What Love Truly Means

Title:  What Love Truly Means

Genre:  Romance/slight!Angst/slight!Fluff

Rating: PG

Paring: Jongin/Kyungsoo, KaiSoo, one-sided!KaiLu

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LUHAN’S POV

My new school is not that different from my old one. I just transferred here last week but I already acquired a lot of friends. Unlike in my old school, students here are a lot friendlier.

Out of all the people I met so far, one of them stands out. His name was Kim Jongin. Well, he really isn’t that talkative or overly cheerful like Park Chanyeol but he is polite enough to smile at me and help me with stuffs sometimes. Among all of the persons I know, Jongin is the most mysterious. He is very simple and shy that is why everybody likes him.

And that includes ME.

Yes, he is very handsome; tan skin, smart, sporty, kind and very helpful. The way he smile makes my heart skips a beat. Who was I kidding? I admit that in a span of a short period of time, I fell undeniably in love with him.

--

Time passes by; I started to know more things about the boy who easily crept into my heart.

First, he is not boastful of his high marks and is willing to help anyone who needs tutoring on different subjects but only until five in the afternoon.

Next, he dance so well and was admired by a lot of people. Once, I saw Hyeoyeon of class-D confess to him after a showcase but he kindly turned her down saying that she deserves someone else.

Then, he loves chicken. And when I say love, I mean like obsession-love. He worships chicken; be it fried, sauced, grilled, spicy… you name it, he knows it!

He also don’t hang-out with us after our classes, maybe he spends a short time with us but will bid us farewell at five.

Five o’clock in the afternoon. Always.

--

Now I’m beginning to be curious about Jongin’s whereabouts at five in the afternoon. Well, I know that we are not that close but he really is special to me and I wanted to know everything there is about the boy named Kim Jongin. Actually, I am planning to confess my feelings and I’m just waiting for the right time and I decided that knowing him more will help me be able to reach him.

That is why after our class, I gained up enough courage to ask Jongin if he could come with him to where he was about to go at five. I expected for him to decline because why would he let me come with him if he never invited his close friend to tag along? But that was not his reply.

“Sure.”

--

We rode a bus to town and we sat at the very end, right next to each other. Our arms brushed and I could feel my cheeks heating up. Jongin’s looking out the window with a calm face. I could smell wafts of his cologne and it’s really breath taking. If only I could lean my head to his broad shoulders, I bet t would be comfortable. What if I intertwine our fingers? Will he hold mine too? I was pulled out of my ‘what if(s)’ when he suddenly spoke.

“Why do you want to come with me today?” he asked while looking at me. I was immediately lost in a pool of brown orbs. His jaw is well defined and his lips… they are so full and look so tempting. He gave out an awkward cough and I regained my senses.

“M-my mom would be home late tonight so she told me that I could stay out late so that I would not be b-bored…” he said which is obviously a lie.

“Oh, that’s fine then. Thank you for accompanying me today.” Jongin said with a smile. My heart beats faster.

“Uh… can I ask you a question?” I asked. I hope he don’t think I’m nosy guy because that is totally a turn-off!

“Of course.”

“I-I’m just curious… I mean, you always left at 5 in the afternoon so I guess I wanted to know why? I don’t think that your parents are that strict to tell you to be home at five so… yeah… I’m just curious to where you are going…” I replied lamely. Nice job Luhan! Now he thinks you are a creepy stalker that is planning to dismember him and sell his limbs to the black market. I was pulled out of my self-battle when he laughed.

“Oh… you noticed that? Hahaha… well, just like what you said earlier, I was going somewhere…”

“Uh… Where, exactly?” I asked.

“Saint Paul.”

Wait… Saint Paul? Isn’t that the name of the biggest hospital in town?!

“Oh my God! Are you sick? Since when? Did your friends know? Is it seri—“

“Calm down Lu, it’s not like that…” he said while laughing softly. Okay, I think I just melted.

“T-Then why?” Now I’m really curious.

“You’ll see…” he said and gave me a sweet smile.

God, Kim Jongin! You make me fall for you deeper each second that pass when we are together…

--

We reached the hospital and the nurses we passed by greeted Jongin. He politely returned them with a smile and even managed to have a short conversation with them.

“They seem to know you well…” I said as another nurse said hi to him.

“Well, they see me everyday so yeah…They are already familiar with me.”

I wanted to ask more questions to make our conversations longer but he suddenly stopped in front of a ward door located at the end of the hallway.

ROOM 208

DO KYUNGSOO

“This is where I go every day.” Jongin said as he smiled at me and reached out for the knob, turning it and pushed the door open slowly.

The room was clean. The walls are painted baby blue and the air conditioner was turned off because the window is wide open, soft breeze coming in and making the white curtains dance. A vase with fresh dandelions on the bedside table and a short, thin and pale boy wearing a white bonnet was sitting on the bed, back against the headboard while looking dazedly out the window. His cheeks are hollow and his eyes had dark circles under them. He looks so weak. When he hears the door clicked, he slowly turned his gaze to us and when he saw Jongin, he smiled sweetly; eyes forming to crescent and lips turned into a heart as he smiled.

“Jongin…” the boy said as he stretches his short limbs. Reaching for Jongin and the latter didn’t think twice and grab the outstretched hand with his own. 

“Hey beautiful, I’m so sorry I’m late… the bus was kinda slow…” Jongin said as he sat next to the boy in bed while using his free hand to caress the boy’s pale cheek. The said boy turned his attention to me and smiled. Jongin, who seemed to forget I was with him turned to me also and gestured for me to come closer.

“Soo, this is Luhan. He’s the transfer student I told you about. He wanted to come with me today.” Jongin told the boy who is looking at me with his wide eyes but with wonder.

“Hello Luhan. My name is Kyungsoo. I’m really glad to meet you.” He said, voice low but cheerful.

“I-It’s nice to meet you too…” I said and offered him my hand to shake. When our hands touched, I can’t help but stiffen a little because he is so cold. His hand is thin and it seems like if I hold into it tighter it would break.

“How are you feeling?” Jongin asked as he links his finger to Kyungsoo’s fragile ones. I can feel jealousy rushing in me. I never saw Jongin like this to anyone before… the way he looks at Kyungsoo is loving, caring and gentle.

“They say that I’m responding well to my treatment well, Jonginnie! They told me that if my progress continues, I can finally go home!” Kyungsoo said as he hold unto Jongin’s hand tightens due to sheer excitement.

“R-Really? You’re not pulling my leg right?” Jongin’s eyes are full of glee yet there is still hesitation.

“But I’m not! They really said that! Awww… your lack of trust in me sadden me Jonginnie…” Kyungsoo pouts cutely and Jongin pulled him gently into his arms for a hug.

“You know that I trust you a lot, Soo… I just… I’m just so happy”

The exchange in front of me stopped my breathing. They look so comfortable with each other that they already forgot that I was there to witness it all. Jealousy sparks in me and I found my fist clenched tightly in my side. A nurse came in and called Jongin for a while leaving me and Kyungsoo alone. Mind as well start a conversation.

“K-Kyungsoo?” I called and the said boy turned to me and smiled.

“Yes?”

“U-Uhm… just to avoid confusion, is Jongin your… you know… b-boyfriend?” why the hell am I stuttering?! Gosh Luhan, you ! Isn’t it obvious already?! They are all lovey-dovey! Of course they are dating! I was pulled out of my internal argument when I heard a giggle.

“You look so funny, Luhan…”

“Huh? W-why?” I blushed. Oh My God I’m so embarrassing!

“You look like somebody just kicked your puppy!” Kyungsoo said with another giggle. He is very adorable.

“S-sorry…”

“Don’t be sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong… and oh! To answer your question earlier; Yes, Jongin is my boyfriend.”

Ouch.

I felt my heart fell on the cold floor. So there is never going to be a “Jongin and Luhan Forever” carved on a random tree in the park or couple shirts and other sappy and cheesy things couples do… Jongin is not really available now. This short and fragile yet very adorable boy owned him. Well, too much for hoping.

“For how long?” I blurted out of the blue. Guess I’ll just dig into his current relationship because there will never be one between the two of us.

“We’ve known each other like forever… Neighbours to best friends to lovers. The moment we laid eyes on each other, we already knew that there’s no one else.” Kyungsoo replied with a fond smile.

“T-That’s wonderful…” I said. Jealousy obvious in my voice but Kyungsoo seems to not notice.

“It was… until I got stuck in here…” he answered, smile slipping off his face. Oh right, why is he here anyway?

“Why are you here, Kyungsoo?”

“Oh, I have Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. At first, I really thought that my life is over. I’ve heard that people who suffered the same case often live to 40 years or more after treatment but because of the said treatment; which includes radiation treatments and some chemotherapy drugs, it pose risk  of causing potentially fatal secondary cancers, heart disease and lung disease 40 or more years later.” He said as he played with his thin fingers.

I looked at him with pity. He is too young to suffer such deadly disease. I took a seat next to him and urge for him to continue, I don’t know why but I suddenly want to know this boy…

“You’re having treatments now right? How did you tell Jongin about your condition? H-how did he react?”

“Modern treatments greatly minimize the chances of those late effects. I realized that I will only be a burden to Jongin so I did everything to push him away without saying anything about my condition.” His eyes then turned to me; it was full of hope and faith.

“But Jongin being Jongin, he never bends. Eventually, he learned about my illness and became much more persistent. He told me that pushing him away won’t change anything because he will never leave me…” then he smiled.

“Y-you know what? At first, I really thought that he was just saying that because I still look the same before; I still have my hair, my cheeks are flushed and my lips are red and he always told me that I’m beautiful… but then because of my therapy, I started to lose my glow; I hair started to fall out, my cheeks becoming hollow and my skin turned paler, I myself can say that I look horrible and I expected Jongin to regret loving me and be disgusted and look for someone else that is lively and healthy but every day, he still visits me and tell me the same thing with the same tone and the same look in his eyes… he tells me that he will never regret loving me and that I’m still the most beautiful person in his eyes…” then he started to cry. I didn’t know what possessed me but I can’t help myself and hugged him gently.

“There are times that the pain is very bad and I wanted to give up already and then he will be there; he becomes my hope. He reminds me of our future plans like living together in the city, spending the afternoon cuddling in the couch, adopting a child if I want to be a parent and simple being together until we both wither away… I decided then to be selfish. If Jongin is willing to give up everything for me then I should do the same. 40 years or so may not be enough but it’s still it’s my only chance. I decided to live, to fight .It’s for him Luhan, Jongin is my earth, my air, my water and fire. I love him so much that I’d rather spend the years I have left with him than to sulk and wallow in self-pity until my sickness eat me up. I love him to the point that I’m willing to be punctured by hundreds of needles just to wake up the next day to see him…” he was saying them with tears blinding his eyes, flowing over his pale cheeks. I gently cupped his face to wipe them away but very gently because I’m afraid I’ll bruise his delicate skin.

I told him that he was really beautiful and that Jongin is very lucky to have him. The things Kyungsoo told me raised my respect to Jongin ten-fold. He is really a very amazing person.

The door opened signalling that Jongin was back and when he saw me cradling a weeping Kyungsoo, he immediately run to us and held Kyungsoo’s small face in his large hands.

“Soo! Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere? Which part? Is it your head again? Your back? Where? Tell me!” Jongin said panicking and checking Kyungsoo’s face and arms for invisible injuries.

‘I’m fine, Jonginnie…” he said, eyes turning back to crescents. Kyungsoo really amaze me. He looks so small and fragile but he is really brave and strong. I admire him so much and I know that he can make it, he will live… not just for 40 years or 45, he will live until he grows old and wrinkly. I want him to live because he deserves it…

“Don’t you scare me like that again, okay?” Jongin said and plants a soft kiss to the smaller’s temple.

The scene before me is simply breath-taking. A picture of two people who love’s each other so much that even though they are hurting themselves in the process, sacrifices are given without thinking twice. Kyungsoo is the moon that glows with hope while Jongin is the sun that makes sure the moon receives enough light to continue its glow. They are the perfect definition of meant to be, the perfect picture for destiny.

--

“Hey Luhan!” Jongin called and I slowly closed my locker to greet him.

“Hi Jongin…”

“Are you going somewhere after class?” he asked. Before, I would have hyperventilated because it would be like, ’Kim Jongin is asking me out!’ but now I know better, I just gave him a warm smile.

“No, I don’t have any plans for today… why?”

“Kyungsoo wanted to see you…” he said as he rubs his neck shyly. It was already a week after I met that little angel and I already missed him and wanted to see him again.

“I would love to!” I said and he smiled at me and told me to wait for him at the school gates because he left his math book in the classroom. I told him my ‘okay’ and he walked back the hallway. As I was walking towards the school gate, I just realized;

When I met Kyungsoo, I found out the true meaning of hope…

When I met Jongin, I figured out what love truly means…

So maybe my confession is never going to happen now. No more day dreaming about being with Kim Jongin and I’m sure as hell that I would never want to intervene in a relationship that even death can’t put a halt.

They are simply meant to be and I would love to witness the moment where they already reach their happily ever after. I was so busy in my internalization that I didn’t notice that I was walking straight towards a boy who is carrying several hard bound books in his arms and we bumped with each other, books falling with a thud to the ground.

“Oh my god I’m really sorry!” I said and started to pick up the books the other guy was holding earlier.

“N-no, it’s okay… I was not looking where I was walking so it’s not really your fault.” He answered and that is the only time I turned to look at him.

His eyes are cute and his face is round. He is obviously shorter than me but seeing that his ID Holder is red means that he’s a junior and is older than me. He is also very cute. Seeing that he is carrying more books than he can obviously handle, I offered to help him carry them and he shyly thanked me. I’ll just text Jongin to wait for me after I helped this guy.

“By the way, my name is Luhan.” I told the guy as we walked towards the library.

“Hello Luhan, my name is Minseok.”

And we shared a smile.

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END

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