happiness(red velvet/stupidity, pg-13, 771 words). summary: seungwan thinks red velvet tastes like and no one is mature.

 

 

seulgi sat stiff on the sofa. her lips were pursed and hands clasped tightly around each other. she was befuddled - nay, she was absolutely furious.

 

red velvet. red. as in the color red. and velvet. as in a woven tufted fabric. red velvet. as in the cake. red ing velvet.

 

“we’re the cake group,” she said slowly as if saying anymore would activate the bomb ticking inside of her. “we are cake girls. cake gals. cake idols. i give seven years of my life and they put me in a group named after cake.”

 

seungwan snorted beside her. “i don’t even like red velvet. it tastes like .” sooyoung gasped from the far end of the couch. her head lay on the arm and her body stretched across the other two.

 

“not like red velvet? you are dead to me unnie. dead and buried. get your body out from under my feet i don’t even want to touch you. i am disgusted. appalled. in absolute disbelief. i thought i raised you better.”

 

the sounds of a desperate and crying male lead filled the room. seungwan possessed the remote. seulgi attempted to snatch it from her but was punched in the and pinched dead-center of her armpit. five o’clock was seungwan’s drama re-run time and god forbid she missed kim soohyun’s heart-aching man tears (description via seungwan) for the fifth time in a row that week. seulgi would just put on her stupid poke mans or whatever the hell it was called anyway. if she had to watch pikamewchu and fire dust boy succeed through the power of friendship one more time she’d dunk seulgi’s animango loving arse in the toilet. she was not above bullying.

 

“shut up sooyoung. your taste buds are wack anyway. how else do you eat joohyun unnie’s cracked out kimchi crap on ‘kill me it’s kimchi crap fridays’?” seungwan pushed the maknae’s feet off of her thighs. sooyoung’s lower half flew off the couch while her top half slid dangerously near the edge. one of her knees pushed into seulgi’s stomach in the process.

 

wheezing, seulgi flicked seungwan off and proceeded to get the remaining limbs of sooyoung away from her body. she wrapped her arms around her stomach. “first off, that was ing rude. i haven’t gotten my face insured yet and that could’ve ended badly. secondly, I help with kimchi crap fridays so you’re double the ing rude. ing rude bastard. appreciate the crap or learn how to cook something other than canadian bacon.”

 

“the most important thing here is not seulgi unnie’s face nor is it kimchi crap fridays. it is that i don’t want you touching me. even if you’re touching me to make sure you’re not touching me i still don’t want you touching me.  be gone you witch unnie with zero taste. burn in hell with all the other red velvet haters. haters gon’ hate.”

 

“stop talking in memes, sooyoung. god I hate you both,” seungwan breathed. “where’s joohyun unnie when you need her nagging? why does she choose to disappear when I need her nagging the most? if she were a d-class super hero and i was the incredibly hot maiden in distress, i would’ve been dead ten times over plus maybe fifty more times.”

 

sooyoung lifted herself up and moved to the lone chair in the corner of the room. “unnie is in her room crying. she hates her pink highlights.”

 

“wow this ungrateful is crying over getting the best color of the litter and i’m stuck out here with yogi bear and park meme maknae over here.”

 

seulgi slid over away from seungwan dramatically. her eyes furrowed. “take your leave then. and leave the remote too. i recorded the new episode of pokemon and learning if ash beats korrina is far more important than this corny, predictable turtle poo.”

 

“make me,” seungwan challenged.

 

“make me make you,” seulgi retorted.

 

“make me make you make me,” came seungwan’s reply.

 

“i’m leaving. i think i rather drown in joohyun unnie’s tears than watch you two throw down like grade schoolers.”

 

“fine. go joohyun unnie’s . that’ll make her and her unborn child stop crying,” seulgi stuck her tongue out and blew a raspberry.

 

“how dare you. i am a minor and i don’t even like . so ha. jokes on you.”

 

red velvet’s manager came home to a broken tv, seulgi and seungwan sporting black eyes, an exasperated looking sooyoung, and a runaway note from joohyun (“my hair may have turned pink but my heart is blacker than it has ever been”). why god. why him?