Joonmyeon walked to his locker. He sighed. His campus was almost empty as most students eagerly welcomed their weekends. While he… He had nobody to spend his weekend with. He was sure that he would spend Friday night to Monday morning in front of his TV set, read new books, eat and sleep.

Just a few steps before reaching his locker, someone tapped his shoulders. He turned around only to find his younger brother Jongin and his clingly boyfriend Kyungsoo.

“Hyung, we’re going to the cinema tonight. Are you coming?” Jongin asked him with a wide grin while Kyungsoo stared at him eagerly.

But how could he come along? He did not want to be a third wheeler. He smiled at the couple and shook his head. “You guys go ahead. I’ll just go home,” he said.

After Jongin and Kyungsoo left him, Joonmyeon opened his locker and was surprised to see a grey envelope being inserted. He opened it and inside was a grey letter written in a lousy handwriting but it was still readable enough.

Dear J,

You are beautiful, just the way you are.

Your presence is a gift to me.

Will mine serve the same to you?

Y

Joonmyeon looked around. There were only a few students left and none of them paid attention to his presence. He read the letter again and wondered. “Who was Y?”

He walked slowly to the nearest subway station but he kept recalling all his friends whose name began with Y. He pulled out a pen and started writing down those names.

He began with Yunho. But the student of the School of Engineering was dating Jaejoong and there was no way his senior would cheat on his beautiful partner. They were very close to engagement. And Joonmyeon could not even think of one reason why would Yunho leave and cheat on Jaejoong. There was no reason at all. So he scrapped the name.

He wrote Yoochun, a School of Medicine student. He was three years his senior, the same batch with Yunho, and they hang out together. But Yoochun was a player. He always had a new girlfriend every week that most of the students lost counts. And Yoochun’s typical girlfriend was tall, slender with model-like killing look, wearing extremely short skirt with tight top. Which was why Yoochun should not be in his list.

Joonmyeon began to think that this “Y” person must put the letter to the wrong locker. He could not wait until Monday, just to make sure that someone would come to him and asked for the letter back.

***

Monday came and Joonmyeon kept coming back and forth to his locker. But nobody even came closer except his usual friends of Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Jongdae and Yixing.

Yixing!

Could it be that his friend was his secret admirer?

But the Chinese student did not show any unusual signs except being in his own gloomy world.

Joonmyeon waited the whole week but Yixing still did not mention anything about the letter. He was furious and wanted to confront his friend. But what if it was not Yixing? He would humiliate himself then.

And without him realizing, it was Friday again. Yixing was nowhere to be seen but Joonmyeon overheard that he was having a basketball practice. He bet his friend Minseok would be there to support his boyfriend Luhan.

Joonmyeon opened his locker. And he frowned. There was another letter. He hurriedly opened it and read it.

Dear J,

It is a beautiful world we live in,

But why do you seem turning your back

While you can always come to me to keep you smile

Y

Joonmyeon frowned. He never talked to anyone about his insecurity and his fear of failure. Yes, he was afraid that if he did not try hard enough, he would lose his crown as the top student in his batch. He always had the urge to prove to his parents that he was the best. It could be because of their demand but it could be because Joonmyeon never felt special. He had no talents, unlike Jongin who was good in sports and dancing.

Who was this “Y”? Why would he want to keep Joonmyeon smile? Was it because his smile was beautiful? But Joonmyeon was sure that he looked utterly stupid while smiling. No one ever told him that his smile was nice or pretty. If there was any, he would have had a boyfriend or a girlfriend by now.

But nobody ever confessed to him.

That was why he always thought of himself as an unattractive person, unlike Jongin. His younger brother was taller, physically fitter and looked way better and even ier.

Joonmyeon headed to the basketball court and saw Yixing practicing with his team members. He was determined to encounter Yixing. He sat on the seat and patiently waited for his friend to finish.

“Hey Joonmyeon,” someone greeted him.

He turned around only to find the tall basketball team captain Kris Wu, a Chinese-Canadian male who was studying at the School of Business.

“Hi Kris. Haven’t finished practicing?” he asked the captain. He never used the word “hyung” although Kris is his senior by a year.

Kris shook his head while sipping his drink. “We’ll be done in half an hour. By the way, why are you here? You’ve never bothered to stop by.”

“I need to talk to Yixing.”

“Oh…”

Joonmyeon was unsure but he thought he heard a hint of disappointment layered in Kris’ voice.

“I’ve been receiving two letters from someone named Y. I just want to confront Yixing if he sent me those,” he had no idea why he bothered to inform Kris about it.

But he had worked with Kris in some university events and they just clicked. They regularly met once in two weeks just to catch up things. They could talk for hours in the university’s coffee shop or to an affordable restaurant near Kris’ apartment or simply watched movies together.

When he heard nothing, Joonmyeon turned around to face Kris who seemed spacing out. He learned the captain’s features and realized that Kris was actually very handsome. His blonde hair framed his oval face with thick eyebrows, sharp eyes and pointy nose with a pair of plump lips. Kris was tall, even taller than Chanyeol, with a pair of very long legs and broad shoulders.

 He tapped Kris’ shoulders and the latter was startled.

“What were you thinking Kris?” he asked.

The Chinese-Canadian male just shook his head. “Oh… Well, we’re gonna have a big match in the next two weeks. We have to practice harder to win.”

Somehow, Joonmyeon was not convinced with the explanation but he just shrugged it off. He was about to reply when Yixing walked to their direction. Joonmyeon waved his hand, motioning the Chinese male to come over to him.

“We need to talk Yixing,” he told his friend, who only nodded while trying to catch his breath. He turned around and patted Kris’ shoulder. “See you around Kris.”

Half an hour later, Joonmyeon sat opposite Yixing in the nearest coffee shop. He took out the letters and laid them in front of Yixing, who just stared at them confusedly.

“Did you write them?” Joonmyeon carefully asked Yixing, who quickly shook his head as if afraid that he would get punishment.

Yixing’s expression was enough for Joonmyeon to know that his friend was honest. He apologized to Yixing, who just nodded while sipping his milkshake, and quickly scrapped Yixing’s name from the list.

***

Friday came again and Joonmyeon could not wait until afternoon to check on his locker. He was wright. There was another letter. It was still written on a grey paper with that lousy handwriting.

Dear J,

Please open up your eyes and look at me

I wish I am good enough for you

I am hopelessly in love with you

Do you know that you are important to me?

Y

Joonmyeon was frustrated. He checked with the list of students he earlier got from the administrative office. He was searching for someone who was capable of arranging such nice words. And his eyesight fell on one name: Yesung. But then he shook his head. It couldn’t be. Yesung, his senior of two years, was dating Ryeowook and they were like match made in Heaven.

He scrolled the list again and found another name: Yoseob, his fellow student at the School of Arts.

He waited until Monday to confront Yoseob. He had to be careful because they were not close. Well, they barely spoke to each other. Honestly, he avoided Yoseob because the latter’s friends were bullies.

They stared at him awkwardly. “What is it, Joonmyeon?” Yoseob asked him.

He only motioned the latter to go to a more secluded place but Yoseob just moved a few steps away from his friends. “I just want to ask you if you sent me letters.”

Yoseob had a confused expression on his face. But then he grinned. “Letters? You mean love letters?” Then he laughed hard, echoed by his friends. “Did you really think I would like you Joonmyeon?”

Joonmyeon regretted his decision to ask. He bowed politely before excusing himself but unfortunately, they did not let him go easily. One of Yoseob’s friends back hugged him and touched his chest. Joonmyeon tried to shoo the hand away but more of them came closer. He closed his eyes, hoping that they would not do something indecent.

“Get your hands off of him,” a loud shout was heard.

Joonmyeon immediately knew it was Kris’ voice. He felt so relieved. He opened his eyes and was surprised to see that none of the boys had the guts to deal with the basketball team captain.

“Thank you,” he said.

“What was that about?”

“I just asked Yoseob if he wrote the letters I told you about,” he replied.

To Joonmyeon’s surprise, Kris growled. “Why are you so obsessed with the letters?”

The petite male felt offended. “You don’t know because you’re very popular. But the writer was the only one who showed me that I deserved to be loved.” And he walked away.

***

Joonmyeon felt bad for snapping at Kris while he was supposed to be thankful for the latter’s help. But he could not help it. Those letters became important to him because the sweet words, somehow, showed him that there was a hope. A hope that someone would finally love him, a hope that someone would ask him to be in a relationship.

It was Friday again and he expected to receive another letter. He was right. He impatiently opened it.

Dear J,

I don’t care if I lose my mind

I don’t care if I have to feel the pain

I just want to be with you

And have you in my embrace

Y

Joonmyeon stared at the list on his hand. And he was left with one name: Yonghwa. But he was hesitant. Yonghwa was Kris’ friend and he did not know if it would be a good idea to encounter Yonghwa and asked him such a stupid question. He was more worried of how Kris would react if the latter found out.

It was then he remembered that Kris’ match would take place in an hour. How could he forget? Chanyeol must be upset if he did not show up. He rushed to the nearest subway station and sighed in relief when the train was not too full. Perhaps because it was Saturday afternoon.

The game just started when he reached the campus’ basketball court. He sneaked himself to sit next to Baekhyun, who cheered for Chanyeol, while Minseok was busy shouting Luhan’s name.

Joonmyeon barely focused on the game when his eyes caught Yonghwa among the spectators. The said man was sitting among Kris’ friends, the business students. He was doubtful whether he should try talk to Yonghwa after the game or just wait until Monday.

He was brought to reality when Baekhyun repeatedly hit his back hard… and that hurt very much. He glared at his friend but the other was too oblivious because he was busy celebrating the victory.

Joonmyeon averted his gaze to the court and saw Kris was surrounded by his friends, including Yonghwa. He approached Kris, who was still talking to Yonghwa, and made his presence noticed.

“Hey Joon… Let’s celebrate the win after this,” Kris said.

 Joonmyeon just nodded. He thought he had the chance to talk to Yonghwa. “Hyung, can we talk?” he politely asked the older one. Yonghwa stared at Joonmyeon in confusion before finally nodded. From the corner of his eyes, Joonmyeon could see that Kris was staring at him with an unreadable expression but he would deal with it later.

But when Yonghwa asked for his name, his courage dissipated. How could Yonghwa possibly write a letter to him if he did not even know who Joonmyeon was. Joonmyeon thought of a lame excuse, saying he wanted to involve Yonghwa and his bandmates in a university event, which would take place six months from now.

He rushed back to Kris – half humiliated, half feeling idiotic – and found his friend was ready to leave. Kris just gave him a faint smile and motioned him to walk together. There was a lingering silence but Joonmyeon did not mind. Even without words, he felt being with Kris was comfortable.

He was startled when Kris suddenly grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers. “I don’t want to lose you in the crowd,” the taller guy said.

Joonmyeon just realized that they already arrived in Myeongdong. And Saturday night in Myeongdong only meant troubles for him because the crowd was crazy. Lucky, Kris had a towering height so he could easily lean on his friend.

They entered a coffee shop in front of Cheonggyecheon, put their orders and sat opposite each other.

“Have you figured out who wrote you the letters?” Kris asked him.

Joonmyeon shook his head. He pouted. “Still have no idea.”

“Is it important?”

“I don’t know Kris… I just feel… happy whenever I received those letters. It’s like finally someone cares about me.”

“What if there’s someone confessed to you that he liked you?”

Joonmyeon laughed. “That’s funny… I don’t think so.”

Kris took a deep breath. He played the coffee mug on his hand. He stared at the mug while kept talking. “What if I told you that I liked you… a lot.”

Joonmyeon craned his head to stare at Kris. His friend seemed damn serious about it. There was no hint of joke in his face. He gulped. What??? Kris liked him? Of all students in the university, why him? Kris could easily get anyone but…. Then he remembered the letters’ writer. He was still curious to find out who that person was.

“Kris… I… I don’t know what to say,” he weakly replied.

Kris remained quiet but Joonmyeon caught a hint of disappointment on the tall guy’s face.

“I’m sorry… But I guess it’s better if we remain friends.”

Kris was still quiet. After what seemed like forever, the Chinese-Canadian finally spoke. “It’s okay Joon. Don’t let this affect our friendship,” he said, with a forced smile. “Come on, I’ll walk you home.”

***

Another week passed and suddenly it was Friday again. Joonmyeon walked steadily to his locker, eager to find a letter inside. And there was one.

Dear J,

I don’t know how our future will be

But I hope there will be you and me

Y

Although the letter sounded so sweet, somehow Joonmyeon had a bad feeling. He reread all those letters in his room, trying to find any more clues but to no avail.

His phone rang. It was Chanyeol. “You’ve got to come here quick. We’re having a farewell party,” the tall guy shouted in the phone.

Joonmyeon frowned. “Farewell? Who’s leaving?”

“Oh, you didn’t know? Kris. Kris got a scholarship in LA. He’s flying on Sunday.”

Joonmyeon cursed inwardly. How could he not know? Did Kris try to tell him after the game? And he was busy with his own little problem that he ignored his friend. He felt bad about it. He rushed to the said club and his friends were already there. Most of them were still sober except for Jongdae, who already leaned on Yixing half drunk.

He searched around but Kris was nowhere to be found. Then he spotted Luhan. He approached the Chinese male, who had Minseok sit on his lap. Joonmyeon felt bad for disturbing their intimacy but he needed to ask.

“Luhan, where’s Kris?”

The Chinese turned his head around, searching for his friend. “He was here before.” Then he stood up and began shouting. “Hey…. Yifan… Joonmyeon is here!”

Joonmyeon froze. He stared at Luhan in disbelief. “What did you call Kris?”

Luhan looked back at Joonmyeon. “Yifan, Kris’ Chinese name. Why?”

Joonmyeon smacked his forehead with his hand really hard that made Luhan wince. Realization dawned on him. He searched for Kris and found the captain outside the club, leaning on the wall while staring at the sky.

“Kris…” he called while slowly approaching.

Kris turned around and smiled faintly to Joonmyeon. “You came,” he said.

“What are you looking at?”

“The sky. The stars.”

Joonmyeon stared at Kris’ face. He thought for a moment before speaking again. “Yifan…” he softly called. “It was you, right?”

Kris took a deep breath. He chuckled but refused to look back at Joonmyeon. “I was an idiot.”

Joonmyeon grabbed Kris’ large hands and intertwined their fingers. “I was the idiot one. I should have known. I’m sorry.”

Kris sighed. “I was a coward. I… I could not face you and confess to you. I was afraid of rejection. And I was right.”

“Do you know that your letters mean so much to me? It makes me realize that someone finally cares about me. I’m sorry for letting you down. But I hope we can start over. Will you give me a chance?”

Kris looked at Joonmyeon in disbelief. “Are you willing to give ourselves a try? Even with a long distance relationship?”

Joonmyeon felt he heard his heart breaking into pieces. He felt like a little boy who was given a new toy but then it was snatched again from him. “Do you… really have to go on Sunday?”

Kris nodded. He lifted Joonmyeon’s chin. “It’s okay if you have a second thought. I can understand.”

“Are you pushing me away?”

“No. I want you to think over because it’s gonna be hard for us.”

For the first time in his life, Joonmyeon was absolutely sure with his decision. “Let’s try and make it work.”

Kris smiled. He rubbed Joonmyeon’s cheek before he leaned closer and softly kissed the smaller male’s lips. It was so soft, so tender, so sweet. Joonmyeon closed his eyes. He wanted to remember this moment for the rest of his life. His first kiss.

He slowly kissed Kris back. He had no idea how long they were kissing because the taste of Kris’ lips on his was so sweet and intoxicating. He believed he would be addicted to Kris’ lips. But the thought that Kris would be away for years suddenly hit him. And before he could hold them back, tears already rolled down his cheeks.

Kris hugged him tight, rubbed his back to soothe him and they both were engulfed in silence.

“I will still write letters to you, I promise,” Kris whispered in his ears and Joonmyeon laughed. He would anticipate those letters.

***

Time passed by without him knowing it. The campus was nearly empty as most students already left to welcome their summer break. Kris was away for almost a year now and Joonmyeon could not lie that he felt empty.

Yes, he had his friends by his side. But it still felt different without Kris’ presence. It’s funny how he barely realized that he had fallen in love with his friend.

Kris fulfilled his promise. He still wrote emails to keep in touch with him. But the sensation was different from the time when he was anticipating his letters every Friday.

Joonmyeon opened his locker and frowned when he found a familiar grey envelope. He looked around but there was nobody. He smiled when he saw the familiar ugly handwriting.

Dear J,

Time and distance are our constraints

But I am willing to cross the ocean

Just to be by your side

Without my presence I hope you stay happy

Because my dear,

Like a virus, your happiness is contagious

Believe me, my love

My heart only beats for you

Y

Joonmyeon smiled. “Cheesy,” he grumbled.

“But you love this cheesy guy,” a familiar voice came from behind.

Joonmyeon turned around only to find his boyfriend standing behind him, looking drop-dead gorgeous with his new short haircut and a small smile. He threw himself into Kris’ arms, rested his head on the latter’s chest and listened to the tall guy’s heart beat.

“Yes… Your heart only beats for me,” Joonmyeon mumbled. He closed his eyes and smiled. He only wanted to cherish this moment.