Still eyes closed Shiwoo snuggle on the warmth he felt beside him. His head hurts like hell and his body feels so sore. Did he drink too much last night? He felt comfortable with the warmth beside him.

But the realization of someone sleeping beside him, made him force his lazy eyes to open.  And what he saw wasn’t what he really thought would happen. He knew it’s a bad idea to share a room with him because they may end up trying to kill each other. But…

“What the hell is this?!!” Shiwoo thought

He can’t move an inch because Raeheon’s other arm is resting on his waist.  Raeheon face was so close to him. He can feel his bare body on him.

“God what is this!!” Shiwoo thought

He felt like crying. Is this a dream or a nightmare perhaps?

Shiwoo can’t help but stare at the person sleeping beside him. How peaceful he looks when he sleeps.

Just then Raeheon opened his eyes and for a moment they were just staring at each other eyes.  Shiwoo felt his cheeks burning under Raeheon gaze. Out of panic he pushes his self away from Raeheon’s embrace that made him fall off the bed

“!” He cursed when he landed on his

He realized now that his half and only wearing his boxer. He also saw some love bites on his chest “Did we just…Did you just…” He can’t say the word

Raeheon was now seating and holding his head.

“Yes we had ” confirming Shiwoo’s unfinished question

“Why! Why did you..!” Shiwoo said still standing on the place that he fall

Their clothes are all over the place.

“You’re good on forgetting things” Raeheon said picking up his clothes “I hate to remind you but you were begging for it.” He said not even looking at Shiwoo. He started to dress himself.

“I..what?!”

“You don’t have to think about this too much,it’s just a one night thing. It’s not like I have to take responsibility on anything right” Raeheon said looking at Shiwoo while buttoning his shirt.

“You…!!” Shiwoo run towards to Raeheon  and grab his collar “You’re such an !”

Raeheon just smirked at him. Shiwoo blow a punch on his face, making him fall on the floor.

Raeheon just smirked again while touching the part that Shiwoo hit

  “Are you happy now?” Raeheon said standing up and fixing his shirt

“I…freaking hate you!” Shiwoo said not looking at Raeheon

His so angry he can’t bear to look at him.

Raeheon just laughed and walked going to the door.

“Make sure you’re not here when I get my luggage “ Raeheon said before leaving the room

“Did you… did you do this because of what happened between you and  Raeum?!”

“Think whatever you want” Raeheon said before closing the door

Shiwoo fall on his knees.

“Damn it!”

He hates him. But hate his self-more for loving a person like him. 

 

----

He was the last one to board the plane. Like it always had been Raeheon is setting beside Jun and San ah.

His envious of the relationship of the three especially at times like this. He knew that the two don’t hate him  like Raeheon do.

 

He remember it clearly when San ah talked to him after the incident on his birthday

 

 

 

“I’m sorry about Raeheon hyungs actions…” San ah said to Shiwoo one night when he asked him to drink

“You don’t have to apologize for his actions”

“I know his acting like an ”

“Yeah not even giving me a break on my birthday”

“He wasn’t like that before”

“I know”

“I don’t know if you still remember him. Joongdo hyung”

“Yeah I still remember him” How could he forget him when he just argued about him with Raeheon last night

“He was not just a trainee we meet here. He was Raeheon hyung’s childhood friend. His best friend.”

“I didn’t mean to take his place”

“”I know and we understand that it’s something beyond our control. Me and Jun…We don’t hate you.”

“I know” Because Jun would always send him an apologetic smile. A light pat on his shoulder every time Raeheon would do mean things to him

“We may not be able to show you more care than we should and I’m sorry for that but we can’t let Raeheon hyung go… He needs us and we need him too….”

Such loyalty too him…

“Joongdo hyung was someone he built his dream with. He was his sun. Joongdo hyung leaving him here is like turning his world upside down. Raeheon hyung know that it’s not your fault. He understands it but he can’t accept it yet. Understanding and accepting are two different things for him. I’m not asking you to forgive him in everything he did. What I want to ask to you is not to break apart. I know you’re stronger that what you seem but I also know that you feel lonely being alone. I know things are hard for you because of what Raeheon hyungs doing and us not being able to care for you more. But please hold on a little. Raeheon hyungs being like this is hard for me and Jun too but I know things would change. You’re a part of Infinite Power.   Just give him more time to accept it.” San ah said looking to my eyes.

“I’ll try not to be pissed on him for your sake”

San ah laughed “That. I would doubt would ever happen”

Shiwoo smile too thinking how hard not to be pissed at Raeheon 

 

After few hours they finally arrived.

 

Raeheon was walking ahead on them while Shiwoo was walking behind San ah and Jun.  They were about to board the car when Jun suddenly called out to Raeheon.

“Hyung isnt that Joongdo hyung?” Jun said looking at a giant LCD Screen across the airport entrance.

They all look on the direction that Jun was looking at.

The giant LCD is showing a debut stage of a new group that just debuted and becoming a hot topic now on Korea.

“Tell the managers that I’ll be off somewhere” Raeheon said looking at Jun

“But you don’t even know where he is” Jun said

“I’ll find out. ” Raeheon said while calling for a taxi “Dont wonder around and go straight to the dorm. That’s include you too Shiwoo” Raeheon said looking at him before going inside the taxi.

“He would finally see him right?” San ah said not really asking anyone in particular

“Yeah finally”

 

It’s pass midnight when Shiwoo went out of his room to get some cold water from the kitchen. He saw Jun on the living room watching some documentary show. It just means that Raeheon haven’t returned yet. Jun would always wait for them, whenever members haven’t arrived on the dorm yet.

“Where the hell did he even went to”  Shiwoo taught feeling irritated by the thought that Raeheon haven’t returned yet.

He quietly went to the kitchen not even bothering to open the light. He already memorized where to get the things that he would need. He was about to return to his room when the door slowly open. Jun immediately turned off the TV and went to the door. Raeheon entered their dorm almost stumbling and if Jun didn’t come to his aid he would be probably lying on the floor.

“How many bottle of soju did you drink?”

“I don’t know…”

“Joondong hyung?”

“He wasn’t there… they were having a showcase somewhere… I thought I would finally be able to see him…”

Raeheon said sitting on the floor

Jun took off Raeheon shoes and put them on the shoe rack

“Hyung you would be able to see him soon. Come on you can’t sleep here” Jun said trying to make him stand

“But he was supposed to debut with us… he supposed to be… he didn’t even try to contact us after he left…” Raeheon said letting Jun help him stand up

“If he didn’t come along… Joongdo and I would…”

“It wasn’t Shiwoo’s fault and you know it too… Give the poor kid a break before he totally breaks apart…”

“But it’s already too late. I went overboard. I shouldn’t have done that. No matter what he said that night, I shouldn’t have…” Raeheon said holding on to Jun and looking to his eyes like trying to find some answers that he needed to know

“I know I understand. Don’t worry okay?”

“I’m sorry…” Raeheon said resting his head on Jun’s shoulder

“It’s alright hyung… Try to forgive yourself too.” Jun said rubbing Raeheon’s back “come on you need to sleep okay?”

Raeheon just nod

“Do you want me to sleep with you tonight?” Jun asked

Raeheon just nod again

Jun just smile and guide Raeheon to his room so he wouldn’t fall.

“You can’t even walk properly. How did you even manage to get home. Call us next time okay” Jun said

“I’m sorry…”

 

 

Shiwoo was trembling. He sat in the dark hugging his knees, Taking deep breaths trying to calm his self. He didn’t know what exactly he feels. He hates everything he heard and sees tonight, He hate seeing Raeheon with Jun. He hates seeing how vulnerable he is to him. He hates the knowledge of knowing that Jun would be sleeping with him. Hate the possibility of them being more than friends. He hated that he couldn’t be that someone for him. It’s always someone else. He hated it but couldn’t do anything about it

“God why are you doing this to me…” Shiwoo said resting his head on his knees

 

 

 

Shiwoo wake up feeling unwell. His still feel upset because of the things that he saw and heard last night. Thankfully he doesn’t have any schedule in the morning. Everyone has gone to their own schedule. He went to the kitchen to fix his self some food before their manager arrived to pick him up.

He saw a note on the table.

Shiwoo,

You would probably be the first to wake up. Raeheon hyung is still sleeping on his room. He was a bit drunk last night. If manger hyung would ask about him, just tell him that his sick okay? We already told him but in case he would ask again. By the way San ah made breakfast for both of you. Just heat it up again when you wake up. We have a shoot for a variety show this morning. See you later?

 

Jun (=^_____^=)

 

Shiwoo immediately went to Raeheon room. He slowly opened the door not wanting to disturb him. Raeheon was still peacefully sleeping while hugging a giant pillow. He quietly went to the side on the bed and sat on the floor so he could clearly see his face

“Why do you have to hate me so much? Do i have to disappear for you to smile again? I really didn’t mean to take his place...” Shiwoo said while looking on Raeheon sleeping face.

He reaches out his hand to touch his face. He always wanted to touch him. To hold his hand, to touch hair and to hold him close. He didn’t even how he survived fighting those urges.

“Hyung i don’t know what to do anymore...” Shiwoo said stopping his hand before it reach to Raebeon

He sigh and look at him one more time before standing up and quietly leave the room.

 

 

Raeheon slowly opened his eyes when he heard the door closed.

“I’m sorry...”  he said while looking at the close door

No he didn’t want him to go away... The thought of not being able to see him again is unbearable to him.

“i don’t know what to do anymore too.. Why does it have to be you?”

He woke up the moment Shiwoo entered the room. But he didn’t have the courage to open his eyes. To look at him.

 

 

It was almost a week after Raeheon returned to their dorm totally wasted and things have becoming worse.  Raeheon wouldn’t even look at Shiwoo. Like he doesn’t exist. He can bare if he hated him at very list he still acknowledge him

 

“Did you and Raeheon had another fight again”

“No” “we did something more worse than that” Shiwoo thought

“Hey isn’t that Joongdo” while looking at the glass wall

Shiwoo suddenly stops on his tracks and look at where their manager was looking. Raeheon was outside the AnA building. He was smiling brightly at that person.  A smile that he wishes Raeheon could give him too.

“I heard he finally debuted”

“Good for him” Shiwoo said walking away

He can’t bear to watch them anymore. It hurts a lot seeing the person you love with someone else.  Jealousy is eating him inside. He felt that he couldn’t breath. He needed air.

 

As day pass Shiwoo tried his best not to cross path with Raeheon. His always torn on wanting and not wanting to see him. But he decided it would be better to not see him. Even for just a while. Because seeing him acting like he doesn’t exist hurts him more than could bear. He needed time to breath. Needed time to let the pain subside a little or at least get used to it.

Thankfully they don’t have any activity as group at the moment. His currently busy filming for a new drama series and if the filming would end up early he would go directly to the dance studio to practice. On this way he doesn’t have to take the risk on seeing Raeheon. His not really good at dancing but he needed something to keep his self busy before going to sleep and maybe by doing this he could help his self improve too.

 

After hours of not stop dancing Shiwoo  was lying breathlessly on the floor. He looks at the clock on his wrist.

9pm  is what is watch shows.

“It’s still early. ..” he said still Trying to regulate his breathing.

“I know you would be here”  Raeum said entering the dance studio

“What do you want?!” he said standing up  and  drinking some water.

He didn’t want to see her.

“Hey you know I like you right..” she said walking closer to Shiwoo  “You know you look so hot with all that sweat” putting a hand at Shiwoo chest and closing the distance until her face is only an inch away at Shiwoo’s face.

“I dont have time to play with you” Shiwoo said turning his head away from Raeum

“Oh you dont?” She said with sarcasm

Raeum hooked his other arm around Shiwoo’s neck while her other hand is on Shiwoo’s face.

“Why don’t we try it?” She said seductively closing her face on to Shiwoos face

He knew this isn’t right but be doesn’t really care anymore. He knew Raeum would only leave him alone if she would know that he would not react on anything she would do.

Shiwoo close his eyes.

“just get over with it” he said

Raeum smiled. Those words like a go signal for Shiwoo to do anything she likes.

“Finally” she said

Her lips was about to touch on Shiwoo lips when someone suddenly take Shiwoo from her grasp.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” She said angrily on the person that took Shiwoo

Shiwoo opened his eyes and saw Raeheon holding him tightly in an arm.

“I’d like to know the same thing. What do you think you two are doing?!” He said looking at Shiwoo

Shiwoo can see the anger in Raeheons eyes

“What are you getting angry about?!You already broke up with her. It’s not like we’re doing something wrong” Shiwoo said trying to take off Raeheons hold on his arm. But his grip is too strong that it already hurts

“I need to talk to you now!” Raeheon said not even letting go of Shiwoo

“We don’t have to talk about anything!” Shiwoo said trying to be strong looking through Raeheon.

“Raeum I need you to leave. Please. ” Raeheon said looking at Raeum

“Tsk. Fine.” She said flipping his hair and walking out the room.

Finally Raeheon let go of his arm when Raeum walk out of the room

“What do you want to talk about?!” Shiwoo said “Oh I know! You want me get away from her? Why break up with her if you still damn like her!” Shiwoo said looking at Raeheon

He can’t take it anymore. His so angry at him and so angry with his self.

“I know you hate me so much! But let’s stop this now! Do you want me to quit this group? Would that make you happy? Fine. I’ll talk to our CEO to terminate my contract” Shiwoo said picking his bag and walk going to the door but even before he could walk pass Raeheon he hold his arm again stopping him on his track.

“Stop it.” Raeheon said looking at Shiwoo

“Stop what?! What do you want me to stop?! I never wanted to take Joongdo place in this group. I never meant for you and Raeum to broke up”

“I know...”

“Then why?!! Why do you hate me so much?!!”  Tears starting to fall from is eyes

Raeheon didnt answer but just pull Shiwoo next to him and kiss him on the lips.

Shiwoo was taken aback on Raeheon’s action. He was still on state of shock when their lips parted. The kiss was short but gentle.

“Why? Why did you do that?!!” Shiwoo said covering his lips with the back of his hand.

“Please stay..” Raeheon said looking on Shiwoo eyes

“What?” shiwoo said

He wasn’t sure if what his hearing is right that Raeheon telling him to stay.

“Im sorry for being an . I know it wasn’t your fault. I already come on terms with that…”

“Then why? Why do you still hate so much?!”

“Because… Because I can’t accept that I’m in love with you…”

“You… What?!”

“I hate that I love you so much. I hate that I shouldn’t but can’t help falling in love with you.”

“I… Is this one of your tricks to get back to me?”

“No. I know I was wrong. I know it’s hard to believe. But please just this once…believe me…Please stay… Im sorry…”

“Then why…why did you said that… that morning… after we…”

“Because you forgotten everything that you said that night…. You said that you loved me…

“I… what?!”

 

“and I told you that I love you too.... I know that I shouldn’t have acted that way even if you had forgotten everything… I’m sorry… I’ll change... Just give me a chance... I...”

“I ing hate you!” Shiwoo said and kiss Raeheon on the lips.

He knows that he might end up hurting again. He knows that this might just be a dream or a freaking nightmare. But he needs this so bad and he knows deep inside no matter what Raeheon would say even if it’s a lie a part of him would always believe him. That’s how bad his situation is.

“You better not be fooling around because I’ll never going to let you go.” Shiwoo said after the kiss. His face was still red from embarrassment.

Raeheon just smiled. The kind of smile that Shiwoo always wanted to see.  Raeheon touch the traces of tears on his cheek and place a gentle kiss on it.

“I’m sorry...”

Shiwoo hug him tight. He could feel Raeheon hugging him back too. He would never want to let this man go. He would not give him up to anyone. Even to Joongdo.

“Let’s go home” Raeheon said breaking the hug.

Shiwoo just nod.

Raeheon pick up Shiwoo’s bag “I’ll never let you go too.” Raeheon said holding Shiwoo hand

If it’s all a dream he wouldn’t want to wake up again because this is that he wanted.

“Let’s go?”Raeheon said interlacing their hands together.

Shiwoo nodded “Let’s go home.”