Jongin thinks Kyungsoo must have really destroyed him. 

real hard.

It’s been a month since they’ve broken up and the only good thing Jongin has done is get out of his house to take a stroll in the neighborhood park.

His fingers would might as well mold into a crescent; they do nothing but grip tightly on to his mobile phone, waiting for a text message that he knew is never going to come. 

regrets come after a decision is made when emotions are high.

Jongin wishes he knew that before that night he ended a relationship he’d thought would go against all the odds.

But there’s a war going inside Jongin’s head. 

A war that would cause his mental state’s demise if it doesn’t stop.

One Jongin is stuck in it’s the right choice, he wasn’t right for you. 

and another Jongin is stuck on we could’ve worked it out, if i wasn’t too much of a .

Jongin wishes the latter thought would lose out.

Kyungsoo wasn’t right for Jongin, just like how he wasn’t right for Kyungsoo. Their relationship was a time bomb. It was a fact Jongin was not too blind to see, but he risked it all anyway, and thought, maybe, somewhere in the way, he could dismantle it.

What he didn’t see coming; 

He was too pre occupied with saving their relationship,

that he hadn’t realized

Kyungsoo was breaking him. 

In a manner so deliberately slow, the pain was not felt until it all had piled up against Jongin’s chest and exploded.

"So what do I do now" He speaks to the pale ghost of a reflection in the mirror. "where do we go from here"

Just right then his phone blows up with the sound of Kyungsoo’s ringtone. He hesitates, but soon enough answers it anyway. He doesn’t speak though. His hands are shaking.

There’s silence on the line for a few minutes until Kyungsoo finally talks; ”Hello.” It wasn’t much of a question. 

Jongin’s voice breaks, “Good Evening.”

Kyungsoo is a piece of Jongin that he wishes to forget about. But the more he forces Kyungsoo out, the more and more he realizes how easy he had given up. The more he realizes it’s close to impossible, the more he realizes he might have just screwed up big time.

"i wanted to check on you" Kyungsoo follows, voice shy.

"I’m Ok" Jongin replies shortly.

"That’s good."

"is that all?"

Silence.

"good night, then"

He pretends not to hear the cut off voice of Kyungsoo in the last second before he hung up.

Jongin hates this. He wants to get out of this misery.

How do you remember how you once were after a huge part of you had been taken out? 

Another month passes and Jongin is holding up better than the last. He’s smiling more often now, dressing himself with more effort and going out more. 

A particular guy named Sehun had been taking him out, helping him out of his misery and he could never have been more thankful.

Ofcourse, the fact that Sehun is gay and is more often than not in a lovey dovey state whenever his boyfriend is around doesn’t help — but so long as Jongin’s distracted from his thoughts, he doesn’t mind.

One autumn day when he’s sat in a cafe waiting for his order he sees the familiar figure of Kyungsoo outside the window. Their eyes meet, and Kyungsoo stops in his tracks. Jongin stares at him, and it takes all of him to make the corners of his lips twitch in a smile. 

Kyungsoo smiles back.

The smile disappears right after Kyungsoo continues to walk. 

Jongin breaks down that night again.

He finds it unfair. Unfair how no matter how he thinks he’s doing progress, one glimpse of Kyungsoo and he’s right back to square one.

Jongin gets drunk another month after, after coincidentally bumping with Kyungsoo in the streets. It wouldn’t have been that painful except for the fact that his ex boyfriend wasn’t alone.

Sehun does his job again and takes him out drinking, and he drinks himself until he can’t think and see straight.

Sehun takes him home that night, and Jongin sees Kyungsoo when Sehun lays him down on his bed. 

"kiss me." Jongin whispers.

To his surprise, Sehun does. One kiss turns into desperate touches. Clothes are thrown to the floor and when he enters Sehun and finishes, Jongin whispers Kyungsoo’s name.

All the while, he sees Kyungsoo.

After that night, Sehun avoids Jongin as much as he possibly can.

Jongin thinks this is it.

This is how it’s going to be for the rest of his life; kyungsoo’s going to forget about him while Jongin’s forgets about the fact that he still has a life.

Fair enough.