II.

Changmin.

Something was wrong. He noticed it through her shaking voice. A low sob could be overheard there on the other side of the phone. It distorted away in the middle of faint tapping sound of rain.

"Are you crying?"

There was no answer to his question.

"Sooyoung, seriously what’s happened?" He could hear the worried tone in his own voice, but the girl didn't give away the words.

"I... I saw something terrible today. I... I'm afraid." When she finally answered, he let out a relief sigh.

"Don't worry. I'm here for you," he whispered low, trying to give her some comfort.

At the time, he didn't know that his comfort made her cried even louder.

It was the day after he realized what was the thing which made his girl crying. It was his own fault. As he stared down at the wooden box, his mind traveling through sea of memories. Some memories were happy ones, the rosy-colored memories he shared with Victoria.

Victoria was the first, and would always be his first. 

There was no point of denying it now, or then.

Sooyoung was different. She was his love now.

He didn't feel it wrong at all. How could he be wrong? It wasn't like he cheated on Sooyoung. Victoria was dead. He was not waiting for her. He did let her go. What remained to him were the memories of good old days. So he wouldn't throw away those precious things in his treasure box. He couldn't.

He thought Sooyoung would understand it.

***

The morning sky cloaked in gray clouds, dripping water lazily onto the wet soil. They both sat in the silence, facing each other. Even the lack of words made them understood, some things are couldn't  easily be forgotten. 

"Are you alright?" He was the one who spoke first. She let out a heavy sigh and shook her head.

"Will you tell me, what it is bothering you?" He asked again. He knew, but still he hoped that wasn't the one he had in his mind.

“You still love Victoria, don't you?” she threw the question straight to him.  Changmin stared at her blankly. He didn’t consider that she would be this on point. He wanted to avoid her gaze, but his eyes failed him.

“Sooyoung, Victoria is gone. She’s gone forever. Why do you ask?” he let out a tired sigh. The girl in front of him looked so pale, pale and fragile, and her watery eyes had this small tint of red.

“You still thinking about her every single time.” This time it was not a question. It was a judge’s statement.

“Look, Sooyoung. Yes, sometimes I think about her, but not that often. But she’s no longer in this world. Are you going to say that you’re jealous for a… God, why are you being like this?” Changmin didn’t understand at all. Why should Sooyoung be jealous of Victoria?

“You have, some of her belongings in your apartment. You haven’t forgotten her at all. I….” Her voice faded away as tears started to run down her cheeks.

“I thought you have gotten over her…. I thought I’m the only one for you.” A small whisper finished her sentence.

Changmin reached out his hand to hold hers. Her hand was so cold, cold and shaking. He wrapped his fingers around hers, and looked straight into her eyes.

“You’re the only one for me.” 

“But…”

“Listen. Victoria is my past. You’re here.  Right now, and real. She is a remembrance of past, and she’s not real. I’ve loved her enough back in the time, and now it’s my time to love you. Do you understand?”

She gave him a confused look. “But you can’t forget her.”

Changmin rubbed his face in frustration. Why was it so hard explaining that his memory of Victoria was, in any form of truth, just a memory?

“I can’t forget her. Why on earth should I forget her? And how do exactly I forget her? Humans have memory to remember. I am no exception. I’m a human too, Sooyoung. Forgetting is one dreadful task. You simply cannot forget.” He felt his emotions burst out with every word he spoke. There were anger and frustration there. The girl stunned at his long sentences. Her hands began to shake, but she tried to hide it away. Her tears were no longer trailing on her white cheeks, but he could still see the pain in her eyes.

He sighed. It’s not working, he thought.

“I’m sorry. I… I don’t know. I can’t forget Victoria the way you want me to. It was a happy memory. Am I wrong if I want to keep happy memories?”

There was only silence. She didn’t react to his sayings. She just sat there, head down and hand clutched on her lap.

Changmin couldn’t take this situation anymore.  His heart felt so heavy and hurt. For snapping at her before. For hurting her. For not being able to forget Victoria. For not making her happy.

For falling in love with her.

He stood up and walked to her side, then placed his hand on her thin shoulder. 

“I’m sorry, Sooyoung.” He felt the words were struggling in his throat, “Do you… do you want me to leave?”

She snapped her head back and looked at him with horror. Before Changmin could say anything, she grabbed his hand clutched it tightly.

“No!”

And only her sobs could be heard for the rest of the morning.

***

“She has a trauma,” said Mr. Choi the night Changmin and he went out together for a drink. Changmin’s eyes widened upon hearing the older man’s words.

“I’m sorry?”     

“Well, you know that her mother is no longer here, don’t you? But her mother isn’t dead, in fact.” Mr. Choi sounded so tired. He shook his glass for some moment and stared at the clear liquid in it, then drank his ginger ale in one sip.

“Her mother left us. Left her. And yes, for another man, if you want to ask about it.” The old man tried to say it in casual tone but he failed. Changmin could hear a scrap of pain in his voice.

“So that’s what happened,” he murmured. That scar from her childhood, was that the reason she wanted to forget the past so bad? Was that the reason she forced him to do so?

“She’s been like that since her mother left. That’s why she didn’t have any friends. Because she afraid if she made one, at the end she will be the one who's left behind.” Mr. Choi explained, then added, “Just like what her mother did back then.”

Changmin didn’t know what to say. All he could mutter was a small “I’m sorry” over and over again. Mr. Choi looked at him thoughtfully. The older man patted his shoulder in a light tap.

“Say, Changmin, can you stay with Sooyoung? Her trauma is like cancer. It’s growing rapidly and swallowed her into darkness. I want her to be happy. I want her to have happy memories like others. But she has fallen too deep. Can you save her? Can you… can you fix her?” The plea from his tone made Changmin shivered.

He would just destroy her if he stayed, wouldn’t he?

Because he could not give her what she wanted.

***

Another episode of silence made a barrier between them. Even though they were sitting side by side on the cold sand under the boiling dusk. Even though their hands interlaced together like never wanted to be separated. Yet, there were no words exchanged from their mouth.  Like the murmuring sound of waves prohibited them to disturb the harmony of the sea. Like the purplish sky above wasn’t allowing them to create another scar.

He was thinking about breaking up with her. She would only gain the pain if they were together. She would be always feeling inferior to Victoria, and there would be no pleasant memories she could secure in the back of her mind.

Of course, he could lie to her, that he would try to forget Victoria. But he didn’t want it, both to lie and to forget. He just wanted to create another happy memory with Sooyoung, pilled them up onto his other memories, including the one he had with Victoria.

Every memory was precious to him, even if it was the saddest one. When Victoria passed away, it was sad, but he treasured that moment as a memento.

He also wanted Sooyoung to make up with her painful memories. Trying to forget wasn’t a wise choice, he knew that. The harder mind tried to forget something, the stronger it would stick in one’s memory.

He was about to say his break up speech. However, upon seeing the girl’s peaceful face, he stopped right away. Instead, he asked a question in a soft whisper.

“Why do you want me to stay?”

She turned her head to face him. A sad smile adorned her pretty face. She tightened her clasps on his fingers.

“It doesn’t matter. I’ve been thinking about it. It doesn’t matter if I keep getting jealous of her, or how much it will be hurting me. But I can’t make my mind imagining a life without you. It will hurt much than now.” Her voice sounded so distant, as if she was dreaming away. Changmin felt something crept into his heart, something that he want to scream out loud to his silly lovely girl.

“I don’t want to see you hurt because of me.”

“Then, just stay. Don’t leave me,” she said calmly.

“You’re just being silly,” he sighed.

“You know, I still cannot fulfill your wish, for me to forget her,” he murmured.

“I’ll survive, even with memories about her lingering in your mind.” A trace of sadness trailed in her words.

He stared at her for some times, then placed his hand on her cheek. The sea breeze had turned her cheeks cold. But when he touched her, a small warmth rested there.

“I’ll fix your broken memories. The past is not always that bad. We'll try to fix each other.”

***

Their castle of sand was going to fall apart at that moment. As small waves swept it away, the sea brought the sand back to the beach. But he and she knew, they were going to rebuild it again, no matter how many times it would take.   

***

-FIN-

A/N : Hello, its crestfall_112 again! It's been a loooongggg time right? I'm sorry for delayed update. Truthfully, I've finished this chapter some times ago but I accidently lost it T__T, so I need times to rewrite this one. That's why this chapter is so short, because I think I've lost my touch in this story. I know I messed up with this chapter, I'm truly sorry! But I hope you enjoy the story. Thank you for all who's supporting this story (subscribers, upvoters, commenters, and the readers), I really appreciated it!