“Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake.”

― Henry David Thoreau

 

From the top of the building, Do Kyungsoo stands near the edge.  He looks down from his place, admiring how cars look like plastic toys from his place. At least, he muses, he can’t hear the honks and the people chattering through the cold air of the busy city. Here, on top, he can’t hear anything but the soft whispers of the wind. He feels so alone but so powerful in a way. He feels like he can own the world.

His hair is a mess while his long black coat is fluttering what with the bellowing wind that seems to be urging him to go down from the ledge. It’s gently pushing him as if inviting him back to safety, back to the exhausting world of normality.

But Kyungsoo doesn’t want any of that.

He breathes in and holds it just when he pushed himself off the ledge. He’s falling but he’s calmer than ever. He spreads his arms, enjoying how he seems to be just passing through the wind. Everyone would think that he’d be crushed beyond doubt but he keeps falling. One second he can already see the ground, the next thing he sees are people and cars getting smaller in a matter of seconds.  

He realizes he’s flying.

---0---0---0---

 The sound of their new routine song drones in the background. Somebody is waving their hand in front of him. He blinks his eyes, once, twice, until his eyes finally adjust to the glaring lights of the practice room.

“Kyungsoo-yah.” A familiar voice calls out to him for the second time. “Are you with us? What are you thinking about?”

Kyungsoo props himself up and looks at his co-member, Junmyeon.

Junmyeon lifts his eyebrows, a silent question forming on his lips.

Even with the haze of an interrupted dream, Kyungsoo nods his head and reaches out for the water bottle next to him.

“Y-yeah...I’m just...” He shakes his head then apologetically smiles to Junmyeon. Fortunately, his co-member lets him slide and dismisses him by lightly clapping at his shoulders.

The clap of the choreographer echoes inside the practice room, urging them to get their asses off the floor and start practicing. All of them groan in frustration but still, they get up from their places and stands on their rightful position.

This.

This is Kyungsoo’s reality. He’s the main vocalist of a boy band consisting of self-proclaimed adults. In a way, his job is rewarding but he can’t really brush off the fact that it’s extremely tiring. Their dance is complicated and it requires stamina which—unfortunately—he lacks. They can’t really have a goodnight sleep for they usually end their practice at the break of dawn. But that’s not all. Oftentimes, his throat hurts especially every after voice rehearsals. He’s not exerting much effort (thinking that he should reserve his voice for the real deal) but somehow he can still strain himself.

Being an idol is hard. Much to everyone’s disappointment, it’s not all about the glitz and glamor. It’s all about hard work to perfection even if it means having muscle pains and dangers of nodes forming in your throat. That’s why he really wants to escape it. Of course, he can’t actually run away from it so he indulges himself with daydreams full of what ifs and why not.

Daydreaming isn’t hard. He does it every time there’s a chance; whenever there’s no distraction. It might be weird for everyone but the other members are used to it. They are used to see Kyungsoo spacing out here and there every time they have nothing to do or even when they’re discussing pressing matters. So when it comes to group meetings and decision making, they don’t really expect anything from him but a nod or a shake of his head. Only Jongin has the patience to deal with him. But even he has long given up engaging Kyungsoo in a proper conversation.

---0---0---0---

Kyungsoo can hear the sea breeze and the salt water lapping at the shore. He directs his gaze to the ground to see the white sand beneath his toes. The weather is nice, he thinks as he looks up to the cloudy blue sky. Slowly, he starts to walk, appreciating how great the sand feels beneath him. There’s a crunch in every step and he thinks that it’s a melody to his ears. Then, he decides to run, going against the wind. He doesn’t know why so when he looks straight to his direction, he’s stunned to see that he’s actually chasing after a girl.

At first, all he sees are her hair cascading just around her shoulders and her white dress swaying with the wind. Curiosity starts to sink into his bones so he starts running faster. Somehow, even with all his might, he can’t get close to her. His mouth opens to call out her name but he doesn’t it. She turns around with a lilting laughter. In that moment, he thinks, wow she’s very beautiful.

---0---0---0---

His alarm clock goes off, angrily screaming at him. Kyungsoo makes a grab for it to turn the damned thing off. He groans and throws his blanket over his head to go back to sleep. He’s not done yet!

“Kyungsoo-hyung, I’m hungry...” Jongin’s complaint is muffled by the blanket but it’s still audible even through the thick layer of pillow and comforter on top of Kyungsoo’s head.

“There’s bread on the counter, Jongin.” Kyungsoo says with his voice heavy with sleep. “I still want to sleep.”

“Hyung—” Jongin whines. He ing whines even when he’s already twenty. “I don’t want the bread for breakfast. I want your world renowned fried rice.” He shakes Kyungsoo until the latter throws his blanket off his body.

Kyungsoo glares at Jongin and punches him hard on the arm. Jongin doubles over in pain but he smiles when Kyungsoo gets up from the bed and groggily goes to the kitchen.   

 

As Kyungsoo is chopping the onion, he finds himself wondering who the girl is. Well, he has wild imagination and a wandering mind so the possibility of the girl ever existing may be 1 out of 10. Aside from that fact, he can say that the girl is too beautiful to be real. There’s no way a beauty like that can live in this cruel world same as the fireflies that only last for days.

Still, he imagines a multitude of ways and possibilities to meet the girl. On one scenario, he can visualize their first meeting in a cafe. It would be purely incidental and they’d share the same table and talk endlessly until an hour has finally passed. He would be frantically getting up from his seat as his manager nag at him on the phone for forgetting their practice or he wouldn’t care because the smile on the girl’s face is too sweet to just leave. In another case, they’d bump to each other on a street or somewhere common but it’d be memorable for the both of them when they finally get to know each other. They’d exchange numbers and start texting with cute messages and a barrage of emoticons. It would be great.

Yes, it would be great if Chanyeol didn’t distract him by ruffling his hair as he’s passing by.

Kyungsoo turns a little only to see the smug look on Chanyeol’s face.

“Stay focused on your task.” Chanyeol says and sits on the chair of the kitchen table.

Kyungsoo would have turned to his heel and head-lock Chanyeol but he decides against it especially now that the garlic on the pan is close to burning.

---0---0---0---

“Okay, let’s take a break. Jongdae and Chanyeol stay behind. I’m going to break those legs until you get the routine.”

The other member sigh, inwardly thanking that they got the choreography right. Those who are left behind make a sound that is close to a whimper. Baekhyun supposedly would stick his tongue out to his friends but Shim Jaewon, the choreographer, has a sharp eye.

“Baekhyun, do you want to join them?”

Baekhyun shakes his head. “No, no, I’m good.” he smiles, half apologetic and mischievous.

Kyungsoo sprawls on the ground. He stares at the ceiling, wondering why the company—even with its enormous income from their talents—doesn’t use its money to repair a crack on it.  

In their 5 minutes break, Kyungsoo already made the perfect love story between him and the girl in his dream. It’s very far from reality but he imagines himself being a daycare assistant (he likes taking care of children, alright) and he’d meet one of the children’s noona (that would be the girl). They would talk while the children are playing and making a mess of once a decent room. A kid would trip and cry so he, as their guardian for the meantime, would approach the kid and do everything to make that crying mess smile again. It can be the other way around but it doesn’t matter since they find each other attractive anyway. Her visit would turn from often to always and they’d slowly find that they’re both falling. A fight or two would be nice too but not the kind that they’ll fall out, say, it can be just about jealousy. In the end, they’d still love each other and that’s all that matters.

“Hyung.” The voice seems to be far away but there’s a nudge to his leg so he must be spacing out again. “Hyung, Mr. Shim is calling for you.” Sehun says passively. His usual sleepy face crowds Kyungsoo’s once view of the ceiling.

---0---0---0---

Kyungsoo isn’t one to mess up with the steps but somehow, tonight, he finds himself getting left behind with the main dancers and the worst dancers. By the end of the practice, he’s aching everywhere. The nerves on his forehead are throbbing with pain and a little bit of annoyance because Chanyeol is still talkative and energetic as ever as if the extra hours didn’t drain the life out of him. The rest decides to go straight to the dorms but Kyungsoo asked to be left behind.  

So now, there’s Kyungsoo at the playground, holding a can of coffee he bought from a vending machine. He takes a seat on the end of a slide that’s maybe too small for him but it has to make do for now. He lowers himself and presses his back on the cool metal. There’s not much stars to see since he’s in a city like Seoul where the sky is polluted with lights and smoke. Instead of admiring the starless sky, his thoughts start to wonder else. Soon, he can smell the sea breeze again.

---0---0---0---

“Uhm, excuse me...”

Kyungsoo’s eyelids fly open at the voice. It seems familiar yet new. He blinks once, twice, until he actually lost count because right there—peering at him with expectant eyes—is the girl he often sees in his dreams.

“A-are you t-talking to me?” He asks that causes the girl to look at him oddly. “—like really talking to me?”

“I-I think so...” She replies with a nervous chuckle. “It seems you’re quite busy –uh—I think I should go...?”

“N-No!” Kyungsoo forces his voice out. “Uh—Uhm—What can I do for you?” 

She shakes her head and smiles at him. “No, it’s nothing!”

Kyungsoo really wants to kill himself right then and there because he sounds stupid and maybe a little bit of a creeper. He stands, brushing off nonexistent dust on his pants. “Really, I want to help.”

The girl must be scared of him. It seems that she doesn’t know him that’s why. And Kyungsoo thinks he’s lucky because he doesn’t have to deal with obsessive fans.

“Okay then...I’ll be honest...” She looks around, forcing a smile on her lips. “I’m kinda lost.”

“So where are you headed?”

 

Somehow, even if fear is clearly written all over her face, Kyungsoo convinced her that he’d accompany her wherever she’s supposed to go. Along the way, Kyungsoo finds out that her name is Euniee and that she came from the province so she’s still trying to figure out to get around Seoul but in the midst of her mini adventure, well, she got lost.

Kyungsoo says a little about him too. He leaves out bits and pieces of him being a member of a famous boy band. Instead, he only tells her that he’s singing for living. That still amazes her though so she asks him to sing. Kyungsoo would have never relented to such request but the light of fascination shining in her eyes is more than enough to persuade him. He sings his favorite ballad and gets lost for a moment as his wonderful voice fills the air. He can feel her eyes on him. On normal occasions, he would have shied away from that gaze but he finds that he likes her full attention on him.

“We’re finally here.” Kyungsoo tries to be cheerful but his voice laden with disappointment is quite noticeable.

“Yeah, thank you Kyungsoo-ssi.” Euniee answers.

They bid their farewells with silent hopes of still seeing each other. She waves her hand and disappears in the elevator. It’s late for Kyungsoo to realize that he forgot to ask her number.

---0---0---0---

Kyungsoo wakes up from his ringtone. When he saw the calling ID, he grunts in disdain and tosses his phone somewhere in his bed. It’s his mother and he chooses not to answer her calls. 

 

 

 

 

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Okay...so at first, I wanted to post this fic in one go but I decided not to since examinations are coming and I have to review so (idk how is that related to this XD)...

I haven't written more than this but I think this is enough for now?