It was perhaps the smile or maybe the look in his eyes. 

You were used to see him sad and quiet all the time in those last moments. You know it was your fault. You know that you ruined everything. You made him miserable and broke his heart. It was stupid, you loved him so much but you let him go, because you were so afraid of how much power he had in your life and you decided to walk away, leaving him behind with nothing more than tears and confusion. You know your friends never quite forgave you at all, they were the ones that were there for him when he almost overdosed, they took care of him and tried to get him to live again while you were on China, ignoring everything and suffering in silence, crying alone in your room every night. Heechul went to China to find you and punched you so hard that your right eye was brusied for weeks; he still doesn't talk to you. Leeteuk was dissapointed but quiet, never attacking but you could feel the weight of his sadness on you. Sungmin, his best friend, he yelled at you until he was hoarse, trying to understand why you had done what you did. It was silly, not even you knew that answer. 

It was a dark time, nothing really mattered anymore, you didn't understand why you had done that, why you were such a damn coward but even if you were dying to go back, to be with him again (and you knew he would take you back), you stopped yourself, you stayed in the same place and kept going with your life. Dead inside.

And now you're here.

When they told you he was getting married, you knew you had to go back, you needed to see him, to confirm that they were telling you the truth. Because... How? How could he forget you when you were still dreaming of him every night? How was he able to move on when they told you that you broke him so bad? You don't want him to be sad but you're selfish, you're confused and you want to see him just to see if he really forgot you.

Eunhyuk looked beautiful. He entered the coffee shop and smiled at you, a bright, big smile that made your heart beat faster and your body to feel warmer. It's been five long years since the last time you saw that smile and it marvels you that it has the same effect as before.

"Hello, Donghae" he said and, stupidly, you felt like crying because it had been too long and you missed his voice so much.

"Hello, Eunhyuk" you answered and it still marvels you that your voice didn't break at that moment.

"It's great to see you again" Eunhyuk said and you wanted to say something similar but there was a lump in your throat and you're afraid of saying something embarrassing so you just smiled awkwardly but he didn't look affected.

"I was surprised that you called me here" you said instead and he smiled.

"Yeah... they told me you were coming and... I guess I wanted to talk to you... I missed you" for a moment, your heart stopped beating and there wasn't enough air in the room, you look at him with your eyes wide open and you could tell that he knew what you were thinking "It's been a long time since the last time I saw you and... I thought it was absurd not to talk" he lowered his head, looking at his hands "It was hard for me to forgive you, you know? At first, I couldn't understand why you left me, why you ran away. I kept thinking that I had done something wrong, that I had bored you and chased you away..."

"That's not true!" you exclaimed but he just chuckled, nodding.

"I learned that later. It took me a lot of thinking to finally realize that you were scared, Donghae. At that moment, I was not afraid of what I felt for you, I loved you and wanted you forever, I was certain of that... but I forgot that not everyone reacts to same way. My only fear was losing you and when that happened, I wanted to end my life" he said quietly and you clenched your fists, feeling the weight of the guilt in your soul because even if you already knew that, it was hard to hear it from the person you love "I know you were afraid, Donghae, and it's okay now, I understand and I forgive you for it. I don't hate you"  And suddenly you were able to breathe again because that was what scared you the most, that he would hate you and you couldn't deal with his hate because you still love him. 

"I'm sorry" you said and it felt good because you had kept those words in your chest for a long time, hating yourself for being such a coward and being unable to at least call him to say it.

"I know" he said softly and you allowed yourself to get lost in his eyes, you were happy to notice that his eyes still shine like they used to, maybe even brighter now and the warmth in them made you shiver "There's another thing that I want to tell you" and you gulped, because you knew what he was gonna tell you and you were afraid. 

"Who is it?" you blurted out and he looked at you a little startled before chuckling softly, his cheeks redening.

"Kyuhyun" he aswered and you felt dizzy.

"Kyuhyun" you gasped and he bit his lips, nervous. But you couldn't help it. Kyuhyun, he used to be your favorite in the group and you were sure that he was in love with Sungmin at that time. But now... 

"You're not mad, right?" he said and you could see that he was starting to get stressed. You felt bad immediately, you weren't suppose to made him feel sad anymore, he wasn't yours and he moved on. You can't blame him. You can't hurt him. Not again.

"Not at all... I'm... I'm happy for you" he looked at you incredulously and you suddenly wanted to smile "I mean it. I... I know what I did. I ran away. I was a coward and... -please, don't" you said when you saw that he was about to interrumpt you "Don't try to defend what I did. I was coward and that's it... and... for a long time I wanted to say this to you. I ran away from my feelings but don't think, not even for a micro second that any of this was your fault, Eunhyuk, 'cause I got scared, not you and I took this decision, making you suffer for it. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry and... and I'm glad you have someone that makes you happy now" he looked at you with his eyes wide open and you couldn't help but smile, he looked so adorable that you wanted to hug him and never let him go. Eunhyuk dropped his eyes to his hands, lowering his head.

"Thank you" he whispered and you heard his voice breaking but when he looked at you again, there was a warm shine that used to be only for you there and you felt bless