"Sehun, will you be my boyfriend?" Jongin whispered into the boy's ear shyly, cheeks and ears reddening as he uttered every syllable. Sehun noticed his nimble fingers fumbling with the string of his sweatpants, stopping to fumble with his fingers.

Sehun smiled. It was the rare one that only a few people had seen, ever. Those few people mostly his mother, father, sister, and Jongin.

"Yeah." 

With that, he took hold of the other boys hands, softly pecking his cheek as he curled instinctively into the other body because he was tired. 

"Let us scribe into our hearts, only the memories we wish to hold on to."

Two years later, and they were still relatively happy. 

Sehun was an interior designer, he owned his own company, sorted his own hours, did things his own way. He was happy to be the one helping people make their dream home; happy to decorate weddings; happy to be there when someone designed their future child's room. Sehun loved his job.

Jongin was a dance instructor. He was more than happy to be the one teaching children their dance for a musical; more than happy to help people with two left feet switch to one right foot, one left; glad to help people overcome fears of dancing on a stage; Jongin loved his job.

It was inevitable then, Sehun thought, when he watched Jongin busy himself at practices. He spent so much time in the dance studio practicing, helping others and being beautifuly bright Jongin, that Sehun missed him. Sehun watched as he started to put whitening cream into his skin, even though his tan was exceptionally gorgeous. Jongin only mumbled that he'd been teased for too long, and Sehun felt his heart crack.

Sehun stood quietly, by the door of the studio, watching Jongin's every move. He loved the way Jongin's lean body would bend and twist so fluidly, then snap into another position before falling smoothly again. He loved watching the sweat as it drenched his hair, made his skin glisten, forcing Jongin to stop because he needed to breathe. He loved watching Jongin because Jongin was so perfect in his own little world that he didn't dare take him out of it.

Jongin's breathing was laboured, chest heaving as he shook his head and replayed the song. 

"You've worked hard enough, Jongin. Come home, I missed you so much today." Sehun finally called, just before the man pressed play. 

Jongin his heel, his face lighting up at the sight of Sehun. Even though Jongin was tired and sweaty, he still managed to launch himself into Sehun's inviting arms. Sehun didn't mind the sweat, or the odour, for he lived for Jongin's touch.

Sehun could feel Jongin's wide grin against the soft skin of his neck and he smiled too, thin fingers naturally sifting through Jongin's raven hair, arm wrapping around Jongin's waist. Jongin clung onto Sehun dearly and Sehun did his very best to savour the moment, mentally counting every breath Jongin took, every noticeable beat of his heart, how his arms shook slightly. 

"I missed you too, Sehun." Jongin whispered against his skin.

They had been away from each other for too long, Sehun concluded, when Jongin suddenly had a new surge of energy, and Sehun found himself in euphoria as he and Jongin became one, once again. He loved it when afterwards, he could rest in Jongin's embrace, listening to sweet nothings that were mumbled into his ears as he quietly returned it. 

"There were the moments; where every minute and second was precious, where I missed even when I was there with you."

One week and four days, Sehun thought, with a sad smile.

Jongin wasn't home from his trip, yet. He went with his pupils to a music show across the country. 

Sehun knew Jongin would be back by the next day, but he couldn't stop the ache in his chest when he messaged him and received a simple "Hm" or "Nice". 

He saw the posts Jongin put online, on his website for the kids to look at. He knew the pupils would like that, yet, Sehun can remember clearly, he would hesitate deeply before confessing he didn't remember Sehun's favourite movie. 

Every evening after work, Sehun found himself online, looking at the new posts, the new pictures, the new dances they would post. 

He sighed again, shutting down his laptop and settling himself into bed. Subconsciously, his hands scramble underneath the duvet in search for his bolster. Consider it his temporary Jongin. 

Wrapping thin limbs around the bolster, Sehun let the silent tears escape as he fell asleep painfully slowly. 

"What else can we do?"

"Sehun-ah, stop this please," Yixing chided softly, wrapping an arm around Sehun's slender waist gingerly, and the younger's hair, " You're hurting yourself so much."

They were seated in Sehun's quiet apartment on the worn white sofa in the living room.

"It's okay, Hyung, I'm okay," Sehun promised, but he didn't know if he was trying to fool himself or Yixing anymore, "He's just going on another trip, he has to, for his school." yet, the crack in his voice at the word 'school' gave everything away. 

Sehun let his walls crumble. 

Yixing held him tightly, caressing his hair softly, murmuring that everything will be alright as he gently rocked back and forth on the sofa. 

Sehun fell asleep to the words, gently whispered into his ear, "Think about it." 

"Let's let go and only suffer what we can withstand."

Sehun did as he was told. 

He found himself sitting alone on a park bench, chin resting on his knees folded into his chest. He didn't bother wearing something to keep himself warm, too absentminded to realise that he had walked out the house in a pair of worn jeans and a thin blue shirt. At least he had on shoes. He just needed to stay out of the flat for a little bit, too much Jongin that wasn't physically there to create tidal waves of heartbreak after heart break.

The air whispered coolly against his skin and he shivered only slightly before wondering what on earth Yixing meant by "thinking about it". 

Sehun loved Jongin. Loved him so much. That was it.

But the underlying question was, did Jongin still love him?

Sehun sighed deeply, running a hand through brown locks. He didn't know, not anymore, not after weeks of ignoring, weeks of being forgotten, not after the countless times he was put as a second priority to other people, not after being the only one in the relationship putting an effort. 

No, not anymore.

Sehun felt his lips quiver, the familiar smarting in his eyes before he sobbed into his folded knees quietly. 

The grey clouds opened then, light droplets sprinkling as if the skies cried for Sehun too.

"Nothing's gonna be alright"

This time, Sehun was in Yixing's apartment, seated on the counter as he watched Yixing cook dinner for his roommate Minseok and Sehun.

Jongin was home but busy as ever and Sehun had finished all his work errands hours ago. He couldn't stand how suffocating it felt to be at home alone with Jongin and quickly left, for Yixing's instead.

 "Sehun-ah, don't keep holding on for those days in the past, you know better than that," Yixing said softly as he julienned the carrots for Bibimpap, "Afterall, every description I hear of Jongin these days have shown he's changed, and so have you. If he's causing you so much painwhilst you work at the relationship all the time is it really worth it?"

Sehun felt maybe he understood Yixing better now, but remained quiet for futher explanation, "It won't change a thing, even if you mess up as you try fill the emptiness in the relationship what difference will it make? Tell me, Sehun."

He swore he could feel his heart shatter at the realisation.

There woudn't be a difference, because Jongin wouldn't notice.

"If you yearn and await for those days that won't come back, what difference does it make?"

Sehun sighed as he listened from his desk the sound of music playing from the living room, knowing full well Jongin had better things to do than watch his pupils, but Sehun was far past tired of chastising the other man and continued with his work, browsing through different products as he read room and furniture measurements and arrived to a conclusion. He would need to ring his client soon.

The door to his office opened, without so much a knock and Sehun asked what Jongin wanted, slightly abrasively.

"Sehun-ah I was just wondering if you were hungry," Sehun could hear the pout in Jongin's voice and felt his heart tighten, "Maybe we could eat together or something?" 

Sehun stiffened in his seat, "I'm not really hungry, but sure, let's eat." seconds after his reply, Jongin was by his side, excitedly bringing him into the kitchen where an erray of food was spread on the table. Sehun eyed the food suspiciously as he took a seat. 

Something was wrong, he could feel it. Jongin was going to tell him something.

"Eat up, eat up, hunnie!" Jongin grinned as he took the seat opposite Sehun, scooping each of the side dishes alongside his rice, "So I have news..."

Sehun began eating but looked at the other man with raised brows to confirm he was listening.

"I've been asked to be a choreographer at an entertainment company!" Jongin beamed, "Okay so the working hours are a bit of a squeeze but we'll always see each other a bit, and it'll be even more so if I try run my school along side it, so I've asked Lu Han Hyung to take over and he's more than happy to."

Sehun sighed inwardly as he congratulated Jongin on his new job.

Couldn't they have discussed this together?

"Sincerity is always so powerless, crumbling away like sand and spraying out like waves."

After the announcement from Jongin, Sehun felt the need to leave for an hour or so. He needed air. It didn't matter if he was seated on the bench right outside the apartment block. Once again, Jongin made him feel trapped, and Sehun had come to realise his opinion had stopped mattering for a while. 

It pained him to feel so outcasted by Jongin and he couldn't understand why.

He knew full well that Jongin didn't need him anymore, if these past few months were anything of an indication. Sehun sighed deeply, pressing his face into his knees. He felt his heart twist and turn, not realising that being disregarded caused that much pain.

He sobbed into his knees as the clouds burst.

"And you just can't stop the rain."

Sehun found himself in the living room of Minseok's and Yixing's warm apartment. He was forced out of his sodden clothes and into the shower by a tutting Minseok and given Yixing's clothes to borrow for the time being.

"You can stay the night if you want, Sehun," Minseok offered quietly, as he towel dried the younger man's hair, "We have a spare room."

Sehun looked up curiously at the statement, noting the blush adorning Minseok's cheeks. As far as Sehun was concerned that apartment had two bedrooms.

"Yes, we share a room, Sehun, don't be too shocked." Yixing chuckled, as he pried the towel away from Minseok and invited them both for dinner.

Sehun felt a little better at the presence of the older men, enjoying their coddling and the affection, considering Jongin didn't really do that these days, it wasn't surprising he loved to be babied by the people who played mom and dad to him.

"Sehun-ah, I need you to be honest with me. Do you think Jongin stil loves you?" Yixing murmured, his hair as he rested on Yixing's lap.Sehun bit his lip at the question before shaking his head, "When did you realise this?"

"T-Today." he croaks, feeling his eyes smart again at the thought. Yixing doesn't stop the , but does sigh softly.

"So what are you going to do?" he asked and Sehun shrugged.

"I know I should leave."

"Then why don't you?"

"Whether you wanted it to or not, someday it falls.

And we would stand in it again."

Sehun quietly unlocks the door to his home the following morning, persuaded by Minseok and Yixing to stay the night. He couldn't help but notice the eery silence that has settled and he realises Jongin must have already left.

He sighs softly, deciding to take a day off. He quickly calls the office, telling them he's caught something because of the rain from the night before. Only believable because Sehun's voice is croaky in the morning until he's had his third cup of water.

Softly, he pads to the bedroom, grumbling about Jongin leaving the bed in a mess before curling up under the covers, dumping his belongings beside the bed.

It's around twelve when he hears the front door creak open, two voices follow and Sehun wonders who Jongin brought home and his chest heaves at the idea that Jongin might have someone else besides Sehun.

He's wrong because he hears Yixing's voice, "You're so selfish, you know? How can you completely disregard Sehun? He's your boyfriend!" 

Sehun wants to intervene but he finds himself curious for Jongin's answer.

"He's never said anything about it. He's usually quite vocal in when he doesn't like something."

"No he isn't! You're so dumb-" Yixing's voice trails and Sehun can hear footsteps leading to the bedroom, "Sehun?"

Sehun peeks from the covers, "Hi Hyung." he greets meekly.

"Get dressed, we're going out for a little okay?" and all Sehun can do is nod.

As he leaves, he feels Jongin's eyes boring into his back, and he tries his best to ignore him, the same way he was ignored.

"And when youre standing in the rain, 

There is very little we can do."

Sehun whines as he follows Yixing into a small restaurant, "How did you know I was there?"

"You left a trail of my clothes to your room, Sehun. I'm not blind." Yixing answers harshly, sitting down and ordering two sets of ramen with a frown, "You know, I knew Jongin was an idiot, but wow, he just takes the biscuit."

"Hyung, please."

"Sehun, this is technically an abusive relationship, and I demand you leave. You can stay with us, and we'll look after you the way you deserve. Jongin doesn't understand you at all and I don't know how you tolerate that, Sehun-ah, but really, if he can't make time for you, he's not worth your pain. Do you see where I'm coming from?"

Sehun nods slowly.

"They say, if someone is truly in love with you, they'll try to learn more and more about you, but I can tell, he doesn't care anymore. I'm sorry Sehun-ah but you have to realise this."

"I do, Hyung." Sehun sniffs, thanking the waitress for his food, "I just- I need a little time. Alright Hyung?"

Yixing's sigh was all Sehun needed.

"Our heart would wet, 

along with the rain."

Sehun gave up. 

After celebrating his birthday with his friends (and not Jongin, who had forgotten), he slowly started moving into the spare room at Yixing's and Minseok's.

He reached breaking point when Jongin came back after a week and left the following morning with nothing more than a note.

So in retaliation, he wrote a note of his own, packed the last few things of his and left the apartment.

"Goodbye, Jongin."

"Let us scribe into our hearts, only the memories we wish to hold on to."

"It's over." Sehun says to Yixing as he walks into the apartment.

The older man smiles and pulls him into a warm hug and Sehun lets himself weep in the comforting embrace.

I'M DONE. IT'S OVER. I'M OUT. IT'S TAKEN SO LONG AND ITS TERRIBLE BUT ITS FINALLY DONE. 

I HAVENT EVEN PROOF READ IT BUT I DUN CURR.

It's finals, I needed to vent in words.

Anyway, thank you for reading this trash, tell me how you felt please :) feel free to sub for more trash :D

Cheeseypuffes xx