That Afternoon..

"In the end, you're crying like this?"

My eyes opened wide when I noticed Allen's silhouette emerging from the woods. I went as far as I could from the camp so that no one can see me cry my heart out, but this prince of evil still found me. Could he be worried about me after all? I immediately tried to dry my eyes when he started walking towards my direction.

"This is pretty high." He smiled with an eyebrow raised while looking down at the scenery beneath us. I sat at the edge of a cliff near where we dived earlier. Now that he mentioned it though, I think I picked a really high spot. Nevertheless, he sat and positioned his legs similar to mine, dangling in the air.

"Why are you here? Shouldn't you be partying with them?"

"I just hate it when women start to throw themselves at me at parties like this. Look at this Burberry jacket, all soiled."

I used to hate him whenever he speaks like that, but for some reason, today I simply feel like he's become my only ally in the world to the point that I can overlook his prince syndrome.

"Stop whining, will you?"

"Then stop crying. It doesn't suit your image."

I laughed at that. It's probably the closest he's ever got to sounding like a friend. "Trying to stop me from crying by criticizing? That's so Allen." I said in English.

He then pulled out a cigarette stick and started smoking. "Hmmm... Thinking about the things that happened in front of your eyes today, I think you should actually cry. Holding back from crying when in pain can drive people crazy, you know."

"I know."

I went through this kind of pain before, and it was Bambam who saved me.

At that realization, our happy memories flashed in my mind. And the tears fell again. Allen didn't even look at me, and just continued puffing out smoke. For some reason though, even though he's not saying a word, it feels like he's holding my hand tight just by being by my side.

"Yah Allen, do you think..." I paused thinking whether I should really say it. "Do you think Bambam really hates me now?"

His answer came in instant. "He does. If he really loved you so much, the pain he felt must be even greater than what you feel now." He then glanced at me. "Cry as much as you need, but know that you deserve that pain. The kid loved you so sincerely, and you let him go. I was listening that time he visited you after your comeback stage. What you did was cruel, Amber."

I can only bite my lip. "I know." I muttered again.

"But I think he loves you, still."

I chuckled bitterly. "There's no need to sugarcoat. He's totally moved on. You've seen it."

"Anieyo. I'm also a guy, so I know."

This time, I looked at him in total curiosity. Bambam just announced how much he love his new girlfriend, and kissed her right in front of everyone's eyes. How in the world can Allen think he's still in love with me?

"Do you want me to prove it?"

"What? Did you take a an x-ray picture of his soul and-"

"I'm not joking. I can show it to you." I notice him glance a little to the left, and then his stare fell at me.

Seeing his serious face, I can only stay silent.

"But you might die before you see it. Are you brave enough for this?"

"You see I am already dying inside." I chuckled while looking down the river. What sort of joke is he trying to pull now. It isn't exactly the situation to-

"Then, I take that as a yes. Let's roll your dice."

Bambam's POV

I wonder if Allen found noona. Really, how can she disappear in the middle of filming? She still hasn't changed a bit. Leaving in the middle of important things... However,

Flashback

"You two sure are cute." Park Ah Len, a.k.a. the man I hate the most in the world, commented with his hands on his pockets. Seriously, the dude's deep black eyes couldn't look any more unsettling.

"Thanks." I paused before looking straight back at him. "And... Good to see someone loving and taking care of noona. Thanks for looking after her, Allen-ssi."

"I don't love your noona, so don't thank me."

Remembering my earlier conversation with her fiance, I started pacing back and forth again. How can that guy say that he doesn't love noona when they're already engaged? Why is he looking for her now, then? Or is he, really?

I have already decided on loving Yu Mi and forgetting noona. What she did to me was unforgivable. I hate her. Just thinking about all the pain I had to go through, while she's having fun with another guy makes me hate her to the point that it's killing me.
　　　
"I don't love your noona..."

But what that guy said sure doesn't make sense. Is he another Jackson-hyung? What if he's not looking for her? Seriously, where could she be in a forest like this?!

I closed my eyes tightly to calm myself down, before looking up at the sky. I soon realized that it's been a while since I saw so many stars. In Seoul, the sky is always full of smog, so the sky remains unclear even at night.

"So many stars, right? It seems like they aren't there at all when you look at the sky in Seoul, but over here they just pop out." My girlfriend's voice softly pierced the silence. I smiled at the fact that we're thinking the same thing again.

"Yeah." Just by seeing her gentle face, I felt my worries evaporate out of me. I instinctively covered her with my arm when she stood beside me. "It's really cold here, though. You better come in shortly, Yu Mi-ah."

"Anieyo, I'm fine. I was raised in Hokkaido where the weather is so cold all year long. This is nothing!" Once again, I was comforted by her sweet smile. Soon, she eased her head on my shoulder.

"Can I ask you something, Yu Mi-ah?"

"Sure. Shoot away."

"Do you know if it's possible to hate someone you love? I mean, like... At the same time?"

She remained silent for a bit as if in contemplation. "Let's see..." She pursed her lips before continuing. "If you think you're mad at someone, but still feels love towards that person, then you're probably just hurt. Hating might not be the right word. You might simply be jealous, or scared, or worried for that person. Hate is an extreme emotion, so don't go around telling people that you hate them if you're not sure about it."

I can only stay staring at her. What she said was as clear as day.

"Yah, what happened to you? Got a eureka moment?"

"Anieyo. It's just that... I think..."

"You think you might still like your noona? Or rather, you feel it?" I immediately glanced at her, but found her looking downwards. Her bangs covered her eyes so I couldn't quite decipher her expression. "You must be very worried since she's still not back here." She kicked a little at the dirty ground.
.
"No, that's not it, Yu Mi-ah. I just-" I started stuttering again.

"I told you before that you're just like my twin brother, right Bam? When we weren't dating yet, I always said you're like the male version of me. That's true. For some odd reason, I just know and feel whatever you're feeling."

I wasn't able to find the right words to respond. What she said is really the case. "When we started getting closer, didn't I say that I want to be the key that unlocks your happiness? I know that even when we're having fun together, you were never really happy. She has always been in the deepest part of your heart, and it's useless for you to deny it."

"But Yu Mi-ah, when I said that I love you, I really meant it. Noona is just... Now she's just like a real older sister to me. My feelings have changed-"

"Is that really the case? Look at the sky, Bambam. Are those stars a lie? They're always there even when we couldn't see them in Seoul, right? They're always just there over our heads. Like your noona... She's always inside you." She finally looked at me, and I found her trying to stop herself from crying. "From the time when you got in my taxi, I knew that you're a gift to me from the heavens. I always just wanted to look after you, because you're too silly to notice anything, even what's inside your own heart."

"No, Yu Mi-ah. I did love her before, but now it's different." I pulled her to an embrace. "You know, you were shining when I first saw you. And up to now, you're still that small candle that lights my way."

"I know. You're the same to me, Bam. But you see, I've read in a book something they call platonic love. Within the past two years, we've been like the best of friends who cared for each other so deeply, but I always felt like something was missing. Kokoro." She said the last part while pointing her index finger at my chest. "Love is an extreme term. What we have is not love, Bambam. At least up to now. Even when you kiss me, I see her reflection in your eyes. My heart feels your heart, and it's not beating for me."

"No, it's not like that." It cannot be like that. I made sure. I did everything to make sure that I won't feel for noona anymore.

"It is. Believe me. But here's the thing..." She then embraced me. "I want you to make sure about your feelings for your noona during this trip. Make sure that you can live without her. After that, then maybe we can really start falling in love for real. Even if it take us time, I'll stay with you until I completely take her place in your heart."

Live without her? That's what I've been doing these past two years! "No, listen to me Yu Mi-ah..."

"Anieyo. I want you to go find her and make sure. Come back if you choose to really forget your feelings for her, and if you don't... Don't you dare let her go! Understand, pabo?!"

I couldn't respond. I already decided to let noona go when she told me that she's engaged to that man. What else do I need to make sure of?

Then Yu Mi pushed me.

"Go!"