NOTE: Italtics mean flashback

When he was sure no one was paying attention to him, Kyungsoo let out the long breath he had been holding for god knows how long.

The words “I love you” rang through his head like a gong when he heard them. His heart reacted by beating rapidly, ramming against his chest. An immeasurable heat rose in his cheeks. He inhaled a large breath, the same breath he had only now released.

He knew it was just a formal interview.

Which is why he felt utterly stupid for his reaction. Because of course Jongin was going to say something nice about Kyungsoo. Of course he was going to go on and on about how good he was at singing, or hard he worked, or how he should take care of himself more.

Of course he was going to end by turning to him and saying “I love you.”

Because it was Jongin.

Kyungsoo didn’t think Jongin was lying but he knew those words didn’t hold the same meaning that Kyungsoo wanted them to. But that didn’t mean Kyungsoo wasn’t going to get all frazzled by it. It didn’t mean he wasn’t going to get all caught up in it and play the words over and over in his head and stop breathing for the rest of the interview, effectively worsening his deafening heart rate.

Despite his reaction, this kind of thing actually happened all the time and Kyungsoo hated it. He hated that he wasn't used to it yet. Whether it was an arm wrapping around his waist while his back was turned or a chin resting on his shoulder, his body’s reaction to Jongin was the absolute worst to handle. He was so self-conscious of it because he knew he must have been painfully obvious.

Or so he thought.

No one gave any indication that they knew a thing, so Kyungsoo wondered if everyone else played dumb. He didn’t just mean Jongin, but the ten other members that surrounded them on a daily basis, always lingering, always too close for comfort and terribly lacking of the concept of personal space. Yet not one member expressed any form of concern, judgment, or even advice for Kyungsoo’s totally noticeable feelings towards the dancer. Wasn’t it obvious? Did they really not notice what Kyungsoo thought must be so noticeable?

Kyungsoo was such a terrible actor when it came to Jongin. His acting usually resorted to keeping a straight face, a face the others would mistake as being judgmental, which he probably was on occasion, but usually he was just biting tongue, hiding that fact that his heart was literally hammering through his chest as if desperately wanting to escape his body. Kyungsoo eventually figured his heart was just tired of being locked up all the time, it wanted out.

But Kyungsoo was also smart; he admitted that, so that’s why he couldn’t fathom for the life of him why the rest of the members were actually so stupid.

Well, except one of them.

 

-

 

“When are you going to tell Jongin you’re in love with him?”

Kyungsoo froze where he had been standing against the doorframe. He hadn’t even heard anyone walk up behind him.

In front of him, a certain tan dancer was talking to the choreographer about his solo for the next upcoming concert. Occasionally he took a step away from the choreographer to try out a move or pitch a suggestion. The concentration on his face was admirable. So were his thighs under those pants.

If he was being completely honest, Kyungsoo hadn’t even noticed he had been staring.

Kyungsoo fixed his face from surprise to his generally unamused expression before turning around to look up at the figure that had snuck up behind him.

“Er… what?” Kyungsoo asked as nonchalantly as possible.

“You know if you keep staring like that, your eyes will dry out,” Sehun said, clearly amused and ignoring the way Kyungsoo was playing innocent. “Which is probably not a good idea for you.”

Kyungsoo’s expression stayed unamused however, “is that supposed to be a joke about my eyes again?”

Sehun chuckled and then shook his head with a sigh, ignoring Kyungsoo’s question again.

“You’re lucky we live with a bunch of idiots.”

 

-

 

Kyungsoo couldn't agree more with Sehun. They did live with a bunch of idiots.

Either way, Sehun never told anyone about Kyungsoo’s little secret, at least he didn’t think so considering no one else ever made a point to say anything (and they definitely would if the had the chance.) But the maknae was not innocent, he did take every opportunity he could to bring it up. He took it upon himself to make sure he pointed out every single time Kyungsoo’s eyes even flicked in Jongin’s general direction, just to be annoying.

Jongin and Kyungsoo were incredibly close friends. They were good friends and, on camera or not, the two of them had a strong relationship. They never had to put on a show, it was natural. Kyungsoo knew Jongin had felt the same way.

Only there was one difference in each other’s perceived relationships and that being that Kyungsoo was convinced he was in love with Jongin. Painfully in love. He couldn’t pin point a moment it happened. He didn’t love him when they first met, but for some reason he couldn’t remember a time after that when he wasn’t embarrassingly and pathetically head over heels for Jongin.

This was yet another of those times when he had to keep his not so hidden desires for a certain someone, well, hidden.

It was all very exhausting. Kyungsoo couldn’t help but think it every single day. And why wouldn’t it be? He was, after all, hiding a secret from someone he would usually tell all his secrets. He was also constantly surrounded by people, if it wasn’t eleven at once; it was at least one or two. To make matters worse, Jongin was his roommate. How on earth that happened, Kyungsoo was still unclear.

 

-

 

The ride back to the dorm had been silent that night. For whatever reason, everyone was pretty tired. There had been a lot going on lately and Kyungsoo didn’t want to think about it. Kyungsoo just kind of wanted to go back home and crawl into bed and never come out. He wanted to forget about everything, the past few months, today, the interview, Jongin. He swore he could still hear the faint sound of his heart beating loudly even over an hour later.

It didn’t help that Jongin had been steeling glances at him in the rearview mirror from the front passenger’s seat the entire ride and Sehun had been glancing at him from the side as if trying to catch them in the act of eye contact. Kyungsoo ignored both of them and just stared out the window.

Upon arriving home, Kyungsoo had his mind set on his bed. He didn’t say a word to anyone as he passed on dinner and made a beeline for his room, he didn’t bother to turn on the lights when he walked in and he crawled under his covers without a second thought.

An hour passed of thoughtless brooding and Kyungsoo realized he should probably actually change his clothes and brush his teeth before he fell asleep. He slowly and reluctantly twisted his legs over his bedside to get up and shuffled tiredly to the door. He intended on getting ready for bed without waking up his body too much, but that plan is gone when he reached out for the doorknob and the door swung open before he even has a chance to turn it, almost slamming into his face.

He looked up and he was suddenly face to face with Jongin.

“Sorry!” A familiar and warm smile greeted him, “I thought you were already in bed.”

Kyungsoo waited to regain a normal heartbeat, but then he remembered it hadn’t been normal all day.

“It's fine,” he mumbled as Jongin just continued to innocently smile down at him.

“I-I’m gonna go brush my teeth…” Kyungsoo stuttered awkwardly, making a point to scoot around Jongin, avoiding all body contact, and heading toward the bathroom.

“Oh… okay,” Jongin said from behind him, a twinge of disappointment hidden in his voice. Or maybe Kyungsoo was just hearing things.

After scrubbing his makeup off and brushing his teeth, Kyungsoo returned to the room to find Jongin still there, leaning back on the headboard as relaxed as could be, eyes closed, arms folded behind his head.

Only he was on Kyungsoo's bed.

“Err..” Kyungsoo began, pointing stupidly at the situation.

Jongin’s bright smile spread across his face once again, one of his smiles where his eyes turned into crescents and Kyungsoo practically cluched at his chest.

“I was waiting for you Kyungsoo!” he exclaimed when Kyungsoo walked hesitantly towards his bed and Jongin.

“Why are you so awake?” Kyungsoo asked stiffling a yawn and sitting down on the edge of the bed by Jongin’s legs. Jongin was probably tired most of the day, except for about the hours between 11pm and 3am, it was something that always baffled Kyungsoo.

“You know I always get a second wind late at night… but I’m bored. Let’s do something.”

Kyungsoo couldn’t help but roll his eyes a bit but he smiled slightly, “What could we possibly do?”

“I don’t know. Manager-hyung is definitely asleep so… we could go for a walk?”

Kyungsoo’s heart fluttered. Which was stupid considering it was just a walk with Jongin and he knew he didn’t suggest it as some romantic gesture.

He pretended to think about it for a moment. He even yawned again for good measure, as if this would really create a big disturbance in his night. He knew his answer was going to be yes.

“Fine, but if I’m tired tomorrow you’ll owe me,” Kyungsoo answered, pushing Jongin’s leg with his hand, totally not doing it partially to the tight muscles of his calves. Nope not at all.

Jongin laughed in excitement, “You won’t be, but I’ll buy you something while we’re out.”

They left the dorm quietly after putting on their coats and shoes, both boys put on hats and wrapped scarves around their necks to hide part of their faces just in case, and immediately walked toward the convenience store near their dorm.

They knew it well. It was always open late and the people who worked there knew them. It was relatively small and hidden, there were never many customers at once and when there were they were usually regulars. It was a safe place to stop.

However for some reason this time was different. They walked in discussing what Kyungsoo was in the mood for, chocolate or ramyun, and turned to the right down an aisle of candy bars when Kyungsoo felt eyes on him.

He turned and sure enough two girls were standing at the register. One girl nudged the other girl that was paying the clerk.

Kyungsoo didn’t think the girls recognized them as idols. He and Jongin had hats on and had no makeup on. They looked like relatively normal people.

Luckily, the girls walked out without making a scene and the two boys continued their way down the aisle. Jongin hadn’t noticed them, he had been busy scoping out the selection of snacks.

After Kyungsoo decided on a candy bar and Jongin made a quick trip down the vitamin aisle, they paid for their items and walked out the front.

When they walked out of the convenience store it turned out the girls hadn’t actually left.

They girls smirked at the two of them and Jongin shifted uncomfortably next to Kyungsoo. Now Kyungsoo could tell they were a little older than them.

“You guys look familiar, do we know you? Did we go to high school together?” One of them asked curiously.

“Uh, no I don’t think so. We didn’t go to high school around here,” Kyungsoo answered, not willing to reveal why they might actually find them familiar.

“Huh, well I swear I recognize you from somewhere,” She looked as though she were intently thinking, and after a few seconds of awkward silence the other girl spoke up.

“Your friend’s cute,” she said, nodding in the direction of Jongin. Kyungsoo looked to his right. He watched as the dancer, who had been awkwardly standing next to him and shuffling his feet, just scratched the back of his head and bowed uncomfortably. So much for being the suave guy he was on stage.

“Uh, kamsahamnida.”

Kyungsoo couldn’t help but chuckle at how awkward Jongin was. He also may or may not have thought it was cute. But then there was also a pang of jealousy at the thought that Jongin was acting that way because he thought the girls were attractive.

“Oh well, we better go or we’ll be late,” the girl finished but before she turned, “do you guys want to come with us? We are going to the club down the street…”

Kyungsoo just shook his head and was about to reject the invitation with some excuse when Jongin slung his arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulder, pulling him in close.

“No thanks, we were just about to take a walk.”

The way Kyungsoo looked up at Jongin was similar to the confused faces of the girls in front of them.

The girls studied them for a few seconds and then looked at each other, shrugging before they turned to leave.

“Okay, well goodnight.”

The pairs walked in opposite direction.

“Way to be super awkward,” Kyungsoo teased, poking Jongin in the