Jonghyun didn't know if all that he was feeling could be defined as an obsession. Or it could be infatuation, or just simply, sick love.

The lead singer didn't know when did it even started. He didn't know when he started to take extra notice of their clumsy and kind leader, he didn't know when he started to view the leader more than a friend's way. His touches on Jinki whenever he picked the leader up when he tripped started to linger when he was sure nobody was watching, and he was sure the leader wouldn't too, due to his natural oblivious nature. Jonghyun didn't go for the front seat anymore, when his manager drove them around. He chose the backseat, where he could lean onto the leader, pretending to be deeply asleep.

It was then Jonghyun started to notice all the other things about the leader that seemed so wrong to himself. He made sure to turn away and coughed awkwardly whenever he saw Jinki drinking, seeing the leader's damp lips always lead his thoughts to where he would say was inappropriate. He didn't laugh anymore, at the onew's condition that always cause Jinki to fall on him. Instead, he got so tensed up that he quickly pushed the leader off, his skin burning at where Jinki had accidentally touched him. He thought of more than a hundred ways to tell Kibum how Jinki was making him insane without having him being labelled as a sick in the mind person. But he couldn't, when he constantly find how Jinki looked more appealing than anyone else in the world when their leader was sweating after practicing the complicated dance steps for the consecutive three hours. He just wanted to own Lee Jinki.

And when Jonghyun finally define all those thoughts that he harbored for Jinki as love, he found out the need to hide them at the same time.

The sudden news of Jinki being in love with his great-friend felt like a slap to his face. It was Minho, who was a definition of perfection. Women swooned at his presence, and men get surprised and jealous of his handsome features. Jonghyun could only gape at the both of them who were smiling sweetly as they held hands tightly. He felt the urge to separate them, but he knew the chances of him succeeding were zero when he saw the smile on Jinki.

So he kept all those dark secrets to himself, of how he imagined Jinki's moist lips on his, of how pleasant Jinki's moans would sound and so many more, he just couldn't list them all out. He thought of them so much, so much that he started to see them in his dreams every night.

"J-Jonghyun," Jinki buried his face into the crook of his elbow, trying to be as soft as possible when the lead singer bit the smooth skin at his inner thigh. Jonghyun looked up, and smirked as he pulled Jinki's arm which was covering the leader's red face away. His fingers then circled at where he bit Jinki, quickening the leader's breathing. "Don't hide, Jinki. Show me your everything."

Jonghyun would wake up in surprise every morning, sweating and a product that he would have to get rid in the bathroom. And when he washed his hands at the sink, Jonghyun would stare at the reflection of himself in the mirror. He would look at how pathetic he had gotten, and how dirty he had gotten his leader that was more purer that anybody else in his mind. Then he would feel more guilty than anything else when he walked out of the bathroom, to see Jinki, who was wearing fresh and clean white clothes, smiling at him with Minho's arms wrapped around his waist. It was like he had committed a silent sin, a disgusting sin.

He watched how Minho would always lean close to Jinki and whisper sweet nothings to the leader affectionately. Jinki's face would turn pink before punching the rapper on the shoulder, with a bright smile on his face. Jonghyun would hear Taemin squealing from the side, while Kibum just rolled his eyes in disgust. He wasn't really paying attention to their reactions, but he was sure that it certainly was nothing near to what he was feeling. He felt guilty yet infuriated at the same time, his hands were also closed tightly without himself knowing it.

It infuriated him, regarding how matching the both of them were, and how Jinki actually belonged to Minho instead of him. Jonghyun felt like closing his hands around Minho's neck tightly, and warn the younger rapper a thousand times that the leader could only belong to him. He felt like capturing Jinki's lips on the spot right then, and claim the leader as his. He would have those thoughts for some moment until guilt set it's feet in. He then would feel like he was the witch in a fairytale, and a drop of dirty ink on a piece of white and fresh paper. He felt like he was going to ruin this pretty and pure relationship of Jinki and Minho. He was unneeded in their world, their world didn't need a disgusting creature to dirty their precious love. Their relationship was perfect, excluding the fact that there was him, Kim Jonghyun behind, who was being too in love with Jinki to the extent that he thought about the leader in the wrongest way.

Whenever Jonghyun came into the room that he and Minho shared to see Jinki lying on the bed in Minho's arms, his heart stopped a little. They were just simply lying there, telling jokes and just chatting leisurely. They didn't even seem to mind Jonghyun's presence, since they had nothing to hide. Jonghyun would find himself acting the next moment, acting to be interested with what they were talking about and pushed his bed to connect with Minho's one. He would then hop onto the bed and snuggled up close to Jinki, knowing that the couple wouldn't mind since - they wouldn't ever find out what was inside his mind, they thought it's just Jonghyun being himself, being the king of skin-ship. And Jonghyun would then pretend to fall asleep with his arms around Jinki's waist, until the late night approached. The couple would then finally stop their chatting and be really asleep - it was only Jonghyun that was needed to pretend.

And that was when Jonghyun found himself erring more, at the late night when Jinki was asleep peacefully with that angelic face of his that Jonghyun loved so much.

His hands would sneak beneath Jinki's shirt, feeling the smooth skin as he plant silent and soft kisses at the nape of the leader. Jinki would shift then, but he was still deeply asleep, Jonghyun was sure. Jinki was always a heavy sleeper, and Jonghyun - he took advantage of that. His hands would roamed around Jinki's body as gentle as possible, keeping his forming to be grinding against where Jinki's behind was. And this was not like Jonghyun's dreams anymore, because when he lift his head up, he could see Minho's asleep face. It was then he would get out of the room as fast as possible, feeling guilty and being disgusted with himself.

He didn't need to think to know that all these that he was doing were wrong. It was just so wrong, no one could ever accept that. He could imagine how Jinki's reaction would be if he woke up - with Jonghyun's hands beneath his shirt and lips pressed against his neck. He would be so disgusted, staring at Jonghyun with disbelief. And Minho, how would the rapper accept the fact that his close-friend was violating his boyfriend like this? No one would. Even Kibum, who always supported his decision and choices wouldn't. Taemin too, the one who was always optimistic about things wouldn't view this in a pleasant way.

Jonghyun erred. He didn't know how he fell so badly, to the state that it was so pathetic.

He looked inside the room through the gap of the unclosed door, at the peaceful couple who were asleep on their bed, with zero realization of what just happened. Jonghyun fell to his knees, a tight feeling gathering at his chest painfully. The guilt was too heavy for the lead singer to carry, it was just too heavy. He knew the next night, his hands that were so hard to control would sneak under Jinki's clothes again. Jonghyun eyed his hands at that thought, which looked so dirty after roaming Jinki's clean body. He needed to find a way, just anyway, to stop himself from doing all these. It was just so unethical.

Yes, he really loved Jinki.

But he didn't need to think to know it was the wrongest way he was using ever, to love his leader. It would hurt not only him, but Jinki and Minho in the end if all these unstoppable wrong actions of his carry on.

Jonghyun needed help desperately.