Okay, so here's the deal. I've got a friend who's super hot and all, but he's totally not interested in me at all. And when I say "not interested at all," I mean it. He doesn't see me as anything else, but a best friend. Do you even know it feels like? I don't think so. Because there's a catch to it. He was just as screwed up as I was in the beginning.

Trust me, you'd think, "damn, he's one fine natural beauty," when you see his face, but really, Myungsoo was one ugly child. In elementary his hair was a complete mess. It looked like a gigantic fuzz ball or beaver hat. That patch of hay hair was bigger than his head. No. It took over his head. At least I had a proportional head. And don't get me started on his skin. It wasn't even pale to begin with. He didn't even look Asian tanned. He had pretty bad skin guys. You know what, I'm just going to skip the eyes because I don't want anyone to have a heart attack or seizure.  

Anyway, he basically looked like until the summer before the last year of high school started. He came back on the first day of school from Japan or so he said, looking like a goddamn model. He lost all his baby fat or whatever you want to call it and he grew like five inches taller. His skin became super white and milky, no pimples. And his eyes, lord. They were round and cold, like cats. He learned some cool gaze and started looking at everyone differently. He was like another person. Except he wasn't. He was still the Kim Myungsoo I had known since kindergarten and his personality was still the same.  

Back to his appearance, my mom said he must have gotten plastic surgery when I said it could have just been puberty. When I told her he went to Japan, she said he must have lied because why would anyone go get plastic surgery somewhere else when Korea was now the destination? So I decided to ask Myungsoo himself, and he swore to god he hadn't done anything.  

Since he's Christian, I'm guessing bringing up god as your back up is a huge deal and he's not lying. I mean it's not like I wasn't going to trust him if he didn't swear to god but really, he doesn't go to church that much. He's never mentioned anything about it.  

Putting that to the side, Myungsoo became popular, all right. He was like the new face of the school. For some strange reason, nearby schools knew about him and he got all these fan girls all of a sudden. They waited for him after school every day at our school gate and snapped pictures of him. It wasn't just one or two. It was like in your face; get ready for your close up, actually-you-don’t-even-have-a-choice kind of thing. Yet, he didn't even care. He just shrugged it off and endured it. He practically model walked down the streets. And where was I during all this chaos? I was right beside him to begin with, but once got off school property the waves of girls pushed me aside and I was flung to the back and ended up trailing behind all of them, looking like a loser. Well, okay, maybe I still look like a loser, but that's not the point.  

The point is, one day, Myungsoo got invited to this big party at some rich girl's house in our grade and I wasn’t invited, obviously. It was going to be some alcoholic, music blasting in your ears, and possibly some illegal like celebration. The surprising thing was that Myungsoo told me to go with him. So of course I said, hell yes, but being the stupid me, I was totally unprepared. I can still clearly remember what I wore that night even though it was five years ago. I wore a stupid, ugly, old, plaid shirt, buttoned up to the top, a pair of track pants and runners. Myungsoo on the other hand, was dressed in a white v neck tee, a black leather, skinny jeans and high-tops. I looked like a ing dork next to him and he still took me to that party. He could have at least reminded me to change or something, but no, he kept his mouth shut.  

So when we got to the party, the huge house was already packed and I'd say sixty percent of the people there were already wasted. Myungsoo was alcohol tolerant, but I was the opposite; I couldn’t drink at all. One can of beer alone could kill me. Turned out the glass cup Myungsoo handed over to me with clear liquid in it wasn't water; it was gin. I'm pretty sure I asked him if it was alcoholic and he answered, "no." I trusted him, even though it tasted funny and he kept giving me more.  

About after four cups, I was gone. I was tripping over my own feet and dragging everyone down with me. Except, I should have been more careful. There was one person that I should have avoided: the host. The goddamn chick that invited Myungsoo in the first place. Yet, for some stupid luck, I ended up missing everyone, but her. After watching a video some guy posted online after the party, I figured why she hated me since that night. I got up onto the kitchen island and knocked over god knows how many bottles of expensive drinks and stood up in the middle. I then dolphin screamed on the top of my lungs and jumped off the counter, right onto the girl, right on her face.  

It was sad, I think I broke her nose or arm. Maybe it was both, I don't really remember the details on her hospitalization, but she didn't come back to school for some time. She might have even transferred. On the bright side, at least she didn't make me pay for the medical fees.  

Something did change, though. The students that attended the party hated me, which was practically everyone. Probably because since that girl got hurt, she never threw parties anymore, nor contacted kids from our school. Myungsoo never really stuck close to me when we were at school since that incident. I mean, it's not like he avoided me, but he didn't talk to me as much. He didn't initiate conversations with me anymore. He didn't text me anymore unless I was the one who texted him first. He joined some sports club and ate lunch with the members. He was cold to me. It seemed like he didn't want to be friends with me anymore. As if I was the only one who wanted to save our relationship.  

I knew that I should have just turned around and left, but I didn't because our seventeen year relationship was more than that. I didn't want to burn those memories because of some stupid makeover of his. I couldn't. We’ve been through so much together growing up, I knew him like the back of my hand. And at the end of the day, Myungsoo was still him. We still walked together to and from school. He picked up my phone calls whenever I wanted to rant. We still partnered up together whenever we had projects. We were just distant during the first ten hours of the day, which was sort of painful for me.  

After a full school year, we graduated. We stood side by side next to each other on ceremony day and I still remember how he held my shaking hand because I was nervous. And that's when it hit me, I really liked Myungsoo.  

In that same year, him and I entered the same university in September. He chose to major in photography, while I chose math, our departments weren't that faraway. The arts department is right across from us. If I really wanted to, I could easily bother Myungsoo 24/7. Anyway, once university started, he opened up to me again. Everything was back to normal. He didn't avoid me anymore and initiated conversations, as if nothing changed. Don't take me for granted, I have a hunch why it happened. We were in a new place, it was a new beginning. No one knew me as that drunk retard who broke a girl's nose in high school. It didn't matter how Myungsoo treated me in those ten months, it was the past.   

I don't know how my mother found out, but recently she asked me something that I would have never saw coming. She asked if I liked Myungsoo and it wasn't in a babying tone. It was straight up,  

"Sungyeol, do you have interest in Myungsoo?" 

Of course, I denied and told her she was definitely insane for thinking that way, but then she pulled out the old picture album I hid under my bed. It was an album that only consisted photos of Myungsoo and I. It had been a long time since I've added photos to it. We never took pictures together after graduation. It's just that Myungsoo became better looking and I just stayed the same, dull, ugly duckling that nobody wants. We're in different levels, he's way up and I'm way below average. I don't think I'm ever going to reach that high, to be honest.  

During dinner tonight, my mom asked me the same question regarding Myungsoo again. This time it was a lot more awkward since my father was at the table as well.  

"Seriously, son, do you like Myungsoo?" 

I looked over to his facial expressions; he kept his head down and avoided our eyes. I don't think he wanted to be part of the conversation; he was a man after all. "Mom, please," I continued eating while waiting for my dad's response. 

"So..." he picked up more kimchi with his chopsticks, "do you like him?"  

I was so shocked from his question I dropped my bowl. "Dad.....shouldn't you be against something like this?" 

"I'm not for or against this," he said in a stern voice, "I'm asking a question." 

"Well, yeah. I think so."  

My mom smiled at my answer, "Aww, honey, that's really cute!" She gave me a thumbs up, nudging dad to join in. "Did you confess to him yet?"  

"Uhh, no."  

"But it's been so long!"  

"Yeah, but he doesn't even have a clue and I don't know what he's thinking."  

"Is Myungsoo straight?" My dad asked out of nowhere.  

"He hasn't really said anything about his uality, but sometimes he does comment on cute looking guys." 

"Like hell, that boy's straight," my dad finished dinner and got up to go for a walk, leaving my me and my mom at the table.  

"Don't play with your food," she warned me as a stirred my rice around in my bowl. I immediately put my chopsticks down.  

"Sungyeol, talk to him about it."  

"Who?" 

"Myungsoo. Give him some hints, see how he reacts." 

 "How?"  

"You know what to do, I'm sure of it," My mom winked and started cleaning up the table.  

So for the next weeks or so, I started planning how I was going to give "hints" to Myungsoo. Every morning I'd make an extra rice roll, (more like asking my mom to make one) so he and I could share as we walked. Not once has he fed me. I'd also pack a huge lunch so we could eat together. Still, he hasn't fed me. I even purposely bumped into his shoulder with mine whenever we were side by side, but he didn't get it. He asked if I was tired and offered to take the bus instead. So then I tried something else. I hung my arm over his shoulder when we walked home. Except, he didn't really care since he was too busy looking down on his phone.  

"Are you watching ?"  

"No, what the hell. Sungyeol, I'd do that at home."  

"Oh, so you do watch it," I eyed him playfully.  

"And you don't?"  

I didn't answer him and continued walking. It wasn't like I didn't watch it, but I just haven't watched it in a long time. I don't even remember when the last encounter was, probably in high school or something. I didn't have time and I was too busy focusing on Myungsoo. 

"Anyway, what are you watching there?"  

"Just looking up an ulzzang." 

"Oh, doll like girls with big eyes?" 

"Nope, this one's a guy," he said in a normal tone. Like hell, it was normal.  

"Myungsoo...." I stopped my tracks, "Are you gay...by any chance?" 

"Well, it's not like I want to have with them or anything, I just think they're cute looking," He shrugged it off cooly.  

"So you're biual?"  

"Sungyeol, when you see a good looking guy on the streets and you admit they're  good looking, does that mean you're gay?"  

"I don't know," I truthfully answered.  

Myungsoo sighed loudly and gave me one of his cold stares, "I'm a photographer, it's normal for me to seek models. Look at this guy! He's so cute with the kitten! His name's Lee Sungjong and his profile says that he goes to our university. He's in the arts department studying music performance. Our university, my department! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THIS MEANS?" Myungsoo looked really excited and all, like some fan boy, waving his damn phone in my face.