Second Chances

Kyuhyun stilled when he felt something engulf him from behind, small hands, well he assumed they were hands, wrapped around his middle and before long a head was rested against his back, the weight the sort that he instantly knew who it was.

 Looking down to confirm, he  spotted the smallest most adorable diseased baby hands on planet earth, wrapped around him tightly, so tight that he could feel a tug in his lungs and a few muscles contracting from the force. Mind you, that was no easy feat to accomplish, given the fact that he had a rather substantial girth and body type where it was hard for things like that to happen.

Yet, there they were, strong and true, linked together, fingers clasped together, almost as if they were meant to be unbreakable. The head on his back brushing against his shoulders as if it were a puppy looking to be petted and by then he could smell that classic cologne and if he were to tax his senses just a little more, he could likely smell the coffee cinnamon that he had come to associate with his beloved.

He knew it was him the second he was first touched, always hyper aware of his presence, now even more so. The only thing that could likely be a deterrent from coming to the conclusion that his boyfriend had snuck up on him and tackled him in a back hug was the fact that he was currently standing in the kitchen and chatting with Ryeowook, who was now giving him or rather them, a look of concern mixed with disgust, the disgust likely a result of having to witness what was turning out to be a very intimate moment between him and Yesung.

For now, Ryeowook was just as speechless as Kyuhyun, both likely in shock at the fact that Yesung, who was always anti-pda, was making a scene of sorts in their kitchen, with Ryeowook standing right there, unable to really react.

Kyuhyun finally caught his senses, which were already melting along with the movements, getting into the affection and heated from the older man’s touch. His hands reacted first, reaching upwards to hold onto the chain like arms that seemed to imprison him in there reach, tentatively touching the clasped fingers, Yesung not yielding, not that even expected him to  or even wanted him to.

Ryeowook would have to deal with the little show unfortunately, though by now, Ryeowook eyes had changed to reflect sympathy that Kyuhyun didn’t understand. He would have pondered upon it more, but Ryeowook was far from his mind, entirely concerned by the man that was clinging to him.

He was worried actually.

Was something wrong with Yesung? Was he okay?

“I love you” whispered against his nape and instantly Kyuhyun knew what was wrong.

It was accompanied by a soft kiss, before Yesung once against tightened his hold and Kyuhyun released a breath. Yesung was alright, or at least he was, in the physical sense.

His mind however, was in the same place that Kyuhyun’s had been for the entire day, trapped in those horrid memories, remembering the pain and the suffering and all the bad things that had happened in their life and Kyuhyun sighed.

Yesung, was very single minded. Kyuhyun didn’t think he even realized that Ryeowook was in the same room as them .Kyuhyun had always wanted to be the apple of his eyes, the only one he saw, but he had rather hoped that it would have been under better circumstances, not brought about by a sudden tragedy that cost a young girl her life and her bandmates immeasurable damage.

At a time like that, it was impossible not to remember, impossible not to relive those awful moments when he was between life and death and the realization that maybe this was really the end.

Since he had heard the news, Kyuhyun’s heart ached along with the rest of him.

You never really get over something like that, it is always just pushed to the side and covered and painted to be less obvious, but under all the decorations and the time, the scars still remain. In Kyuhyun’s case the scars where in fact very literal and not just a figurative notion, Yesung himself acknowledging that fact, his finger gently tracing the one that was closest to Kyuhyun’s navel through his shirt, grateful for then even as he wished that they never existed.

It was the thing that reminded him each day how close he came to death, but it was also his proof of life, it was the evidence that he walked away alive, that he could still be there  with everyone else.

It was a lot more than that poor girl got.

He despised the ugliness of the scars, covered them in self-consciousness, but there was never a day that he was not grateful for their existence. If they contributed to the fact that he was alive and capable of being loved by not just the man clinging to him but everyone else, then he would never be anything but grateful for them.

Yesung snuggled closer and Kyuhyun knew it was result of the touch to the scar.

Kyuhyun had been reliving the memories since this morning, as had most of Super Junior to be honest. Leeteuk had called him from the airport, unable to say much honestly, since that was something they shared, they both carried the memories of that day in their heart, something that will be lodged in their consciousness for all the days of their lives. Leeteuk still has his scars too, a vicious reminder to him always and really, what is there to say after such a thing?

Leeteuk remembered just as Kyuhyun did.

 Maybe he wanted to comfort Kyuhyun, just as Kyuhyun wanted to comfort him, to tell him one more time that it was not his fault and that he was grateful for everything he did for him, that he did not have to feel guilty anymore, that he did what he could. He could barely remember everything from that time honestly, his memories hazy, but he had seen the footage, had heard Leeteuk’s broken cries of his name, begging him to be okay, even when blood covered so much of him, concerned more for Kyuhyun than he was for himself. He would never be able to explain that feeling, just as Leeteuk was unable to say what that felt like.

He wished no one ever had to feel that, but life was like that and people had no choice but to abide by its rules. Leeteuk and he both understood that, their near brush with it, and the subsequent tragedies that Leeteuk had to endure, made them accept fate’s guiding hand more so than the others.

If it was fate that let Kyuhyun be with them, Leeteuk was exceptionally grateful for it, saying the only thing that he really wanted to say to Kyuhyun just about then.

“Thank you for being here. I love you”

That was all that he really wanted to say and Kyuhyun understood his words well. It was pointless to go over their fears and their sadness and their sympathy for the one that was not so lucky. Maybe they were a little heartless or maybe self-centred, but right then, they just all wanted to be grateful for the fact that they still Kyuhyun with them.

Donghae on the other hand, sounded as if he was close to tears, or more than likely crying, insisting that he loved Kyuhyun “soooo much” and then apologizing for talking about it, afraid that he was upsetting Kyuhyun by reminding him that it could have been him that had died like that once upon a time. Kyuhyun however understood his heart. Even if they never said it, the second they heard that news, they all thought about it, just as Kyuhyun had done and would do for the rest of the day.

It was a little ironic, that Kyuhyun ended being the one that had to comfort Donghae thereafter, but in doing so, comforting himself, reminding him just how much he really ought to be grateful for the chance for life and how thankful he really ought to be to s, his brothers. They all cared so much, prayed even more. Really, at a time like this, it was hard not to remember that and be thankful.

The others were the same. Even Heechul hugged him awkwardly when he came down that morning, his expression hard and awkward, but they both knew what he meant. He tried to speak around it, but it was there, especially when Siwon called him and talked his ear off, reminding him to go to church and renew his thanks to the Lord for saving him and how happy he was that he alright. Eunhyuk embarrassed him by clinging to him and then trying to be funny and the rest were about the same. Ryeowook was watching him all day as if he were afraid that he would break, asking him every ten minutes if he were alright.

Honestly, he didn’t know.

Physically he was fine, but he was shaken, his mind really unable not to remember that time, the situation that morning so very close to his own and he was once again reminded how close he was to death, how lucky he was, how lucky they all were to walk away with their lives and no lasting permanent injury.  

He was sure he would settle again, but for now he would have to deal with the renewal, watch the news and know now what the others felt in that moment, how outsiders would have viewed the situation, seeing it from two perspectives.

Up till then he couldn’t even begin to imagine what Leeteuk or Yesung felt like then and he really hoped he never would have. He could tell the helplessness was something that he never wanted to experience first-hand. He had already been through the painful dying part. He really never wanted to be the one sitting outside a waiting room like the rest of his brothers, especially if it were ever for the man clinging to him.

Yesung had messaged him during the day, but it wasn’t much. Just a “how are you doing?” , which in the scheme of things was small, but Kyuhyun knew his heart then.

What exactly do you say in such a situation? What can make it better, what can express the million thoughts swirling inside your mind at that very minute? Kyuhyun had no idea what to say, though he felt a barrage of things, and he was sure it was the same for Yesung.

Plus, Yesung was never the best with words either. He had a hard time expressing himself in such ways, especially when his emotion was strong, as Kyuhyun suspected it was. Though, the message instantly reminded Kyuhyun of another such message, that time left in audio form, left for him to find and hopefully laugh at some time in the future.

Kyuhyun had never laughed at it though. He didn’t think he would ever find anything funny in such a statement, in such an expression of love.

Yesung kept his promise as well.

Kyuhyun hoped that he never had to cause to make Yesung endure something like that ever again, and for the love of God, Yesung had better not make Kyuhyun have to experience something like that. He could recognize that their situation had changed drastically from those days, which really just made it all so much worst.

He would have never even experienced Yesung’s love and would never have had the opportunity to love him. Really? How can he not be grateful for life now whenever he thought about things like that?

How can he not be thankful?

Kyuhyun inhaled sharply when Yesung’s hands tightened even more, wondering if he should be happy that Yesung would commemorate his good fate and gift of life with suffocating him to death.

Kyuhyun actually laughed out loud, earning himself a strange look from Ryeowook, who was clearly just trying to understand if Kyuhyun had lost his mind.

Yesung did not react the same way however, instead just snuggling even closer, as if he was afraid to release him, still seemingly unaware that they were not alone.

“Kyu ah” Yesung spoke again, rubbing his face again Kyuhyun, almost as if he was reminding himself that Kyuhyun was real and Kyuhyun knew then that he had to do something to ease his mind.

If it was hard for him today, it was also probably hard for Yesung as well. He more than likely thought about all the same things that Kyuhyun had thought about, had wondered about what life would have been like without Kyuhyun, wondered if it was even possible to live such a life, to wonder what if and grieve for what could have been.

“It’s alright Hyung. I’m alright” Kyuhyun comforted, honestly not really sure what he was supposed to say, since he knew for a fact that those words would never be enough to remove the reality of the thoughts that Yesung more than likely suffered through the day.

He had spent more hours than he would like to remember going over such thoughts, for once despising the fact that his managers were so kind. Without a word, they had all collectively looked sick and sad and then acted as if he was unemployed, failing at causality when they told him that he could ignore his schedules for the day. There won’t many of them that required his actual presence, but still, they were too generous, especially since all it gave him was more time to think about it all and to be fussed over.

Sungmin had told him that it was alright to be a little shaken and had spent some time talking to him, but his words failed him for the most part, unable to explain it all to anyone. Sungmin understood, and tried his best to comfort him further. Each time he said that it was “alright” Kyuhyun couldn’t help but smile. It was and it wasn’t.

What do those words mean anyway?

Now that he had to be the one uttering them he realized that it had no meaning really, just a pray and a hope that things will get better, that the damage will be minimum and one day you can move on, that for this second, don’t worry too much.

Yesung was shaken and worried and Kyuhyun wanted him to be “alright”.

Seeing that Yesung was unable to gasp his words so easily, Kyuhyun decided to help, gently prying Yesung’s vice like from his middle, twisting around to face the older man before he could grab hold of him once more, wanting to look at him, to look into his eyes and see the relief that they both felt.

He did do so, look into his eyes that is.

He saw fear and sorrow and gratitude and a million other things and he did the only necessary thing.

He kissed him.

This time not a rush of lust or possession, a simple sweet brush of lips, gentle caresses and a soft nip at a pink drawn lower lip that makes his head spin and his knees feel weak. Yesung was originally unresponsive, shocked and likely still too caught in the swarms of emotion that was buried inside him. Kyuhyun however helped him along, being the one to use the captured arms to drag him towards his body, releasing the hands so that he could hold the man close, his arms sliding around his waist and lower back, drawing him closer. This was followed by a soft nip on his bottom lip, helping him open up.

This time Kyuhyun just wanted a little more closeness, not in the pursuit of lust, just a gentle sort of intimacy, smiling a little when Yesung lets him in, finally getting into the kiss, shifting even closer as his hands slide upwards and around Kyuhyun’s shoulder, burying his small fingers in Kyuhyun’s silky hair, letting himself be carried away.

Until…….

Ryeowook coughed.

He was glad that Yesung was there and was confident that his presence would be a good thing for Kyuhyun and himself honestly, since Yesung didn’t look too good right about then, not that Ryeowook really expected him to be fine after what happened that morning. They were all shaken and thrown back to a time in which they never wanted to remember, forced to wade through the memories and wonder how sad and dull their lives would have been like if they had lost their baby. The thought alone pained Ryeowook.

How close they really came to losing Kyuhyun.

If it was this hard for him, reliving the horrid phone call and the hours in the waiting room and praying for Kyuhyun recover and watching him sleep like that and being told that he would never sing and waiting for him to wake up and standing by and watching as he suffered through recovery………he hated to think what it must have been like for Kyuhyun….and then, what it would be like for Yesung to be reminded that he could have lost the supposed “love of his life” before he even had the chance to truly love him, to truly be with him.

Just thinking about how much they all suffered during today was enough to make Ryeowook sick, just as the thought of Kyuhyun having to relive the moments once again weakened his heart. He tried his best to be there for Kyuhyun, but they both know that there were no words that could help at a time like this. They just had to be strong and remember that they were the ones blessed with life, when someone else never even had that opportunity and lost their life; that even the ones that had a chance were suffering so much.

There was nothing he could say to make this better for Kyuhyun, but somehow he knew that Yesung’s presence would help a lot in getting Kyuhyun there, to help him through these moments.

He was glad that Yesung was there. It would be a great help to Kyuhyun and looking at Yesung, spending time with Kyuhyun was exactly what he needed. When Ryeowook saw the news he had bolted down to the lower floor to make sure that Kyuhyun was there with him in the flesh. He just needed to see him and hold him, pretty much as Yesung had done.

He understood Yesung’s feelings in the matter, but that certainly did not mean he wanted to see his favourite Hyung and his best friend face.

Just NOOO!!!!

His action, thankfully had the effect of drawing Yesung out of his Kyuhyun induced stupor, finally realizing that Kyuhyun was not alone in the room, pulling away from the kiss on the second rough cough, eyes filtering around, still a little dazed before he finally spotted Ryeowook standing at the sink.

He immediately took action, pulling away from Kyuhyun in embarrassment; turning to Ryeowook to utter his apologies even as Kyuhyun tried tugging him back to him.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you there” Yesung explained hastily even as his small hands pulled themselves from Kyuhyun’s shoulder, busy trying to push the brat away from him, Kyuhyun mischievously tugging him back to him, batting his hands away, even as his face burned in embarrassment.

He was so mindless when he saw Kyuhyun that he had not even noticed that Ryeowook was standing there. Now that he thought about it, Ryeowook had to have been standing there the whole time since they were blocking the entrance to the kitchen and would  have felt him try to pass by.

He was so embarrassed!

He really did not like to inflict endless PDA on the others as a courtesy. He had seen Kangin and Heechul face with people enough times to know that it was not pleasant to look at and especially since it was him and Kyuhyun and that was just weird on all fronts.

Imagining any of his bandmates kiss made him feel sick, so he rather prevent the others from the visual.

He was truly apologetic.

He was just so damned mindless to get to Kyuhyun. Since he had seen the news that morning, he felt sick, his mind clouded by the memories of that day and that sinking feeling at being reminded that he as just a hair’s breadth from losing his precious BabyKyu. The thought alone nearly made him cry, unable to function. Then he thought about Kyuhyun and what he must have been feeling and he was just plain weak. He had no idea what it must be like for Kyuhyun, pretty sure it was a million times worse than what he was feeling and honestly, he was shattered at the thought of it all.

He had no idea what to even say.

How do you tell the love of your life that you are just grateful that they were too stubborn to die in a horrific accident? That if he did, you would have brought him back just to torture him because you can’t even imagine life without him in it somehow.

It was just too much and then added to the fact that he felt utterly useless he didn’t even know how he survived.

He was sure Kyuhyun was shaken as he was and all he could come up with was to ask Kyuhyun how he was. That was so freaking dumb, that even hours after he had sent the message he was still kicking himself mentally.

He had typed that text a million times and yet none of the words made sense. He had so much to say and yet he could form no words and at the end of the day he was just praying that Kyuhyun would say that he was alright. Yesung was not naïve though. He knew that Kyuhyun would have a hard time even if he did not admit it, but for his own peace of him he wished that Kyuhyun would be alright, especially since he could not be at his side.

Sometimes he really was the most horrid person on earth and certainly did not deserve to have someone as special as Kyuhyun loving him.

On a day like this when he ought to have spent it with Kyuhyun, he was forced to go to work, unable to be with him during the day. He had contemplated endlessly even as he walked into the building if he was doing the right thing.

He really ought to have put Kyuhyun first, but it was part of his military service and he really needed to be there as well. He felt so much guilt at not being there for him during the day, that he was desperate to see him as soon as possible, wanting to be with Kyuhyun and watch him and just be with him and take care of him.

He had been frantic all day, unable to think about anything else but Kyuhyun, but was grateful that he didn’t work with machinery, so entirely distracted. By the time he got to the dorms, he really just wanted to hold Kyuhyun in his arms and never let him go, the memory of that incident igniting a feeling of possessiveness in him, but really it was just the gratitude.

Either way, his single mindedness when it came to Kyuhyun was the reason that he had not seen Ryeowook there at all, just concerned with Kyuhyun. When he felt him in his arms, he confirmed that yes he was there and that he was alright and that he was lucky enough to have Kyuhyun return to him even after such a horrific accident. If he lost Kyuhyun then or even now, he really did not know how he would have lived.

“I’ll let it go this time” Ryeowook teased with a smile, seeing no point in making a fuss. Yesung was only interested in Kyuhyun anyway and he understood the overflowing nature of the affection he felt. He rather not see them kiss, but he understood and he wanted to offer his own comfort to the older man and not be a brat and make things hard for him. Clearly he was embarrassed as it was.

“You have any other choice?” Kyuhyun questioned with a glint in his eyes and Ryeowook made a face at him. Even when he was a little shaken, Kyuhyun was still a rude brat!

Leeteuk was sooooo right! There was not a maknae as rude as theirs, but even so they adored him and couldn’t even imagine life without him. For that reason, Ryeowook mock glared at him, Kyuhyun laughing lowly at him and the sound is sweet to Ryeowook’s ears.

Today, Kyuhyun can do whatever he wants.

“Don’t be rude” Yesung still chastised, smacking Kyuhyun lightly on the arm, especially since now he had taken to nuzzling against his head cutely, an arm around his shoulders as he continued to hold him close, their proximity making Yesung feel a million times better. He fought for some space in his embarrassment, but honestly, he couldn’t be apart from Kyuhyun right now. He didn’t want to be.

He was also glad that Kyuhyun was still able to tease and be a brat, even if he chastised him. That meant that Kyuhyun was alright in some way. He was thankful.

“Hmmm” Kyuhyun hummed, not really too bothered, getting lost in the scent of his boyfriend’s hair. Today it was coconuts and he quite liked it, just as much as he liked the fact that Yesung had voluntarily wrapped a hand around his back even with Ryeowook still standing there.

Which reminded him….

“Thanks again for understanding” Kyuhyun said, looking up and directly at Ryeowook, Yesung looking between the two trying to gather what they were talking about. It seemed as if Ryeowook understood what Kyuhyun meant though, smiling at Kyuhyun softly.

“Yeah…after today, I just don’t think you should come anymore either” Ryeowook said, voice low and a little sad.

Kyuhyun was supposed to come with him to Sukira, but after everything that happened, even Ryeowook did not want him there today. His mind would be forced to relive everything again, especially since his own accident occurred on the way home from Sukira. Plus, everyone would still be talking about it and he did not want Kyuhyun to have to go through that there and then.

“Say sorry to everyone for me” Kyuhyun prompted, truly apologetic. He knew everyone was excited and he was too, but he really did not think he was in the right mental state to really make it a fun experience for the listeners and as much as he liked to think he was invincible sometimes, he was really shaken.

Sukira always reminded him of his own accident and with all the things that happened today, he really did think it would be a little too much for him. Thankfully, Ryeowook understood his sentiments and was very supportive and for that he was grateful.

“I’m sure they’ll understand” Ryeowook assured easily, confident that their fans, the ones that would have the most interest in their program, would understand why Kyuhyun couldn’t be there today of all days. From what he had seen, they were also plagued with sad memories.

For all their sakes, he was just happy it all had a better ending.

“Hopefully” Kyuhyun prayed, still feeling a little guilty for cancelling, but all things considered, it was probably for the best. He needed to be back to schedules tomorrow and would use the time to settle his mind and move past it once more.

“Just rest and let Yesungie hyung take care of you” Ryeowook ended the sentence with a playful wink, laughing a little when Yesung blushed, though it was obvious that Yesung was still confused with regards to what they were talking about, making Kyuhyun laugh as well.

“Sorry again” Kyuhyun spoke, his amusement dying down a little, speaking genuinely as he reached downwards and took hold of Yesung’s hand, nodding at Ryeowook when he nodded in acknowledgement, smiling in encouragement as he waved him off, dragging Yesung behind as he left the kitchen.

“I cancelled my Sukira appearance today” Kyuhyun said as he walked towards his room, holding Yesung’s hand and leading him. Today he was very pliant, easily letting himself be led by Kyuhyun, as to be expected, unwilling to be of any trouble today of all days.

Kyuhyun didn’t even need to look at him to know that he was shooting him curious glances, likely still confused about his conversation with Ryeowook. Curious Yesung was adorable, Kyuhyun would admit, but it was better to put the thought out of his mind, so that he would only think about Kyuhyun now.

“Oh” was his only response. No words were further needed anyway. Now that he knew what they were talking about, he was glad that Kyuhyun chose to cancel. He didn’t think they needed any more triggers for today. The memories would be fresh enough in their mind and they had all relived that day in their own way. They really did not need more things to make it living once more.

Yesung was still in a bit of daze by the time they arrived at Kyuhyun’s room, thinking about that day once more, only awoken when Kyuhyun kissed him.

This time a proper kiss, full and certain and he melted into it honestly, hands wrapped hopeless around Kyuhyun’s waist wanting him as close as possible, Kyuhyun doing the exact same thing, just drinking each other in and letting their feelings come rushing forward in the sweet kiss, panting when they finally broke apart, the air tight in their lungs.

Kyuhyun letting his head fall upon Yesung’s shoulder , breathing him in even as he tried to refill his lungs, finally nestling his head in the crook of his neck, just as Yesung started to rub his back gently, soothing his fears and thoughts and dark memories away.

“I am so sorry Kyuhyun ah. I really wanted to be here earlier, but I had to go to work and I am just so sorry--”  Yesung began, apologizing in a rush.

He felt so guilty that he couldn’t be there with Kyuhyun that morning.  He was sure it was hard for Kyuhyun. It was so hard for him to read those articles and wonder what could have been that he didn’t even want to think about how hard it must have been for Kyuhyun.

He should have been there!

He was the worst boyfriend on planet earth and he hated himself for it so much. He really thought about missing work, but then it would be a strike against him and he couldn’t get into any trouble, least they think it was celebrity favouritism and it was just a mess. He hated that he chose to protect his own record than coming to be with Kyuhyun, hated that he ended putting something else before Kyuhyun.

The only thing that gave him any comfort was the fact that the others would be with him and he trusted them to take care of him for them. They loved him and spoilt him endlessly. They would take care of him, he was sure of it.

Still he ought to have been there. He was so ashamed of himself for not being there.

“Hyung, calm down….it’s alright” Kyuhyun interrupted him mid ramble, noting that Yesung was clearly very upset about this and he needed to do something to stop him and fast. He couldn’t let him continue like that, using his hands to dig into his skin and to get him to look at him.

Yesung was very troubled and sad and guilty and that made Kyuhyun’s heart hurt.

He could admit that he wished that Yesung could have spent the day with him since he was sure he would have felt better with him there, in the sense that Yesung always made his heart at ease, but realistically, there was nothing that he could have done. He would have experienced the same thoughts and same feelings either way and it would have probably been harder thinking about what could have happened if he never had the chance to be loved by Yesung. Now that he had thought about everything all day, he had better clarity and with time and some effort, the memories were fading once more, taking from it the reminder that he must always be grateful and to cherish the time he had with love ones, since it was so fleeting.

He would hold on to Yesung even tighter now.

 He always knew how easy it could all fade way, but being reminded of it was painful. He wanted to spend happy moments with Yesung, not be the reason he was sad.

He wasn’t mad at Yesung for not being there. In fact he was glad that he went to work. Later he would have felt guilty for getting Yesung into trouble and he didn’t want that. He wanted his boyfriend to finish his service well and return to him and their stages together as soon as possible. It really was for the best.

Now he would just be happy that he was with him now.

“It’s okay. It’s really okay” Kyuhyun promised, trying to get Yesung to settle down, realizing that he was failing with his words, so pressed his lips to his.

This kiss was soft, testing and soothing, Kyuhyun pulling away when Yesung did not respond, dragging him into his arms and burying him in his chest, hugging him so close that he probably would have suffocated him, kissing at his forehead briefly.

“I am glad that you are here now. Let’s just forget about earlier.  Can you do that for me?” Kyuhyun asked, not letting Yesung pull away from him, the words spoken against his head as Kyuhyun tried to kiss at him, comforting himself.

Yesung made a sound that seemed to be a protest, prompting Kyuhyun to speak again.

“It really is okay. Just let it go. Please” Kyuhyun pleaded a little; definitely unwilling to spend the time he had with Yesung rehashing something like that.

 Yesung had nothing to feel guilty about and Kyuhyun was not mad that he was not there. He was mature enough to understand responsibilities and Yesung’s apology was more than enough for him.

Yesung nodded against his chest and Kyuhyun released the breath he was holding. He was sure Yesung wanted to say more on the matter, but he held his tongue, for which he was grateful. Since he was unable to say anything, Yesung chose to get closer, nestling into the hug and sighing, clutching at Kyuhyun, who laughed a little, not really accustomed to Yesung being so clingy, but he couldn’t say he didn’t like it.

Whilst Yesung was busy suffocating him, Kyuhyun decided to do them both a favour, taking a few steps backwards, dragging Yesung with him, since he was still holding on to him, only jolting when they fell on the bed.

They might as well be comfortable shouldn’t they?

Yesung’s elbow however struck his stomach, causing Kyuhyun to cough, but somehow in the clutter and ridiculously messy movements, Kyuhyun ended up on his back with Yesung still clinging to him like a koala, Kyuhyun just resting a gentle hand on his back, enjoying the affection and feeling of being loved, as he tried to forget the reason for this display.

“You are going to suffocate me you know” Kyuhyun teased as he gently poked Yesung on the side to get him to react. He didn’t actually want him to release him since he always enjoyed being in Yesung’s arms, but this was still a little depressing.

They were sad and lost in painful memories, but he most of all knew that they should not be like that. They should all be focusing on the good things, on the fact that he was blessed with life, given another chance and was with them all. Others were never that lucky. They should be grateful and happy and not sad and mournful.

He understood Yesung’s heart though, understood what he was experiencing, having felt it himself, but he wanted his smiles and his glares today.  He just wanted to enjoy the second life the heavens had chosen to bless him with.

“That is what you deserve for making me feel like this” Yesung grumbled, lifting his head finally to glare at Kyuhyun.

Why did Kyuhyun have to make him feel as if the earth was ripped from beneath his feet with the mere thought of a possible life without Kyuhyun in it? Every time he thought about that day and the weeks that followed he felt sick and angry. Kyuhyun had made him suffer then and with the reminder today that he could have lost Kyuhyun then, he was even madder and just so thankful for the fact that he didn’t.

Contrary to the expected result, Yesung’s words made Kyuhyun laugh and, laugh with everything, true mirth.

Of course Yesung would get mad.

“I’m sorry” Kyuhyun said with a small laugh, not even sure what he laughing at anymore, but sorry all the same.

He knew today was hard for Yesung and he was sure he had caused him to go through that again. Though, it was truly just very sad that a young girl lost her life. They were all being a little selfish and self-centred, in their focus on Kyuhyun, but it was just so hard not to be reminded of their own tragedy and the lost they could have suffered.

“Just….Kyu ah….you can’t leave me okay? Especially not like how you nearly did last time” Yesung spoke softly, voice broken but the words strong, looking Kyuhyun in the eyes and trying to pry a promise from him.

He couldn’t go through that again, especially now that he knew just exactly what he would be losing. His heart would shatter and he didn’t think he could live that way, not in a world without Kyuhyun.

He knew rationally, that was just something that a mere human could not control, decided by the heavens but still! If he and Kyuhyun ever parted, he didn’t ever want it to be like that. If their relationship ended he wanted Kyuhyun to live a long happy life, and if it didn’t, he wanted to grow old with Kyuhyun, wanted the chance to say a proper goodbye.

He couldn’t do it any other way.

He just couldn’t!!

“I’ll try not to” It was a promise that he couldn’t make, since it was not in his hands, but he would certainly try to never make Yesung suffer through something like that. One time was more than enough; he would not make him endure a second time, especially if he didn’t wake up a second time. Really he would try his best and pray the heavens helped him out one more time there.

It was not a promise, but he hoped it was enough for Yesung.

“I’m just….really thankful that you are here with me….just imagining if you wasn’t……just….thank you for being here” Yesung said, voice low and painfully husky, as if he was holding tears at bay and judging by the redness in his eyes, he probably was, looking at Kyuhyun as if he was the most precious thing in the universe, small hands coming upwards to caress his face, pressing soft lips to his in a chaste kiss.

Kyuhyun’s heart thumping in his chest, in awe and in glee and in sadness. Yesung was rarely ever this open with him, and he was glad for it, but he hated that it took such a tragedy to make him so. He was so sorry that EunBi lost her life, that Kwon Rise may never wake up, that Sojung’s career was probably over; that so much happened. Yet, he was once more grateful.

 The heavens were reminding him how lucky he was and he was never going to forget it!

“Me too Hyung, me too” it was not the most articulate reply, but with the lump in his throat he was lucky to even get those words out. He was just so grateful that he could never say it enough, never thank God enough for giving him a chance at life, for giving him a chance to be with his family and friends, and his bandmates and fans and most of all, the chance to be with Yesung and experience his love.

He was just so grateful for so many things.

Yesung buried his head in his chest after pressing gentle kisses to his nose and eyes, probably just trying to gather his composure, Kyuhyun glad for the time to do the same, inhaling him as he settled his mind, gently his back to give Yesung some comfort, or just to comfort himself. He always found that running his hands along Yesung’s spine comforted him more than it should, linking it back to the fact that it meant that Yesung was in his arms and with him and that was all he ever needed to feel satisfied, to feel happy and protected.

Eventually Yesung lifted his head once more, his mind settled for the time being and tears not threatening to flow from his eyes, he finally looked up, ready to speak to Kyuhyun again. Truthfully he would have been satisfied just to stay there as he was, completely draped over Kyuhyun and locked in his arms. That would be the best way to spend the evening, even if they never spoke or did anything else, he would be just be happy to be with Kyuhyun, to have the opportunity to have Kyuhyun in his life in and in his arms.

He had something to ask though.

“…Hh..How are you?” Yesung asked a little hesitantly, sure that Kyuhyun was probably fed up of being asked that question, but still, it had to be asked. He needed Kyuhyun himself to tell him that he was alright, that his mind and heart were at ease now and that he would be okay. He knew that he would never really be able to understand what Kyuhyun experienced, but he really wanted to be someone that Kyuhyun could speak to, someone that Kyuhyun trusted to help him get through a problem.

“Much better now that you are here………….and all over me” Kyuhyun said with a playful wink, sliding his hand downwards to pat Yesung’s just for so, squeezing a little, unable to believe that he was getting away with this, a little hope of him for a while now, or at least since he wore those goddamn pants!

Kyuhyun was a bit of an opportunist unfortunately.

Seriously though, Kyuhyun was really just tired of the sad mood, even though he was grateful for all the sentiments expressed. He knew what Yesung meant and he was grateful, but right then, he just wanted to enjoy the second chance he had at life. God did not grant him such a favour for him to be continuously buckled down in sadness and suffering. God had given him something to be grateful for, something that he should use to the fullest and enjoy.

And the best way to do so was to appreciate the finer things in life, like the fact that his boyfriend had the cutest on planet earth and the fact that he fit against him so perfectly. Sigh ~~

“You are hopeless” Yesung sighed theatrically as Kyuhyun laughed happily, thoroughly enjoying his little moment of freedom and chance to touch more than he was usually allowed. Kyuhyun was an incorrigible brat, and Yesung was just thankful to have him exist, thankful that he was at his side and he was allowed in Kyuhyun’s heart.

What would have normally earned him a slap behind the head, today earned him a kiss, easy and playful, Yesung kissing him with so many different emotions, smiling at Kyuhyun’s happy face and bright eyes, just so freaking thankful that he could never even begin to express it.

"Now get your hand off my if you know what’s good for you”

That was how they continued, enjoying each other’s presence and the blessing of life.

At some point, Kyuhyun would finally show Yesung the scars in his heart and share the terrible thoughts that swirled through his mind, would allow him to ease his pain and share with him the gratitude he felt, tell him that he was shaken and plunged into a dark place and let Yesung ease his pain for him, to weave his warmth through Kyuhyun and remind him how grateful that he was once more for his existence and for the blessings of the heavens.

At some point, Kyuhyun will get smacked for being a erted brat and Yesung will promise to kill him  himself and in that way they will both enjoy the blessings they were given, the second chance at so many things.

A/N: This shall remain open until I decide otherwise.

Also, for those of you familiar with my continuum, just a reminder that this does not form part of my continuum’s timeline, but follows the general characterization of it.

Please let’s all pray for Kwon Rise and the members of Ladies Code. We should also be very grateful that Kyuhyun is still here with us. Kyuhyun ♥♥♥