"I blinked several times. I couldn't believe my eyes that I just travelled hours back in time. Carefully, I stepped out of my room and walked into the lounge downstairs, where my mother was sitting and reading a book comfortably on a sofa. 

"Fan Fan, why are you moving at a pace of a tortoise?" she asked while looking over her book. 

"Errrrr," I stuttered, unable to find words, "I'm just about to go, Mama." 

"You really should," my mother's gaze fell back onto the book, "Ai is not the type of girl you should mess around with. She takes no nonsense. I dashed towards the car in front of the house as soon as I said farewell to my mother and drove towards the house. Ai was already waiting for me at the porch of her house, walking back and forth, her long dress was causing ripples as she took a step. I honked the car horn and she looked up. Her face exploded into a smile before she scurried towards my car, carrying a paper bag and a clutch bag. Knowing what she was going to give me as my birthday present, I smiled cheekily, with the thought of pulling a prank on her. 

We arrived at the restaurant, dined and the waiters pushed the wheeled cart with my cake. The same thing happened, the only thing is that I am now wise enough not to utter a word to piss her off. While eating the cake, I decided to play a joke on her, "So, Ai,what did you get for my birthday?" 

She put the fork in as she ate the cake and smiled, "Why would I tell you? It's a surprise." 

"Hmmmmm....do you mind if I guess? I want to guess," I asked her, trying to look as deadpan as possible. She nodded. 

"Is it something for personal use?" She nodded. 

"Hmmmmmmm..." I rubbed my chin, pretending to think, "is it something special?" 

She put her fork down, "Kind of special. Depending on how you take it." 

"Is it small?" She nodded again. 

I slapped the table lightly, "it's a pen. A customized pen." Her eyes widened into the size of huge golf balls and fell. "Dude, are you psychic?" she exclaimed as she reached into her clutch bag and pulled out a slender box. 

"Here," she gently pushed the box towards me, "I have another present for you in the car but you probably know it. It's a book." I chuckled as I reached for the box to take out the pen I have seen before and twirled it skillfully in my hand. "It's nice! Thank you, Ai," I thanked her. 

"Yes, you should thank me," Ai cheekily replied, "I specifically ordered it so that you can hold it nicely." 

"I can hold pens nicely," I retorted, still twirling the pen in my hand.

"Such a liar," she rebutted, "I can see how much you struggle holding some skinny pens and those chubby ones are totally not your style. Don't lie Yifan. I know everything about you." 

'But you don't even know that I like you,' I inaudibly spoke to myself as she finished the sentence. She was still smiling. 

Long story short, we finished the dinner, I sent her back to her house, she gave me the rest of her present, which is the leather bound diary book that I already knew of, but I said thanks out of manner. 

That night, I started a habit of writing a diary, where I pour out my feelings onto the crisp pages of the book. I think I quite like how I feel afterwards. I'll keep the habit. 

~~~ 

University is nothing like high school. 

I moved out from my house to live on campus, where I joined a dorm to live with my friends. Ai, much to my worry, joined a co-ed dorm. Of course, I joined an all boys' house since all boys' house have more freedom. 

We all made friends accordingly and settled into our new environment. Ai, being someone who has always been keen on fashion and design, picked up fashion design and merchandising as her major. I, on the other hand, chose to major in physics since I have always been fascinated by galaxies and want to learn about astrophysics in future. We're both on same campus but in different region so we hardly get to meet each other. But, whenever we met each other it's always quality friendship time. 

Of course, I kept an eye on Ai so that she does not get snatched away by some other random dude. I still cannot pluck up my nerve to ask her out. I cannot develop an 'all in' mode like a seasoned poker player. Being a calculative person that I am, I have to observe things carefully before I make the next move. Some calls me a control freak but that is how I function - careful and calculated. 

~~~

First year flew in a whim and we both migrated into second year. Still, no special someone for both of us. Despite my feelings grew for her, Ai, on the other hand, remains oblivious about my feelings. I blame myself for being such a coward. The only relief that soothe me is about how Ai is still rejecting guys, one after another, without a reason. Many close friends of mine are telling me to go for her and to take the leap of faith, which I still cannot do it.  

"Yifan~~~~~~"Ai spoke in a really nasally voice, a premonition that she has a favor to ask from me. 

"What?" I responded her without tearing my eyes away from the book A Brief History of Time. 

"Come with me to my friend's birthday party?" she asked. I looked at her.

"No," I shook my head. 

"But, why......." her bottom lip protruded as she pouted and blinked her eyes repeatedly. She is trying to kill me with aegyo to make me agree with her, because she knows that it works on me like a infallible charm. Nope, not this time. I dislike parties for some reason. All they do is drink and play games, which are completely not my style. I prefer going out to restaurants and eat with friends or go out with them to arcade to play games rather than going to a party.   

"Ai, you know I don't like parties," I sighed. Ai was still pouting and her eyebrows have knitted into a slight frown. "But, Yifan...please?" 

"No, Ai, I have things to do. Can you let me go this time, please?" I copied her and pouted, which caused her to start giggling. She made me promise that I would go together with her in the future. 

~~~

Ai didn't contact me for a couple of weeks after the party she was supposed to go to, which was very unusual because she always felt the need to constantly talk to me, either messaging me on calling me on phone. So, I decided to check up on her and called her. 

"Yifan!" Ai's happy voice greeted me, which put my heart at ease for I was wondering whether she had gotten sick or not.

"Ai!" my relieved voice escaped me before I could forbid myself, "I thought you're sick! You haven't called me for ages!" 

"I have?" Ai responded with a curious voice, "Oh geez...yes I have. Sorry, Yifan. I've been pretty occupied the past few weeks." 

I laughed, "It's alright. We're all busy students. Listen. Would you like to catch up this weekend? I want to eat brunch from that restaurant we love." Ai happily agreed that we'd meet and catch up over a meal, just the way we like it. 

~~~ 

On the day that we were supposed to meet and catch up, we obligingly met up and caught up over brunch. Along the time she was eating, I found Ai being distracted all the time. She would glance at her watch frequently or she'd be checking her phone frequently, which was very unusual for her. My sub-conscious kept picking up little details of her and it made me feel a little uneasy. 

"Ai," I finally spoke out, "why do you keep checking your watch and phone quiet frequently? You look like you are waiting for your boyfriend to go on a date," I ended with a chuckle. 

"Mmmmm," Ai nodded as she put a spoonful of muesli into . 

"A what?" I asked.  My world spun 360 degrees.

"I'm meeting with my boyfriend afterwards," she replied with a happy smile. No no no no no, this cannot be happening! 

My knife and fork dropped with a clang onto the plate I was eating from, I cleared my throat"since when did you meet a guy and have a boyfriend?" 

"Ooooooh! I forgot to tell you. I've been busy for the past few weeks because I've been going out on a date and we decided that we'll start going steady a few days back. He's such a lovely person, Yifan, you'll love him," Ai responded with a bright beam that is comparable to the sun, "oh there he is!" she pointed at a well-dressed guy who appeared at the door of the cafe. 

"Junmyeon! Here!" she raised her right arm and waved frantically. Seeing Ai getting giddy and excited like a teenager around her so-called boyfriend is making my heart feel uneasy as the seconds tick away. A short, well-dressed guy walked up to our table and sat. He has really pale skin, brown hair and is impeccably well-dressed. 

"Ai," he called her name fondly, "sorry that I was late." Ai waved her hand like it's nothing, "it's okay, Jun" 

The fact that she's calling him in his first name initial is making my stomach sink... 

"Ai, who's this?" I questioned Ai, with a hidden intention that I want to know the boyfriend. She frantically flapped her palms around, a habit she does when she is flustering and panicking at the same time. She giggled, "Yifan, this is Junmyeon. My boyfriend," she gestured her hand at him. "Jun, this is Yifan, my longtime best friend," her hand pointed in my direction. 

"Nice to meet you," Junmyeon stretched out his hand, "my name is Junmyeon from Law." 

I took his hand and shook it, "Yifan from Physics." 

"I've heard a lot about you," Junmyeon replied as he kept shaking my hand, "Ai speaks fondly of you." My stomach kept sinking into deeper pit of sorrow.

Ai insisted that they went somewhere together but Junmyeon decided that he wanted to eat at the same cafe, saying he wanted to get to know me more. The three of us ate brunch together. I got to know that Junmyeon is a nice guy, who seems like he's from a well-off background. A small part of me is glad that Ai chose to go out with a reserved, smart and well-behaved gentleman type like Junmyeon but a major part of me is feeling resentful that he is her boyfriend. 

"So, Junmyeon," I started a conversation with him while Ai was away to take a call from her family, "how did you and Ai meet?" 

"Oh, Ai didn't tell you that?" he took a sip of coffee from the cup in front of him, "we met at her friend's party a few weeks ago. She was not that fond of that party so she was just sitting there at one of the chairs beside the window, I struck up a conversation with her and we became friends. I found out that we both clicked really well and ar-" 

"Hold up," I held up a hand, "did you say party?" 

"Yeah," Junmyeon replied, "her friend's birthday party." 

"Okay, so buddy, help me here. When and wherebout was that party?" I asked, when an idea hit me. 

Junmyeon frowned a little, "I'm sure it was about 8 o'clock? I don't know. I noticed her as soon as she entered her but I didn't go talk to her until she sat by herself alone." 

"Thank you!" I let out a huge sigh and thanked him. I must return back into the past to get Ai away from him. I took out my purse, put my brunch money on here, "Junmyeon, will you tell me the address of that party?" Junmyeon opened his mouth to give me the address, but I cut him off, "you know what, it's okay. I'm going to go off now. Please tell Ai that I had to rush somewhere to run an errand." Junmyeon was left, sitting, with a confused expression as I left him at the table. 

I dashed home as much as I could, nearly getting into a car accident on my way back, and knocking over a bicycle at one of the bicycle stands on the campus. As soon as i got back into my room, I pulled all the blinds close, locked my door and focused to teleport myself back. To the time just before the party started. 

-6.45pm-

Good, i still have time. I dashed to Ai's dorm as fast as I could, nearly causing myself to die again. When I got there, Ai has changed into her party clothes, a lovely short dress matched with her hair and make-up.

"Yifan?" Ai asked me in a bewildered expression, "what happened to you? why are you sweating so much?"

I held up my hand as I was trying to catch my breath with my eyes closed, "Ai...can I talk to you for a minute?" She nodded in response.

"Please don't go to the party," I pleaded.

"Huh?" she exclaimed, "What do you mean please don't go to the party?"

"I mean please don't go to the party...," I pleaded again.

"Yifan, are you sick or something? What happened to you all of a sudden?" she reached for my forehead and tested for temperature, "Your body is fine..." 

"Please?" I held her wrist and said again, this time I tried to pout a little. Ai started laughing, "Yifan, don't use the cute on me. But why? You said you didn't want to go to the party in the first place!" 

"I...I...I...," I stuttered, "I want to take you to the ice-cream place!" I remembered that she wanted to go to a new ice-cream place that newly opened back then. Her eyes lit up with excitement, ice-cream is her favourite. 

"But, I still have to go to Emily's party," she replied and pursed her lips. 

"I'm going to take you there after eating ice-cream at that place," I promised, that way I can keep her away from Junmyeon so that she doesn't see him and falls in love with him. 

"We have a pact!" she laughed and took my palm to make a pact, "you cannot bail out afterwards or I'm killing you with my heels." I started laughing at her threat, which she thought was frightening, and nodded. 

That evening, I went to grab ice-cream with her before sending her off to the party and accompanied her the whole evening. I saw Junmyeon, who kept looking at her direction, but as soon as he has set her eyes on her, I acted like I was her date for the evening and blocked him away. That whole evening, I kept whispering the same thing over and over again. 

Thank you, Papa, for giving me the power that allows me to fix things I screwed up. Thank you. 

x