The sunlight strikes into the curtained window.  My eyes slowly cracked open.  It is a bit annoying when the warmth of the sun cruelly strikes my skin.  I look at my side.

Empty.

I sit up from my previous position.  My eyes scan the whole bedroom.  There’s no sign of you take a shower in the bathroom or your presence of playing starcraft.  But I notice something weird in our shared bedroom.  It is almost empty without any drawings that we usually hang at the wall.  I slowly get up and move to our wardrobe.  It’s nearly empty.  Where the heck is our clothes?  I also notice there are no traces of my clothes in here.   There are only some of your clothes left.

Not satisfied with the condition in our room, I turn the door knob and step outside.  There’s also no sign of you in the house.  I wonder where you have been early in the morning.  Usually the first thing that comes into my sight when I open my eyes is your sleeping face but now I find nothing.

Where are you, Cho Kyuhyun?

I walk straight to our small living room and I found some boxes there.  What’s up with these boxes?  Curiosity makes me go near the boxes and luckily they are still not taped yet.   When I open the boxes, I found my clothes in there…along with some of my belongings.  My eyes wide open and I can feel my hands tremble when I open another boxes.  It is our collection of pictures together since our teenage days until now.

Where are you talking all these, Kyu?

I quickly get up and wander around the house.  It’s quite empty now.  I feel really weird.  I do not remember anything about us moving out from this house.  I still remember our conversation two years ago.

“Where are you taking me, Kyu?”

“Somewhere.”

“Aish, do you have to blindfold me?”

“Of course I have to.  If not, then it will not be a surprise.”

I whined a little bit but still you resist it.  Well, at least try to.

“Nice try bunny but it won’t work this time.  I plan hard to make this surprise to you.”

“I feel like a blind person right now.”

“Of course you are blind.  You are blinded with my love.”

“Cheesy Kyu.”

“Yeah, cheesy Kyu that you love the most.”

“Can I open this blindfold now?”

“Patient, baby…just a little bit more.  We’re nearly there.”

Based on my intuition, we were going to some place but I could not pinpoint which place you were taking me but deep inside I feel so excited because this was the first time you acted like this.  We were taking the elevator now we did not make any conservation but sometimes you gave a soft squeeze to my hands.  Signal to ease my nervous.

Ding!

You led me to somewhere until our paces become slow and stop. You still did not say anything but I heard a sound of door being opened dragged me into that place and you put both of your hands on my shoulders.

“Are you ready?”

I nodded nervously.  You started to unfold the cloth but I still closed my eyes…to nervous to see what was waiting in front of me.

“Open your beautiful eyes.”

Slowly I opened my eyes and felt the biggest shocked in my life…well at least for now.  We were in an apartment.  Not too big but not too small either.  I closed my opened mouth with my palms.

“K-Kyu…this is…”

“Our little world from now until forever.”

I quickly hugged you tight and cried in your chest. You just chuckled softly and rubbed my back.

I still remember that.  I still remember your sentences that night when you said that we will never leave this house.  But what I find out is looks like we…no…not we but me will going somewhere…still why I can’t remember anything even the slightest.  My head is throbbing right now.  I need an explanation!

Until late evening, you still do not come back home.  Where have you been actually?  Are you avoiding me?  Do you already tired of me?  No!  I trust him!  He will never do that to me.  He loves me as much as I love him…right?

Suddenly the main door opens.  You step in our small apartment with a tired face and straight go to the couch and slumps your body there.

Can’t you see me here?

I observe your face.  You seem really tired.  You have dark circles under your eyes.  Your hair is also messy…it is always messy before this but now it is really messy as in you never take care of it.  Your body also looks skinnier than the last time I saw you.  What happen to your always pink plum lips?  Why is it chapped now?  Are you sick?

I touch your arm softly.  You do not move even a bit then I put a bit pressure on your arms.  You startle a bit and look at my direction.  I smile at you but your face show nothing.  Not as usual you where you will pull me into your embrace and then we will cuddle together on our favourite couch.

Your next action makes me left dumbfounded.  You abruptly stand up and go straight into our room without a glance to me.  My heart beats faster than usual.  I follow you from behind and see that you already lie down on the bed with closed eyes.  Sleep already without waiting for me?  So not you, Cho Kyuhyun.  I slip under the blanket and lie faced to you.  I trace your face stars from your forehead until your lips. I bit my lower lips and I do not even know when I am crying until I feel my cheeks wet.  I close my eyes and snuggle closer to you.  Hope tomorrow will be better.

When I open my eyes the next day, same thing happens.  You’re not beside me.  I sit up and rub my eyes using my back hands.  There’s voice talking out there.  I quickly wake up and rush towards the door and open it.  When I reach to the living room I meet with you and Donghae…my best friend.

“Are you ready?”

“Yeah…I guess this is it.  It’s about time I move out from this house and bring out his belongings.”

What are you talking about, Kyu?  Are you planning on leaving me behind?

“It’s okay.  Past is past.  Let’s create new memories together from now on.”

What is this?  What are you guys talking about?  Can’t you see me standing here waiting for your explanation?  And what with the create new memories together?

“I feel like I’m betraying him.”

“You are not betraying him, Kyu.  He’s gone forever.  You must go on with your life.  Do you think it is easy for me to confess to you when you are my best friend’s boyfriend?  Do you think it’s easy for me to control my feelings for you all these years?  Sungmin’s dead now and I’m sure he will not happy if you continue on grieving with his loss.  Let me take care of you, Kyu.  I love you!”

Dead??  I’m dead?  Since when??

All the memories flash back to my mind.  The last thing that I remember is I collapse on Kyuhyun’s embrace and his screams one month ago.  Damn this brain tumor!  Why can’t I remember I’m already dead?  I stare at the two figures in front of me.  Both of you are hugging tightly and the next thing I see made me scream in sorrow.  Donghae and Kyuhyun…you are kissing passionately together!  My tears run smoothly wetting my cheeks.

H-How could both of you…Donghae…you’re my bestfriend but you betray me!  You said that you will never take what is mine even if I’m gone!  I fall on my knees and scream out loud while holding my head.

Pranngg!

The picture of me smiling widely that hanging on the wall fall and made the glass of the frame shatters.  Both of you stop from the kiss and look at the cracked frame glass.  Donghae held your arm while you pick up my picture and stare deeply into it.

“Sometimes I can feel he is still here in this house.”  You look at Donghae who is looking a little bit scared now.

You clean up the mess and put my picture together with my other stuff.  The moment you do that I sob loudly and clutch my chest.  It’s hurt to know that you are no longer need me in your life…that you will permanently remove me from the special spot in your heart.

“Let’s go, Kyu.  We need to go to your new house now.”

You just nod and intertwine your fingers with him.  You look at my direction like you can see me and say the words that make me break into a thousand pieces.

“I’m sorry, Sungmin.  There are no longer us.  There’s only me and him.”

That is the last thing you say to me before you head out…head out forever from this house and from our love.  I am still crying my heart out.  The tears do not seem to stop.

If only I knew earlier that you are no longer mine…

If only I knew both of you are betraying my trust…

If only I knew that your love for me is not forever…

If only I knew that I’m already dead…

If and only if….

Goodbye, Kyuhyun…my Kyuhyun…

Let this be my last tears for you....