It wasn’t as if she’d planned on leaving him the way she did. Heck, she didn’t even plan on leaving Minho in the first place. Minho knew for a fact that she loved everything about him, even when he tries his hardest to beat her high-score on Rainbow Road in Mario Kart, her favourite game.

“How could you leave me with these burdensome memories and disappear like that?”

Everyone saw the drastic change Minho went through. It was pretty obvious that Minho thought that she was the one and he was hers, too, and so did everyone else around them. After she left, it was like the light in Minho’s life was gone. He no longer played the X-Box (because it reminded him too much of her), nor did he go to that arcade where they used to play that stupid basketball game (where their high-score remains unbeaten). He could only turn to soccer to try and forget her, forget her scent, the way she felt pressed against him in a long hug, to forget everything.

But she hadn’t planned on leaving. Not at all. But you don’t have a say in when your heart decides to stop beating. And Minho knows that, but it’s not fair, why should he deal with the pain she brought on with leaving him in the world of the living? Why couldn’t she be the one dealing with the pain?

Dazed, Minho found himself at her funeral, courtesy of Key and Jonghyun. They knew that she would’ve wanted him to see her off, at least for the last time. Funny how everyone was in black when she liked the colour blue. Even the pregnant clouds were grey and ominous. Minho chuckled darkly. He knew that she’d be complaining her head off about how they should get home quickly to have her warm cup earl grey tea, with four cubes of sugar, thank you very much. Instead, she was lying in an oak coffin waiting to be buried. He wonders if she’d feel scared of the dark, because now he can’t be there to pull her closer to him and wrap his arm around her waist, telling her it’s okay.

“Who’d tell me that it’s okay now?” He wonders idly, as the priest went on about how death is inevitable, and she’s now in heaven watching over her loved ones and friends.

It was supposed to be him watching over her, not her watching over him.

He couldn’t bear to watch her burial. He couldn’t accept that fact that she’s going to be six feet under, six feet away from his reach. And so, he waited until everyone left to talk to her.

It hurt him so much to walk to her tombstone, the only thing left of her. He sat down beside her tombstone and started talking.

“You weren’t supposed to go. We were supposed to have a perfect future together. What about the future we planned out? What about the places we were going to see? Now that you’re gone… I don’t know how I’m going to continue on with my life. How can I pretend that my life can go on when you were my life?” His voice cracks and so does his mask, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“How am I supposed to heal when you’re gone, huh? Why won’t you answer me? Why?!” He slams his fist to the ground beside him.

No response. He takes in a shaky breath and tries to control his sobs.

It seems like ages later before he got his thoughts together.

“Did you know that you were the light of my life? I’m only fully me when you’re here. But now that you’re gone… You will always have my heart, no matter where you are. And you’d better watch over me well, because you are horrible at looking after people. Remember that time I had cough and you gave me vitamin C? Please take better care of me this time, now that you’re probably an angel and all,” he smiles.

“And just to let you know, I’ll hold you in my heart until I can hold you in my arms again so don’t you go around getting another guy in heaven or something. You know that no one can beat me.” He stares at her name, engraved in stone.

, this is going to be harder than he thought.