AN: This is my shot at crack fic. Although, not so much of a crack but I hope you do enjoy the humor of this story :)

 

“Stupid trip…Stupid dog…”

Jessica listed all the things she hated at the moment. This trip was supposed to be fun and relaxing, a break from her hectic schedule. She cursed herself for agreeing to her sister’s stupid idea and for bringing along that pest of a dog with her. She wished she had left her pet dog for her cousin Seohyun to take care of while she was away, then maybe, this wouldn’t have happened.

Don’t get her wrong, Jessica love her pet dog and wouldn’t trade her for anything. Pyeol, as she’d name her dog, was a Coton de Tulears, a very rare breed that she begged her parents to get her all the way from France. Pyeol was her sweet, cute, fun and loving dog, albeit Pyeol could be mischievous at times, landing herself into trouble more often than not.

Like now.

She knew how much Pyeol love to swim and run but never did she anticipate that her impish pet would decide to rebel and dive into the lake.

And that was how Jessica found herself in this predicament. She had strayed too far and now has gotten herself lost.

“Stupid dog…Now I’m lost…” Jessica muttered as she held in her tears, completely terrified. It was already dark, and here she was in the middle of an unknown forest. She hated being alone; she hated being in the dark, and yet she was stuck alone in a dark forest—an alarming combination that did not exactly sit well with her. Fear crept in and engulfed her, leaving her anxious and jumpy at any strange sound or movement. To top it all off, she has still yet to find her blasted dog.

“Ahhhhh!” Jessica screamed her ultrahigh pitch dolphin scream as she felt someone grabbed her.

Despite the surprising, or unsurprising, fact that she had just damaged some eardrums with her dolphin scream, it was still no match for the last thing she saw, a group of half- men with some pieces of animal skin covering their lower halves, before she was manhandled, tied, blindfolded and put into a sack.

---

“Are you girls ready?” The obvious leader of the group asked the girls surrounding her. She was tall and tanned skin with long, wavy black locks that cascades down her lower back. She was dressed in an off shoulder one-piece dress made out of deerskin.

“Yes!” a loud unanimous answer echoed through the still night of the forest.

“Remember, steal anything that could be valuable to us and try not to be seen but if you are seen, don’t hurt anyone especially women and children. We’ll meet here in two hours. Run along now everyone!”

Everyone dispersed swiftly, maneuvering about the forest. The tanned girl quickly followed as soon as she saw that everyone had made her move. She stealthily went about the forest and into the unsuspecting camp of a nearby clan, the E Tribe.

Yuri’s clan, the Soshi Tribe, would have never resorted to this lowly way of living but E Tribe needed to learn their lesson. Lately, the males of E Tribe had been constantly harassing her clan sisters and as a payback they needed to show them that they would not be submissive to their male domineering ways. They’re not like the females of E Tribe—dependent, reliant, submissive and scared of the males in their clan. No, they were better than that. They have formed their tribe to defy this male-domineering pattern that was seen all too frequently in their neighboring clans. That was why they formed an all-female clan excluding and forbidding any male who have reached their adolescence to stay in their tribe.

Yuri scanned her surroundings, making sure that no one was around. It was not that it would be a big problem since every single male of the E Tribe were out hunting and would not be back until the day after tomorrow. This attack was well planned and thought out by her and her clan sisters. They knew nothing could go wrong.

Or at least they thought.

Yuri quickly signaled her clan sisters, who were busy ransacking the huts, to quickly disperse as she checked the last tent for supplies. She swiftly entered the tent and took a quick swept through the place, quickly locating a big sack in the corner of the room. Striding towards her target, she lifted the sack and groaned at the weight of its contents. She carelessly dropped the sack to extinguish the torch she was holding so that she could use both of her hands to carry the heavy weight when she heard a muffled shriek and saw the sack moved.

“Yuri…hurry up!”

Yuri did not have time to ponder on what was in the sack, as she looked towards the door and saw her good friend Taeyeon signaling for her to move faster. She hurriedly gave the shorter girl a quick nod before carrying the heavy sack and followed her friend out. Half an hour later, Yuri was exhausted for whatever was in the sack had kept squirming during the whole trip. Its heavy weight did not help as it took a great toll on Yuri’s endurance. When she deemed that it was a good distance away from E tribe’s campsite, she put down the heavy load she was carrying. Yuri assumed that it was a big deer or a huge boar that the male of E Tribe had caught and she had the intention of killing the animal before carrying it back to her clan. At least, that way her load would stop squirming and stop making muffled noises.

Yuri opened the sack carefully with a dagger in hand, intending to slash the throat of the annoying animal but long blonde tresses instead welcomed her.

“What the…”

The blonde thrashed about, trying to free herself, as the blindfold that was covering her face soaked up in what seemed to be tears.

“I don’t mean to harm you…” Yuri cooed as she tucked away her dagger and moved closer towards the blonde. She untied the cloth that was tied around the girl’s mouth.

“Please don’t hurt me…”

“I won’t…who are you?” Yuri asked as she helped the blonde out of the sack and removed her blindfold.

“Jessica…”

“I’m Yuri,” Yuri introduced as she untied the bindings on Jessica’s hands.

“You’re not from any neighboring tribes here…” Yuri guessed as she saw the clothes that the blonde was wearing. A pink cloth material definitely not made out of a deer’s hide and some very short…well underpants made out of coarse blue material.

“Tribes?” Jessica frowned before surveying Yuri again.

The tanned girl’s outfit, the feather that was tucked in her hair, the armband made out of buck skin decorated with feathers, the necklaces made out of shells and pearls, and the strappy sandals made out of leather that she was wearing should have been a good indication that she was far from civilization now.

“Yes…I’m from Soshi Tribe…What about you? Where are you from?”

“I’m from San Francisco… I was just running after my dog, and I supposed I got lost in the forest a bit but then the next thing I remember was that someone grabbed me and tied me up before putting me in a sack.” Jessica finished recounting her story the same time Yuri finished untying her bindings.

“Well, you are free now…you can go back to err San…”

“San Francisco…”

“Yeah…there…”

“Will you bring me there? I don’t know my way back…” Jessica asked hesitantly as she stood up and stretched her sore muscles.

“I can’t…first of all…I don’t know how to get you back to your place…and second I can’t leave my kinship for a long time.”

“Can I stay with you then? ‘Till I figure it out at least…I just can’t roam around…those guys might take me again…I heard them talking about a captain and offering…and I think the offering refers to me”

Jessica frowned once more. She imagined herself tied in a big bamboo pole while the tribe’s men carried the pole towards some ugly and fat looking chief to be offered. She shuddered at the unpleasant thought.

“Jeshika listen…my clan has rules and as much as I want to take you with me and help you out, it’s not that easy.”

“What do you me—”

“Yuri! Yuri!” Jessica was cut off by a loud voice calling out to the tanned girl.

 “Over here!” Yuri yelled back before returning her attention back to Jessica.

“Listen…I really want to help you and I really would if I could, but my tribe is very strict and I can’t just bring a stranger in the clan. There’s only three ways to get into our tribe. First is to pass a test, second is to get adopted into the tribe before you reach your adolescence and third is to get married with someone from the tribe.”

“I’m good with test…”

“It’s an endurance test…It involves hunting and fishing and—”

“Oh! That kind of test…I was thinking more along the line of math and science tests,” Jessica answered, her tone showed a clear, genuine disappointment.

“There you are! We have to get back.”

Yuri and Jessica turned towards the source of the voice. Jessica found a short girl with baby face dressed much similar to Yuri.

“Who is she?” Taeyeon asked, there was a playful smile on her lips and Yuri did not like it one bit.

“I saved her from E Tribe,” Yuri hesitantly explained.

“Well you better hurry up; we have to get back soon,” Taeyeon dismissed like she did not care at all.

“Jeshika. I’m sorry but I really can’t help you.” Yuri gave the blonde an apologetic look.

“You can’t leave me here!” Jessica pleaded to her savior.

“I can’t bring you back with me even if I want to, and I don’t think you can pass the test…I mean do you know how to hunt and fish?”

“No…” Jessica answered timidly.

“I’m sorry…I really am…”

“Marry her…”

“WHAT?!” Yuri and Jessica snapped their head toward the source of the voice.

“It’s the only way to get her into our tribe without her taking the test.” Yuri’s baby-faced friend shrugged her shoulder.

“Taeyeon are you crazy! I can’t fool mother!” Yuri looked at her friend as if she was some kind of alien.

“But would you really leave her here by herself?” Taeyeon knew how to play with Yuri like how well she knew how to play a bansuri.

“I…Well…”

“Yuri…please…marry me!”  

Yuri looked at the blonde in shock. The girl was kneeling on one knee as she held on to Yuri’s hands.

“Yah!”

“You heard that she said yes!” Jessica got up and looked at Taeyeon excitedly.

“That wasn’t a—”

“Yes! Yuri said yes!” Taeyeon quickly covered Yuri’s mouth as she dragged her and Jessica.

“What the hell!” Yuri broke away from Taeyeon’s hold.

“Yuri…can’t you hear the noise?”

That was when Yuri realized the fierce cries probably coming from the men of E tribe.

“Let’s hurry then. We need to get back to our camp before they figure out that it was our tribe who ransacked them,” Yuri ordered as she grabbed Jessica’s hand and ran further into the forest while Yuri was doing some noises; Jessica assumed it was some kind of signal that Yuri was sending to her clan members.

---

Yuri dropped Jessica none too gently on the cot inside her tent. The blonde girl passed out halfway through their run, and she ended up having to carry the girl the rest of the way. She wasn’t too happy about it. What bothered Yuri more was that she had to marry the girl. As the daughter of the tribe’s village chief, she wasn’t exactly fond of the idea that her “wife” was not fit to live in this kind of environment; and to top it all, their marriage would be a lie.

The idea just didn’t sit too well with her.

Gazing at the blonde’s figure, she must admit that the girl was very pretty. Yuri was reminded of the china doll that her mother, Kwon Boa, the famous researcher of Soshi Tribe, gave her when she was little. It was the only remembrance she had of her real mother before she passed on due to an unexpected disease that she caught, leaving Yuri to the tribe’s people to care for. She was just grateful that the clan’s chief took her in like her own daughter. She outlined Jessica’s delicate features with her finger careful not to wake the blonde girl. Her gazed lowered down towards the girl’s arms, and she fumed at the red marks that were still visible on the girl’s wrists and ankles from being binded. That was enough reason for Yuri to agree to this ridiculous plan. She could not possibly leave the girl to roam the forest alone and risk for her to get caught again by E Tribe or any other clan for that matter. She knew that the girl would end up as an offering to the tribal chief or their sons to do as they please, and the thought of that just gnawed at her.

“Hmm…no…please…help! Hmmm…”

“Jeshika…” Yuri shook Jessica to wake her from her nightmare. “Jeshika…”

“No!” The girl bolted awake.

“Are you okay?” Yuri asked Jessica as she tucked in a loose strand of hair behind her ear and wiped some of her tears away.

“Yuri…” Jessica hugged Yuri and continued to cry on her shoulder, feeling relief that it was all a dream.

“Shhh…it’s okay…no one will harm you,” Yuri soothed Jessica, “and I promise I’ll find a way to get you back home…”

“You promise?” Jessica pulled away and looked at Yuri with hopeful eyes.

“I promise.” Yuri showed Jessica her first genuine smile since she met Jessica. “Let’s get you cleaned up. Then I’ll introduce you to my mother and tell her about our wedding so that you can stay here.”

“Thank you again Yuri.”

“No, problem Jeshika…”

Jessica giggled; the girl was butchering her name. “Just call me Sica…”

“Sica…I like that. But first you need to wear something more fitting like what I’m wearing here. I can’t present you to mother wearing those clothes.”

“What’s wrong with my clothes?”

“There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just that well…you need to assimilate. We can’t do anything with your hair anymore…but at least we can do something with your clothes. I just want mother to like you,” Yuri explained as if she was explaining to a child.

“I’m likable enough.” Jessica frowned.

“Yeah. But since my mother is the village chief…she’ll give you a hard time since you would be the chief’s daughter’s wife.” Yuri frowned; she wanted her mother to like Jessica.

“Fine” Jessica grumbled. “Can I at least bathe? I’m really dirty.”

“Yeah, I’ll accompany you to the river,” Yuri answered as she rummaged through her clothes.

“River?”

“Yeah…that’s where we bathe”

“I don’t have my bathing suit and I can’t swim”

Yuri rolled her eyes at Jessica. “You go there and you don’t have to swim”

“What if there’s shark there?”

“Then I would have been dead a long time ago,” Yuri answered sarcastically. “Sica, it’s safe to bathe there and it’s covered enough that no one else will see you.”

“You will” Jessica mumbled under her breath.

“Besides it’ll just be me and you bathing there at this time”

“You are bathing too?”

“Yes. You know carrying you while running is a hard task. I was sweating a lot,” Yuri answered, quite annoyed at being reminded of what she just went through because of the blonde. “Let’s go! We have to hurry up. We don’t want mother to be waiting for us too long.” She frowned again thinking of what could happen if her mother waited too long. With that said, Yuri pulled the blonde towards the direction of the river.

Yuri didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or cry. The blonde girl was not lying when she said she did not know how to swim, but the girl should not have lied that the reason for not knowing how to swim is because she was hydrophobic, at least with big bodies of water. In the end, Yuri felt like such a martyr as she held on to the blonde while she took her sweet time bathing. It was the only way the blonde would dare go close to the water. But holding on to a very and attractive woman was a painful task for Yuri. She truly did feel like a martyr as she made sure her hands were placed in appropriate areas and that her body was a good distance away from the blonde’s body, which meant that no other body parts besides her hands have contact with Jessica’s body.

“This is so refreshing!” Jessica was enjoying the cool water of the river.

“Yeah…refreshing…for you…” Yuri added the last bit through gritted teeth. She could feel her hand tremble against Jessica’s milky smooth skin and it did not helped when the blonde playfully lifted one of her leg up for it caused her to lean back against Yuri, sinking further into the water. Her hand slipped higher almost grazing the blonde’s soft mounds.

“No wonder my sister enjoyed swimming a lot. It’s really fun.” Jessica continued. She was oblivious of Yuri’s stiff posture as the tanned girl tried her hardest to distant herself from the blonde girl.

At the end of the ordeal, Yuri needed to stay a lot longer in the cold water of the river than she normally did, ignoring the chattering of her teeth and her body shivering from the coldness of the water.

---

“You know, you’ll need to get over your fear of water,” Yuri casually told Jessica as she came out from the other side of the tree already fully dressed.

“Yah! Don’t look I’m not dressed yet.” Jessica yelled from the other side of the tree as she hurriedly wore the clothes Yuri gave her, but she was close to giving up as she struggled to make the cloth stay on her body.

“It might be dark there in the river but the moon didn’t help to hide your body. So it’s not like I haven’t seen you ” Yuri mumbled as she sat patiently waiting for the blonde to finish dressing. She finished fifteen minutes ago and her patience was running low; Jessica was taking forever to get dressed.

“Yuri…I think I need your help.” Jessica finally decided that she could never figure out how to wear the clothes Yuri gave her and resorted to asking the tanned girl for help, much to Yuri’s delight.

“Thank goodness! It’s about time you ask…” Yuri murmured as she walked over to where the blonde was.

Yuri helped the blonde into her clothes like it was an everyday thing to dress a stranger you just met while the latter was rather shy and quiet the whole time.

When they finally finished dressing, Yuri was yet again, in a not so good mood. They took a very long time, and she knew her mother would not be too happy about her being late for dinner. Her mother never liked waiting, especially without company of her alcohol. Yuri frowned at the thought of her mother being drunk; she could only hope that she had not passed out yet.

“Mother?”

“Come in…dear child”

“Mother. I’m sorry for being late and please allow me to introduce to you, Jeshika. We wish to marry tonight so that she could be a part of our tribe and be with me.”

It was late at night and her mother was probably getting a little imbibed from drinking and there was no other way but to be direct with her so Yuri dropped all the unnecessary chitchats.

“Good evening,” Jessica greeted timidly as she shifted and moved closer to Yuri, wanting to hide from Yuri’s mother.

“Blonde eh?”

“Pardon me?” Jessica was getting annoyed with everyone commenting on her hair color and swore to dye it back to brown as soon as she gets home.

“Blonde…just like my love, Boa…”

Yuri sighed as she realized just how long they made her mother wait. She was obviously drunk enough to be talking about Yuri’s biological mother.

“Yuri, we have the same taste…you like blonde just like how I like your mother. She was a blonde too.”

“Mother...you are drunk…”

“And Yuri…there are two of you…”

“I think it’s time you go to bed…”

“But you need to get married…or Blondie can’t stay…”

“But you are drunk…”

“But you need to get married.”

“Mother…”

“Yuri…”

“I can’t stay?”

Both mother and daughter look at Jessica who just spoke.

“Not until we marry.” Yuri answered through gritted teeth.

“I can marry you.”

“You are drunk,”

“Yes, Yuri I’m drunk, you don’t have to tell me that. I know because you sound like you are yelling at me…”

“Mother…”

“Oh yes, I’ll marry you but first we need witnesses.”

“Give me a second…” Yuri said before leaving the tent to fetch her witnesses.

“So Blondie…”

“My name’s Jessica but you can call me Sica.”

“Sica, I like that name. I’m Hyori…but you can call me mother, after all, you’ll be my daughter-in-law by tonight. So, Sica are you going to make my daughter happy?”

“Pardon me”

“Are you going to make Yuri, my daughter, happy?”

“Happy? Yes.”

“Oh goodie! But don’t make too much noises okay? ‘Cause everyone will be able to hear you. Don’t be like Taeyeon and Tiffany the whole tribe can hear those two when—”

“Pardon me, but I don’t understand” Jessica asked as she was confused with what Yuri’s mother was saying.

“You said you’ll make my daughter happy. So, I suggested for you to not make too much noises. She’s still my daughter, the chief’s daughter, so I don’t want everyone in the tribe knowing about her nightly activities with her wife so keep it tone down okay?”

“Ehhh?”

“Sica, I like you coz you remind me of my Boa, but you’re kind of slow. Let’s make this simple…you and my daughter...doing things that makes both of you happy…you two are happy so you make noises…don’t make too much no—”

“Mother!” Yuri stared at her mother in disbelief and then at the red faced Jessica. She didn’t need to hear the whole conversation to know what it might be about. “I got witnesses. can we proceed to the marriage now?”

“Oh yes, marriage. You two come here…”

Jessica and Yuri obeyed as the chief took their hands and put it on top of each other.

“Taeyeon bring in the rope.”

Taeyeon walked towards the chief and handed the rope to her.

“This rope will symbolize that you two are bind together by this marriage and that you will remain loyal and faithful to each other and no one else.”

Jessica’s eyes widened as her right arm was tied to Yuri’s left arm, binding them literally and not just metaphorically.

“As the chief of this tribe. I now pronounced you married. Now kiss each other and Sica make my daughter happy!”

Yuri just looked at Jessica and Jessica stared back both not knowing who should initiate the kiss to seal the deal of their marriage.

“I said you two could kiss now.”

Hyori’s voice woke the two from their trance as both instinctively leaned forward, towards each other and closed their eyes, waiting for the sensation of their soft lip