A month ago…

The phone buzzed, ugh, another text… I was too busy dying on my bed to bother about the flooding notifications that were constantly making that annoying ding sound which makes you want to grab your phone and kill it.

Well, not today though, there were too many thoughts whizzing around my head… everything, well, seemed so sudden. Our schedule was packed- of course, since “Red Light” hit the streets, our comeback was more popular with our fans than we expected, ahh the usuals: Inkigayo, Mnet, MBC… I could list a whole bunch of stages we had to perform on. We didn’t mind though, the practices and everything strengthened the bond between the f(x) members and our fans themselves… Sulli had some health issues, the cold had caught her- her voice started to rasp and her flexible body started to weaken and she starts to complain about a muscle or a bone problem. She fainted in our practice room actually, we were so worried- our manager decided to call the ambulance.

The doctor was kind enough to do a full body check for her, he had our hopes high up before starting, saying it all her symptoms were just part of the cold- but then he came out to the waiting room with a very grave look on his face. He told us that she had some kind of cancer that I don’t know what it is in English and she only had a month left- I didn’t care what she had, Luna and Krystal just sat on the sofa in shock, tears started swelling up in Victoria’s eyes, and I (being the one that rushes all the time) barged into Sulli’s room.

All her makeup was removed, Sulli looked as weak and pale as ever- make up changes everything; there was a drip connected to her right arm- I didn’t know what that was for anyway. “Sulli! Are you kidding me- you’re leaving us behind! Do you know how angry I am, are you forgetting about all these years we’ve had fun and performed and- I don’t care, you are one of my- my sisters… you can’t just say you have a month left and then…” The rest of the group filed in one by one silently into the roomand suddenly, they all just started crying, ran and hugged Sulli- what else could they do, start a list of what we’re going to do with her in her last month?

To be honest, I couldn’t hold it in as well, instead of crying with them like sisters should be doing, I ran outside the room to cry- they could not see me cry, it was utterly embarrassing for a cool and calm person to be crying. My head sunk between by legs- and suddenly, the most warm sound that could ever comfort me said, “Llama, I love you, don’t cry…”