You could say they were fated. Found together first atop the roof of the trainee building, wind pulling at their clothes and tangling their hair. Both too shy to say a word at first, they shared a glance that spoke more than words ever could. There was something there, an understanding of each other, so raw and natural that it was as if they bared their souls the moment their eyes made contact. It only took a second for the two to realize they were one and the same.

It was the chestnut haired boy who broke the silence first, with a small "hello." Taemin blinked nervously, worrying his lip against his teeth. The other boy coughed and bowed politely.

"I'm Jinki. What's your name?" Jinki tried, trying to avoid the awkward atmosphere.

"What are you doing on the rooftop?" Taemin didn’t mean to be so straightforward, the question just kind of slipped, leaving him embarrassed and flustered. He couldn’t help it, the mere sight of Jinki had his head spinning.

Taken aback, the other boy let out a confused laugh in response. He smiled, the simple gesture so soothing Taemin couldn't help but to relax a bit, and said "I could ask you the same thing."

Taemin blushed and looked away. His heart pounded in his chest, an unfamiliar feeling rising in him. What was this?

"Sorry. It's just... I'm Taemin."

Jinki smiled even wider and beckoned him forward.

"You don't have to stand there awkwardly, you know. I don't bite."

For the first time, Taemin found himself smiling, his nervousness slowly leaving him. He didn’t know what it was yet, but something about Jinki calmed him, made him feel safe though all he knew was the other’s name.

Timidly, he moved closer to Jinki. Jinki held out a hand and Taemin took it, the last of his uncertainty washing away. Feelings flared through him at the contact, his heart racing at the touch of Jinki’s silky palm. Taemin decided then, that no matter where their paths led, he would stay by Jinki, would hold on to him even if they were forced to part.

It was like love at first sight.  From the moment their paths crossed, Taemin knew they were meant to be together, destined to stick by each other's sides for life. There was a deep connection, an immediate bond, that nothing could break. It both terrified and excited Taemin, who had never felt so strongly for anyone before. He hadn’t been so close to anyone in his life, not even his brother.

Sitting together on the rooftop, eyes glued to the sky, Taemin spoke, trying to keep his voice as nonchalant as possible.

“So, you never told me. Why are you up here?”

“It’s nice. More open than that stuffy trainee gym. I feel like up here, when I sing, I’m sending my voice to the stars.” Mouth quirking up into a smile, Jinki turned the question on Taemin. “What about you?”

“Oh I...I followed you.” The blood rushed into Taemin’s cheeks, embarrassed despite not admitting the true reason. He wasn’t going to tell a stranger he had come up to cry, now was he? “I wondered why a person was coming up here, and came as well.” He added, trying to make the lie more convincing.

Jinki laughed easily. “Ah, so that’s why.” Recalling earlier, realization flashed across his face. “Does that mean you heard me then?”

Taemin nodded, sheepish. “You sing really good hyung. You’ll debut soon, I’m sure.”

“Ah.. I don’t know about that. What about you? What’s your specialty?”

“Me? I’m a dancer.” Taemin said proudly.

“Really? That’s awesome! Think you could show me some moves?”

“Only if you give me vocal lessons.” He tried, secretly crossing his fingers hopefully.

Jinki shook his head eagerly. “Sure! It’s a deal.”

Through their lessons, the two become close, learning everything there is to know about each other. All their fears, their quirks, their entire life stories. By the end of their fourth month together, Taemin was sure he knew the elder better than he knows himself.

He watched the boy grow throughout the year, his features unchanging, but still somehow becoming more handsome. He found his love for the elder growing as well, blossoming into something he didn’t recognize or understand. He wrote it off as deep admiration, pushing aside thoughts that could question his resolve.

He was just thankful, that was all. Before he met Jinki, he was alone, with no one but himself and his dancing. He had thought about giving up after being told his voice was too broken to fix, but through Jinki’s tutelage, Taemin found his voice had grown from a cracky, off-key mess, to actually being decent, if still slightly rough. He was far from the best, he knew that, but he hoped that as long as he continued training with Jinki, he would one day have a voice like Jinki’s. He didn’t expect much though, no one could compare to Jinki in his opinion.

When Jinki was told that he was going to be debuting in a new boy group, Taemin felt his heart break. He was happy for the elder, how could he not be? His dream was finally coming true, but it meant Taemin would be left behind, and he wasn’t ready for that. Taemin still needed Jinki, he couldn’t part with him so soon.

The night after the announcement found Taemin and Jinki on the roof again, sitting on the grounds with their backs against the wall surrounding the ledge. Taemin drew pictures on the ground with his finger, while Jinki worried the bottom of his lip. Neither knew what to say, afraid if the word goodbye escaped either of their lips, they would depart and never see each other’s face again. The both knew that was untrue, idols often interact with trainees, but that didn’t stop them from feeling down.

Once Jinki was gone, Taemin found himself back where he was when he first entered SM entertainment. He tried talking to other trainees in a vain hope of finding someone who could replace the hole in his heart when Jinki had to go, but no one came close. However, he was able to make friends in the form of Kim Jongin, slightly filling the void. The other was a dancer as well, and Taemin found himself practicing late into the night with him, making up choreography when they exhausted the list of dances they already knew.  

There were whispers that the group Jinki was part of, that Soo Man was looking for a fifth member to join it. The trainee who would fill that position had yet to be decided, and Taemin was determined to be that person. He knew it was a long shot, especially with him being so young, but he had to try. If there was a chance for him to be with Jinki, for them to share the same spot light, he would do whatever it took to make that chance come true.

“Lee Taemin?” a short man said, towering above Taemin as the boy stretched on the wood floor.

“Yes?” Taemin replied, heartbeat quickening. What did this man want?

“I’d like you to come with me.”

Taemin paled. Oh god. He was going to get kicked out. That had to be it. Why else would he need to go somewhere with this stranger?

“W-why?” Taemin stuttered.

The man smiled and put a hand out for Taemin to grab. “You’re going to debut, kid.”

Taemin’s jaw went slack, eyes widening. “What?” He breathed.

“You’ve been chosen as the fifth member of our new boy group. Now come on, Soo Man wants you to start practicing with them straight away.”

Taemin threw a glance at Jongin, who sat a few feet away looking just as shocked.

“Well? Come on kid, we haven’t got all day.”

Taemin nodded and scrambled to his feet, following the man out the door of the practice room and down the hall. His heart was beating its way out of his chest as with each step, he grew closer to debuting, to being with Jinki.

When Taemin walked into the practice room, his eyes immediately found Jinki,  and watched as Jinki tripped over himself in surprise and ran to greet him.

“What are you doing here?” Taemin responded by looking back at a short man who he now knew was the boys’ manager.

“Alright boys, I have some exciting news for you. This is Taemin, he’s going to be the fifth and final member of your group.”

Despite knowing this already, Taemin couldn’t contain the smile that overtook his face upon hearing those words again. He was sure he was dreaming, sure this couldn’t be real. No one was this lucky, right? No way was he being given the opportunity to not only debut, but to debut with his favorite person in the world.

He wrapped his arms around Jinki’s waist and hug him tightly. “Can you believe it hyung? We’re going to debut. Together.”

“Yeah.” Jinki mumbled, smile taking form on his face as the reality sunk in. “Together.”

From the first day, everyone was aware of their bond, and no one tried to break it. Save for Minho, that was. Taemin learned that upon his arrival, Minho was no longer the youngest, a burden he was happy to be relieved of. However, since he “had shared the same experience” as Taemin, he made it his duty to get close to the younger and help him out, as a “fellow maknae”. Between rehearsals and after schedules were finished, he would try to pull Taemin away from everyone else. Taemin was happy for the attention, but didn’t appreciate being dragged away from Jinki, and clung to the leader as if his life depended on it. Minho gave up actually trying quickly, and instead stuck with goofing off and pretending they were close, lovers even, just as Jonghyun did with Key.

He did what he could to be as obvious as possible, the over exaggerated actions eventually leading their PR to decide that the two should be designated fanservice couple, along with Jongkey. Taemin hated it, and he could tell Jinki wasn’t that fond of the idea either, but neither could deny that fans ate that kind of stuff up, and hence 2min was born. It was a joke among the members, one even Minho, the creator of the outrageous ship, laughed at. Taemin didn’t like having to share fanservice with Minho, every time they touched he wished it was Jinki instead. He wished 2min didn’t overshadow his and Jinki’s relationship so much, but at the same time, he was glad. It was like his and Jinki’s relationship was their own little secret no one else knew or was a part of.

It was the day of their debut stage. All five were anxiously waiting backstage to go on and show the world who they were. It was time to live up to their title as the 'Shining SHINee'.

Each member seemed to be dealing with it in a different way.

Jonghyun seemed the calmest, simply singing the lyrics quietly under his breath. This wasn't surprising, after all, he'd been in a band prior to becoming a trainee at SM, so performing was nothing new.

Key was talking with Minho, or more like talking to Minho. His voice had raised to a higher pitch, and it was actually quite amusing to listen to. Minho on the other hand was looking stoic as usual, not making a sound, but if one looked closely, you could see the tightness of his hands, the nervous glances he kept making towards the direction of the stage.

Jinki was singing as well, while fiddling with something in his hands, and despite trying, Taemin couldn't tell what it was. Normally he would go and ask the leader what he was doing right away, but at the moment he had more important things on his mind.

Taemin was definitely in the worst shape. He kept pacing the room, much to Key's annoyance (he'd already been yelled at twice) as well as wringing the hem of his shirt mercilessly. Worries ran through his mind: what if he misses a step? Or his voice cracked? It was common knowledge he couldn't sing well yet. Or worse, he go so nervous he passed out?

The fear was eating him up inside. The next time Taemin passed by Jinki in his pacing, a small hand shot out and grabbed the younger's thin wrist. Taemin looked at Jinki in surprise, but the leader merely shushed the boy and motioned for Taemin to follow him.

The two exited the room, heading down the hall to where it was completely empty.

"What's going on hyung?" Taemin asked, confused.

"Are you okay? Are you nervous?" Jinki avoided the question.

"I'm fine hyung, just a little nervous is all."

Jinki stayed quiet after, confusing the younger even more. Was that really all Jinki wanted? Taemin turned to go back to the waiting room, when once again a hand was around his wrist, holding him back.

Jinki looked nervous, one hand clutched tightly into a fist.

"What is it hyung?" Taemin asked again. This time, Jinki answered.

"Here." Jinki held out his once-closed hand, revealing to Taemin a simple bracelet. Though plain,  it  was quite familiar, and Taemin quickly recognized that it was one of the two bracelets Jinki wore nearly every day.

"Hyung, why-"

"It's my good luck charm. You looked nervous, so I thought I'd give it to you for luck. I wore it while auditioning, and I mean, look at me now. I thought you could use the comfort of a little luck." Jinki grabbed Taemin's hand and placed the thin chain on his wrist.

"There. Now you have my good luck! You'll be perfect now."

Taemin stared at it in awe. "But hyung, what about you? Don't you need it?"

"I'll be fine without. You wear it Minnie."

"If you're sure hyung. Thanks for letting me wear it for our debut, it means a lot."

"No."

"No?" Taemin's eyes pulled together to form a look of confusion.

"It's yours now. From now on, my lucky charm is yours, so just think of me being your lucky charm." Jinki smiled lightly, and Taemin replied with a large grin of his own. His heart flew, thumping erratically, and the unknown feeling was back, clouding his mind more than ever before.

"Arasso hyung."

The following performance was the best Taemin had ever had, his dancing was spot on, and for the first time ever, his voice didn't even falter. Jinki's charm really did seem to be lucky.

From that day on, it becomes his most worn accessory, his prized possession, and the only thing he's never lost.

They were aware of how the other members looked at them, but it didn’t matter. They weren’t going to change how the interacted with each other, just to appease the others. Skinship was as natural as breathing. Besides, it wasn’t like Jonghyun and Key were any different,     the former always fawning over the latter like a puppy.    

Taemin remembers the suspicious looks from the others in the beginning, feeling sick at the memory of the time the other three confronted him and Jinki and demanded to know if they were together.

“Not that we’re against it.” They’d said. “We just need to know, so if there’s a chance of us walking in on you or something, we’re prepared.”

Jinki laughed, cutting them off, while Taemin flushed pink. “It’s not like. We’re like brothers, that’s all.” Taemin felt his heart drop at those words, though he didn’t understand why. Afraid of being found out and questioned, he left quickly, locking himself in the bathroom until he deemed himself calm again. From then on, whenever they were teased, a smile would pull at the corners of Taemin’s mouth, and he would spend the rest of the day trying to understand why he felt happy at the idea of being more than friends with his hyung.

As time went on, it continued to get worse. Every little thing Jinki did had Taemin’s head reeling. In interviews, Jinki would fight to sit beside Taemin, at concerts, he would always stay close. Taemin couldn’t understand the emotions he felt around Jinki, and wished he could tell if Jinki felt the same.

More often than not, Jinki and Taemin find their legs pressed against each other, some physical contact required just to remind each other they are there. Occasionally, a hand will make it's way to the other's thigh, patting out an off beat rhythm, or a gentle squeeze, just for the extra acknowledgment. In calm moments, arms will snake their way around the other's waist, pulling them into a loose back hug. When they walk together, their hands are interlocked, determined to not be separated for even a moment.

Light touches of reassurance, warm hugs that take away any pain. Their hands find each other blindly and often go unnoticed by the two until pointed out teasingly by someone else. Their bodies gravitate towards each other, sticking side-by-side in even the most crowded places. They are each other’s shadows, always following. It was as natural as breathing, if only Taemin could breathe. Every little brush of skin, every time Jinki invaded Taemin’s personal space, Taemin found it hard to breath, his heart in his throat and blood rushing into his face.

Taemin finally understood why he felt that way. He knew why he reacted so dramatically around Jinki, where as he was fine around everyone else. The reason scared him though, and he found himself pushing his emotions deep down, trying to avoid the aching in his heart even as he did so.

Four years after debut, and three dorms in, the group are finally able to settle in a place with more than one room. As the eldest and the leader, Jinki was gifted with his own room, saved from sharing with any other members. Taemin was designated as Jonghyun’s roommate, something he wouldn’t have minded, if it didn’t mean he was far from Jinki. It only took four sleepless nights before Taemin gave into his emotions and slipped into Jinki’s bed with him. When he felt the elder begin to complain, he simply wrapped his arms around Jinki tighter, and soon enough they were both fast asleep.

From then on, Taemin's night time visits happened daily, to the point where the maknae's own bed was never used for actual sleep, and only as a place to store electronics and dirty socks. Taemin felt a bit bad for invading Jinki’s only moments of privacy, but found that he longed for the warmth of Jinki’s body against his too much not to be selfish.

Jonghyun complained once in awhile, often suggested that the two just share a room instead, but neither side ever followed through. There were too many schedules, too little rest to really care who shared. So Jonghyun just picked up after Taemin’s mess while he holed himself  up in Jinki’s room, and no one paid any mind.

When Jinki took on his first solo activity, Taemin felt both happy and betrayed. He couldn’t help but be proud of his hyung for starring in the new musical, but at the same time, he hated how he had to spend nights alone now that he was busy practicing so much. Still, that didn’t stop him from showing up opening night before the show, bouquet of flowers in hand. Internally, he worried that it would be a bit much, that Jinki would see right through his “supporting member” guise and know that Taemin held deeper emotions.

Luckily, Jinki was just as oblivious as normal, and simply gave Taemin a confused smile upon arrival.

“I thought you had recording for Hello Baby now.” Jinki questioned. Taemin shook his head and placed the flowers on the make-up table.

“Yoogeun caught cold, and they called off filming for today. So I  decided to pay my favorite hyung a visit.” Taemin moved closer and ran a hand down Jinki’s leather clad arm. “Hmm. Leather looks good on you hyung.” He complimented, his lips quirking up in a teasing smile.

“Thanks Tae-ah.” When Taemin looked up again, his face had turned serious, sincerity shining in his eyes.

“Do well hyung. Break a leg.” As if he could only be serious for so long, he added a joking, “But not really. Let’s not have anymore Onew Condition now.”

“Aish this kid.” Jinki replied, moving to whack Taemin, but the younger simply danced out of the way.

“You’ll be great hyung!” He yelled, before running away, heart fluttering like a bird.

Taemin doesn’t know what he was thinking when he agreed to be part of We Got Married. Okay, he did. He knew he only agreed to it to try and rid his mind of Jinki. His thought maybe, just maybe he could convince himself to like the girl, to make himself normal again.

He didn’t expect to feel so heartbroken when Jinki was there with Key, giving him advice on how to woo his mystery wife. He didn’t plan on acting like a flustered school girl when Jinki grabbed his hand in a demonstration. He didn’t realize just how hard it would be to pretend he was interested in someone’s he’s not, when his heart was already given to someone else.

Especially when that someone he had to like was Na eun.

It wasn’t like she was a bad person, by any means. A bit stuck up maybe, and so strongly tied to her “innocent” image that she acted like a five year old who still believed that boys had cooties. It frustrated Taemin to no end, as he was only trying to do his best, and this girl wasn’t helping anything.

What made it worse was with every moment, every word spoken, Taemin couldn’t help but compare her to Jinki. He tried not to, he really did, but every obnoxious action of hers was met with thoughts like  “Jinki wouldn’t say this. Jinki wouldn’t pull away. Jinki is so much kinder and open than her.” It drove him mad, and it didn’t help that Na eun only made things worse. She had no understanding of Taemin, like Jinki did. No, he had to stop comparing them.

When Taemin returned from Jeju three days later, he looked like he was about to murder someone. As soon as he caught sight of Jinki, he calmed slightly, but then he remembered how terrible Na eun was in comparison, and how Jinki constantly invaded his thoughts, and the anger flared back up.

“So... how’d it go?” Jinki said carefully. Oh how Taemin had missed that voice. It was like water in comparison to Na eun’s, soothing and healing.

“How’d it go? Damn awful, that’s how!” Taemin seethed. “The girl I’m paired with- Na eun- is such a stuck up priss. I know I’m not the best at being social but she didn’t even try! She was like ‘Oh, I’m an innocent flower who’s never been within a hundred feet of a man before. Treat me like I’m the best thing in the world while I play hard to get because I’m the most perfect girl ever and you’d be lucky to have me.’ ” Taemin mimicked in a shrill voice. “UGH I HATE HER!” He raged, shoulders rising and falling with his heavy breaths. He knew he was being childish, that really, she wasn’t so bad, but in place of Jinki, she seemed like satan.

Jinki placed his hands on Taemin’s shoulders, the effect immediate. Taemin’s breathing slowed and the anger slowly drained from his face. He couldn’t stay mad, not around Jinki. “Okay, it’s bad, I get that. So, don’t think of it as a reality show. Think of it as a drama. You’ve always wanted to be an actor like Minho, neh? This is your chance. Prove to me how great you are at acting. Make me believe you really like her.”

Taemin nods once, determined to do well for Jinki. “Neh hyung. I’ll do that.”

“I still can’t believe you said you like boys Taemin. Right in front of her. And like twenty cameras.” Jinki laughed, nearly falling off the bed. The two were in Jinki’s room, computer sat in front of them as they re-watched the first episode of Taemin on WGM.

Taemin frowned, hurt by Jinki’s reaction. “It wasn’t that funny. And it was only two cameras.”

“Sure, sure, not funny at all. The look on her face, oh my god.”

Taemin bit his lip, eyes on the frozen screen before him. “What if...” Taemin began quietly, voice trailing off without finishing. Should he tell him? Should he admit the truth? What would Jinki say though, would he be disgusted with Taemin? The internal battle ate away at Taemin, twisting his stomach in knots.

“What if what?” He asked, confused.

This is it. He can do it, he can tell Jinki. He has to, he needs to. “What if... what if it was true?”

That shuts Jinki up, and the elder stare at his best friend with a shocked expression.

“Do you..” Jinki began, voice unsure. “Do you like guys?”

Taemin turned away, face red. “Ye-yeah. I do.” He replied, voice shaky.

Jinki is silent, and Taemin feels himself begin to panic. He knew he shouldn’t have said anything. It’s one thing if it was just a mistake, but this is real. He’s gay, and he just admitted it to the one person whose opinion could break him completely. But... Taemin thinks of how Jinki has always been, how open with skinship he is with and only with Taemin. What if, by some miracle, Jinki felt the same way? Taemin found himself waiting in hope and fear, desperate to hear Jinki say he’s gay as well, that’s he been in love with Taemin this whole time.

“Oh. Okay then.” Jinki shrugs.

It was Taemin’s turn to be confused, features twisting. “That’s it? You are- you aren’t upset? Disgusted even? You don’t hate me?” He doesn’t know if he should be relieved or upset. Taemin hates how conflicted his emotions remain, even now.

Jinki whipped his head around and stared at Taemin with an unreadable expression. “Taemin.” He said sharply. “I would never hate you. Especially over something like this. So you like men, what? You’re still Taemin, still my best friend. This doesn’t change anything. So what if you like taking it up the ?”

“Hyung!” Taemin whined, embarrassed, but a smile pulled at the corner of his lips. He felt like a giant weight had been lifted off his chest admitting this. He should have known Jinki wouldn’t be anything but supportive. Still, it hurts knowing Jinki doesn’t, and will never, feel the same way.

He wrapped his arms around Jink’s waist and hugged him.

“Thank you hyung.” He whispered, his heart hurt, but light.

The day WGM filming officially ends, and Taemin no longer has to see Naeun’s face again, he runs into Jinki’s room, a smile stretching his features. “We’re going out!” He announced, not giving Jinki the chance to argue. He pulls the elder out of his room and to the front, barely giving him time to slip on shoes before the two are out the door and into the frisk air of a winter evening. Jinki shivered against the cold, but Taemin payed no mind, already pulling them into the company van and directing the driver to the nearest club. That night, the two partied like no tomorrow, and in the morning, when Jinki woke to Taemin snuggled warm against his side for the first time since that show started,  it felt like everything was right with world again.

“What’s wrong with Jinki?” Taemin said, blocking the door for the manager to get through.

“Taemin, it’s not my place to say, now could you move-”

“Manager-sshi, hyung is locked in his room all alone. I heard crying. What is going on?”

“It’s best if you ask him-”

“You know manager-sshi...”

Five minutes later, Taemin stood in Jinki’s doorway, key in hand. Seeing the confused expression on his hyung’s face, he answered the unasked question.

“Manager hyung told me.” Jinki opened his mouth but Taemin raised a hand to stop him. “Don’t get mad at him, I forced him to tell me. You know no one can resist me.” He smiled a greasy smile that sent shivers down Jinki’s spine before turning serious again. He shut the door gently behind him and moved to sit beside the elder. Wrapping one skinny arm around Jinki’s strong shoulders, he looked into Jinki’s eyes and said with strong determination, “You’ll be okay.”

“But what if-”

“Don’t. You’re going to be perfectly fine. You’ll get the surgery, you’ll rest, and then you’ll be back and better than ever before.” He sounded so sure, resolve so absolute, Jinki could hardly argue. And yet...

“And if I can’t sing anymore, and have to quit?”

“Then I’ll visit you every single day and give you vocal lessons until you can sing again. You were able to fix my voice, so I should be able to fix your, right?” The idea of Taemin trying to teach anyone is so outrageous it reduces to the two to tears in seconds, their laughter bouncing off the walls. When they finally calmed down, Taemin hugged Jinki tightly.

“See? You’re going to be be fine hyung. I know it.”

The day of Taemin's solo debut stage, it feels like the world is being reborn. It is the first time he is dancing alone, as a solo artist, and though there is an ache where Jinki is missing, it doesn’t affect the euphoria he feels finally making it to where he’s always dreamed being.

When he finishes and goes offstage, he is taken aback by the sight of Jinki, smiling and with open arms. Taemin rushes towards him and throws himself into Jinki’s waiting arms, feeling as if he’ll explode from happiness.

“You came.” He chokes out happily.

“Of course.”

Taemin looks up then, eyes filled with nervous hope. “Did I do well hyung?”

Jinki answers honestly. “You were brilliant.”

The night before Taemin's first interview, Jinki hands him his other bracelet, his own wrist now bare. When Taemin glances at him confusedly, he simply answers, "So I'm with you even if can't be beside you."

Taemin is a man, and he doesn’t cry- in public. But behind closed doors with Jinki, the elder smiling that soul lifting smile of his, Taemin lets his emotions run free, and a single tear slips down his cheek.

“Thank you hyung.”

Six years since they first stood onstage and sang for the world. Looking back, Taemin realizes that without Jinki, there’s a chance he wouldn’t be where he was today. When he climbed those stairs to the rooftop, he had every intention of quitting and never looking back. If Jinki hadn’t been up there, waiting.... He wouldn't be himself. Taemin can't imagine a world without Jinki. A world without Jinki wouldn’t be living. It didn't seem possible, and Taemin didn't like to think about it too hard. He's spent less than half his life being friends with the man, but he can't remember a time without. Without Jinki, he was a different person altogether. Jinki is his other half, his soul mate. The two fit together perfectly, working together in absolute harmony. Taemin could not live without Jinki, and Jinki could not live without Taemin. If only Jinki realized how much he really meant to Taemin, that when he saw them as soul mates, he meant in mind, body, and soul. He loved Jinki, loved him as a man, not as a friend or brother, and it ached to know that they could be so perfect for each other, could be one person and yet still be so far apart.

Wherever your path may lead, Taemin thinks, gazing longingly at Jinki, I will follow. I will stay beside you, know matter how hard it may be for myself. I will not desert you. We will stay together, until the very end.

Taemin put his arm around Soo Eun, hugging her comfortingly. The two are sitting on lumpy hospital room chairs, the vinyl covering cracked from years of wear.

“How’s he doing?”

“Not well. The doctor says... he says the caused damage to the left side of his brain. If he wakes up, he’ll likely have total paralysis of his right side, as well as be unable to speak, and that’s if he.. if he wakes up...” Soo Eun paused, choking back tears. Her body shakes, eyes red rimmed. She looks terrible.

Taemin can’t say he looks much better. Since Jinki’s three days before, he’d been nothing short of an absolute mess. He hadn’t eaten, hadn’t slept, remaining by Jinki’s side day and night, praying he would wake up. He had to wake up. Taemin didn’t know what he’d do if he didn’t.

He looked down at Jinki, who laid peacefully on the bed in front of him, tubes connected to his nose, his mouth, his arm. His skin was pale and dull, face gaunt. He didn’t look alive, and that terrified Taemin more than anything.

Forty-six years. 46 years of friendship, of staying by each other through everything. Taemin had been there when Jinki got married, despite the pain of seeing the love of his life marry to someone else. He’d been there to comfort and calm him when Soo Eun went into labor with their only child, a baby boy. He’d been the boy’s second father, had loved him just as much as he loved Jinki.

When he had gotten married to keep up the facade of being normal, Jinki was always there when he became so overrun with guilt at not loving his wife as he should. When his wife had died, Jinki stayed at his house every night for a month, just to make sure Taemin was okay. Jinki helped him stay sane. He was Taemin’s whole life, his closest friend.

“Umma?” At the door stood Jinki’s son, dark bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. He’d flown in from Japan two nights before, and Taemin was thankful someone else was there for Jinki’s face, as he was next to no help.

“What is it?”

“Come on, let’s get you some food. You haven’t eaten since breakfast yesterday. I can’t have you falling sick too.” The look of guilt on Soo Eun’s face at that was evident, and she nodded before standing up slowly.

“I trust he’ll be okay with you around.” She told Taemin, before leaving with her son. Taemin focused his eyes on Jinki’s still form; with shaking hands, he took Jinki’s hand into his own.

“Why hyung?” He rasped, voice thick with emotion. “Why did it have to be you? How could you just leave me- I mean Soo Eun- like this? Don’t you know how painful it must be for.. for her?”

Taemin paused, eyes searching Jinki’s face for any sign of life. Finding none, he felt the anger build up and before he knew it, words were spilling off his lips in an almost incoherent stream.

“How dare you leave me like this? I don’t care if you’re older, you can’t die before me. This is by far the most selfish thing you’ve ever done. I have to have you with me, you can’t leave now. I can’t lose you, don’t you understand? I need you hyung, I...I love you.”

The confession, the secret he’d held onto for over 40 years, was finally admitted aloud, finally Jinki had heard. It was bittersweet, and Taemin felt regret fill his veins.

“I should have told you earlier, but I was afraid. I love you hyung. Not as a friend, not as a brother... I love you. I’ve loved you since we were just kids, dreaming of being famous. You’re who I’ve always cared for, that secret crush I refused to tell you about.”

Sobs wracked his body as he tried to talk. “I’m sorry hyung. I’m so sorry for loving you. I know I shouldn’t, and I’m sorry for burdening you with my feelings, but you have to understand. I need you hyung. Please, don’t leave yet.”

Taemin held a letter in his trembling hands, breath caught in his throat. Scrawled across the letter in Jinki’s familiar handwriting was one word “Taemin”. Needless to say, this wasn’t what he had expected when Soo Eun had knocked on his door and said she had something for him. She said she’d found it while going through some of Jinki’s things, in a box in the corner of his desk drawer.

He almost didn’t want to open it. The pain of Jinki’s death was still so sharp, so fresh. The wounds on his heart had yet to heal. Yet here was this letter, a letter with his name, hidden in a place no one would go until he was gone. Taemin was curious as to what Jinki had to say that had to wait until after his death, and though it hurt, he knew he couldn’t continue on with his day until he read it.

Hands so shaky he could barely hold the letter, he began to read.

To my dear Taemin,

If you are reading this, it must mean I’m either dead, or have finally gotten the courage to give this to you while my heart still beats. I doubt the second is true though, I’ve always been cowardly when it comes to you.

I love you.

I love you, and I have since I first met you. You were the best friend a person could ever have, and I felt honored to know you.

I’m sorry I never told you this. I’m sorry I let you live life thinking I thought of you as no more than a friend, when in fact, you were so much more than that. You’re my companion, my other half, my heart’s one true desire. But I couldn’t have you. I couldn’t do that to you. I knew confessing would only hurt us both. So I stayed quiet, and tried to live my life normally.

I didn’t want to hurt you. I felt guilty when you admitted to me you liked men, and all I could reply with was understanding. I was too afraid, have always been too afraid, to admit it myself, You have always been so strong, stronger than me, but even so, I couldn’t put you through the hell I knew we’d experience being together.

I love Soo Eun,  of course I do. But I loved you too, and that’s why I held onto you so tightly. Even after I moved on, got married, had a kid, I still needed you. It was selfish and cruel of me, and though I could see the love in your eyes, I refused to believe it myself. I couldn’t let you love me, couldn’t let us love each other. I’m sorry for that, I truly am.

Maybe if this were a different place, a different time, things would have been different. Maybe if I weren’t so afraid, I wouldn’t have hurt you so much, as I know I must have.

Please forgive an old foolish man.

Love, Jinki

“You idiot.” Taemin choked out, fists tightening around the letter and wrinkling it. “You absolute idiot. I love you too.”

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Sorry?