Miss you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgpeV1zyBls

I had enough. I just had to leave… I loved our group. All of them, but the company was bull. They were treating us like we were machines or something. And they still do. It’s just that I’m not a part of that anymore. They are all tired I see it. When I watch the fancams from the airports or when I look up some pictures of them. And the person I love the most is tired too. He’s tired and sad. It breaks my heart into million pieces but now I can’t even do anything about it. That’s the point when I don’t know if I made the right choice. And also that is the point when again, a lyrics starts creating itself in my head. I hate it. I hate is because now he won’t be here to make music for my lyrics. He won’t be here with me anymore to work on our music together. But I can’t help it I write down immediately the words that are flashing in my head.

"I'm lying here on a bed
My eyes are closed but I'm awake
I wish the dream would never end

You'd still be next to me

I thought this would be easier
I'd do my thing and this would work
But now I'm here trying to find a song
To make this emptiness disappear"

That’s right. I feel empty and lonely. Although I’m working all day and I’m always with someone…but that’s not where I belong. I love acting… much more than singing and all but I clearly miss my old life. Not the company but the people whom I lived with. And laughed, smiled, ate, cried with. Yes, we cried many times…because we accomplished something….together. I miss them.

"When all it is, is I miss you

And the words just keep pouring.

 

As days go by nights go long

You'd think I'd find a better song

But I'm still here trying to find a way
To make this emptiness disappear
But it still won't disappear"

I have to find a way….and I’m so sorry I can’t go back.

"Cause everywhere I go you're always on my mind

But I just wish you wouldn't call me tonight

Cause when I hear your voice
it reminds me of the choice

I made to not always be by your side"

Even though I wish what I just wrote…I still listen to his voice on TV. But that’s not the same and I know it. It’s my fault that I can’t be by his side to protect him.

“And every time you cry you keep the pain inside
you lie for me with "everything's alright"

It breaks my heart to see you cry on show…the others’ crying too. I can’t take it but I’m still unable to do anything because I can’t go back.

“Now it's hard to say
it's always hard to say

I miss you”

I hope someday you will write music for our songs again.

I miss you so much Yixing.