dream, and don’t ever let it go…” G.O then slowly walked her to the departure gate as the last farewell to her. Then she walked away, leaving her beloved man behind…

 

***

4 years later. Incheon International Airport

South Korea.

A man was looking for his watch on his right wrist. He was looking for his watch for the 19^th time after he arrived from his big concert at KINTEX, Seoul, South Korea. It seemed that he was waiting for someone. Someone he had been missing from the last 4 years. Someone he loved for more than 7 years ago. Someone who he knew that he would spend the rest of his lifetime with; the one he loved with all of his heart and soul.

But, not far from the place where this man was standing, there was a young woman with her beautiful long wavy hair was walking out through the international arrival gate with all of her luggage. She tried to make a call with someone to pick her up from the airport, but it seemed the receiver was not answering the call. Then, she decided to go home alone, since no one could pick her up.

“Guess he forgot to pick up his dearest sister…” she released a big sigh after she looked at her watch on her right wrist (since our Soo Yun is a left handed).

Her disappointment was slightly lost after “Our Relationship” of MBLAQ was rung from her phone. She immediately picked the phone without realizing the caller ID on the screen.

“Yes, this is Yang Soo Yun…”

“My Sunshine Soo Yunnie…”

“This voice…”

The conversation was stopped when Soo Yun saw G.O stood across her, his left hand held his phone while his right held a beautiful bouquet of rose. He walked slowly toward her. He smiled to the girl. A smile that he knew this would be his best smile to her. As the girl walked slowly too, the time around them seemed frozen. The world around them was somehow shifted.

The man handed over the bouquet to the girl, who accepted it gladly. There was something in the girl’s mind, but she could not say it since her tongue was frozen, paralyzed. Only her eyes spoke with tears and her lips spoke with a smile. Their gaze met. And finally the girl known a word she should say. A word she had kept in her heart since the moment he met this man. A word she had promised to this man four years ago.

“Saranghae…”

Last year’s winter, Seoul

“Ah choo!!!”

“Hey, what’s wrong with you, dongsaeng? Are you cold?” asked Seung Ho oppa to me. The weather was so cool today; the snow fell down from the sky. Both Seung Ho oppa and I were sitting in a café, drinking warm cappuccino while I read an English novel.

“Nope, I’m fine… Don’t worry about me…”

“By the way, are you sure that you will leave this town to pursue your dream in Canada?”

“Yup, no one can hold me anymore. I had followed the scholarship test for it…”

“And the announcement will be on Friday. It’s tomorrow, right?” asked Seung Ho oppa again.

“Yeah…”

“Are you sure that you will leave him for three or four years?” He looked at my eyes deeply.

“I have to. He is no longer loves me anymore… He is more concern to his career than me… Even though I have to keep my feelings without confess it.”

Suddenly, my tears were dropping from my eyes. I did not know why, but I could not stop my tears now. I was so lost…

Byung Hee oppa, who I love, seemed did not care to me anymore, since he got a lot of job schedule. Together with my big brother and his other friends, they joined a boy band called MBLAQ, and I was one of their huge fans, or called as A+ (read: A plus). He is my biased one.

I met him for the first time when I visited my brother in their dormitory in 2009. My brother greeted me first, and the other followed him. Then, I saw someone who looked like the Korean world star, Rain.

“Oppa, who is he?” asked me to my brother, Seung Ho.

“Ah, he’s G.O. His real name is Jeong Byeong Hee, the main vocalist of our group. He has the most amazing voice among us…”

I just nodded and stared at that man again. When he looked at me, I could see the warmth of his sight, which made me, fell in love at the first sight. Then, he stepped closer to me, introduced himself to me, and then we chatted each other.

Two months after that, he messaged me. He asked me to hang out with him. Then, we went to the amusement park together. It was spring when went there. I tried to confess my feelings to him, but I decided to hold it. I think it was too soon to confess it to him. So, I kept my feelings right inside of my heart.

 He was totally a good man for me. Sometimes, he treated me as a little girl, but sometimes he also treated me as a young woman. The way he treated me, the way he touched my hair and ruffled it with his big hand, his embrace when I cried on something, his smooth and tender voice when he talks, his amazing skill on singing which bewitched me, everything about him are the most unforgettable things for me. But now, what do I have? After he met a girl, a celebrity too, he started to ignore me. I though he also loved me. But at the end, my assumption was wrong. Even so, I still support him as his fan.

And now, after I passed my national examination of senior high school, I decided to go college in Canada, taking the English literature on there. Seung Ho oppa kept persuade me to go college in Seoul National University, or usually called SNU. But, I denied it. I have my own decision. That’s why I tried to apply to University of Toronto in Canada by scholarship entrance exam. One reason that I have was… I didn’t want to see him again, until I can forget my love to him completely, because I know that he never loves me. He just treats me as a younger sister to him. And one more thing, I couldn’t leave my big bro’s friends just like that. So, I decided to make a farewell party in their dorm next week.

“Soo Yun-ah…” Seung Ho oppa called me.

“Oh, Oppa!”

“What’s wrong? Do you have a fever?” asked him.

“Nope, I’m fine… I just murmur about something…”

“Let me guess, the farewell party?”

“Bingo! When can we do it? Do you have any idea, Oppa? Are you busy for this week?” Actually, the farewell party WAS NOT what I thought right now.

“Let me see… Well… I think I have several schedules this week. But I’ll call you later. Aracchi?” he ruffled my hair with his hand.

“Nde… Arasseo…”

Then, both of us walked out form the café. We said nothing on the road. Our voices remained silent until Seung Ho oppa stopped the car in front of my house (because he lives in the MBLAQ’s dorm since he has chosen to be the leader).

“Okay, then. Take a good rest… Don’t force yourself. I know that you’ve got a high fever last week. So, don’t play Pump It Up for these weeks until you get back your health (he knows that his yeodongsaeng is an expert pumper of Pump It Up, unlike him who cannot play that game even though he’s an expert dancer in the group).”

“Ndeee~ I have to go now…”

 

***

Inside of my room, I was lying on my bed with holding my novel. Nothing flows in my mind right now. My mind is blank. Now it was only filled by G.O oppa, combined with my disappointment towards him. I wonder what he did now… Was he in the dorm with the others and my Oppa? Did he practice for his first studio album? Did he still like me?

“Soo Yun… Are you still in your room?” My mother called out my name.

“Nde…” replied me.

“Come downstairs now. We’ll have a tea together. I’ve made a delicious cake for you…”

“Okay, I’ll be there…”

Slowly but sure, I came out from my room, stepped down the stairs slowly, and then I found my mom prepared her tea and afternoon snack for both of me and her.

“Eomma…”

“Oh, you’re here. How about your feelings, my dearest daughter? Is it much better now?”

“Yeah, it’s much better after I met Oppa…”

“That’s good. Now, have your seat, and let’s have our tea. I’ve made a mini cake for you…” Mother offered me my mug, and I drink my tea little by little.

We remained silent for several minutes, until…

“Tomorrow is the announcement, right?” mother asked me.

“Yes. The announcement is tomorrow…” I answered my mom’s question.

“I will be so lonely after you go to Canada. Since your father passed away and your brother left us in 2009, there are only two of us in our home. Are you sure with your decision, my dear?”

“Definitely, I won’t regret it…”

“Mom...” I called out my mother softly.

“Yes, my dear?”

“I’m so sorry…”

“Why do you have to make apologize to me, sweetie?”

“I’ll let you alone for three or four years.  And I have nothing to give for you. Besides, I’m a spoiled girl. I’m sorry for make you feel hard for these times…” I shed my tears little by little.

“Why do you say so? There is nothing to regret for. You are the best gift that I’ve received for my entire life. You never disappoint me. You always make me proud. Even though I always mad on you, you are the greatest daughter I’ve ever had… I’ll be okay if you leave me for several years. Your oppa will visit me often. Don’t worry. Okay?” Mother touched my hair and ruffled it softly.

I nodded. My mother kissed my cheeks. And she asked me once again.

“How is Byung Hee-sshi? Do you still like him?”

Ugh, I almost chocked by the piece of cake that I ate before.

“Mom!” my face started blushing.

“I think it is already shown on your face. Hehe…” Mother started to laugh. And my face became redder like a steamed crab.

“But, mom…  I…”

“What’s wrong? Do you have a problem with him?” my mom asked me again. And this time, I was nodding to answer her.

“He met with a girl and I think he was starting to date with her. Then, I…”

“You still haven’t confessed your feelings, right?”

“Yup, Mom…”

“Aw… Poor Princess… I wish if I could help you. You must be heartbroken, right?” Mom asks me again.

“Yes, but I think it will be okay, as long as I could forget him during my study years in Canada. Don’t worry about it, Mom…”

With that word, my conversation with my mother comes to the end. After finishing the tea and the cake, I went back to my room and got some sleep.

 

***

The announcement day was come. I came to the school today to take the announcement letter. Then, after I arrived at school…

“Yang Soo Yun-sshi…”

“Ah, Joon Ho Seosaengnim…”

“The announcement letter is already arrived. Let’s come to my office for taking the letter…”

Then, I slowly followed my teacher to walk into his office. After that…

“Firstly, I have to say that I am very proud of you because you had tried hard to follow the exam. I know that this kind of exam is the hardest entrance exam than SNU’s. I’m sure that you’ve already put your best effort to do the exam. And now, it’s your time… Here is the letter…”

I took the letter with my shaking hand. Then, with full of anxiety and nervousness, I open the envelope. I feel shock and happy at once after I read the letter. Well then, finally… I manage to enter the University of Toronto in Canada! Yes!!

“So, how is it?” Joon Ho seosaengnim asked me.

“I accepted in University of Toronto!”

“What study program did you get?”

“English Literature, as I chose before!”

“Congratulation, Soo Yun-sshi… I’m so proud of you…”

“Thank you so much, Seosaengnim…”

“You have to tell your mother…”

“Yes, indeed. Thank you so much once again, Seosaengim…” I’m bowing to my teacher. Then I go out from the office.

Shortly after that, I went home from the school (because there’s no subject in my class after the announcement of the final exam, the school will held the graduation ceremony at the beginning of spring…). I directly gave the letter to my mother and then my mother hugged me. She cried with full of happiness.

Suddenly, there was a knocking sound from the door, and I was walking right away through the door. I could not believe it! Seung Ho oppa comes!

“Oppa!!!”

I jumped to his embrace right away and he hugged me back. He was really dying in happiness now after texted him about my achievement.

“Chukkae, saengie… Congratulation, my sweet sister… I know you will make it!”

“Thanks, Oppa. So, when will we celebrate it with another Oppa in your dorm?”

“What about this evening? We don’t have any schedule tonight…”

“Are you sure?” asked me.

“A hundred percent yes. I’ll call the other after this…” said Seung Ho oppa.

“Well, then. C’mon, Oppa. Step inside! I don’t want my brother gets cold out there… Mommy must be happy if she sees you now… Mom! Seung Ho oppa is here!!!” I shouted to my mom shortly after a short chat with my brother.

“Ask your brother to get in! I have prepared some tea and cake for you two…”

Then I pushed my brother’s back right away after my mom made a call for us to go to the living room.

 

***

In the evening, I finally arrived at MBLAQ’s dormitory. I was about to open the door while my brother opened the door at the same time.

“Oppa!!”

“Oh, you’re here… Come in, they have been waiting for you…” Seung Ho oppa pushed my back to enter his dormitory. Once I am stepping my feet into the dorm, another voices call my name.

“Ahh… This is it. Our lovely sister, Yang Soo Yun… Please come in! We have prepared this to you…” Lee Joon oppa, whose real name is Lee Changsun, shouted cheerfully. I showed my smiley face to him as the response to his shout. On there, Mireu oppa, Cheon Doong oppa, even that furry oppa also here. They gather in the dining room, with lots of food on the table.

“Jja, where must I begin with?” asked Joon oppa clumsily. I laughed a lot after that.

“Ah! Let us celebrate the acceptance of our beloved yeodongsaeng, Yang Soo Yun, in University of Toronto, Canada! Chukkahamnidaaaaa!!!!!!” with other oppars, they shot the party confetti toward me. Omo, they surprised me with those popping sound!

“Oppadeul, jeongmal gomawoyo. Thank you very much for all of your love to me. Thank you for being my coolest oppars for me, besides Seungho Oppa. I am sorry for bragging all of you if you had nothing to do. Thank you for sharing your memories for me…”

“Eeeyyy… Soo Yun-ah, do not thanked us like that. See, you made your Jjoon oppa cried,” Mireu oppa pointed his fingers to Joon oppa who held his tears.

“Haha… Uljimayo, Joon oppa…”

“It likes letting my only daughter go away from Korea…”

“Omo, am I your daughter? You are not married with my mother instead,” I said jokingly.

Soon, the entire room exploded with the sound of our big yet loud laugh.

However, without my consideration, there was someone who tried to hold his tears and disappointment quickly. Without being realized by me, that person stared at me with lots of passion, love and regret at once. However, he pretended to be alright when Seungho oppa asked him…

***

G.O

She was accepted in Canada. It meant that I would not see her again for several years. I would not be able to meet with my source of energy. I would not see her smile for years. Her smile which resembled the warmth of morning sunshine always brightened up my day, and that was one of my reasons why I could stay and survived in MBLAQ until now.

Up until now, there was a piece of regret deep inside my heart.  I admitted that I was the most coward man to her. I never confessed my feelings to her, even though I knew that she loved me for more two years since my debut as member of MBLAQ. I was a man with no courage to confess how much I love that girl. I was a man who made her hurt until this time.

Dear God, what shall I do? I am not ready to be parted from her. I could not stand with my bare feet anymore if I did not see her warmth smile and beautiful hazel eyes again. I could not imagine how loss I was when she stood miles away from me. God, please, give me your strength to me, so I can tell her how much I love her.

***

April 2012. At Incheon International Airport;

South Korea.

There she was, standing with her luggage beside her. She wore her favorite long-sleeved sky blue wool shirt and jeans, with white coat wrapped her tiny body. She looked amazingly beautiful, even for today. I could not hide my smile when I saw her beautiful smile on her soft-pink colored lips. She waved her hand toward us. Then Seungho hyung came to her with other members, including me.

“Soo Yun-ah, please be safe…” said Seungho hyung to his only younger sister.

“Please maintain your schedule to eat since you have your digestion problem through this year,” said Joon.

“Eat well, eo?” said Thunder.

“And make a lot of friends,” said Mir.

She nodded her head and smiled lightly. Her smile was like she said she will be alright.

“G.O hyung, say something to Soo Yunnie,” asked Joon to me.

“Well, just be healthy. Please take care of yourself well, okay?” I said.

“Alright then, I will remember all of your messages to me, oppa…”

“Jja, the airplane will take off soon. Let’s do check-in, saengie-ya,” said Seungho hyung while he took her baggage and lead her to the counter to check-in.

“Oppadeul, I am leaving now. Naega kanda…” said Soo Yun slow and bowed to us.

“Annyeong… Please comeback soon, Yunnie-yaaa!” shouted Joon.

“Do your best, okay??!!” shouted Thunder.

“Annyeong, Yunnie-yaaaa! See ya on the next 4 years!” shouted Mir while he waved his hands to Soo Yun.

Slowly but sure, her footstep’s voices started to fade from my ears, and so as her smile. She walked brightly to the check-in counter and then entered the waiting longue. I could not take my eyes off from her back.

“Hyung, let’s go back to the dorm,” said Thunder to me.

I nodded, and slowly walked away from the airport. Leaving her alone in the longue without saying any word; then went back to the dorm.

However, there was something that encouraged me to confess my feelings toward her, because I felt that she would go away for a long time, and maybe she would forget all about me, about our memories, and got a new boyfriend.

No, to be honest, I could not let her go. She IS the only woman I loved until the end of the time as I made a vow to myself to love her for the rest of my life. It was my fault not to confess my feelings beforehand. Because I did not want to make the same mistake, I stopped the car, rushed away back to the airport, without listening to the other’s warning.

 

***

And there was Soo Yun, with tears formed in her eyes. Actually, her smiles to the members of MBLAQ were lie. It was a fake smile. Now she was sitting in the waiting longue, held the tears as she could. She could imagine how she should be living apart from a man she loved at much. She could not even imagine about how she would be after studying hard for her undergraduate degree without knew everything about news from the man she loved for almost three years. Yup, it broke her heart so much.

To cheer herself, Soo Yun turned her smartphone on. She touched the Gallery icon on the screen and searched a folder which contained thousands photo of G.O, from the camera-focused one to the no focused one. She gathered those photos with her professional camera, which she brought to Canada today. Her lips were stretched a bit when she saw several funny expressions from her brother and her first crush. She giggled a bit when she saw a hilarious photo of those five boys, which she took it from her camera. She promised to herself that she would print the photo on the biggest scale and hung it on the wall of her apartment over there. So she could remember her five oppars when she missed them.

Then, the announcement was broadcasted. Her plane was ready to take-off. She packed her stuffs into her white backpack, stood up from the chair and started to walk out through the departure gate. She held herself not to turn her head off, so she would be so sad anymore.

However,

“Soo Yun-ah!!”

Someone called her name from behind. She knew exactly who the owner of that voice was. So, she turned her head.

And saw G.O who was standing in front of her.

“G.O oppa? What’s going on? Anything wrong?” asked Soo Yun.

“Please don’t leave me…” said G.O slowly.

“Nde?”

“Please don’t leave me alone. Please don’t study abroad. I could not imagine how my life will be without you by my side,” said G.O with a trembled voice. It seemed that he tried so hard to hold back his tears.

“But oppa. I am sorry. I have to go…” said Soo Yun with her smile.

G.O was speechless when Soo Yun said she should be gone. Then he said, “alright, then. I could not stop you to reach out your dream. But please, remember this.”

G.O walked a step closer to Soo Yun and held her tiny hands.

“Please remember that this Jung Byunghee, the man who is in the same age with your big brother, is in love with you since the first time your brother showed your photo to me. Please remember that no matter how far we are standing right now, even we are separated by the seas when we stand on the same sky, I will always love you until the end of my time. And I will always right here, waiting for you…” said G.O softly and wiped the tears from Soo Yun’s face.

“Oppa… I…” Soo Yun tried to talk back, but G.O shut her lips off quickly with his finger.

“You should not say anything because I knew that you loved me too. But keep that love confession until we meet again. Arrasseo?” asked G.O to her. She nodded, wiped the remaining tears from her face and showed her beautiful smile to the man she loved.

“Now go. Go find your dream, and don’t ever let it go…” G.O then slowly walked her to the departure gate as the last farewell to her. Then she walked away, leaving her beloved man behind…

 

***

4 years later. Incheon International Airport

South Korea.

A man was looking for his watch on his right wrist. He was looking for his watch for the 19^th time after he arrived from his big concert at KINTEX, Seoul, South Korea. It seemed that he was waiting for someone. Someone he had been missing from the last 4 years. Someone he loved for more than 7 years ago. Someone who he knew that he would spend the rest of his lifetime with; the one he loved with all of his heart and soul.

But, not far from the place where this man was standing, there was a young woman with her beautiful long wavy hair was walking out through the international arrival gate with all of her luggage. She tried to make a call with someone to pick her up from the airport, but it seemed the receiver was not answering the call. Then, she decided to go home alone, since no one could pick her up.

“Guess he forgot to pick up his dearest sister…” she released a big sigh after she looked at her watch on her right wrist (since our Soo Yun is a left handed).

Her disappointment was slightly lost after “Our Relationship” of MBLAQ was rung from her phone. She immediately picked the phone without realizing the caller ID on the screen.

“Yes, this is Yang Soo Yun…”

“My Sunshine Soo Yunnie…”

“This voice…”

The conversation was stopped when Soo Yun saw G.O stood across her, his left hand held his phone while his right held a beautiful bouquet of rose. He walked slowly toward her. He smiled to the girl. A smile that he knew this would be his best smile to her. As the girl walked slowly too, the time around them seemed frozen. The world around them was somehow shifted.

The man handed over the bouquet to the girl, who accepted it gladly. There was something in the girl’s mind, but she could not say it since her tongue was frozen, paralyzed. Only her eyes spoke with tears and her lips spoke with a smile. Their gaze met. And finally the girl known a word she should say. A word she had kept in her heart since the moment he met this man. A word she had promised to this man four years ago.

“Saranghae…”