Have you ever thoughts that “what if I do this, maybe things will never be the way it was!

 

Because in the end regret is the only thing that left for you

 

Time will never change and things will never be back no matter how hard you try to change the things you want it to be

 

It’s been 3 years but I remember it very clearly as if it happen yesterday

 

We both lived in our dream job you as a professional Photographer and me as a Professional Choreography

Time files so fast that we didn’t noticed we are married for 3 years and I’m so lucky that you are my other half

 

We used to lived in our daily routine you wake up first and making breakfast for both of us while I’m the one that prepare what we will wear for the day

 

We always eat breakfast together and talk about what we will be doing for the rest of the day I love the way you smile every time you talked about your naughty customer who always asked if you’re still single

 

And I’m so flattered that you always say you found the person that you will love for the rest of your life I don’t know why you give me so much love while me I always end up making you disappointed in me

 

I always forgot our dinner date and always showing up late, you always gave me present on time while me I always forgot to give you anything even in return

 

You always said its okay because there will be always another time for that but in the end I always messed up and do the same thing all over again

 

I hate the fact that you are so kind and generous while me I’m always the jerk and irresponsible husband

 

We fight because you’re so freaking jealous in every girl or boy I danced with I try to explain as much as you can understand my situation but in the end we ended up fighting and shout at each other

To the point you are about throw things whatever you will touch in our house but that petty fight ended up in a comedy scene

 

I remember when you touch the mug and ready to throw it to me suddenly you stop and

 

“oh no not this! this is the mug you specially made for me looked you even design it yourself so no not this one” you said and set aside the mug

 

You made me smile at that incident you are really cute back there, so you pick another things to throw to me but as you get things that have sentimental value for you, in the end you always end up remembering how it was meant or how it was important for you

 

 And then you just cry, instead of throwing things on me and seeing you cry breaks my heart I hate to hear you sobs and hiccups after long period of crying

 

After I explain to you that the person I dance with is just part of my work and nothing personal you always have this cute expression that I cant help but to laugh

 

“really you swear it’s nothing and just professional matter? And nothing else more? Are you sure? You will never like them even if he was damn good dancer am I right?” you asked while blinking twice and wiping your runny nose with my own shirt  

 

And since I love teasing you

 

“hmmm good damn dancer hmmm can I think about it babe?” I said in teasing tone then you will

 

“yah Lee Hyukjae did you say “you will think it about it?” Yah! Do you really want to die” you shout while grabbing my collar and then

 

You kissed me like hell that I went crazy and even can’t breath for a second

 

“now! Will you still say “you will think about it? Huh Babe” you said in confident tone

And all I could just say is

 

“No babe not even in my dreams” I said and we kissed then make up for the petty fights that day

 

We fight but it didn’t last long since you and I can never stand that we can be away with each other

 

But one fight that I will never forget it was when I and my co dancer accidentally kissed and hug each other because of our happiness, we just win a major award that day

 

I was really overwhelm the fact that we swept our competitors abroad in that dance event and when we release from our hug I was shocked to see you in the door standing there and all I could see was hurt all over your face

 

Then when your tears fell on your face it breaks my heart seeing how painful you are in that time, then you run away while crying and all I could do was to chase after you

 

I never thought you are fast runner and when I reached the door of the theatre, thren I saw a taxi and it hit the road way immediately and all I could do was to stare at the taxi that was slowly fading away

 

At that time I thought my world collapse in just a snap I don’t know what should I do that time all my energy immediately deteriorate after I run after you

 

And I remember you told me that if one day we fight and I just let you leave and ride a taxi without hearing your explanation you told me that never chase after you because the fact that I let you ride a taxi is an indication

That my explanation is no good and waste of time to hear because I slide the chance or the opportunity for me to explain what happen

 

I don’t know how long I was standing there while my eyes was still in the road way and then I decided to head back inside the theatre and gather all my thoughts of what will I do next,

 

When all of a sudden I saw you in the left side of the door theatre sitting while your head was in between of your knees while your shoulder was shaking

 

I blinked and I thought I was seeing someone that was just like you so I walked closely and try to see if I was just mistaken of seeing you

 

“Hae!” I said but you didn’t even budge when I call you

 

So I decided to walk even closer and when I kneeled in front of you I hear your soft sobs and I all could see was your face that was wet because of your tears, and when you looked at me

 

It was really heart breaking moment for me I never saw you crying like that your face were swollen and your eyes were so red like blood  

 

Then you call me

 

“Hyukkie!” then you suddenly embrace me while crying so hard

 

And all I could do was to embrace you too

 

“I’m so sorry baby I’m so sorry” I said after I felt your trembling body because of crying so much

 

We go home together and when we lay in our bed; we make love as if we didn’t fight that day I cherished every kissed you gave and I felt the love when our body became one

 

Every kissed that leave marks in my body reminds me why did I fall in love with you, the hot breath that I taste when you shoved your tongue to mine and that your body gave to me that I enjoyed that much and was a die for,

 

When I heard your moaned and you call my name after every I made for you really makes me go crazy and realized that no one can provide this feeling that I always felt when I’m with you; after that hot making love we ended up hugging each other while catching our breath and smiling to each other.

 

We never talked about what happen that day and how we end up doing that love making, until the morning rise and we do the same routine like we usually we do and ended up kissing before going to work

 

I don’t know what happen but after that night we just continue to love one another much more,

 

It was our 4 year anniversary and I invite you for a special dinner for both us I never forget what was your wearing that day because you’re really stunning that night that I was worried that everybody will looked at you

 

And I’m scared what if someone will take you away from me and I don’t know what will, I do if that happens

 

We are eating silently when all of a sudden you spoke about donating your organ when you die, it really gives me chill that I don’t know why the hell did you just speak about that

 

“Hyukkie, promise me that you abide in this I already got my card and if something happen you should let them get my organ so someone can have second chance in life okay!” he said without stuttering while me

 

I cant even swallow my food after what I heard

 

“Hae why? Why did you just decide on this matter without asking my permission? I’m your husband right? and I have all the right not to let you do this ridiculous matter,  so why the hell you just decide on this  serious matter without even discussing it to me, don’t you know what will I feel if it really happen ” I  said with all my disappointment all over my face

 

He put down his fork and hold my left hand

 

“I thought you will be proud of me when I tell you this, I thought you will be happy that I’m doing the right thing I just want you to be proud me and I thought you will support me on this matter!” he said sadly

 

“Hae I’m always proud of you! And you should know that , and this thing is really idiotic how am I going to be happy if all your organs were one by one being taken out in your body, call me selfish but the hell I will let them chop your body and get what are still usable fro them, you’re not animal, nor science experiment for them to use you, Come on Hae don’t you understand my feelings, and my thoughts about this! ” I said and I know I’m already shouting because I am really angry right now

 

Then you pull your hand to me then

 

“Hyukkie can we go somewhere else, I have to tell you something and you must listen very carefully okay” he said

 

Then while driving he tell me story that I never thought it happen

 

“there is kid who was really weak and always get ill no matter what method they used to make him feel better still not enough for him to leave a normal life, because all he need was a healthy kidney and you know that not everyone can get easily a healthy kidney even if you have more money because no one will sacrifice their life for you to have that one stupid organ right?

 

The kid wait for many years still no donors are available since it was first priority but the kid was getting weaker and weaker and the parents all can do was to wait, waiting in vain

 

But the kid never lose hope because his older brother keeps telling that miracle will happen and the kid will be healed, the kid loves his older brother and he always listen to him, the kid never feel lonely since the older brother always play with him and sometimes tell stories to help him sleep, the older brother makes it appoint to visit his younger brother every day after school and play all day that’s why the kid was always cheerful and always believe in hope and its because of his older brother

 

Until one day the kid feels pain and he end up in the ICU the doctors said that the transplant was indeed needed that time and if not; the kid will die,

 

Then the kid was lucky they found the donor and he gets operation before he was about to die  the transplant happen and the kid immediately recover from his operation;

 

 because he was so excited to play again with his older brother; now that he was healed and healthy kid so they can play and will never worry for his health

 

Then after one week after he get out of the hospital he was so excited to see his older brother because his parents promise that they will go to his older brother,

 

because in that one week the kid always ask for his older brother and the parents always says he was busy with school and other stuff so the kid always think that his older brother was busy with school and wait for the right time to visit him

 

Until the time come they are heading to his older brother like they promise but the kid was wondering why they are in the cemetery so he just thought they will visit one relative and then will go to his older brother after that, at last when they reached the grave

 

The kid was shocked to see when he read what was engrave in the marble plate of the grave

 

Lee Donghwa died September 26, 2006 ”

 

The moment he finished his stories we are now in the cemetery and we are standing in the grave that Hae was talking about

 

“Hyukkie meet my Hyung and he is the reason why I’m here together with you, he is my saviour and the only person I love the most next to you

 

he is the reason why; I agreed to be an organ donor so no older brother will sacrifice their lives for his love one” Hae said while touching the grave of his brother

 

“Hyukkie, my brother took his own life for me to survive….my parents never….told me about this….because they don’t want me to live in blaming myself why my Hyung die….. I just found out this when I first meet you remember

 

When you found me crying in the bus station it was the time when I found out what happen to my brother, my parents told me he died in an accident and then his kidney was transfer to me, they never told me…..that he took…..his….own life just for me….that’s why I’m crying that time

 

And you know after that I realized Hyung send you for me so I will not be sad and crying; that’s why Hyukkie I love you so much because you are the angel that my Hyung send for me so I will never be sad anymore” after Hae told this secret he was carrying all this time, he was crying so much

 

And for me I understand now why he wants to be a donor, even if I hate the thought of that well I don’t want to happen again to anyone that’s why I kind of approved of Hae’s  be an organ donor

 

After he told me his deepest secret I love him more and more and I cherished him more Hae was everything to me

 

I can’t leave without him, and I will do anything for him; anything that makes him happy

 

Until it happen; on that fateful day, I was on my dance competition and was preparing when I received a call that change my life forever

 

“Mr. Lee Hyukae we are calling you to inform that your Husband Lee Donghae was in the emergency room he had an accident and we”I didn’t able to finished what that person was saying

 

I drop everything and run fast as I could my heart was beating so fast and I don’t know where I will go until I was shocked to hear a sound of car beeping on the road; and I was surprised that Sungmin was in the car and

 

“Hyuk come on hop in I will send you to the hospital” he said then I immediately ride on his car and headed to the hospital

 

When I reached the hospital I saw some friends of Hae was already there even his parents was there too

 

“Hyung what happen how the hell my Hae got into accident?” I asked Heechul his boss

 

“w-we finished early for the shoot because Hae said he needs to catch up, because he was late for watching  your competition but, then it happen the child of our client suddenly lost so we find him when we saw him he was already in  the road actually centre of the road and then there is a car driving so fast

 

And it happen so fast we hear screech of the car tire and there, w- we saw Hae’s body laying in the road while still hugging the child in his arms”

 

“I’m so sorry Hyuk I don’t know what more to say” Heechul hyung said while crying, then the doctor came out of the operating room

 

“family of Lee Donghae?” he said then we immediately walk close to him

 

“who is Mr. Lee Hyukjae” the doctor said

 

“I am Doctor and I’m his husband” I said while I’m holding my breath

 

“the patient request to see you before we do the operation to him so go to him immediately” the doctor said

 

And I run fast and go where my other half is

 

Then their he was laying in the operating table wearing his best smile always even though there is dextrose in his nose and IV tube in right hand

 

“Hae its me your Hyukkie how you feel?” I asked while trying not to cry in front of him

 

“Hyuk-kie….” He said and I can feel he was having trouble even to talked

 

“shhhh….dont talk baby don’t waste your energy save it for your operation okay! I will be just outside and will wait for you hmmm” I said while touching his face

 

“No…you…cant…be…here…you…have dance…com…petition…you..n-need to be there” he said in between his heavy breathing

 

“shhh….stop talking baby don’t worry about that you are more important than that stupid competition so just save your energy hmmm” I said while caressing his cheeks

 

“don’t…say…that!…dancing….is…your…life…so…go…please…I know its…important to you…so go…baby and win it….for…me…please…hmmm” he said in pleading tone

 

And since I don’t want him to talk more so I do what he likes

 

“okay…but promise me you will wait for me okay…. I will be right back immediately after we won so please wait for me baby okay promise….” I asked then he just rise his hand and tie his small finger to mine and sealed it with a promise stamp

 

“I promise hyukkie…so go get them….tiger!” he said while smiling at me

 

And like what I promise I get back to the competition and win it for him

 

It was 2 hour competition and it was like forever for me I really want to finished this and run fast to Hae I want to be with him after the operation

 

And we made it we won and after that I run fast as I could but when I reached the hospital suddenly I fell on my knees I don’t know why all of a sudden my feet get wobbly and I fall

 

“Donghae!” I said after that fall

 

So I quickly get on my knees and run fast as I could so I can be with my Hae again

 

Then my heart beat so fast after I saw all of the people who love Hae was crying

 

Until my step became slowly as I pass to every one of them, all are crying his parents was crying

 

Then I saw Hae doctor and he tap my shoulder

 

“were very sorry” he said I pushed him hard that he even bounce in the wall of the hospital

 

“YOU’RE LYING!”I shout and walk were my Love is

 

Hae was in a white room and when I turn the doorknob I saw the bed were my other half was laying

 

He was already covered with white cloth I walked slowly to where he is

 

My feet was really terribly wobbly that I was having a hard time to step once more, and when I reached his bed my hands now are also trembling while I was trying to take the white cloth so that I can see his beautiful face,

 

when I finally uncover the cloth all I could see was his pale face

 

His eyes were already closed and when I touch his cheeks it was nearly cold;

 

 Then my feet betrayed me and I fell on the floor while tears are spontaneously running in both side of my cheeks

 

And so I cry as much tears I could possibly produce I vent every tears I could, that moment of life is beyond words of how I feel I cant breath, pain is all I could feel at that time,

 

 then all of a sudden Hae left hand show and then ring fall on the ground

 

I slowly pick up the ring and it was our wedding ring our proof and promise to one another

 

I try to get up and pull all my strength and lean to Hae’s cold body I hug it once more and cry even harder

 

“why….why…you promise….you promise….you will wait….you promise….but why?….why baby? What am I going to do now? What????”  I shout and cry louder

 

That moment I knew I also die at that time, my world crashed and my reason for living is gone I cant breath I think I’m going crazy

 

Why is this happening to me? Why us? Why Hae? Why?????

 

It was already 2 hours, my tears dried up, I was still beside his corpse I don’t want to leave him he hates being alone so will just stay here even if forever,

 

“Hyuk they said they need…Hae to the operating room, they said they will get his….heart” it was Heechul hyung who was talking

 

After hearing that I quickly get up grab his collar

 

“WHO THE HELL GIVE PERSMISSION TO GET MY HUSBAND HEART WHO??? AND I STAND I WILL NOT LET THEM TAKE HAE’S HEART YOU BETTER KILL ME FIRST BEFORE THEY LAID THRE DIRTY HANDS ON MY HUSBAND” I shout all my anger just burst and I want to punched each and every person in this stupid hospital

 

I don’t know what happening to me but I was keep struggling for them not to touch my Husband’s body my other half, my air, my strength, my life, my everything

 

Then I heard one of the stuff said they will be back later until I was calm and even if I’m calm I will never let them get the heart of my Hae never

 

I was sitting on the floor beside Hae’s bed when his Dad came to me

 

“son I’m so sorry” he said and I just shook my head after I hear that

 

I don’t like to talk to anyone, I’m so tired and all I want was to be with Hae nothing more

 

Then,

 

“Son I’m sorry, but you need to let them, Hae’s an organ donor card holder, and we need to obliged in that term since Hae also wants it, I know its hard Son but you need to do it

 

 for Hae” Hae’s Dad said

 

Then he was getting something in his pocket and give it to me

 

“here, it was Hae’s final wish he said if this thing happen all I need to do was to show this to you and he knows after you saw it you will allow them to get Hae’s heart I will leave you now son and please try to do what Hae’s final wish”

 

I was staring at the phone, yeah it was what Hae’s dad give to me

 

I picked up the phone and open it, as I was staring at the screen I smile a bit because the wallpaper of the phone was me and Hae

 

Our last vacation it was taken in france, were we held our third wedding anniversary

 

Then I saw a one recorded video

 

Once I open it, I was shocked to see my Hae waving at me with his smile that always skip my heart beat

 

He was in the operating table while dextrose in his nose but the scene that really breaks my heart when he give his best smile just for me to smile too

 

“hi hyukkie! Sorry for my appearance I know you hate seeing me in this but, I just want to give you one last message before,…. I will go to my Hyung

 

Hearing that my heart beat stop and my heart is about to explode

 

Sorry baby, you know what the reason why the Doctor call you to talked to me? well I asked them to do it, the truth is Hyukkie I know I will not make it, the operation will not be successful, I feel it all over my body

 

Hyukkie, the reason why I asked you to go in that competition is for you not to see me leaving you, because I hate to see you crying, I know it’s so selfish that I didn’t allow you to see me in my few minutes of my life

 

I’d rather go without seeing you, than seeing you crying because of me, Hyukkie promise that you will do my final wish please! You know why I volunteer to be a donor right baby! So please allow them please!

 

I’m so sorry, I’m really sorry for hurting this much! I’m so sorry baby! Please forgive me !”

 

he said in between sob

 

“My Hae was crying after saying Sorry, and I can’t do anything even to wipe those stupid tears that falling on his face”

 

“I know by the time you saw this video I know you will fulfil my wish right, because you love me and I love you to Hyukkie

 

You are the only person I will love even in my next life, meeting you in this cruel world were the best thing happen to me, thank you for loving me, for understanding me, and for taking care of me,

 

Please! Live happy and healthy and if we meet again

 

Lets love again MY HYUKKIE, MY OTHER HALF OF MY HEART

 

SARANGHAEYO LEE HYUKJAE!

 

TILL WE MEET AGAIN

 

P.S IF THE TIME COMES AND YOU FOUND YOUR NEW LOVE DELETE THIS VIDEO SO YOU CAN MOVE ON AND HAVE A NEW BEGINNING BUT

 

PLEASE CAN YOU REMEMBER ME EVEN ONCE IN A WHILE IS THAT OKAY?!

 

BYE MY HYUKKIE ANGEL, I LOVE YOU!,

 

Then the video end

 

======================================

3 years later but he was still in my heart,

 

After I watch the video that he do his very best to say his last message to me, I fulfil his last wish

 

Even it was really hard for me to do, but since I want Hae to be happy I just do what he wants,

 

Living for 3 years without him is really hard, but then I want to see him that I was doing okay, I eat, sleep and try to live happy just like what he wants

 

 Every time I missed him I will just visit his grave and talked to him, about what makes me angry, makes me happy sometimes because Hae is the only person that can make me so happy

 

Every time I was in his grave I felt his presence and that is the reason I survive for 3 years living even without him

 

Sometimes I wonder what if I didn’t go in that competition will things be different we he still be alive and happy living with me?

 

How I wish I could turned back time and just stay with him in his last few minutes, but then maybe if I saw him slowly leaving me Hae will be sad

 

Because for sure I will cry harder that I couldn’t even imagine that’s why Hae leave me so the pain will be less for me

 

Hae always think of my feelings that’s why I love him because he always understand and know my deepest feeling that no one can see and understand other than him

 

I always remember his last words to me

 

So now that I’m standing here in front of his grave and touching it dearly

 

Hae here me again because I will say this a thousand time or even forever

 

“I love you too Hae and I will do what you want and I promise I will remember you forever till we meet again my Hae Angel

 

Saranghaeyo Lee Donghae”

 

I said while hugging the phone the only thing that he left for me and the only thing that reminds me that every time I will missed him all I need to do is to open this phone so I can see and hear Hae once again

 

It hurts so much that I can only see him in this phone, but I was happy and blessed that he left me one remembrance that I will treasure forever in my heart.

 

 

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hmmmm guys for the very first time this story has a sequel wow i'm upgrading hahaha anyway the sequel is on process and i hope you like it

 

clue the title is

 

 

I COULD LOVE YOU!

 

see its really a sequel try to add the title IF ONLY 

 

OKAY SEE YA!

 

ENJOY READING