One upon a time in SM town, an evil hyung- by the name of Choi Minho decided that he needed new ammunition to destroy his two best friends. The best way to bring about this destruction? Exposing their year-long relationship to their overprotective hyungs.

When he told said overprotective hyungs, he inwardly cackled (and outwardly teared up — sure it was a bit much, but everyone else was too horrified/angry/murderous/passed out to notice), anticipating the pain Kyuhyun and Changmin would soon experience.

They deserved it though — Choi Minho was way too stunning to be the third wheel (plus, he was bored, and their friendship thrived on torturing each other).

…

Kyuhyun was seriously going to kill Minho.

Yunho was staring at him, eyes wide, and so so awkward, and Kyuhyun could only repeat the same mantra, over and over — ‘kill Minho, kill Minho…’

“Hello Kyuhyun.”

Kyuhyun swallowed. “Uh — hyung,” he choked, “what’s the point of this?” Oh, he knew what the point was — he just knew.

“Well — ” Yunho swallowed. “You see, I’m not very good at this…”

Kyuhyun raised one eyebrow, and as he did so, wondered if he was digging his own grave. “Good at what?”

Yunho’s next words confirmed that he had not only dug his own grave, but had placed the gun to his temple.

“…Are you and Changmin ually active?”

…

Usually when a crowd of people stared at him it was a good thing — after all, that was the life of an idol. Now though, with every member of Super Junior glaring daggers at him, Changmin was aware of how just how many hyungs Kyuhyun had.

So very many overprotective hyungs…

“Let’s start this interrogation now,” Leeteuk said, his voice dripping with leader-like authority. “Name, address, age — ”

“Hold on a second!” Changmin protested. “You know who I am!”

Leeteuk didn’t blink. “Humour me.”

“…You’re serious?” Was it possible for look to literally kill? Changmin was starting to feel serious concerned.

“Fine!” the maknae said at last. “My name is Shim Changmin, I live at the DBSK dorm — ”

“The ‘DBSK dorm’?” Heechul snorted. “How fishy — no real address?”

“…You’re pulling my leg.”

The glares deepened.

“I’m your label mate!” Changmin yelled. “You know me! You’ve been to my dorm numerous times!”

…Was it possible for those glares to deepen further? Because Changmin was certain they had.

…

“…Yunho, I respect you as a hyung, but ask me that one more time — ”

“He’s my maknae!” Yunho snapped, looking incredibly embarrassed. “I need to know these things. I need to be prepared in case — ”

“In case what?!” Kyuhyun snapped.

“I don’t know!” Yunho threw his hands up, looking flustered. “Jaejoong told me to ask, okay?!”

Kyuhyun groaned. “Oh for gods — ”

Yunho sighed. “Look, I’ll just call him, and — ”

“Could you please not?” Kyuhyun muttered.

Yunho, however, had already dialled the number (the words “BooJae” flashed across the screen, and Kyuhyun bit back a groan. Seriously, if Changmin ever bestowed any sappy nicknames on him, he’d lose a testicle).

“Yunnie!” he heard Jaejoong squeal. “What are you doing? I have an interview right now, and it should be starting soon, so I can’t talk for long — ”

“The boyfriend’s here,” Yunho said.

“…The boyfriend?” Kyuhyun raised one eyebrow.

There was a moment of dead silence.

“YAH!” Jaejoong roared, seemingly forgetting that he was in a public environment. “ASK HIM WHAT HIS INTENTIONS ARE!”

…

“INTENTIONS!”

Changmin swallowed, taking a backwards step from Kangin. “H-huh?” he stuttered.

“You heard the man!” Heechul growled.

“I know I heard the man!” Changmin cried. “I just don’t understand the man!”

Eunhyuk glared, his fists tightening. “Are you mocking us?” he growled.

Changmin’s eyes widened, and he shook his head rapidly. “No!”

“He’s mocking us isn’t he?” Donghae asked, frowning. “I don’t know if I like him very much…”

“You’ve known me for years!”

“Then humour us. You’re intentions - go,” Leeteuk interjected, his eyes narrowing. Changmin stood straighter, because it was Leeteuk, and all leader’s had that air about them that screamed, ‘, listen or I will slap you!’

“Fine,” Changmin sighed. “I — I just want to be with Kyuhyun, you know?”

At these words, Sungmin leapt to his feet. “So what?!” he snarled, “Kyu’s just a plaything to you?! Someone for you to sleep with and then throw away?!”

“What?!” Changmin shook his head rapidly. “No!”

Angry yells filled the room, and Changmin wondered why he even tried.

…

“ — AND I’M ASKING YOU A QUESTION! HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH MY BABY?! ARE YOU PLANNING ON BREAKING HIS HEART?! I SWEAR TO GOD CHO KYUHYUN, IF YOU HURT MY BABY — what? No, I didn’t say Cho Kyuhyun, I’m talking to my sister — ”

“Jaejoong?” Yunho questioned.

“Random makeup artist just passed,” Jaejoong muttered.

“You really need to pay more attention,” Yunho sighed. “Remember that phone incident?”

“Of course,” Jaejoong replied. “That’s how Junsu and Yoochun found out about us.” He coughed awkwardly. "It was also the day I found out that I'm apparently a bit too loud  when I'm having fun..."

Kyuhyun frowned. “Um, could you please not — ”

The sound of his voice, however, was the trigger Jaejoong needed to re-explode. “You!” he roared. “Hurt my baby and YOU WILL SUFFER THE WRATH OF KIM JAEJOONG!”

“Who are you talking too?” Junsu’s voice came from the other line.

“It’s the boyfriend,” Jaejoong replied bluntly.

“What?!” Junsu’s voice rose a pitch. “Put him on the phone! What have you done to our maknae, huh?!”

Yunho glanced at Kyuhyun, apologetic.

Kyuhyun gaped.

…

“ — so by ‘with him’ I mean in a relationship with him!” Changmin took a deep breath, his hands trembling. “I love Kyuhyun, okay?”

Heechul laughed.

Changmin stared. “…What’s so funny?”

“Oh, aren’t you cute?” Heechul snorted. “Love. Love!” He threw back his head, loud guffaws wracking his frame. “What do you know about love, huh Changmin? How old are you? Eighteen? Nineteen?”

“…Heechul, I’m twenty-six…” Changmin said, slowly.

“…Oh yeah.”

“You’ve know me for years!”

“But do we really know you?” Donghae retorted, his eyes narrowed, and his arms crossed firmly across his chest.

“You have to forgive us,” Yesung told him. “Kyuhyun is our maknae, so we’re naturally very protective of him.” Yesung cocked his head to the side, looking thoughtful. “You have a very nice philtrum; has anyone ever told you that?”

Changmin stared. “Uh — ”

“Can I it?”

Changmin froze. “W-what?” he choked. “No!”

Instead of looking offended or angry, Yesung beamed approvingly. “Good! No one but Kyuhyun should be touching your philtrum!” He turned to his bandmates. “I like him guys.”

Well, Changmin thought, this was why Yesung was the weird one.

“Nah, that’s way too easy,” Heechul argued. “Changmin, if you want my permission to date my precious maknae, then you’re going to have to cater to my every whim. For the rest of eternity.”

Changmin stared at him in disbelief. Were all of Kyuhuyn’s hyungs completely mental?! His hyungs weren’t nearly as bad.

…

Kyuhyun wondered if anyone was as mental as Changmin’s hyungs.

Yoochun, by now, had joined in the conversation, taking things from bad to ing intolerable.

“So, Kyuhyun, how far have you gone with Changmin?” Yoochun demanded.

“Uh — ”

“They haven’t ‘gone’ anywhere!” Jaejoong snapped. “The only place Kyuhyun is going is Hell if he dares hurt my baby!”

“Yunho-hyung, ask him about his intentions,” Junsu ordered.

Yunho sighed, looking tired (Kyuhyun didn’t blame him — he had lived with these psychopaths for years, and had probably sold his soul to the devil when he agreed to a relationship with Jaejoong). “I already did,” he replied.

“Yah!” Jaejoong snapped. “I need to know — oh , that’s our manager — ”

A ringing sound met their ears.

“He hung up,” Kyuhyun sighed. “Thank ing god!”

Yunho dropped the phone. “Let’s — let’s get this sorted out now, huh?” Yunho said. “You aren’t planning on hurting Changmin, are you?”

“You know that it was you who called Jaejoong, right?” Kyuhyun accused, narrowing his eyes.

“Kyuhyun, just answer the question.”

The maknae rolled his eyes. “I hurt people. It’s in my nature as the best evil maknae there is. However, I can assure you, I’d never hurt Changmin.”

Yunho smiled. “Alright then. That’s good — ”

“Just everyone else.”

“…Okay then.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Well then,” Yunho said at last, “I guess everything is fine then, right?”

The phone rang.

Both males froze.

Kyuhyun stood up, looking apprehensive. “I’m going to leave — ”

“Leave me with those lunatics and I’ll never let you date my maknae,” Yunho growled.

…

“You’re hyungs are crazy,” Kyuhyun sighed, his head resting on Changmin’s chest.

“Mine?” Changmin snorted. “What about yours? I thought they were going to kill me.”

“You aren’t worth the stress,” Changmin muttered, his lips quirking up in amusement.

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes. “Don’t let them here that. And, by the way, neither are you.”

There was a comfortable pause; Changmin shifted, sitting up, and gazed at Kyuhyun with eager eyes.

“You look like you want ,” Kyuhyun told him bluntly.

“No. Better.” Changmin smirked. “Want to go and kill Minho?”

Kyuhyun cocked his head to the side. “Two against one?”

Changmin nodded. “Both evil maknaes. We’ll completely crush him.”

Kyuhyun beamed at him. “This, Shim Changmin, is why I love you.” He stood up, dusting himself off. “And by the way — I am the true evil maknae.”

“Go yourself,” Changmin retorted cheerfully.

“That’s what I have you for.”

The two then left the room to hunt down and murder Minho, their hands linked, with demonic smiles plastered across their faces.