It's not always something lustful, something hormonal, the way Jungkook feels about Yoongi. He'll be trying his best to write lyrics, to use the potential that everyone tells him he has, when the older slips through his mind. Jeon Jungkook hates Min Yoongi. Or at least that's what he tells himself in his head over and over when his eyes get snagged on sight the rapper's lips or whenever the older male wears clothing a little to tight.

I hate him I ing hate him god dammit.

That's what he chants over and over in his head as if him saying it enough will make everything better. As if stopping would make him lose control, fall too far into the older boy's eyes, get too attached. It's all about self preservation at this point. Jungkook knows that this is gonna hurt him eventually. He knows that nothing good can come from these feelings, no matter how right they feel. All he can do now is try to stop himself from completely shattering in the end.

"Namjoon, wanna write with me today?" Yoongi's voice sounds gravely and deep in the morning. His hair is messy and the sunlight is hitting his face perfectly and his fingers are strumming lightly on the wooden table. Jungkook loves all of these things, god, he loves them so much, but he can't focus on any of them right now. His eyes blur, view shifting from the rapper's strumming fingers to the air between them.

You'll never be good enough. You'll never be good enough.

Another mental chant, but this one isn't on purpose. This one has been around for as long as Jungkook can remember. Even back in elementary school if one of his friends got a better mark than him. Even when he was training in America when he couldn't perfect a dance move right away. Jungkook is always being told to do his best, but all he hears is that he has to be the best, and this, no matter what, is always unnatainable. 

You'll never be good enough.

Yoongi and Namjoon have known each other for a long time. They're close in age and have had similar life experiences. It makes sense that they spend so much time together, writing. It's not that Jungkook feels jealous, it's that he feels like he'll never be able to catch up with Namjoon. I guess maybe that is a type of jealousy.

Jungkook has millions of things to be happy about. Sometimes he lists them off in his head to try to make him snap out of it, realize how blessed he is and that it's ungrateful of him to not be happy.

Reasons why I'm lucky:

1. I debuted, most people don't get to do that, be proud, stupid
2. My family is supportive
3. I get along with my bandmates
4. I met Min Yoongi
5. I'm healthy
6. I'm popular

And the list goes on and as he recites it to himself he feels like more and more of an idiot because my life is ing great why can't I just get a hold of myself.

Looking at these facts, Jungkooks life is amazing, it really is, but it's not perfect, it never will be perfect, he never will be perfect, and it kills him.

Namjoon and Yoongi are quickly out the door quickly, leaving Jungkook alone at the table to wait for his other bandmates to wake up.

I have no clue why I felt like writing sad sugakookie, but here we go (even though i should be working on TUOTR right now...)

The other chapters will be longer, I just kinda wanted to get this out there now

I have a feeling I actually will update this quickly. :) i hope you like it so far