Kyuhyun.

September 24 2014

The day that many hearts broke down.The day Sungmin-hyung's girl....friend announced that she's sungmin's lover.It might be suspicious in fans.It might hard to to believe and understand.After some moments our company confirmed as they personally ask my sungmin 

As it been written in the articles.

But not really.

While the day before.I thought the pain i've been through will dissapear or atleast decreased.Its on full tank again.I don't think i can easily forget it though.Its hard and i think no one will make me feel better.Except him.

The past months was a hectic months to me.The past months i've been hanging out with kyuline and they are always telling me to ''don't give up.''.Myself really don't want.But i should be happy for my love because he already found his happiness.Which in the first place i thought i was.

September 19 2014.
This time its really hard to associated with him.I just can't naturally act like nothing happen right.But atleast in the end.I let my smile wander around the stadium.Even though i know i'm faking it.Fans started to wonder as i can feel.
The song that my bestfriend wrote was really for him.I was the one who pushed him away at the first place.This is my punishment.The punishment that i could die for.My heart are almost getting out of my chest when i sang it emotionally.Every stanzas i make.Tears wanted to fall from my eyes.But i managed to stop it or it could brought chaos around the stadium.That time when we are performing shirt.It happens the one that i'm scared off.First thing came in my mind.He needs me.When the time he needed the mic stand.Quickly,i grabbed and handed it to him.It hurts me a million times when he harshly grabbed it from me.All i could think was continue the show and let my heart band-aid after the show.

September 23 2014
Changmin and i was in jeju island that day.
It seems so refreshing at first.I want to feel better.We talked and bond like a bestfriends do.Like going outside so freely and at the night.We do our hobbies.Drinking.All i could think was him.Most of the time except my friends.He's the one i'm always with.He's my lover that's why.From before.That night we drink and drink but in the end of the day.He's the one i'm craving for.

Changmin told me.''I know its really hard for you.But try to think of it they are just dating for months.You two dated years and already acted like a married couple.Actually.I know Sungmin even you knew him more than i do.He still loves you,so don't give up.'' He assured me.I'm really thankful that i have a friend like him.Even just a bit.It made me feel better,for the first time this month.

Even tomorrow it will be more hard for me.

September 24 2014

The time that our holiday ended.We need to go back to work.That time i tweeted.
''Received healing in Jeju Island ^^ Let's work again now!''
I just couldn't help it.In that tweet i tried to be happy.Its 50-50.
Even the point of view was i'm wearing the shirt that sungmin gave to me.

The afternoon was a tortured for me.

Kim Saeun agency already publicize their relationship.

I let out a bitter smile and let my tears fall.Sungmin is in his room.I just continue crying silently so no one could hear me.Even my heart screaming.Let him know your in pain.But now i'm not in position to do that.

September 27 2014

In this day.Successfully my heart got back on its shape.We held hands.Even though i know he's not gripping on my hand as tight as i held his.But all i could think.I'm happy.

October 01 2014

I'm special DJ.
From before.Sungmin was really listening everytime i'm being a guest.Now if i can.I want to forced him to listen.Even i know he's being talking with his girlfriend at this hour.I smiled bitterly and continue my work.I let out my emotion out when i sang because its you by davichi.Its for you my minimi..
I really can't take it.
The headphones i'm wearing..Its the same he wore in here.The time he have a eye sty.I'm really worried about thatt time.

I just want us to be back again.Like the old times.Everyday after you got an relationship with that girl.Everyday i woke up.It scares me.It scares me that you'll announce that you already planned your marriage.You know it will hurt.When you convinced us that time.I just stand there nodding my head in every decision you make.Even though.My heart is not accepting the situation your in.

That night you announced it to us months ago.I can't help not to be confuse.You two are just in a...relationship just months.Why rushing the marriage.Did i hurt you that much that you wanted to have a family or you just want to let what you said way back to come true.You want to be married before getting on 30th age.

I drove back to the dorm as i walked towards my room.I shouldn't glanced at your room.

Cause once again.I took advantage on you.
I pecked your lips without your knowing.
I miss you so much.
I miss your lips that always brush against mine.
The lips that i will never got tired of.

October 05 2014 

Even though we are breathing the same air.Even we are already cut the connection  between us.I felt happy when in just a single touch to your skin.I managed to smile.Yes we broke up but it doesn't mean i'll stop caring for you.The sudden contact against your .Yes .You know that i have an addiction to your right.Even it just a little moment.I never regret it.Why would i?

October 08 2014 

I visited our new business.You know that our parents are no longer part of kona beans.Fans noticed that your new cafe and our guest house.It has the same logo and when you rotate it.Fans can see.I tried to smile which i did without me knowing.

The point of view was we have the same cardigan.

My selca...Noticed it right? 

Even were apart.

My love for you will not fade.

This is also the day when our members was the guest in the program i'm hosting to ''Radio Star.''

I wonder why did the camera man never want to capture me when talking about your girlfriend.Can they also feel what i feel? Can they also knew what is happening between us.

and when kim gura mentioned you.I can't help not to react.

October 13 2014.

I never got to joined all of you when leaving the country of japan right? 
Well i want to receive healing again.I went to fuji-q with changmin to receive healing .Cause i know after this day.I'll broke down again.My heart will be broken again.

Why?

Because i overheard you talking to your girlfriend.

''So who spreads it?'' you said.

''I don't know.They said we are getting married on december 13.''

''Okay.'' you said and i sense that you already got the warning.

Fans in korea knew it all along.

So now you'll make an action.

Fans been saying bad things to you.

But your girlfriend is busy with his schedule in her new drama.

Care to yourself atleast.

Even though your girlfriend facebook is full of her leading man.

You managed to take it so well.

You really love her that much.Are you?

In the first place.

Why do you have to click the loud speaker.

Your girlfriend voice was annoying as hell.

October 14 2014

The morning i was with you and henry.Filming guest house.

But even though in a heavy heart.I managed to take it even though its breaking me into pieces.This is the day you announced that its not a rumor anymore.Its the real statement from you.I know you take so much time just to wrote that letter for elf.I should be facing the reality but my reality was always been with you.

You said you met good person right?

Is that how you complement your bride to be? 

Your wife to be.

Sorry minimi.

But its like your describing a friend.

With a heavy heart.

October 17 2014

Your not with us this day.I know your getting ready cause just a few days ago.Its been heartbreaking to fans.About your marriage thingy.Your getting ready to face them.I just hugged you before i go which the members cheer.

Thought of us getting together again.

I wanted to..

But i know your not comfortable.

Fans noticed i changed new phones.Are they thinking i'm moving on?

No.Not because i changed it.

It does not mean.

My love for you..will change.

October 18 2014

You get out of the car and bow infront of them..

They said your hiding your couple ring or whatever you call it.

I don't think so.

Cause its a heirloom ring which your family has too.

--THE DAY OF YOUR WEDDING--

DECEMBER 13 2014

I looked at you while your wearing your tuxedo.Members around you saying good luck.I stood there.Just listening.

We exchanged stares.

The eye contact that we always do back then.

So no one can noticed.

Were talking just by looking in each other eye.

Loving behind each other backs.The fact that your mine..

I smiled and gives you a thumbs up which you returned..

Don't pity me.Don't give me a pity smile.

Suddenly you mouthed.''I'm sorry.''

I gestured the member to go out which they obligated too.

They knew our unfinished love story.

I walked towards you and grabbed  your hand like lightning and hugged you like this is the last hug i'll get from you.I couldn't get enough of you.My minimi.

The sudden contact i think it shocked the hell of you.

''Kyu.Let go.'' you said in silent voice;almost begging.

I feel my heart tightening.

''No!Ming this will be the last i promise.'' i said almost crying.I looked into your eyes and touch your soft face.Still beautiful as ever.

You closed you eyes and bit your lip.

Stop being like this.

I don't want to ruin your special day.

I'll kidnap you.

If you keep being like this.

---

This is it.

This is it.

As the priest asked the girl.My eyes are all focus to him.My minimi.The girl smiled at ming.I shuddered at my seat.Slowly water started to cover my eyes.My vision are getting blurred.

Please don't.

''I do.'' 

The girl smiled and sungmin was just looking at him.I can't clearly read his face right now.

The priest turned his head and looked towards sungmin.

I don't think i can take it.

The priest asked sungmin.Sungmin was stunned at first slowly i stood up from my seat and bid a bye onto my members.I think they already knew what was happening.They knew what i feel about this...wedding.

Yes i was against it.

I walked towards the exit and i can feel visitors eyeing me.I don't care anymore.All i ever wanted to hear was sungmin saying ''i do'' for me.

In our own wedding.

Finally.I can feel cold air brushing against my hair.Minimi i don't think i could let you go.

Now or never.

My love for you will never fade.

It'll last forever.

---

Sungmin Pov.

I don't know what to say.Even my mind is chanting i do.But there's a problem.My heart is not responding.My heart don't want it.

Suddenly kyuhyun's smiling face got in my mind.What now?! Why now.

When the time he sings before i sleep.
The time when he's always there to protect me.
The time when he sneak peak and stole kisses when i was preparing food in ryeowook's kitchen.
When the time he hugs me from the back.
When the time we always had a wine session.
When the time we make love as gentle as his voice but also becoming rough when his getting jealous over something.
There is many things i love that i couldn't say it all.

The time when we love each other the most..

That is what i'm rooting for.

Suddenly his crying face showed in my mind.Quickly as lightning my heart tighten.I don't want to see him cry...over me.

I looked at the members but some people should expect that they are telling me to go on;to say i will.But the reality was all of them are smiling at me.Signaling ''you can back out.''

I smiled but after some moments.He's missing.Kyuhyun was missing.My smile dropped.

''No!No!No!'' i mumbled but it got louder when i spoke the 3rd 'no''

Saeun looked at me with a teary eye.

I'm sorry but i'll chase my happiness.

I bowed infront of saeun.

''I'm so sorry.''

Her parents quickly goes to his side.Kyuhyun-ah wait for hyung.

--

I stared at the ceiling.I never got a chance to changed my tuxedo.Surely right now.They are already announced as husband and wife.I will never had a chance to fulfill my dream for us.I sobbed and buried my head in sungmin pillow.Yes i'm his room.It's not like he's here right.The ceromy is not finished yet.I'm sure they are eating other faces right now.I touched my chest and breath heavily..I don't know anymore.My happiness has been taken away.

Minimi.

I love you so much.

I love you.

I love you.

I spoke many times in the air.Wished he can hear me..

Do you lover her that much?..

WAIT!!! 

He never said he love that girl.

I smiled at last and open the door in his room but...

I'm shocked that he's standing outside.
i
''Minimi is that really you?'' 
he suddenly hugs me.My heart started to beat so fast.Just like the first time i met him.

''Kyu...'' he sobs at my tuxedo.

''I know you still love me.''

''You win.''
he smiled.
My beautiful lover.

Few moment past.

I shouldn't let go of this chance.

''Minimi.I love you.'' i said sincerely.

''I love you too pabo.'' he smiled and tiptoe to reach my lips.I just lifted him and brought him at his bed.No our bed.

and the rest was ecstacy.

We will start creating new moments and we will treasure it forever.

Other people said forever doesn't exist.Go in their own way.

I just let my minimi feel the ''happily ever after''

END

 

--

Life after marriage doesn't always labeled as a happy ending.

''Being gay is like glitter,it never goes away.''

---

 

 

We can't force him to change his mind right.

Let his heart do it.

Regret is not a pleasant feeling.

I just can't really believe his getting married.

I'll stay in my own world.

I don't want to face reality.

It will hurt me more.