Pairing: Dooseob

Genre: Angst

Title: If Only (Based on Eddie Shin’s If Only lyrics)

“If I could get you outta my head

Would’ve done it before you said

It’s over baby, it’s true I know we’re through”

I saw him laughed happily with another man across the street. I never see him that happy, even when he was with me. I never. The only thing I knew when he was with me, he forced himself to understand me. Once I witnessed his beautiful laugh and his angelic smile, it was when I said yes to his confession. I remember I said yes because I was desperate, my ex-girlfriend broke up with me.

For me, he was like a lost puppy that always followed me everywhere, he used to be. For me, he was my childhood best friend, he was. I never knew he had feeling that more than a best friend should have. I didn’t know, I didn’t notice it. I never saw the way he looked at me, I never noticed the effort he did for me, I was clueless about his jealousy whenever I had girlfriend. I never acknowledged everything he tried to make me happy.

          “Doojoonie, have you eaten?”

He asked when he came to my apartment. I was grumpy when I heard his sweet voice. I was annoyed; didn’t he know I was awake all night to finish my work? What was he thinking? Of course I hadn’t eat, idiot. I yelled at him, screamed so he could go away and didn’t disturb me.

If only I knew how hard he tried to cook for m. If only I noticed the knife cuts all over his soft skinned fingers.  If only..

“Cuz love I know I’ve been a fool

I tried to play it cool

Thought it might be better that way”

I saw the man with him kissed his cheek and he blushed. The man that kissed him used to be me. He used to blush because of me. I didn’t know what got me to start pay attention to him, not much, only a little. Maybe I was bored and tried hard to forget my ex-girlfriend. When he hugged me, I caressed his hair slightly. When he asked me, I answered. Usually I felt annoyed whenever I heard his voice.

“If only I can stay there

Right by your side

If only I can stay there

Where you and I,

We used to lie

But who am I to say

That you are mine”

I know he is not belong to me anymore. I know it is over the moment he walked away from me that day. The day he saw me kiss a girl, on the bed where we used to share everything. He didn’t yell at me. He didn’t throw anything to me. He just stood there and walked away as he said sorry. I was so stunned when I saw him. My head was blank. All I knew I felt my world crushed down. Why I felt that way?

“I got one last thing to say

Just hear me out

If you don’t mind

Before you walk away”

I don’t know what is on my head. I feel I need to have him again. To see him with other man makes me boil in anger. He supposed to be with me. In my arms. It supposed to be me who kiss his cheek. Supposed to be me who hold his hands. It supposed to be me. Without I realized I walk toward him, across the street. To reach him. To tell him I love—

“Bruggh!!”, the sound was really loud. Everyone around the street looked around just to be followed by some people’s scream and whispers.

‘why?’

‘Someone being hit by a car!’

‘Yah! I don’t wanna see it!’

‘Someone call ambulance! Quick!’

‘Oh my God! Seems he lost so much blood!’

‘check his phone! Call his family! Anyone on his speed dial!’

“Seobbie? Are you ok?”

“U-uh.. yes, I just feel stunned by the accident..”

“I feel sorry for the person but we can’t let Kikwang wait for us, let’s go!”

“A-ah… you’re right Junnie.. let’s go..”

Calling...

Yang Yoseob

a.n: sorry if this is hard to understand. this is an impulsive writting under writter block -_-

-mika-