CHAPTER 3: Halmeoni’s first love

Where do broken hearts go?

“Joohyun-ah, walk faster! We’re going to miss the train.” Her mother exclaimed as they walked in the subway. Joohyun never liked travelling especially if it means riding a public transportation, it was so tiring for her to go from one place to another. Her mother has been nagging her to hurry up so they could ride the train already.

“Omma, we’re still an hour early, there’s no need to rush.” Joohyun retorted. When it comes to her parents, Joohyun could be the spoiled brat everyone hates but her mother doesn’t make an effort to lecture her because she knows Joohyun is a good kid and she still values everything they had taught her. Her mother doesn’t answer her and instead, walked faster. Joohyun rolled her eyes, as much as she loves her mother, sometimes she wants to strangle somebody because of how her mother does things.

“C’mon sweetie, just do what your mother says.” Her father said and Joohyun heaved out a sigh, following her parents on the way to the waiting area.

“May 20, 1954

“Where do broken hearts go?”

Our professor asked. I honestly don’t know, I never had my heart broken and I’m not one to break hearts either. Where do broken hearts go? Does it go home to where you live or does it go somewhere else? To a place where it can move on? Where it can start a new chapter?

Some of the students said, it goes to a place where it’s quiet while some, to a place full of noise, full of color. There are so many places a broken heart could go to, but where exactly?

“Yah! Joohyun, stop reading whatever you’re reading. Let’s go, the train’s here.” Her mother shouted. Joohyun wasn’t even halfway done reading the entry, she immediately closed the notebook and carried all her stuffs to follow her parents.

It’s a three-hour train trip to Busan and the minute Joohyun got in her seat, she regrets agreeing to come with her parents. It’s not that she doesn’t want to visit her grandmother, but she felt tired and lazy already and the train hasn’t even left the station yet. Joohyun decided to just pluck in her earphones and sleep.

“Joohyun-ah!’ Joohyun looked up and saw her grandmother waving at her on the other side of the road. Her grandmother hasn’t changed ever since she last saw her, her smile still reaches her eyes despite the fact that she’s living alone. It felt as if she wasn’t aging and now Joohyun feels how much she missed her grandmother. Joohyun immediately crossed the road – not waiting for her parents – to hug her grandmother.

“Aigoo, did you miss me that much?” her grandmother asked and Joohyun smiled.

“I actually did.” She replied. It’s been a long time and Joohyun couldn’t wait to hear her grandmother’s stories, just like how she always do when she was young.

Her grandmother ushered them to walk on the way to her house. It was a short walk, Joohyun’s parents and grandmother were talking to each other while she walked behind them. It felt nice to be back in her hometown, Joohyun was 13 when her parents decided it’s time to go experience the big city. It was a bumpy ride considering her grandmother was against them leaving her at first but it got better once she realized that they were okay, that they can handle the stress and worry of living in a big city.

“Joohyun-ah, c’mon. It’s time to eat.” Her grandmother said. Joohyun broke out a grin and immediately went inside her grandmother’s house.

The rest of the afternoon went by fast, they were able to tell stories worth sharing and so far, Joohyun was having herself occupied. It’s been so long ever since she felt so at ease, she was used to the busy streets of Seoul that she hadn’t realize that she also needed a relaxed ambiance. Maybe she doesn’t really regret travelling for three hours just to see her grandmother.

“Halmeoni, where do broken hearts go?” Joohyun asked and her grandmother looked at her with a surprised face.

“Yah, are you sick? You don’t usually ask me those type of questions so why are you suddenly asking me?” Her grandmother said, laughing and Joohyun shrugged.

“I don’t know because you had the most experience? I just read it in a book and I’m curious so…” Joohyun trailed off. Since she haven’t finished reading the notebook, she was curious enough to ask her grandmother. It was true though, Joohyun doesn’t ask those type of questions to her grandmother but maybe because the one who owns the notebook could be the same age as her grandmother and maybe she’ll know the right answer or at least her opinion.

“Well, I honestly don’t know. I guess it depends on the person where she wants to be. I remember when I was in your age, I used to go in the library whenever I have my heart broken. Reading books was like a safe haven for me so whenever I would hear a crush of mine entering a relationship, I read. I read until midnight, until the guard would ask me to leave because they need to close the library but you know, I met my first love in the library…” she trailed off and Joohyun’s ears perked up. She doesn’t remember her grandmother meeting her grandfather at the library.

“But I thought you and harabeoji met at a park?” Joohyun asked.

“No, your harabeoji wasn’t my first love and he knows why. It’s a bit of a complicated story because I met your harabeoji when I was in the process of moving on. I remember that time, I was so heartbroken I stopped visiting the library, I stopped reading books because what was once my safe haven turned out to be something I didn’t want to go to because every time I go the library, all I remember is him.” Her grandmother explained, there were longing in her eyes that Joohyun can quite figure out why.

Joohyun thought about what her grandmother said. Love is a really powerful thing, it can mend you but at the same time it can break you. Joohyun never really experienced falling in love so she doesn’t really know how it feels. Maybe the closest feeling she could get was squealing over that handsome male lead in a drama everyone watches. No one really tried to push her buttons into asking her to say yes for a date, not that Joohyun was being picky or mean but if they were really serious, they wouldn’t stop immediately just because she said she didn’t want to. They would’ve tried, but they don’t. Maybe she was being complicated, but all she wanted was assurance, an assurance that she wouldn’t get hurt but maybe getting hurt was already a part of falling in love. Love is inevitable, so is pain.

“But you know, even if we didn’t turn out to be for each other, I’m still thankful because I met your grandfather. If I haven’t met your grandfather, you and your mom wouldn’t even exist.” Her grandmother said, laughing. Joohyun smiled, she must’ve missed her harabeoji. Joohyun misses him too, it’s been 5 years ever since he left. They were a loving couple despite their arguments and forgetfulness and everyone was fond of their relationship, wishing they could have that kind of love too.

But even the strongest love could be broken, her harabeoji had a heart attack at the middle of the night. It was only the two of them and they refused to have someone with them to help so her harabeoji wasn’t able to make it to the hospital. When Joohyun went back to Busan to visit her harabeoji’s burial, she thought her grandmother was devastated, crying and broken but she thought wrong because when she saw her grandmother, she was smiling. She was smiling as if nothing painful happened, Joohyun didn’t question it until her grandmother told her, her harabeoji visits her in her dreams – telling her that he’s okay and everything’s going to fine – so Joohyun believed her grandmother that she’s okay and she can make it through the temporary pain of having to say good bye to someone you wouldn’t see again, forever. Maybe their love wasn’t really broken – just incomplete.

“Omma, I’m going to the park, okay?” Joohyun said. Her mother was in the kitchen, probably preparing for dinner. Joohyun didn’t wait for an answer and left, she thought she needed an alone time so she decided to go to the park.

Since it’s late in the afternoon already, only a few kids were in the park and Joohyun settled herself into a bench near the swings. She brought a small bag with her and she got the old notebook out. She was in deep thought after she talked to her grandmother, she never really gave her an answer to her question but maybe the answer’s in her stories already. It’s different to every person anyway and Joohyun wonders what she would do if she ever have her heart broken. Where would she go?

“I decided not to listen to the lecture anymore, zoning out to the other students explanations. I looked out the window and saw her again, Joohyun. She was alone sitting under a large tree, reading a book. Maybe, I should talk to her later and ask her where broken hearts go. I was drowning at the thought of Joohyun that I hadn’t notice the whole class looking at me,

“Mr. Nam, if you’re not interested in listening the door is open for you to go out.” Mr. Lee, my professor, said. I mumbled a quick sorry before he proceeded on his lecture.

-

“Wow, Mr. Nam, I didn’t know you were quite a rebel.” Joohyun said, jokingly. I told her about what happened earlier but of course I didn’t tell her the real reason why I wasn’t listening.

“Why are you so happy to hear from me that I got scolded?” I asked.

“Okay, I’m sorry, it’s just… you seemed like the type of guy who always listen to lectures. You know, the nerdy type of guy.” She said and I scoffed. I decided not to say anything and just let her do her paper works.

“Oh by the way, I want to ask you something.” I said and Joohyun hummed in response.

“Where do broken hearts go?” I asked and Joohyun looked at me curiously,

“Uh, why are you asking me that?” She asked and I shrugged. She stopped writing and she put all of her things back in her bag.

“What are you doing?” I asked, alarmed.

“Leaving.” She simply said and I followed her out of the university. We walked without really talking to each other, she was a few steps away from me. I don’t really know why she suddenly stood up and left, she wasn’t even finish with her paper works yet.

“I think it depends.” She suddenly said, turning around and waiting for me to catch up.

“What?”

“I think it depends on where broken hearts go.” She replied and I nodded.

“And you do know that the only answer to your question is what you’ll do when you have your heart broken.” That’s what she said and I didn’t ask anymore. We continued walking in silence and I wondered what I’ll do if that day happens.

       - Nam Taehyun

P.S – May 20, 1956

Now I know where broken hearts go…

-

“Uh, excuse me… do you mind if I sit here?” Joohyun looked up and saw the same man she saw a few days ago in the coffee shop she’s working at. Surprised by the sudden appearance of the man, Joohyun only moved to give some space for the man, not even muttering a single word.

She was shocked. She wouldn’t thought that she would see him again. The man smiled timidly and Joohyun proceeded to look back on the notebook she was reading but the thing is, she wasn’t reading anymore. She was very well aware of the presence of the man beside him, who was just staring out in the open.

“Uh, I’m sorry, are you bothered by my presence?” The man asked and Joohyun looked at him with a surprised face.

“No, why would you think that?” She replied.

“Because you weren’t reading it anymore. You were staring and trust me I know when someone is reading or not.” He said, letting out a soft laugh.

“Oh, uh, I’m done reading anyway.” Joohyun said, smiling.

“Okay, whatever you say.” He said. Joohyun didn’t know what to do so she looked at the kids playing in the park, it was awfully quiet and the man beside him wasn’t really doing anything. The man suddenly looked at her and cleared his throat,

“I’m Nam Taehyun and you are?”

“Kang Joohyun.”

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