I still love you
I wanted to tell you,
the one who couldn’t take it anymore and
gave up in the end.
I miss you more than I hate you
I long for you more than I’m sad
Is this not it? Is this not it?

“Damn it!” He cursed and cursed. Breaking everything in his room, in his studio. His friends were cringing downstairs every time they hear something break.

He swiped all the things in his table especially his laptop, just every damn thing he sees. Youngbae couldn’t take it any longer. He ran upstairs to check on his friend who is now on the floor, moping like a kid. Crying, crooked and at the same time, so broken.

Tears were in his eyes and he tried to stop them, but to no avail, it all fell when Youngbae crouched down to touch him. The others went inside to see how mess the room is now. Seungri could only shake his head, Daesung and Seunghyun just bowed their heads.

They have seen him down, but not like this. Not like J. But it was his fault, and they can’t do anything about it.

“Jiyong.”

“Stop. I’m fine.” He replied, still on the floor.

“Jiyong, you have to stand up. Your hands are bleeding. We don’t want President to see this.” Jiyong nodded, he stood up shaking and fell down again.

“Jiyong… If you love her then just go and te-“ Jiyong cut him off.

“Damn it Youngbae, I do! I love her! But damn it, I can’t tell her that when I broke it. I broke her. Did you see her? Did you see how she cried in front of me? When I told her I couldn’t take it anymore? When she ing walked away from me!” Youngbae didn’t say anything because he saw it. They were there.

“God damn, I miss her so much. I miss her. I love her, this is not it. This is not what I hoped for, not what I planned for. I wanted to get married, I wanted her to be my wife. But what did I do? I’m such a bastard. !” He punched his head multiple times and the boys gathered around him to stop him.

All they could do was just stare. They don’t even know what to do with Jiyong. Everything is ruined, he is ruined.

“Jiyong, why don’t you clean up and meet us downstairs. Let’s get this of your system. You need it.” Jiyong just nodded and made his way towards his bathroom, stared at the mirror and saw how he looked like.

He looked like a mess. A mess he can’t even arrange. He punched the mirror, his hands still bleeding. Youngbae ran to the bathroom to see Jiyong crying, his head bowed down, hands bleeding.

Youngbae shook his head and turned around to tell his friends this is going to take a while and is going to be hard. All they could do was sigh and leave the room. Jiyong needed a friend, and Youngba and the others were there for him.

_____________________________________

“Dara, please… eat with us.” Chae Rin knocked on her door but still no response. A few minutes later, Dara came out of the room dressed.

“Where are you going?” Bom asked.

“I’m going to watch Mariah Carey with Marshall and the others remember?” She replied while wearing her coat.

“Dara, are you sure you can do this? Are you okay?” Dara turned around and smiled, but they know she was hiding it.

“I’m fine you guys. Thank you for being worried, but you don’t have to. I’m Sandara Park, I can handle everything.” She nodded then left them there. Bom cried, she was the closest to Dara and she can hear her sobbing for almost two nights but kept mum about it.

Minzy hugged Bom as she kept crying while Chae Rin wiped a stray of tear that fell from her eyes. This was not what they were looking forward. Here they thought it’ll last, thought it’ll be their happiest, but they were wrong.

___________________________________

If we bump into each other, what would happen?
Would I hide from you amongst the crowd,
even if it’s only a waste of insignificant feelings.

“Dara, we’re invited to my friend’s party, want to come?” Xin asked her as they exited YG’s building. She thought for a while and nodded, preparing her key to her car.

“Sure, what time?”

“About 7. I’ll message you the details to where later, okay?”

“Okay! I’ll see you later.” She started the ignition and left the premises with one person watching her from the 3rd floor.

________________________________

“Jiyong, you got a message.” Jiyong sighed as he reached for his phone to read a text from Xin.

Youngwoo’s birthday. 7pm. catch you later bro!

- Xin

He sighed and replied an okay that he’ll come. YG CEO came knocking on the door of Big Bang’s studio to see Jiyong on the couch and the others working.

“Jiyong, we need to talk.” He again sighed, he didn’t know he had sighed for a millionth time when Seunghyun glared at him.

“You’ve been sighing since yesterday Jiyong. You know what, you and President needs to talk and get that out of your system. Stop being such a baby when it’s all your fault.” Then he slammed the door as he entered the recording room.

“I’m sorry Jiyong. Hyung is just a bit-“

“I get it Youngbae. I’ll leave this to you.” Youngbae nodded and they left the room.

Upon entering YG’s room, Jiyong again sighed and YG got irritated.

“Will you please stop sighing? You wanted this, now sit down and we’ll talk.”

“What are we going to talk about?”

“You know what we’re going to talk about. Now speak up. Why did you do this?” Jiyong kept mum. He didn’t even said a word.

“How would I know and how would I release a statement if you’re like this? What Jiyong? Can you handle this by yourself? I think you can. You did this, you handle it. I may be a father to you but everything you do, is your responsibilities. In the end, it’s your life.”

“I’m sorry it came to this.”

“Jiyong, just tell me and assure me one thing.” Jiyong then stared at him in the eyes.

“Do you love her?”

“Who?”

“Dara of course. Do you love her?” Jiyong nodded, tears rolling down his face.

“I do. Damn it, I do love her.”

“That’s all I need Kiddo. Now go back home, take a rest. I’ll help you with this but it’s yours in the end, you got that?” Jiyong nodded and stood up, but YG stopped him.

“Remember Jiyong, love the one who accepts who you are. In the end, that’s all that matters, whether you’re rich or poor.” Jiyong nodded and left the room. While YG thought of things and a statement to be released.

YG wanted to save Jiyong but he did this to himself. He needs to talk to Dara and confirm everything.

7pm came fast and so is the time that they’ll see each other after 3 days. Jiyong arrived first and shook hand with his friends. He smiled but Xin knows more, he kept glancing at Jiyong.

“Dude, I invited Dara, would that be okay?” Youngwoo said and Jiyong had to halt his steps towards his seat.

“Umm. Yeah… That’s fine. I guess.” He whispered the last line to himself. He felt nervous and damn fidgety. He didn’t kn