One
1004It honestly didn't feel that long to him.
The years had flown by with remarkable speed; had it honestly been 6 years already? 6 whole years since Baekho lost Minki? He honestly didn't expect to have made it this far along, after the first close call of losing Ren. After losing him once, it was kind of a mystery to everyone including himself how he would handle losing him for real. He wasn't sure of how he would take it, knowing that this time, Ren really wouldn't be coming back.
The scars on his wrists haven't faded from the last time. He had a lot of close calls, but with the support of his two children and the help of different medications, he managed his way through. Once he had Minki back again, he thought all was well. And then he slipped right through his fingers once again. Baekho was still somehow on his feet, maybe because this time he /knew/ that he lost Minki, rather than learning after it was too late. He thought that he was doing well now, all these days later, although there was inevitably those days where nothing was going even close to okay for Baekho. It took a promise he'd made years ago to his Minki that kept him from just ending it all. He remembers after the first close call how much he hallucinated seeing Minki, but he didn't this time around. Maybe it was because the death was expected, or maybe his antipsychotics actually did work. The rough days were the ones he liked to just lay in bed and make his antidepressants his best friend.
He still remembers every single detail of Minki perfectly. Had Baekho been born with the ability to draw something that didn't look like well, a kindergartener drew it, he could draw Minki in an exact fashion, straight from memory. The way his wavy hair framed his face, the sparkle in his eyes shone when his favorite song played in the car stereo, the crinkle in his nose that he'd do when the sun woke them up maybe a bit too early. He rememered everything. He remembered the song he would sing to Nari on the nights that she couldn't sleep well. Or the lullaby he sung to Minhyuk, before he was kidnapped. He remebered Minki's touch, could almost still feel the burning on his skin, when he rubbed Baekho's shoulders after a particularly rough day. One of Baekho's favorite details about Minki was how he would rub his small hands against Baekho's bare chest in the afterglow of their love making, and he'd whisper soft things like 'I love you', 'Let's stay like this forever,' and 'I'm so lucky,'. Baekho always restrained from correcting Minki, because in fact it was Baekho who was the lucky one. He'd found an angel on Earth, and was allowed to call him his exclusively. But, his angel wasn't here to hold anymore.
6 years ago, to the day. The air was crisp, and actually quite comfortable when he stepped outside his small home. The air felt just like it did the morning he'd woken up to his lover dead in his arms.
He walked down the street, mindlessly kicking the pink cherry blossoms that had fallen to their deaths and littered the sidewalks. They made the day seem somehow less bleak, like a thin, hardly noticeable streak of happiness on a canvas of depression. Maybe the shadow of lost love that followed him would disappear today.
On he walked, continuing to the place he now knew so well. The cemetery was an old one, one of the oldest in their city. It also happened to be one of the largest. Because of this, Baekho liked to come here with Minki when they wanted to exercise. Baekho always had a bit of flab to lose, and the trails at the cemetery were long and provided beautiful scenery. Baekho didn't return to exercise, instead he came to visit his eternal best friend. Baekho knew the many trails like the back of his hand, walking all the way towards the back where his destination was. The cemetery was set up to have the more lavish looking stones in the front. The further back he got in the cemetery, the smaller and less decorative the headstones became. Many people couldn't afford the expensive stones, and to make the cemetery look more attractive to a viewer on the outside, they hid the boring, basic ones in the back where people didn't usually walk. He and Minki weren't poor by any means, in fact Minki's father was quite loaded. They didn't like to mooch off him and become a burden, so they bought what they could afford on their own (although Baekho will always argue that Minki deserved much better). He liked the sound of the crunching of small rocks grinding together under his chuck taylors, and decided that it must to live life as a rock.
He eventually reached the very back, with tombstones of people whom nobody really cared about. Tombstones of the poor, buried by families who were probably relieved of the burden. Dead flowers adorned those stones, but Minki's was clean and beautiful. Baekho always made sure to keep his favorite flowers by the stone, especially noting that they were alive too. He dusted it off when it was even the slightest bit dirty, he wouldn't let the stone become worn and faded like the others. Minki was worth so much more.
Baekho knealt down, kissing the cold stone just above the letters proclaiming the grave as Minki's. He adjusted the bouquet of flowers that laid lifelessly on the base. White roses and lotus flowers, the same flowers they'd had at their wedding. He took a moment to remember back to that day, remembering how beautiful Minki was that day. He looked so entirely handsome in his suit, and it took Baekho's breath away. Nearly 10 years of wondeful marriage, and he wouldn't change a single thing about it.
He got comfortable in the grass, sitting crosslegged in front of the stone. He reached out and pet the rigid side, like he would've liked to have caressed Minki's cheek. "How are you, love?" He set his hand back in his lap. "You're okay, aren't you?" He swallowed thickly, trying his hardest to contain his tears. "I knew God would take you back one day. I knew he'd see that he'd lost an angel and take you back. I'm such a selfish person..." he let a tear fall, the droplet creating a small oblong circle on his jeans. "I miss you," but he shook his head, because this day wasn't about Baekho and his selfish needs. "Minhyuk is doing really good now. He and nana moved out and live on their own, so it's just me and Nari now. I think Minhyuk is still suffering from his attachment issues though, he never was particularly close to me. I think I'm cramping Nari's style, too. I think she's tired of me. Heck, I'd be tired of me too. Who wants to be her age and take care of her father who suffers from severe depression? I'm such a burden on her, I should move out..."
~~~
Baekho gently pet Minki's cheek, cuddling in the afterglow of slow, passionate . -"Yeobo... If... If I go first, you have to promise to wait until it's your time to go... I want us to go naturally and peacefully..."
Baekho smiled at Minki's words, stuck in the delusion that they were young and natural deaths meant they had decades left together still. If only he knew how wrong he was then, how much the cancer was really hurting his angel.
"Of course, love."
Even in such a serious moment, Minki always found a way to incorporate his charm. He held up his pinky, childishly. "You can't break a pinky swear." Baekho chuckled at him, and pressed their lips together gently, but lovingly, as he twined their two little fingers. "Then you can break my pinky,"
~~~
Baekho sat by the stone of his lost love for hours. He didn't realize how much time had passed until he saw that the sky was now dark and full of stars. The air wasn't as crisp as it was cold and nipping, and he pulled his scarf from his bag to wrap around himself. "I'll see you later dear," and he leaned closer to kiss the stone in the same place he had before.
Walking in the side door to his home, he frowned as he realized that Nari had already gone to bed. As a student, she studied often and was busy a lot. Another reason for Baekho to feel like a burden. He looked to the stove and noticed that she still had ordered the food he'd asked her to, although by now it was hours old and probably cold. He carried the boxes of chinese take out into his living room and set them on the coffee table. As he set pillows on the floor for him to sit on, he grabbed a picture frame from a shelf for him to look at while he ate. A picture of Baekho and Minki on their first date, a date that Baekho will never forget.
~~~
Baekho was poor and couldn't afford anything, yet he had his carnal want to impress this boy and get him to stick around. Minki didn't look too enthused, sitting blindfolded in Baekho's passenger seat. The two had met through a video game, but it was their first physical date. And Baekho had him blindfolded. Baekho drove him around, thinking of some place they could go. He thought of an idea, but wasn't sure if Minki would like it. He remembers Minki accusing him of kidnapping, but he just laughed as he helped him walk into the building. He held his hands as he lead him through the store, careful to not let him trip or bump into anything. When he removed the blindfold, he watched as Minki just laughed, realizing just where Baekho had taken them. He looked around the aisles of the toy store they were at, and it kind of felt childish and immature but that was their relationship; all cute and play. They spent the day riding bikes and hopping on bouncy balls through the aisles, avoiding workers and getting in trouble, and the date ended with their first real kiss.
~~~
Baekho dished the food out of the little take out contaiers, and started eating it cold. He looked at the picture across from him on the coffee table, and it was like he could imagine him there. Sitting cross legged, with his favorite knitted pink blanket over his shoulders. 'Yeobo, my noodles are too cold...' Baekho laughed softly. "Nari ordered them hours ago. I'm sorry," and he'd have ruffled Minki's hair and maybe kissed him once or twice. His antipsychotics must be wearing off.
He threw out the leftover food and picked the picture back up. He set it back on the shelf, next to two pictures of Baekho and Minki holding newborn Nari, and newborn Minhyuk. He remembered Minki's exhausted, yet warm smile as he held the baby. God, would he do anything to go back to those days.
He dressed himself in his pajamas, taking the pills he needed to take before bed. He laid on his side, the side he'd always laid on, and pulled Minki's old body pillow to his chest so he had something to hold. He couldn't sleep if he wasn't holding something. It wasn't the same and it would never be, not to the warmth that Minki radiated or the scent of vanilla that seemed to just haze around him.
It depressed Baekho to no end to know that he would never hold his lover again. He would never kiss him goodnight, or kiss him goodmorning. He would never again make love to him, hear Minki say he loved him back, hear Minki's giggle when Baekho flattered him. No, it was all gone. And Baekho would never have that back.
~~~
Baekho didn't feel it. Or maybe he did, and he was just too numb inside to notice. Does one feel their heart break? People say that you don't feel it when you die in your sleep. Yet, wouldn't you know somehow if you died? Wouldn't you feel your heart breaking? Is it such a heavy pain that you know immediately? or is it something that weighs you down, teasing you slowly with occasional air before eventually pulling you under the ocean water?
Baekho wasn't afraid of death, but rather he was afraid to leave the life he'd made. He was afraid of leaving their children parentless, and after all he had made a promise to Minki that he would live until he was old and care for their kids. Old and gray like he and Minki were both supposed to, but here he was just 6 years later. Just as dead as Minki.
He was confused as he saw where he was at, the whiteness around him blinded him. He saw him, then. Blonde hair as perfect as ever, running towards him to jump and wrap his arms around Baekho's neck.
He never saw Minki as beautiful as he did then with that heavenly glow around him.
A/N: I know that there aren't going to be that many people reading this, maybe especially at first, but I do have plans to continue on with this but the next few chapters will be in an odd order. Me and my friend (stealthfire) have been doing a roleplay for awhile, and I got bored in my government class and started writing somewhat of a spin-off to our roleplays. I tried to make this chapter as basic as I could without including too much information from our roleplay (for fear that it'd be too rushed and too long to properly explain and would probably take away from this oneshot idea I had). I was stuck between two endings for this story and so I'll post the "alternate ending" I guess in another chapter. Then, we will continue on with the story as if Baekho kept living and he's going to try and find a way to bring Minki back. So if you guys read this and you enjoy it, please share the love <3
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