by byunstar

i.

sehun met the most beautiful boy with the most beautiful ribbon one beautiful monday morning. his skin reminded him of the purest snow and his hair reminded him of the darkest night sky. his eyes were kind and his smile was kinder; his voice was soft and his hands were softer. they spoke of many things, of fools and kings, of day and night, of dark and light. dumbly hit by a cupid’s arrow was sehun, although he failed to realize it until the day baekhyun’s fingers lingered on the lilac silk of the ribbon adorning his neck and with the gentlest, shyest of smiles, asked him ‘do you like my ribbon?’

sehun fell and he fell hard, enchanted by the other’s inhuman beauty and graceful charm, enchanted by his smile and lured by his eyes, dark as they could be. 399 days were spent together, in which sehun never came to see the boy without the silk hugging his neck. curiosity took the best of him and he questioned, one winter night, the meaning behind it. baekhyun took a slow sip of his hot chocolate, eyed sehun and smiled, a smile that came off almost apologetic to him as he muttered innocently so, “my lips are sealed”.

on the 400^th day, sehun asked baekhyun to marry him.

ii.

“baekhyun,”

it’s morning, about nine-twenty am and baekhyun shines beautifully as the sun rays shyly peek through their bedroom curtains and engulf him in the prettiest glow. he hums lazily but contently in that half-awake state of his, rolling onto his stomach and moving his hands under his pillow. upon the delayed reply, he forces one eye open and finds sehun’s gaze, softest of smile curling in his lips. “yes?”

“it’s been four months.” sehun comments, voice just as soft as he sits up, against the headboard. married for four months, and he still can’t believe it. four months, and baekhyun’s beauty hasn’t faltered. four months, and the truth hasn’t come in yet. “will you tell me about your ribbon?”

baekhyun tenses visibly, smile disappearing as he eyes his husband for long seconds. they’ve been through this countless times. sehun has heard the same reply countless times.
baekhyun moves his head and faces the other way, while so muttering, “my lips are sealed.”

he is upset, sehun can tell, for baekhyun never truly loses his smile, never really turns his head, never loses his glow. but sehun is upset himself, though patient; he is longing to know, though giving his husband time – whatever time it is needed to speak of simple lilac silk around one’s neck. the importance of the ribbon and the meaning behind it can’t seem to be so astonishing, so impossibly frightening that sehun has to wait over one year to understand its reason.

and lately, the more and more sehun insists, baekhyun’s reactions worsen. not only that, but sehun can see, although baekhyun tries to hide it, a sense of guilt surrounding the shorter boy.

“i wish you could trust me.”

“i do,” baekhyun whispers, and when sehun reaches over to soothingly the other’s pitch black hair, baekhyun flinches. “i do. but my lips are sealed.”

iii.

“i said don’t touch it!”

baekhyun’s voice was raised, the shorter standing a metre or two away from his husband, back against the wall and hands around his own neck protectively. he glared at the other through furrowed brows, though there was something faltering in his gaze – fear, maybe. guilt, most likely.

“jesus baekhyun, what’s the matter with you?” sehun’s own eyebrows furrowed in return, although he was hardly angry. worried would be the right word, for never has his husband flinched nor screamed upon being touched by sehun. he didn’t mean to scare baekhyun, much less harm him.

all he did, while the two cuddled on the living room’s couch, had been to touch the ribbon around the shorter’s neck and see for himself if it were as soft as it looked like.

“i just- don’t touch the ribbon. i’ve told you. don’t touch it. don’t even go near it.” baekhyun warned, voice shaky and cracking as he attempted to keep a strong image, one that sehun could see through as easily as if baekhyun were transparent. the guilt was evident, but sehun didn’t understand why. what was the reason behind such gaze? what importance could simple silk have to  make his husband look to regretful, so pitiful?

“why?” sehun asked almost angrily this time, not because of the situation itself, but because he can feel they’ve gone through this conversation more than once.

and just like sehun expected, baekhyun shook his head, facing the floor while looking so vulnerable. “my lips-“

“your lips are sealed. i know.” sehun huffs, and he turns around too fast to notice baekhyun sinking to the floor and bringing his slender fingers to his face.

iv.

it should be a sin to see an angel cry; it should be a bigger sin to be the reason behind their tears. sehun was dumbfounded, shock washing off his face as he witnessed his husband break down in sobs. his knees shook and more did his hands, helplessness and worry taking the best of him. never once had he seen someone look so troubled, look so guilty; baekhyun’s state at the moment could very well be a dictionary’s definition of inner war.

“baekhyun, baekhyun-“ sehun had to crouch down for baekhyun had slipped to the floor by now, cowering in the room’s corner as each tear rolling down his flushed cheeks felt like an icy stab in sehun’s chest. “please, please calm down. it’s alright, baekhyun- you’re alright.”

how it came down to this, sehun wasn’t quite sure. in fact, he wasn’t sure at all, lost in the middle of this battle baekhyun held with himself. the shorter had come up to him, shaky, nervous, pale, told sehun there was something he had to tell him. a secret he had to share. but from then on, each time he opened his mouth, he would end up stuttering out ‘my lips are sealed, my lips are sealed’.

baekhyun upset himself and broke in tears right in front of his helpless husband, who, lost and confused, did everything he only could to attempt to calm his angel down.

“baekhyun,” sehun breathes out as he reaches out to hold the other’s arms as gently as he could, which earned a pitiful whimper from the other. “baekhyun, it’s alright. why are you crying?”

“i need to tell you something.” baekhyun finally managed to utter, voice tiny and shaky as big tears continued rolling down his flushed cheeks. he shook his head, a sob or two escaping his lips, and closed his eyes tightly. “y-you don’t deserve- i don’t- you need to know, you deserve to know.”

“know what?” sehun’s brows furrow and he moves his hand to affectionately move baekhyun’s fringe from the front of his face, using his thumb to rub his tears away. “what is it?”

“i-“ baekhyun whimpered, eyes closing tight once more as he made a noise in the back of his throat, as if speaking was physically painful. sehun could see it again; he was at war with himself. almost as if someone, some unknown force was making it impossible for the shorter to speak. “i’m- i- i can’t, i can’t, i’m sorry.” he sobbed out, by now looking so sad, so miserable, that sehun pulled him into a tight embrace to stop the shaking and hope to kiss the pain away.

“don’t be sorry.” sehun hushed the smaller boy who apologized over and over again, slender fingers curling in sehun’s shirt and tugging. “why can’t you say it? what’s happening?”

but baekhyun shook his head repeatedly over and over again, tiny whimpers and small sobs filling sehun’s ears, along with constant whispering of ‘my lips are sealed, my lips are sealed’.

v.

it’s a stormy sunday night when baekhyun walks up to his husband resting in bed, eyes stained red and the hem of his shirt wrinkled and abused by baekhyun’s constant tugging. he had been crying, and sehun would have jumped right out of bed at the sight to pull the shorter in his arms and repel his demons away if only baekhyun were still upset. but a smile adorned the other’s lips, small and calm and almost victorious as if he had, at last, won that inner battle he had going on ever since their wedding day.

“sehun,” baekhyun’s voice was quiet and soft just like his expression, head tilting the slightest to the left. confusion was evident in sehun’s face, though the boy said nothing, instead choosing to wait, expecting, for he knew from baekhyun’s expression that the answer to his question was soon to be revealed. “i’m sorry. i tried to tell you, but my lips are sealed. i was scared, and.. i still am. but it will be okay. you will be okay.” he nods a little, over his dry lower lip as his smile falters for a second. though as his eyes meet sehun’s, the corner of his lips tugs up again. “my lips can’t seal my hands. i can’t tell you, but i can show you.”

sehun sat back up, eyes glued on his husband, brows furrowed, lips parted. he could feel anxiety and fright creep onto his veins.

“i’m sorry. i love you.”

baekhyun moved his hand to his neck, fingers grabbing the end of the lilac silk. he pulled.

thump.

sehun’s blood-curling scream echoed louder than the thunder outside.

sehun was found by the police three days later in the forest nearby his house. he was barefoot, eyes wide in horror and staring into the void. he kept bumping his head against the trunk of a tall tree, over and over again in a synchronized rhythm, repeating the same sentence in a murmur to himself.

“his head fell off, his head fell off.”