Jaejoong and Yoochun cornered him after the Chengdu concert. 

“You have to do something, Junsa-yah.  I can see it.  You’re not all here.”

“Well, you are when you’re performing or on camera, but you seem to drift away when you’re not.”

“We can’t be late starting concerts like we did tonight.”

“Not because you’re sitting in the dark in the hotel because you’ve lost yourself in a 400 year-old mythic character.”

He looked up at them then with eyes furious but moist.  “Leave me alone!  I’m fine.  I’ll be OK.”

Jaejoong wrapped his strong arms around his shoulders, even as Junsu struggled to get away.  “I don’t think you are, Junsu-yah.  You need some help.”

Yoochun added himself to the hug.  “It’s not that uncommon for actors, Su-yah.  Even Ha Ji Wan has had to get help releasing herself from a role.  Please listen to your hyungs.”

Junsu slumped in defeat, supported in their arms.  “I have no idea who to see about something like this.”

Jaejoong produced a non-descript white business card out of his jeans pocket and showed it to Junsu.  It contained just a name and phone number.  “Here, call this person.  She should be able to help.”

“Where’d you get this from? Junsu asked suspiciously.

“Jang Geun Suk, and don’t say anything nasty,” responded Jae as he felt Junsu stiffen in his arms. 

“Did you talk to him about me?”

“No.  He gave it to me when I was filming Triangle.  He thought I was so into my role as Heo Young Dal that I might need it.”

“OK.  Give it to me.”

“Give me your phone.  I’m going to put the name and number in it for you.”

And that was how, three days later, Junsu found himself knocking on an apartment door in a quiet section of Seoul known for its eclectic mix of foreign and Korean residents.  

“Yes?”  Junsu could see just part of a female face through the crack of the apartment door opened only as far as the chain on the door allowed.

“I’m here to see Madame Kim.  I have an appointment,” he said tentatively.

“Ah, yes.  Mr. Kim.  Just a moment.”  The door closed and was reopened fully.  “Please come in.  You may leave your shoes here.”  The woman, who seemed on the young side of middle age, pointed to a low shelf in the hall, containing several pairs of slippers.  “Would you like something to drink?” she called behind her as she walked down the short hall, obviously expecting him to follow.

“Just water, please.” 

“Have a seat in the living room,” her voice directed from somewhere inside the apartment.

Junsu made his way cautiously into the apartment.  The living room was of moderate size, with a patio door opening to a large balcony awash in plants -- hanging baskets of colorful flowers, several ficus trees, and ivy running from pots on the floor up the balcony rails to the ceiling above.  It reminded him of an arbor.  The living room itself also contained numerous plants.  He couldn’t quite determine the style of décor – definitely not Korean – something European country perhaps?  He made his way to a high backed upholstered chair facing the window, one of two on either side of a small round cloth-covered table.  The woman returned just as he was about to sit down. 

“Here’s your water, Junsu-ssi,” she said, bowing slightly as she handed him the glass.

He gave her a startled look.  “You know me?”

She smiled.  “Let’s see.  Mr. Kim.  Youngish.  Handsome.  And I can see the bright fire-engine red hair hiding beneath your cap.  I don’t think there’s anyone else in Korean who fits that description.”

“Oh.”  He smiled sheepishly.  “I suppose you’re right.  Are you Madame Kim?”

“Please call me Molly,” she replied laughing.  “That way I don’t think you’re wanting my mother-in-law.”

“You’re obviously not Korean.”

“So you noticed my red curls?  No, I’m Irish.  My husband is Korean.  Please have a seat, Junsu-ssi.  I’ll be right back.”  She returned with a cup of steaming red-colored tea and a deck of Tarot cards which she placed on the table, and sat down in the chair opposite him.

“Are you a fortune teller?” he asked.

“I prefer the term spiritual advisor.”  She paused.  “You look confused.  Someone suggested you contact me for help, but didn’t tell you anything else?”

He nodded.

“Do you need help?”

“My hyungs say I do.”

“What do they think you need help with?”

He sighed.  “They think I’m stuck … distracted … haunted, maybe.  That I’m not letting go of the role I played in the musical I just finished.  That I’m close to heading into depression.”

“So are you having trouble releasing Dracula?”

He turned his head one way and started to speak.  Stopped, shrugged, looked the other way, and sighed.  “Maybe?”

“What about the role attracted you?”

“I loved the music. Particularly the song “Loving You Keeps Me Alive.”” He sang a bit of it.  “You are the single silver lining in my empty life.  You are the reason of my life, my first love, who gets me to live, the love that even time couldn't erase.”

“That’s lovely.  What else?”

“He was passionate.  And willing to wait for love to come again.  And when he found it, he went after it.  Even if it meant going against society and convincing her to leave her husband.  He wanted love for eternity.”  He sighed.  “And then, when he realized that loving him would hurt her, that she feared to lose her immortal soul, he loved her enough to give her up, and let himself die instead because he knew he didn’t want to live without love.” 

His voice broke and he rubbed his eyes on his sleeve.  Molly offered him a tissue from the box she’d pulled from underneath the table.  “What about his story upsets you the most?”

“I don’t have 400 years.”

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t have 400 years to find love.  , I have no idea how to even start looking.  Every time I think about it I just see heartbreak.  I can’t just ask someone out on a date.”

“Because?”

“Because what if someone sees us? -- A jealous fan, a reporter for one of those horrible gossip newspapers, a blogger who wants to make a name for herself.  And who could I ask?  How would I know that person wanted to go out with me for me and not just to be dating Kim Junsu, the idol?  Or Kim Junsu who owns a hotel and has nice cars.  And look at what happened with Kim Hyun Joong!  He dates someone, they get upset with each other and actually come to blows, the girl goes to the gossip paper with a story and bruises, and who knows where the truth lies, but his career is tottering, and if the police believe her accusations he could go to jail.  What a mess!  I can’t have something like that, and what happened to love?”  Junsu stopped then.

“Love usually takes some time to develop, particularly a profound and lasting love, which is not to say love at first sight doesn’t happen.  Have you dated before?” 

“Every so often and not in a while.”  He shook his head.  “I guess I’ve stopped trusting people, or maybe my own feelings.  I’m probably not letting anyone new get close to me.”

“What about Jaejoong and Yoochun?  Don’t they face similar issues?  Do you talk to them about it?”

“Oh, hell no!  They’d just tease me.  I’m not exactly sure if they’re dating at all.  Yoochun was away for a long time filming Haemoo and Jaejoong has lots of friends he hangs out with, though I think he has someone.  They don’t seem to be lonely.”

“Are you lonely?”

“Yes.”  He sighed.  “My apartment is huge and there’s usually no one in it besides me.  It’d be nice to have someone to come home to, someone to snuggle with, have breakfast with.  I mean, there are my cats, but it’s not quite the same.”

“It sounds like you want a live in partner, a spouse, marriage.”

“It does, doesn’t it?”  He laughed.  “Probably getting ahead of myself.”

“What about blind dates, an arranged marriage?”

“Ugh.  That’s what my mom suggests, but I think those people are probably even less interested in me as a person.”  He smiled ruefully.  “And I have military service coming up.  It’s probably not the best time for falling in love anyway.”

“But after?”

“After would be good.  I suppose there’s still hope for me yet.”

“All right.  Let’s go back to Dracula.  There must be some things you didn’t like about the character.”

“That’s pretty easy.  He’s cruel.  He kills people to get what he wants.  He’s selfish – although sometimes I admire his selfishness.”

“What about that do you admire?”

“He’s OK with being selfish.  He meets his own needs, puts those before others.”

“You don’t do that?”

“Not very often.  It’s hard for me to ask for what I want.  And when I do, I feel bad about it.”

“Like?”

“Like asking the music director to raise the keys so I could better sing the songs in Dracula.”

“Do you think he minded?”

“It affected almost every singer in the cast and the orchestra members had to learn the score in two different keys.”

“Didn’t your performances all sell out?”

“Well, yes.”

“So it was worth doing it to have you perform well?”

“Yes, I suppose so.”

“Did anyone complain?”

“Not that I know of.”

“So perhaps there’s a difference between being selfish and asking for what you need to do a good job.”

“Why do you make everything sound so easy and logical?”

She laughed.  “It’s a gift.  Now I’m going to suggest that you do a small ceremony to help you let go of Dracula, to bid him farewell.  It’s something you can do here and now, something you can do here with me on another day, but soon, or something you can do on your own.”

“I think I’d like to do it here and now.  My schedule gets very busy.  And my hyungs want me back.”

“All right.  I’m going to prepare a basin of salt water and some melted beeswax.  The water will be for you to release all those things about Dracula you don’t want in your life – his cruelty, for instance.  You can do that just with your thoughts, or by touching your fingertips to the surface of the water and imagining those qualities flowing out of you, or by finding small charms from the cabinet there to represent the qualities you want to release and dropping those into the water.”

“What’s the beeswax for?”

“With the beeswax you can mold a small talisman and imbue it with the qualities of Dracula that you admire, that you’d like to retain with you.  You can carry it around with you or leave it at home.  In either case, you’ll have the characteristics of Dracula you want to keep.  You can embed charms into the wax, write words into it.  It’s up to you.”

“What happens to the water?”

“I can return it to the earth for you.  Some people like to pour it in the Han River or some other place that’s special to them.  If that’s the case, I’ll give you a sealable container you can take with you.”

“OK.  I think I’d like that -- to take it with me.”

“That’s fine.  Oh, I almost forgot.  For both these items, it would be good to put something in them that represents Dracula to you.”

“Can I use some strands of my red hair?”

“I think that would be perfect.” 

Molly left for the kitchen and Junsu went exploring the cabinet for trinkets, all the while thinking about what of Dracula he wanted to keep and what he wanted to let go.  She arrived back first with the beeswax, warm and soft and almost melted.  He liked the feel of it in his fingers.  He plucked a few red hairs from his head and pressed them into the wax.  He did the same with a bright red crystal heart and a small cube with the Chinese ideogram for Love on it.  On the back he etched in the word “Forever.”

Molly returned with a crystal bowl filled with water.  A few bits of green and white floated on the surface.  “I added garlic and juniper to help with the letting go.  I thought the garlic would be appropriate for Dracula.”

Junsu smiled at her sadly.  “That seems right, I guess.”

He sat and stared at the water for a long time.  He felt there was something he was forgetting.  He was about to put his long fingers into the water and let Dracula go, when he remembered, remembered that part of Dracula he loved, that he craved, but deeply feared.  “I loved his power,” Junsu said softly looking up at Molly sitting across from him.

She nodded at him.  “You don’t have to give that up.  Can you use it wisely?”

“I think so,” he whispered.  He got up and selected a small white crystal with a purple tinge from the cabinet and pressed it into the back of his wax talisman.  Love and power.  He would have them. 

He was ready now.  He pulled a few more strands of hair from the back of his head and dropped them into the bowl.  He placed his fingers into the cool water and imagined the tendrils of Dracula flowing out of him into the water – the long years of despair, the cruelty, the disdain for creatures lesser than himself, the misuse of power, the loneliness.  A tear dropped from his eyes into the water.  Sympathy for a tortured soul.  He removed his fingers.  He felt lighter already. 

“Better?” asked Molly.

“Yes, much.  Thank you.” 

“Come back and see me if you’re still having trouble.  Sometimes it takes more than once to convince a character to leave.”

“I will.  I have your number.”  He stood up and gave her a hug.  She hugged him back and then went to get a container for the water in the crystal bowl.  He left a generous amount of won underneath the deck of Tarot cards. 

When she returned she had a Tupperware container and a lid.  “I’m sorry it’s not more elegant, but it’s definitely practical.”  She poured the water from the bowl into the container, sealed it and handed it to him.  “Good luck, Junsu-ssi.  I am confident when the time is right, love will find you.  There’s always time enough for love.  Don’t stress about it.”

He smiled.  “I won’t.  Thank you so much.” 

She walked him to the door of the apartment.  He put on his shoes, gave a shy wave goodbye and left.  When he got to his car he set the container of water on the seat beside him.  It was late afternoon.  If he got on the road now, he could get to the place he wanted to go to pour out the water.  He made one stop on the way. 

About two hours later he had reached his destination.  He spread a blanket out on the sand of the beach and ate the sandwich he had picked up earlier, watching the seagulls soar and dive, catching their dinner from the waves.  As the sun started to fall into the sea, he walked to the waves with his container of water and slowly poured it into the Yellow Sea, watching the bits of green and white and red tumble in the waves and disappear. 

Then he went back and got the other item he had purchased – a red heart-shaped mylar balloon only about half-filled with helium.  He took a black sharpie and wrote a message on it:  If you find this, you are the person I am looking for, followed by a brand new email address he had acquired just for this purpose.  He held the balloon and put all of his hopes and longing for true love into it, then let it go, free to fly with just its white ribbons trailing, a silhouette in the sunset.  He trusted that someday the right person would find it.

It was a long drive back to Seoul in the darkness, but his heart was peaceful.  There was still plenty enough time for love.  It would find him.

A/N:  Thanks for reading.  Please leave comments.  They are what keep me writing!