Don’t Worry..

If there was a question , since when you’re become my everything? I will try to think hard why suddenly you’re become my everything.

 Sometimes I blame myself to accept you. you shouldn’t with me. there’s so many girl in out there will be your perfect girl not me. with this big belly. But , sometime I blame you why you choose me become your girl even I had this big stomach like this.

Even I always shouted at your face , try to make you hate me but always fail because I really melt with your attention. how can God create a guy like you?

I always told him that it was not his child. I warn him not too care with me , but once again.. he protect me , buy everything that I want , take caring me, and all the thing that make me feel comfort with my pregnancy. He ask me to resign from my office and he promise he will work hard for us. he said us , my heart beating faster when hear it. us is mean me , him and this child on my belly. I rubbing my big belly once again. even I hate to be pregnant but I’m so excited waiting for this child. My son.

“I’m on my way to home , do you want something?” he said on the call. I try to thing.

“no , I don’t want anything” I said ,

“have you eat?”

“I wait for you” silent on the line but I swear I can feel he’s smile on the other place now. the way he smile when I said something is the most thing that I like. Look like angel that God send special for me.

……

Laying my body on the bed still rubbing my big belly. Staring out far from the window without thinking anything just enjoying the sound of the rain.

Sunday.

I’d be love this day because he’ll always had a lot of free time.

I remember the time when I reject him. he’s crazy. I think. He knows every things about me. he even younger than me. He’s just a neighbor on that time. I never realize him. but he said he always notice every things about me.

“you already wake up but you’re not get up from the bed lazy girl” I heard his voice on the door , I turn my head on him. he always love to tease me. since I got pregnant seems like I love to lay my body on the bed. He walk closer to me still with that smile.

“sssh don’t smile like that , it’s ticklish”

“oh what? I don’t even touch you”

“yes of course you’re not but that smile did!” I played with him, he giggles as he help me get up from the bed.

“ouh baby , you seriously have a heavy mom” he said on the baby on my belly, I slap his arms ,

“Yah! you dare!” he’s still laugh even I set a mad face. I ever ask him why he always keep smile or even laugh when I’m mad , and the answer is just make me want to burn myself *haha too over*

“Your face still cute even you mad” he said.

Get up from the bed , after take a bath it’s time to cook for breakfast. he wait on the dining room with the phone on his hand. I furrow my brows.

“who?” I ask him,

“who?” he replay my question with the same question without looking at me. rolling my eyes and folded my arms waiting for his answer. He start to take the phone on the table , get up from the chair and hug me,

“just Young Bae” he said as he took his phone and showing me the text.

“seriously you don’t need to worry about me , because you know Bom.. my heart is belongs to you. I’m yours” he said and peck my lips,

“I’m hungry” he said again as rubbing his flat stomach. I smile seeing his childish side. You can call me a lucky girl on this world after I married him. even tough he’s younger that me but he always can protect and take caring me like a man but sometimes he’ll be like a four years kids. I don’t know what will happen if this baby was born. I will have two baby maybe.

“errh what?” the smile on my face gone hearing his question ,

“what?”

“why you smile? Something funny here?”

“no” I push his body and start to cook with him always following my steps. Back hugging me when I wash the vegetable or cutting them. And I never feel he’s bothering me. I like the feeling every time he hug me.

……

Standing in front of the baby room. He design by himself. I told him again , its not your baby , don’t be so over like that. We just need a little room or maybe he will sleep with us. but I don’t know what happen with him. he’s still excited with the baby.

I come inside the room , he’s painting the room now. I take the gloves and help him to paint on the other side.

“no , no! you can’t do that” he prevent me ,

“oh Ji , come on I’m bored. You always prevent me to do this and that” he not answer me just kiss my lips.

“I don’t want you did something that make you tired”

“I’m not”

“you love me?” I give a confuse look at him . what? why suddenly ask that question? he should know what I feel.

“answer me Bom Park”

“of course yes , what kind of question is that?”

“if you love me so just hear me , I want you to just sit here” I grab his neck and make him closer to me , place my forehead on him. pretend to kiss him but I count to three I hit his forehead using mine.

“ouh Bom!!! What are you doing?!!” he rubbing his forehead , I bit my lower lips trying not laugh seeing his face.

“I’m just sit” I said , he shoot me a death glare but he quickly back to continue his work.

…..

“you can’t break your problem with just cried” I heard someone talk near to me. Turned my head around and now I find a pair of sneaker. He then sit beside me. I know him. it’s my neighbor.

“you don’t understand” I said.

“I understand it” widen my eyes and staring to him with my tears still fall on my cheek. But what I look on his face is just smile. He smile on me. I don’t understand why he smile.

“so , he broke you up?” he said , I hold my breath. He? How can he know?

“Joong Hwan is such a bastard , but you never realize it” now he make me afraid. He even know my boyfriend name , noo!! My fiancé oh no my ex fiancé. I wipe my tears.

“how? How can you know?”

“easy , he’s my sister ex”

“what?!!!”

“that why I call him bastard , he’s did the same thing on my sister. Engaged her and promise will married her soon but right after he found a new one , he leave my sister. And the shocking me is you’re with him. so many time I try to warn you but you never look at me”

“wait” I massage my forehead , I start to confuse.

“he did the same thing on your sister?”

“she’s .. she’s pregnant?” I ask him again , he look at me deep on my eyes.

“no , she’s not pregnant. He just leave her with so many promises that he never do”

“he’s not just leave me”

“he leave me with this baby” I can feel he’s shock but I try to calm myself. Such the embarrassing thing to tell. But seems like he can handle this time.

“now how can I continue my life? It’s already mess” I cover my face using my both hand.

“life must go on”

“you don’t understand me!”

“I understand you , WELL”

“if you understand me , how continue my life with this baby? With no dad if this baby born? How can I continue my life? I want marriage like anyone too!! How can I find someone who can accept me with the baby?”

“you should continue your life with the baby , if no one become the father of your baby , then I’ll be the father of your baby, I’ll be your husband and promise you to take caring you!” I widen my eyes when he rise his tone. he’s not serious with his word I know.

“you’re crazy” I asaid as I get up from the ground and run to leave him alone there back to home.

……

“Bom you alright?” I blink my eyes seeing his hand waving in front of me , oh I’m on day dreaming again.

“I’m fine” I said to him.

Since he said he will going to Japan for one weeks with his boss , I feel like.. he never leave me alone for a long time like this. one week , what should I do without him? why should Japan?

Still busy with his big luggage there in our room. walking right to left then left to the right. He’s totally ignore me and busy with his activities. Oh God , he make me love more like this.

I leave him on the room and walk out to the TV room. sit on the couch notice my big belly. Maybe I can use this baby to prevent him go. Ahh no , it’s crazy , plus he know when the birth time , the doctor already said. Poor me.

Staring blankly on our wedding picture. Here there I still can’t accept him as my husband. I still hate him and keep asking why he come to my life? But look now , he’ll going to Japan for work, but I’m worried as hell about myself without him this one weeks.

“happy?” I ask him when he’s out from the room and walk to me, he stop his step.

“happy for what?” he ask me back , I bite my lower lips.

“going to Japan” I can hear he take a deep breath then give me his smile. I hate that smile. He forcing himself to smile , I know. He sit beside be and pull me to his embrace.

“I’ll happy if you come with me there” he kiss my head.

“I already call my mom for accompany you here” he said again ,

“no , I plan to go home. my parents home. you know , we’re still neighborhood right? Your mom still can visit me. I miss my mom” I said. Being here alone with her mom is good but on this home without him is.. I don’t know it’s feel different.

“if you like , then tomorrow I will take you there before arriving on the airport” I nodded my head.

……

Talking with my dad with his bright smile on his face. my mom and his mom talking each other like they never meet before. I sit on silence. This day he will go. I saw his sister walk enter my home , she’s smile to me. I smile to her back.

“welcome” she said,

“long time no see eonnie” I greet her and bowing my body.

“it must be your hard time without him while you pregnant like this” she said, I just shut my mouth. She know. She know that the baby is not her brother child. But her ex child. I sometimes confuse with her family. Is they human? Or angel? They are very nice to me even I the baby on my belly is not Jiyongs child.

“but don’t worry Bom, I will take caring you well~” she sing it happily as she rub my stomach gently. Once again , I feel I’m lucky.

Excuse myself to my parent , I need some fresh air. I miss this place so much. Ok this place give me a colorful story. Sad , happy , until I want to end up my life here. I give up with life. The time when he leave me with this baby. The time when I met a person like my husband. All its happen here. I stop my step on the old house. It’s still empty since we’re young , I mean me and Jiyong. I still remember he force me to come here while I’m scary as hell. He cover my eyes using his both hand and lead me here.

…..

“I hate seeing you cry like this” he said,

“I don’t know what should I do , it’s hurting me so I just can cry” he give me a irritated look, I wipe my tears , maybe this child want some attention from me.

“do you ever think to do something else?”

“what?”

“here , come with me” he grab my hand and start to run. I force him to stop the step. The old house , no the old scary house.

“it’s not scary as you think. Me and my friends always come here to spend the time. You will amaze with this house seriously”

“hell , no! I will never come to these house!” I try to let out my hand from him, but he tighten his hand on mine.

“its hurt! Let me go!”

“just once , listen to me just once , I promise that I will not hurt you. I just want to showing you something. this is our base camp. Its not scary” I give up , then he cover my eyes using his both hand. we walk slowly to the .. backyard?! I open my eyes.

“you’re the crazy people that I’ve ever know!” he smile showing his white teeth. I roll my eyes. that smile is make me say yes on everything he want.

“look here” it’s forest. Not that dark I found it beautiful. He said I can’t go seep in to the forest because its dangerous. Okay seeing from here is enough for me. I hate the dark place.

“scream” he said , I confuse with his word. Scream? Why should I?

“no one will heard you if you scream here”

“Park Bom!!! I hate you!!!” he start to scream , I cover my ears because his voice is too loud. Now I understand.

“ you!!!”

I screamed a lot of word. Seriously I feel better now. I can feel he keep staring at me while I scream. But yeah , I don’t care. He’s still young by the way. he’ll never serious with his word.

Silently I promise to myself. after this tears I promise there will be no tears drop out again just because remembering that son of the . I smile. He give me a good effect on myself. Thank you.

He. He’s the one person who always make me strong. He’s different. I know he’s different. I rub my name and his name on the big tree in front of the old house. I remember we’re write it and make a joke. He’s the one who gave the heart shape on our name. he always know how to make me fall in love with him.

The tears fall from my eyes. I regret for did something bad on the first time we married. I’m so sorry about that. You should give me a punishment.

“punishment?” he ask me ,

“then , you should be with me forever. That was your punishment.” Just it , he just give me that punishment. So simple but I promise I’ll always be with him.

…..

“Marry me , Bom” he said , I widen my eyes.

“ya! Jiyong-ah! Stop it! it’s not funny!” I yelled. how I want to slap his cheek for make him wake up. He maybe doesn’t know who he purpose. I’m pregnant. He know it.

“you can’t marry with me” I said.

“why can’t I ?”

“because you know! I’m pregnant! And its not yours!!!! It’s not yours you know. Please wake up! You can go find another girl. The girl that more better than me. you should happy with her Ji not with me” I drop my tears. Thos boys is make me cried. How can my word hurting myself? I ask him to find another girl but why I’m so hurt? There’s something wrong with me. it’s not right.

“then you think I can happy with her?! but you’re wrong Bom! I love you. you know, I keep this feeling on you since I’m still on junior high school. Since I know what is love. I keep notice you but you never notice me even I’m your neighbor, not far from your home. you know how sick I’am seeing you with that bastard? That was your first right? But the first is hurting you. I don’t care if you’re pregnant , I don’t care I’m not the father of your baby. But I can love the baby as I love you” silent. I want to hug him and cried on his chest but I hold it. he reach something on his pocket , then suddenly he knee down and I saw a tiny ring with a simple diamond on the middle of ring. I cover my lips.

Grab his hand and help him to get up from the ground. I hug him tight. Too tight. I place my hand on his neck. I cried. He poke my back.

“I will never hurt you” he said.

That’s the time when I agree to marry with him. I love him. but I keep my feeling. I don’t want he know that I love him. afraid that he will leave me when I start to confess my feeling. I still , you know that trauma still on my head.

We’re married.

I don’t know why suddenly I think to try him. this crazy idea make me regret until now. I turn in to a monster , yes. I call it like that. Every time he did something I always mad. I said I want something but then he buy it I said I don’t want it anymore. I will make him hate me. everything I do for make him hate me or divorce me. even it’s hurt but.. I really want him to find someone new. The craziest thing is I try to match making him with one of my friend. but still. He never turn his attention on that girl.

Tired. Everything I did was fail. But it’s make me fall so deep to him. he patiently take caring me without any complain. Smiling seeing me happy. Is he always like this? on the first time we met. I reject him I always make him disappear from my life but always fail.

....