He was only nine when he knew what he was.

He was too baffled by his mother’s gaze that was induced by something defined as loathe and he was clueless on why he always hear her snarky remarks whenever he stood in her radius. He was saddened by the fact that someone who he called ‘mother’ would never looked at him in the eyes whenever he told her his achievements.

His father told him that his stepmother will always be his mother thus resulting him not able to fathom his mother's resentments towards him.

And he was only nine when he knew he was not accepted in his ‘kind’.

It became the reason why he antagonized his red hair and red eyes because he knew how much his mother abhorred these two features of his without needing strong-based reasons.

 Among the people in his village, he was the only child with red hair and eyes’ making him standing in contrast with the other children in his village like it was a full moon in the dark-abyss sky where there had been no stars at all.

Yesterday’s night was the night he had seen his mother coughing fit once more but on that particular time what threw him into such fear was that there were trails of blood on her pale palm which made his eyes brimmed in tears.

“Mother--” He offered his hand that was holding a cloth to wipe the blood stain on her hand.

His effort remained hollow when his mother swatted her hand to refuse his help.

“Go away you filthy child! I need none of your help at all!” She bellowed her voice; effectively making the seventeen-years old boy slumped down his bottom onto the wooden floor with his gaze down.

“I’m sorry; I was just so worried about you--”

“There is no need for you to worry about me! Get your brother this instance--”

Kai did not need to be told twice

 

 

He pushed himself to sleep with a dim hope that one day his mother will accept him.

In the midst of partial reality and partial delusion, a lullaby accompanied him towards the same old dream. The dream’s prologue was a woman caressing his cheek in such tentative touch together with the eyes telling him story about lost hope and love that he wished he could remedy it using all his strength and might.

But his dreams often ended with the following scenario:

A gun shot was heard.

The woman disappeared into the thin air as if her body was made of dust particles that were easily swept away by the wind.

He then drowned in his own tears.

 

 

 

“Mother is dying and you have the courage to abandon her?!”

“You have the slight intention to leave her behind?!” Kai would never decipher his brother’s bewildering decision to leave this village behind and travel to the west because currently is the time where their mother needed him the most and not him, not Kai.

“Kai, please understand me! I have to go the west and resurrect the King of Demons!” He could not understand and he would never want to understand why his own brother, full-fledge demon was doing this to his own mother who had loved him dearly.

And not Kai who is half-demon, whom she despised thoroughly from head to toe.

“Mother needs you Suho, mother does not even love me—mother resents me Suho! You have to stay back and let me take your place!” She would be happy if I am not around

Because she would not have a reminder that her husband had wed a human and conceived me—

“This is why; take your chance to make her love you while I am not around,”

It is impossible and you know it Suho.

 

Upon Suho’s leaving, he never heard the lullaby to his dreams anymore.

 

“Your cooking taste like ! Suho was better!” The bowl hit the floor successfully.

The floor was stained and the aroma of the chicken soup died immediately.

For a sick woman, his mother surely had the strength to dump everything onto the floor with one swat of a hand.

“Mo-mother you have to eat or else you are going to get worse…” He immediately squat down to the floor to take the remnants of food that surely will last him until the night if he indulged it all for himself but his love for his step-mother was stronger than anything else.

“I don’t need an advice from a half-demon like you!”

“For all my life! I have been mock down because of your existence! Because that man married your mum! You are a shame in this family!” The woman who looked so beautiful in paintings hung on the walls now was crying her tears because of him.

Kai knew it was the cue to walk out of her bedroom.

 

 

 

 

The hood of his cape successfully covered most part of his face. No one needed to see his red hair or eyes because no one needed to know who he was when he was walking down the market nearby his village. He could reveal himself unless he wanted the humans to mock his existence or even the demons themselves.

He knew where he should make the turn when there was a sign of ‘potions’ followed by the painting of the ever popular potion that used to heal cuts on the body effectively was displayed. Kai walked into the shop with his shoulders tensed afraid if there were many customers but came to relax when it was only him in the shop.

“Hello there, how may I help you?” A gangly boy greeted him.

 The boy looked like he was not interested in his customer at all that Kai even wondered if he wanted to be here in the first place but his enquiry could wait for the next time, if there was to be a next time.

“Rosemary potion please,”

 

 

The boy nodded his head while humming few bars of the folk song that Kai had heard as a child when his father was still around.  Almost similar to the tune of his lullaby but this hum was merrier than his own personal lullaby.

As for the hum, he never knew the lyrics of the song. His father never had the chance to teach him the lyrics because few demons and humans went in rage that his father had married a human. The fire was then fueled even more when they knew a half-demon was brought into the world.

Half-demons were the epitome of misfortune and mayhems upon the humanity even for the demons.

It was such an irony to know that humans and demons that were the best of enemies had worked together in a pact to kills his father and mother. Of course, their pact became an ultimate success when they killed his father and mother. That serene night evolved into an utter misery.

Kai thought he was going to die along with his parents.

But it was a miracle on how he had woke up the next day with his step-mother’s eyes looking down at him in disgust. An unknown man smiled at him almost apologetically.

 

 

“Sir?” A coarse voice snapped him out of his reverie from the past when he saw a hand waved right onto his face.

His peripheral vision caught the potion stood still on the counter.

He placed the pouch of silvers onto the counter followed by him taking the potion away. He wanted to leave quickly and let his mother taste the medicine that he had worked hard for to buy. Hoping that by this way, she knew how much he loved her as much as he could love his real mother---

“Sir, this is not enough—you are lack of 5 silvers,” The brunette human had frowned at him.

Beneath the hood Kai had offered him an apologetic smile.

“I will come back the next time with five silvers, please bear with me—My mother is in need of this,” Within a split second, he rushed out of the door leaving the gangly boy in his confusion and frustration at his loss of claiming the insufficient money from the hooded man.

“Who was that Sehun?” Chen poked his head from the inventory room with his spectacles drooping down to his bridge of his nose.

“Some hoody man--- and by the way cut my salary off---5 silvers--- because I accidentally spill your sunflower potion” It is not bad to lie Sehun partially thought while rearranging the potions.

He did spilled the sunflower potion but he did not need to tell about the customer who looked like he needed help from him the most by asking for incognito debt.

He was not deaf not to hear that Chen groaned because he worked so hard to produce that sunflower potion. The potion that proved to be the remedy of migraine—it is always a humor to poke fun at the chemist’s button.

“Hooded man you say?” Chen asked him out without looking away from his flask.

“Yeah, I think I had seem around couple of times on the market,”

Sehun wondered what made Chen’s serious face bloomed into a mirth one.

Probably he had figured out another potion formula.

 

 

 

Kai could not be more grateful the fact that his mother had been getting better despite she would never glanced at him whenever he was feeding her the soup mixed with the potion he had bought. He wondered that the effort of finding herbs in the wood and sell it off to some merchants in the market was surmountable to his mother’s treatment.

He was paid adequate money to buy food that will last for months but the money was never enough to buy potions because potions are human-made medicine unlike those herbs he found in the woods that now became the alternatives for medicines.

But his happiness lasted shortly because now her mother was shivering beneath the covers and calling for Suho’s name instead of his, instead of Kai. He wanted to convey how disappointed he was but now, it was not the time to be a heart-broken son.  He dabbed away the sweats from his mother’s forehead and neck along with his mind raking for solutions so he took the pouch from his drawer.

“Mother please bear with me, I am going to help you out!” He wailed loudly when he dashed towards the front door forgetting his cape that shielded his identity throughout the years.

 

He was not that blind to not notice the eyes of people that seen his red hair and eyes when he was running down the market towards the potion store. He made his grand entrance by yanking the door open with immense force that managed to make the same gangly boy jumped in surprise at his presence.

“Please, please--- give me the strongest potion you have in store,” He begged with coarse voice but the boy did not even moved.

Sehun took in all the man’s appearances from head to toe but mostly the red hair and eyes because everyone throughout this land knew what red hair and eyes meant if they came in package—half-demon, the most unstable being.

But he could not put his fingers on when he looked at the man and all he saw was a man in jittery state also his eyes b in tears.

“Please don’t just stand there and not do anything!” His voice echoed the walls of the shop.

The half-demon’s voice was enough to snap Sehun’s feet moving towards the shelves where he had arranged the potions with Chen. His eyes were moving like molecules in high kinetic energy to look for the blue bottle-solution until he grabbed onto one.

“Azure potion, the strongest one we have now--” His sentence was cut off when the man throw the pouch towards him. He again quickly took away the potion from Sehun and ran out of the shop without a ‘thank you’.

Sehun had the audacity to blink his eyes couple of times when he looked at the familiar pouch—oh that pouch--- the same pouch that the lack-five-silver-boy had used.

This time around when Sehun counted the silvers, that same man was lacking of fifteen silvers. So in total addition, the man was in debt on Sehun for 20 silvers.

Sehun could not help himself but to wonder what was going on in that man’s life as he took out 15 silvers from his allowance to cover the loss from the Azure potion. Surely he was different kind of half-demon.

“Oh Sehun, what’s up with that long face?” Chen immediately greeted as soon as he stepped into the shop with beverages in his hands.

“Just wondering if half-demons are bad as they say,” Sehun said nonchalantly.

 Chen just chuckled as handed Sehun his milk tea then leaning onto the wooden counter.

“It is your job to find out,” The demon who suppressed his demon form by wearing the earrings made from the holy temple simply grinned at Sehun.

 

 

 

 

 

“Where have you been you ruthless child?” Kai jumped out of his cautious bay when his mother used the usual sharp tone that caught his attention; almost making him dropped his pouched silvers and the Azure potion he had bought for the second time.

“Mother…I have been--”

“I told you not to leave the house did not I?!” Simple as that her long nails scratched his face for the first time. Her action eventually letting warm blood seeping out from his fresh wounds.

It hurts.

His face tainted with blood was joined by warm-prickling tears sliding down his face. The remorse feelings slowly ate him out like a predator eating his prey so openly without mercy. His mother’s abuses upon him were merciless and he knew that.

But Kai worked hard every second and minute.

He worked hard every day to suffice his mother’s need like how Suho had always done but all his mother ever saw was her own flesh, Suho. The boy who she had raised seven years before Kai’s arrival into the household. The very same boy she had grown protective over whenever there were quarrels between the two half-siblings.

“I’m sorry but someone has to work and feed--” A slap hit the wounded cheeks deliberately and Kai wished he was gone at that moment.

“Don’t answer you filth,” What shocked him the most was that his mother crying in front of him with her hand raised into the air. But her hand did not swing towards his direction to hit him like she usually did. Kai even expected to get hit.

“Why? Why don’t you scream at me or hate me?!”

Kai wished he knew the answer. Perhaps he had been longing for a mother’s love made him worked so hard to obtain the affection from his step-mother. Everything he did was done in such steadfastness that could rival a monk praying to Buddha just to reach the nirvana level.

“Because… I love you… as a child would love a mother, just how much Suho loves you… I know you hate me so much but that doesn’t you will not open up your heart for me right? It is a foolish thought but I hope one day you will love me as much you love Suho, I pray every day that you would love me back, mother--”

“I am not your mother!” She screamed the whole house.

“Your mother is that disgusting human and I will never ever see you the way I see Suho because he is my child and I am his mother! You will never be equal to Suho you little !” In a glance she picked up the nearest object in her distance.

A ing knife.

Kai wondered why he predicted this day would come. It felt his premonition over the years was coming to reality. His mother disposing him away like she had always hoped for every night and it hit him hard to realize that his wish and his mother’s were two different things like a prominent juxtaposition.

He wished for his mother’s love but she wished for his death.

His efforts to win her heart always remained like a scrap of an unwanted object like despite he had adorned his efforts with prayers and hopes even with the presence of an abundant love.

He could felt the lukewarm tears wet his cheeks even more, a glitch on his breath and he did not want to see his mother’s face for the last time if she was going to stab him with a face painted hatred and rancor. He did not want a reminder of his hard work crumpled to the floor like it was meaningless for these last few seconds of his life.

The time stopped and he could hear the clock ticking away. His mother stopped her track too.

This is the end then.

A gun shot was heard.

 

 

 

 

 

Kai would like to call it vicious cycles since the moment he stepped into the house and honestly, Kai thought it will be temporary abuse but his childish thought was proven wrong as the cycle got worsen over the time. But one thing that he found in great happiness was that Suho slowly opened his heart for Kai. There were times Suho would stopped his own mother from hitting Kai and shielded the younger boy from any form of hurtful remarks from his mother. Suho would never answer his mother’s questions on why he would protect the half-demon.

 

Kai could not find the answer why he had loved his mother so endearingly either.

 

But now with Suho’s absence, Kai felt dead and all he ever wanted to know why he would go an  extend for his step-mother when she would not even care about his being. That afternoon was another trip into the potion’s shop.

Sehun was giving him the eyes of scandalized or probably a barricade from another debt that Kai would put upon the shop but his face was unadulterated shock when the half-demon handed him stack of silvers.

“I am sorry for getting on debts two months later,” The demon smiled sheepishly and leaned onto the counter while Sehun happily took the silvers straight away. He began to start counting them in front of Kai and two of them knew why.

“Told you I know where to hunt you down if you are not paying,” The human smirked at him.

“How is your wound going?” Sehun’s question was answered the shook of Kai’s head.

“I don't plan to treat them if you are wondering because it is the last thing she left for me even if it is going to be forever,” He dropped his head low to cover his face that showed his remorse smile on the matter.

“I don’t know what will happen to me if you don’t intervene and if you don't follow me back home,” When the half-demon lifted his head he flashed a smirk towards the human and Sehun swore, that was the first time when Kai looked like he had the distinct of demons.

“Shut up, I was just wondering who is the man who wouldn't pay full price for few potions already not that I’m deeply interested in you, prick,” Sehun rolled his eyes and Kai only smiled.

Somehow this felt like a new world, when he felt accepted even if it is only Sehun who had been constantly checking on up since the moment the brunette’s bullet accidentally killed Kai’s mother in a blink of an eye. The boy fell in deep sorrow that he had killed a demon without a second just because his first sight was a woman brandishing a knife on the red hair boy.

But what Kai could not forget was that her tears were still streaming down her face as she vanished.

The sound of the gun shot from Sehun too was similar to his dreams.

He had thousand of questions in his head but now, he decided it was the best to solve them one by one enjoying the new found freedom despite his freedom started with the lost of someone who had loved dearly.

“Will you be leaving?”

“Leaving? Yeah probably leaving the old life and start a fresh one maybe,”

 

 

In the inventory room, Chen had smiled onto himself and thought that the half-demon’s life was a never mistake like those people in this villaged had  believed.