a message for the members of sis/hml roleplay. just for some closure.
Description
GENESIS
HUMBLE
*
Hello, everyone. Most likely, if you were a member of sis or hml, you clicked on this. Your first thoughts might be: "She's still yapping about this?" And the answer is yes. Why? It's honestly been urking me for all these months. And I've tried prior of this to make an apology ( ex: Chronicles. ) but it never seemed to get through. Or at least I wasn't seeing a response. I wasn't quite sure weren't or not anyone that I wanted to read it was reading it - or cared to read it. But I digress - I feel as if apologizing is the only way to find closure and for me to finally let this go - the why I should have months ago.
Whether you take this seriously, or whether you choose to forgive me is all up to you. But if I don't end up disabling the comments, please don't leave any rude comments. If you have anything mean to say - keep it to yourself. I would really appreciate it.
Anyways, you know, I never would have guessed one incident could really affect me. Especially since it wasn't even a real one. It was virtual. A silly roleplay circumstance. Nevertheless, it took a pretty darn good toll on me. And I spent some days throught these 4 months thinking about it. And I feel remorsely for the decisions I made. One thing that I do admit is that I liked the way I handled the situation. I did my best not to fight back - even though at some points it was arduous for me to do so.
What I did was selfish. I wasn't thinking about anyone else but myself. It was a sleazy move and it made it seem like I ddin't care.
Eh - It didn't seem like such a bad thing. Even now I think about it and I say "Who cares?" But a lot of you ( the members of sis / hml ) were deeply affected by it and lost respect and trust in me. At the time, I couldn't quite capture why you guys did. But I can sort of(?) understand now. Perhaps I may never fully understand.
The fact that I lost some good friendships and I lost a great roleplay for the choices I made was pretty disappointing. I mean - If I would have said no, things would be very different now. But I guess this was my way to learn that easy = sleazy and that trusting everyone is very wrong.
I know for a fact that the story was twisted and as in sprend, it was changed. At least what I was told. And I could spend a lifetime explaining what happened and trying to defend my actions. But it's worthless. I was wrong. What happened is what happened and I was able to learn from my misconceptions and able to correct them throughout the months to become a better roleplayer and a better person. It seemed to have changed my perspective on some things. And I am grateful for that.
It's as if unfortunately things have to occur in order for us to learn. And if this wouldn't have happened and if I wasn't "exposed" ( not the right word for it. But I can't seem to find the correct word to fit. ) I would probably still be the same as before. - It wasn't right, yes.
And I am aware of the fact that there were people that told me that I wasn't wrong. But even so, I know I was. And it doesn't matter how you look at the situation. No one was right here - technically.
Am I sastified with the way things ended up going? No. Of course not. No one wants to go through this. But did it work? Did I learn? Yes. I am extremely stubborn. And it took a lot of mean words and hateful messages for it to finally click in my head that I was wrong and to break the ice.
Will I do this ever again? No. After that incident, I 'd have to be a complete idiot to do it once again. I feel as if I am more careful and cautious with everyone.
Anywho, I don't think I said it - so now I will. To all the members of sis and hml alike: I am sorry. I am sorry for doing this to you all. I am sorry for being stubborn and not listening to you guys. And I'm sorry that things had to end this way. I won't defend myself no more. I won't place excuses on the table anymore.
I hope this settles anything and everything. You don't need to forgive me. You don't need to trust or respect me again. But I hope you do understand that I am sorry. Thank you for reading me.
If the comments are disabled - you can contact me on my AFF account to tell me whatever you need to say. click here.
Whether you take this seriously, or whether you choose to forgive me is all up to you. But if I don't end up disabling the comments, please don't leave any rude comments. If you have anything mean to say - keep it to yourself. I would really appreciate it.
Anyways, you know, I never would have guessed one incident could really affect me. Especially since it wasn't even a real one. It was virtual. A silly roleplay circumstance. Nevertheless, it took a pretty darn good toll on me. And I spent some days throught these 4 months thinking about it. And I feel remorsely for the decisions I made. One thing that I do admit is that I liked the way I handled the situation. I did my best not to fight back - even though at some points it was arduous for me to do so.
What I did was selfish. I wasn't thinking about anyone else but myself. It was a sleazy move and it made it seem like I ddin't care.
Eh - It didn't seem like such a bad thing. Even now I think about it and I say "Who cares?" But a lot of you ( the members of sis / hml ) were deeply affected by it and lost respect and trust in me. At the time, I couldn't quite capture why you guys did. But I can sort of(?) understand now. Perhaps I may never fully understand.
The fact that I lost some good friendships and I lost a great roleplay for the choices I made was pretty disappointing. I mean - If I would have said no, things would be very different now. But I guess this was my way to learn that easy = sleazy and that trusting everyone is very wrong.
I know for a fact that the story was twisted and as in sprend, it was changed. At least what I was told. And I could spend a lifetime explaining what happened and trying to defend my actions. But it's worthless. I was wrong. What happened is what happened and I was able to learn from my misconceptions and able to correct them throughout the months to become a better roleplayer and a better person. It seemed to have changed my perspective on some things. And I am grateful for that.
It's as if unfortunately things have to occur in order for us to learn. And if this wouldn't have happened and if I wasn't "exposed" ( not the right word for it. But I can't seem to find the correct word to fit. ) I would probably still be the same as before. - It wasn't right, yes.
And I am aware of the fact that there were people that told me that I wasn't wrong. But even so, I know I was. And it doesn't matter how you look at the situation. No one was right here - technically.
Am I sastified with the way things ended up going? No. Of course not. No one wants to go through this. But did it work? Did I learn? Yes. I am extremely stubborn. And it took a lot of mean words and hateful messages for it to finally click in my head that I was wrong and to break the ice.
Will I do this ever again? No. After that incident, I 'd have to be a complete idiot to do it once again. I feel as if I am more careful and cautious with everyone.
Anywho, I don't think I said it - so now I will. To all the members of sis and hml alike: I am sorry. I am sorry for doing this to you all. I am sorry for being stubborn and not listening to you guys. And I'm sorry that things had to end this way. I won't defend myself no more. I won't place excuses on the table anymore.
I hope this settles anything and everything. You don't need to forgive me. You don't need to trust or respect me again. But I hope you do understand that I am sorry. Thank you for reading me.
If the comments are disabled - you can contact me on my AFF account to tell me whatever you need to say. click here.
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