This will probably sound more like a blog post, but I started writing it as a story and I'm too lazy to change it, so sorry about that. I hope you'll read it anyway; it's just something I've had on my mind for a while.

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"So, what music do you listen to?" There it is. The dreaded question. The one question that I can guarantee will send me into losing most of my body weight in sweat when I try to think of a normal sounding answer. Considering the one genre of music is kinda the only one I listen to and also happens to be the one that most people find weird to say the least, it's quite understandable that I'm stressed. I should really have some sort of American answer, or just embarass myself with "oh my gosh I just love One Direction." I'll be judged, but not quite as hard as my real answer.

But there is the slight, 1% possiblility that this stranger likes it too, or at least has heard of it and won't think me completely odd and it's this that makes me say after several seconds of sweaty pondering, "I like Kpop."

They will have one of several reactions: 1) *curious* What's that? 2) *strange look and backing away slowly* if you say so. 3) Oh yeah, I've heard of that. Cool. 4) Ooooooh, like Gangnam Style (cue urge to strangle said stranger)! 5) *laughs* You must be joking. 6) OMFG KPOP SUPER JUNIOR DBSK VIXX EXO B1A4 B2ST INFINITE MBLAQ I LOVE THEM ALL WHO DO YOU LIKE???

Suffice it to say that last possibility is highly unlikely.

So because digging my own grave and setting it on fire is a hobby of mine, I attempt to explain. "It's Korean music. It's like pop music, but not American."

"Do they sing in Korean?"

No. They sing in Klingon.

*Polite in front of idiocy* "Of course! They're Korean, so they sing in Korean. Here, I'll show you a picture." *Opens phone to EunHae picture* "No, I swear they're normal. Hang on." *searches Internet for five minutes to find a normal, identifiably male picture* "Here, this is (insert name here)." *looks at stranger who now thinks I have a mental problem* "So...what kind of music do you listen to?"

Most people probably wouldn't believe me when I tell them that I actually have this conversation quite a lot, and not even with strangers who I really shouldn't be introducing to my fangirlism this early in the game. Seriously, my extended family also believe I need therapy (not only for my Kpop addiction, but that's definitely a factor). You should have seen their reactions to a story I wrote based on Vixx's Voodoo Doll (really shouldn't have shown my psychologist brother that one...).

Walking through life as a Kpop fangirl can actually be kind of depressing. First of all, if you don't have any friends into it as well, you have no one to vent your fangirl feels to, so it remains bottled up inside till you explode the house with "CAN HE PLEASE NOT OH MY GOD STOP TAKING OFF YOUR SHIRT DARNIT." I'm lucky enough to have a best friend who is a fellow fangirl and also happens to be into the same groups as me, so I'm not quite as lonely as I could be considering my family all think I'm crazy.

Another thing, we tend to hide. While I'm not totally shy about my liking for this particular genre of music, I don't tend to broadcast it, so finding another fan, for example on my college campus, can be quite difficult. Though I did see someone with a DB5K shirt on but stupidly I didn't engage her in conversation. I am ordering a Super Junior phone case in the hopes someone will see it and we can be ELFs together.

It's this situation that makes my situation even sadder when someone actually shows interest in it. Like my uncles, who asked me to show them some music videos/live performances. First of all, it took two minutes of stunned questions on my part for them to convince me they weren't joking and by then they probably wished they were. Second of all, I forgot that while I may be used to grown men kissing each other on stage, dressing in clothing that can only be called bizarre in polite conversation, and dancing in ways that could be considered mating, other people probably aren't.

Two words. Super Show.

Not one of my brighter ideas.

Even something as relatively tame (yeah right) as Vixx onstage was enough for the following questions:

Uncle: So this is a coed group.

Me: No. *gets annoyed and proceeds to show them pictures of Ren to prove that Vixx and SuJu are not the girliest idols out there* (again, not one of my smarter ideas)

Uncle: *laughs* this is the weirdest thing I've ever seen.

Uncle: Do you understand them?

Me: I don't know, sometimes. You know, you pick up phrases here and there *wishes I just said no*

Uncle: Are they gay? They're gay. I'm telling you.

Me: They're not gay, I swear. *snorts inwardly*

Uncle: I don't care. They're gay.

Me: *gives up*

And also, because as a bored college student, I tend to spend a lot of time online, I find blogs and tumblrs dedicated to Kpop and can't figure out where all these people hibernate because it doesn't seem like they actually exist in real life. Like I said, Kpop fans tend to hide so I'm sure these blogs aren't generated by SM for band promotion (which I would not be surprised about now that I think about it), but it'd be nice to talk to someone face to face. As amazing having a kpop fangirl best friend, I'd like to get other people's opinions on stuff, like do you think Sungmin has abs or is it a trick of the light, or which do you like better dark images, cutesy images, or y images, or is there an evil maknae society that only maknaes know about and they trade ideas on how to bully their hyungs/unnies, or if when you become a kpop idol do you just automatically become friends with Amber, or an in-depth analysis of Engrish in a song. Is that too much to ask?

But don't think I'm only here to complain. While it may not be the best thing that's ever happened to me, finding Kpop has been a major part of my life (though it did escalate into something much bigger than the "I'm only going to be into Big Bang I swear" I started out with). The variety in sounds, artists, and even companies always gives me something to listen to that suits my mood exactly. I have my favorite voices (Kyuhyun and Gongchan), my favorite aegyo masters (JYJ's Junsu, Taemin, and Sungmin), favorite dancers (Eunhyuk and N), favorite rappers (Ravi and Yougguk even though I didn't like rap before Kpop) and I know a heck of a lot more about another culture than I would in any other situation, not the least because of Simon and Martina, but even watching food and tour videos that have nothing to do with Kpop. I've learned about China and Japan as well.

You know what else is interesting that I've learned that really emphasizes the uniqueness of the Kpop fandom? The sheer amount of groups and artists out there make being a fan of all of them rather difficult, but that doesn't seem to make a difference. I'm sure just about every kpop fan can recognize the members of groups they don't follow, know at least some of the inside jokes of another fandom, or will listen to music made by a group they don't usually listen to. I think that kind of comradery doesn't really exist outside this. I mean, think about it, Kpop fans all band together when a group is up for an award in America or another country, regardless of if they follow that group or not. I mean, look at the recent example of Big Bang. I really think that's cool, because as far as I know, you won't find that between Beliebers and Directioners or whatever else.

Something else I've learned: You shouldn't be afraid to be who you are or do what you want to do. It doesn't matter who's looking, friends, family, a camera with hundreds of fans on the other side. Look at Block B (who don't give just about anything), SuJu (what idol image?), BtoB (again...what image?), or any number of other groups that are just themselves no matter who's watching. It's okay to have hard times because, to quote UKISS:

You get some right, you get some wrong
Although tiring there will be days to smile
When you fall down, when you get up
Although tiring, there will be days to smile,
Eventually a day to smile will come

And to all you anonymous Kpoppers out there, I'm sure you'll join with me as 75 year old grandmothers still jamming out to B1A4's Solo Day (hasn't been out of my head in a week), HISTORY's Psycho (amazing amazing song if you haven't heard it yet), SuJu M's Swing (SWING NEVA NEVA GEEV UP), or Block B's Nillili Mambo.

I'm sure I'm not the only one slightly ashamed to admit what kind of music I listen to to complete strangers, but at least there is that 1% chance that they're a fellow fan, so I won't make up some bogus lie about my favorite song being What Makes You Beautiful when it's really Voodoo Doll. And Nillili Mambo. And Mr. Simple. And One Shot. And Growl. And...oh what the heck. I give up.

Thanks for reading guys.