Donghae pushes the door to the hospital rooftop open, not caring in the slightest that it has made quite a lot of noise and that maybe a few people in the floor below might hear it. Donghae can’t hear anything but the buzzing in his ears, and can’t care about anything but the way his hands start to uncontrollably shake. His eyes start to burn, he can feel tears threatening to fall but he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, as if challenging them and letting them know that bursts of emotion other than seething rage is not welcomed. Besides, he doesn’t want to give Siwon the satisfaction that his snide and degrading comments during the meeting they just have with the hospital’s board of directors get to him, even if Siwon is nowhere in sight. His pride just won’t let him hand that victory over to Siwon. The victory of knowing that his emotions are only his to control, the victory that he has to fight so hard to get back because he foolishly and naively let Siwon gain control over them during the course of their relationship.

Reaching in to the pocket of his white coat, Donghae walks towards the edge of the rooftop and leans his back on the metal fence. He takes a pack of cigarette and a lighter out of his pocket and places one in between his lips, closing his eyes in content as he lights it and takes the first drag. He allows himself the irony, that his daily activity as a doctor is telling his patients to live healthy and yet here he is inhaling what might be cancer into his lungs. He tells himself he deserves it as he tries to convince himself that this is worth it, that the saving lives aspect of his job outweighs the agony of working for a spiteful ex-boyfriend for the past year. It’s not the degrading comments or the apparent imbalance of Donghae’s workload that gets to him; it’s the fact that this treatment comes from the same man who swears that he will never hurt him. Apparently Siwon’s words have an expiration date, and that is the day that Donghae tells him he couldn’t be in a relationship with him anymore.

The wind blows and Donghae can feel the end of spring that comes with it. It’s getting warmer each day yet all Donghae can feel is the chill creeping inside him, that cruel realization of just how alone he really is. He takes another drag of his cigarette and scoffs as his mind takes him back to that exact point in time where he should’ve thought things through but he didn’t. Looking back it, Donghae tries to make himself feel better with thinking that it was all sorts of difficult to think anything through at that time, Siwon was charming and above that, he gave Donghae the chance to escape the small town which seemingly symbolized a dead end to everything he wanted and dreamed of. Donghae still has the same dream, it’s just that by the time he realizes that escaping his hometown and leaving his whole life there isn’t necessarily what it takes to make it happen, it’s already too late. He can’t go back, not when he’s so close to finally making his dreams come true, but everytime he goes back to his empty apartment and wakes up with emptiness somewhere within him, all he can think about is the scent of the sea in the air that always welcomes him back home.

Donghae drops the cigarette and steps on it to put out the fire, at this point even nicotine can’t help getting rid of the lump in his throat. He turns around and grips the metal fence as he hangs his head low, chanting ‘do not cry’ in his head. But even as he thought about those words repeatedly in his head, he already starts to feel hot tears rolling down his cheeks. He gives up, he’s way too weak right now to keep up with his own effort of maintaining positivity or perhaps even his own sanity. He needs a break, a release or whatever it is that can give him freedom even just for a short while.

“Don’t do it, man. Seriously, don’t. It’s messy and your mum will cry.”

The foreign voice behind him causes Donghae to turn around and hastily wipes his tears away; this stranger surely doesn’t deserve the sight of them. He comes face to face with a tall and lean red haired man with a nonchalant expression on his face, which comes as a surprise to Donghae judging on the complete nonsense he just said earlier.

“What the hell?”

At Donghae’s question, the red haired man takes a few steps closer towards him, and it is then that Donghae studies the man in front of him and tries to remember if he ever met him in the past for him to have the balls to say such nonsense. That man wears a black skinny jeans and a loose gray hoodie, the colors of his clothing clashing with the fiery red hair. His almond-shaped eyes are single lidded but Donghae can trace the faint line of black eyeliner, his lips are plump and pink and he has a jawline so prominent it can probably cut through glass. His face is kind of odd in Donghae’s opinion. Distinguishable, but quite odd. If they have met in the past, Donghae surely can remember this face but he doesn’t remember ever meeting him.

“There’s gotta be another way, man. I mean, I know this is a hospital and you think it’s okay cause there’s already so much death here anyways but do you know how disgusting it is when they clean the blood and the bits and pieces of your brain off the asphalt?”

Then Donghae finally understands what this bull is all about.

“Are you saying I’m… about to kill myself?”

“Isn’t that… why you’re here? I mean, you were crying and everything.”

“No it’s not!”

After that, there’s only silence as the man’s eyes turn wide and his lips form a perfect ‘o’, and Donghae can’t stop himself from thinking how much fuller that man’s lips look when he does that, such full lips for such a small face. The man then grins sheepishly at Donghae, and he takes notice on the pink gums peeking from the man’s lips as he grins and the way his ears perk up along with the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. Donghae feels a slight guilt about thinking this way but this man looks… kind of like a baby monkey when he does that. 

“Oh. Well… this is kind of awkward.”

Donghae wants to yell ‘no !’ at the man but before his brain can even command his mouth to say the words, the red-haired man suddenly walks even closer towards Donghae and extends his hand at him.

“I know this won’t make up for my mistake but hi, I’m Lee Hyukjae. This is the least I can do to, you know, get out of the awkward silence, it’s ing uncomfortable.”

Hearing him talk is like listening to a storm passing by, that’s the first thing that comes to Donghae’s mind two minutes into meeting that man (or Hyukjae, now that Donghae finally knows his name). He’s loud, and he speaks so fast Donghae can barely catch some of the words he’s saying. It turns out his odd face is somewhat a visualization of his odd behavior, Donghae concludes. Out of politeness, he takes Hyukjae’s hand in his and mentions his own name.

“I’m Donghae, Lee Donghae.”

“Well hi, Donghae Lee Donghae. You a doctor? Wait, that’s a stupid question, of course you’re a doctor that white coat says it all. You look kinda young to be a doctor though, maybe you’re an intern? No offense, but you look more like it.”

It’s that storm again. Donghae blinks a couple times, just for the sake of giving his brain some time to process everything Hyukjae says, or rather blurts out, to him.

“Uh no, I’m… I’m a doctor, actually. Have been for the past 4 years.”

“Huh. Would’ve never guessed. Anyways, I’m sorry about what happened before. Although in my defense, you looked so stressed out I seriously thought you’re about to jump off. I know my mum taught me to keep myself out of people’s businesses but I’m not about to let some guy jump off a roof, I mean it’s common courtesy that you have to at least try and stop him, right?”

Donghae nods, he’s honestly in awe at how fast Hyukjae talks that he can’t even fully participate in the conversation. Come to think of it, this isn’t so much as a conversation as it is a monologue, one that Hyukjae seems to have no problem in doing for the past five minutes. Donghae’s normally quite reserved, he can be loud and carefree too with a select group of people but those people have sort of… slowly but surely cut ties with him ever since him and Siwon was over. They are all the people Donghae knew through Siwon so it doesn’t really surprise him that once the relationship gone sour, they all side with Siwon. Not because they hate Donghae, but because it’s easier. Donghae’s heart sinks a little bit as he thinks about that.

“Wow you’re awfully quiet, Donghae Lee Donghae. I guess you really are stressed out.”

Before Donghae can even protest that it’s only partially true, because yes he is stressed out but also because Hyukjae barely gives him a chance to talk, his chance to protest is taken away from him again as Hyukjae hits him with another storm.

“Hey how about we leave and go do something fun? Again, as a way to make it up to you, I know a really great place to get your mind off… whatever it is you were thinking about. And you don’t have to be scared of me or anything, I swear I’m not even remotely close to dangerous, you can even take a look at my ID or call my parents if you like.”

“But I still have patients to see and…”

“Surely a hospital this big has people to back up the work right? Come on, you look like you really need it, man.”

Hyukjae then pulls Donghae by the wrist and they leave the rooftop before leaving the hospital altogether. As Donghae buckles his seatbelt on in Hyukjae’s black sedan, he thinks that his day can’t get any weirder.

***

As it turns out, it can.

“A strip club?”

“I know, isn’t it brilliant?”

Donghae doesn’t know where to begin as he stares in horror at the building in front of him. It’s 4 in the afternoon, Donghae has never visited a strip club in his entire life, and the thought of a woman giving him a is just downright terrifying. As Donghae has learned since his teenage years, seeing women get does absolutely nothing for him and he doesn’t know how this can take his mind off things. Right at this moment, a part of his brain is telling him to just leave and go back to the hospital, but somehow he doesn’t even move a muscle.

“Uh… Hyukjae, there’s no way coming here can take my mind off things, you see… I’m gay. Dragging me all the way here to watch these women would be a waste of time.”

“Yeah, I know you’re gay. And who said anything about watching them? My friend, we are here to learn the ancient art of pole dancing. I have a friend who works here and her stage name is, you gotta hear this, Crystal Chandelier. She doesn’t even know what it means, and she picks out that name from some English newspaper because she said it sounds nice, and even after I told her that she’s basically naming herself after a huge- lamp she’s still sticking to that name. Anyways, she said that I can come over before the club opens and she’ll teach me pole dancing. Free , how could I say no, right?”

Earlier, calling Hyukjae a storm seems fairly adequate, but now Donghae is pretty sure that Hyukjae is nothing less than a ing hurricane. And Donghae finds himself being dragged into the strip club before he can get the most important questions out of his mind. First is how did Hyukjae know he’s gay and second is… since when did they become friends?

***

“Do you want another one? I’m getting another one.”

Shaking his head at the question, Donghae can only watch as Hyukjae walks away to get another portion of fishcake and he wonders how someone as skinny as Hyukjae can eat so much. It’s only an hour after they arrive at Hangang Park and while Donghae is still trying to finish one portion of tteokpokki, Hyukjae has pretty much inhaled three portions of tteokpokki and is now on his way to get his fourth portion of fishcake.

Donghae takes another bite of his tteokpokki and decides that he’s not going to be able to finish it, with how much his body aches even with the slightest movement his appetite for food has been pushed down to near zero. After leaving the club, all Donghae can think about is getting a massage somewhere and call it a day but Hyukjae seems determined to take him to Hangang Park. At first Donghae thinks there’s some sort of a sentimental reason there somewhere, maybe Hyukjae wants to sit on the bench there and stare at the city lights or the night’s sky and wonder about life and all its oddities but no, Hyukjae wants to drive for nearly an hour to go all the way to Hangang Park to have tteokpokki and fishcake and that’s it. Donghae points out that tteokpokki stalls are strewn about in almost every corner of Seoul and there’s even one that’s only a five-second walk away from the club but Hyukjae magically develops a hearing condition that selectively cuts out Donghae’s words and continues to drive to Hangang Park as he rambles on about the best tteokpokki he’s ever eaten.

“Are you sure you don’t want this? You’re missing out on some good stuff, man.”

Hyukjae’s words are barely discernible as they go through what seems like half of the fishcake’s portion in his mouth. He then sits crosslegged beside Donghae, and Donghae wants to say that almost all kinds of fishcake tastes the same but he decides against it. There’s something about the way Hyukjae’s cheeks puffed out from all the food that makes Donghae smile instead. Hyukjae just shrugs and continues eating his fishcake in record speed while Donghae watches in awe, much like the awe he’s in when he watches Hyukjae mastering pole dancing in less than an hour. Hyukjae gets really good at pole dancing after the lesson, Donghae gets bruises, unimaginable pain all over his body, and the embarrassment from the whole club laughing at him when his hand slips off the pole and he falls -first onto the stage with a loud thud.

It’s embarrassing yes, and Donghae is certain that he will need at least three visits to the masseuse to completely get rid of the ache all over his body, but not even his wildest imagination can create an episode of him going to a strip club to learn pole dancing, and to have that actually happening is kind of awesome. Donghae continues to watch in silence as Hyukjae happily gulps down the soup that comes with the fishcake and sighs contentedly after the content of the bowl has completely transferred into his stomach. He burps loudly, ignoring the stares of an elderly couple who happens to walk by and proceeds to his belly with a huge grin on his face.

“I’m thinking of getting another one right now but I’m not sure yet, let’s see how the next ten minutes go. Anyways, I’m so going back to the club, it’s so much fun. You’re welcome to join me by the way, the girls seem to really like you and my friend said she sees a big potential in you. Hell, she even said that you could make a living out of it. They need a new slice like you to, you know, explore another side of the male market. Oh and one of the girls actually thinks you’re really cute and I swear she nearly breaks down into tears when I tell her you’re gay.”

Donghae thinks it’s odd that in just a few hours he’s already used to the way Hyukjae blurts about a million words per second about a million things, but he actually is. It’s now refreshing rather than confusing and Donghae no longer responds with blank stares, but with an actual response. Donghae laughs lightly and shakes his head at the prospect of putting himself through the torture masking as a form of dance.

“I don’t think I’ll be going back there soon, to be honest. I got bruises that could last me a lifetime.”

“So you’re not going back there soon cause you got bruises? Not cause pole-dancing is against all that defines male stereotype?”

“Hyukjae, I like men, I’m already going against the number one male stereotype. Well, probably second after, you know, owning a and all.”

Donghae doesn’t think that what he’s just said is particularly funny, but the way Hyukjae bursts out laughing just makes him smile. Hyukjae’s laugh is all about pink gums, eye wrinkles, and bobbing Adam’s apple and there’s something strangely pleasant and calming about it. It’s not that Donghae finds Hyukjae attractive, to be honest he still thinks Hyukjae looks like a baby Capuchin, but something about Hyukjae just puts him at ease. Hyukjae hits him like a hurricane, but the kind that actually makes things fall into place instead of scatter them around, whatever that means.

“Donghae Lee Donghae, I’m honestly amazed at how you admit to being gay twice in the three hours since I met you. Shouldn’t you be like, all quiet and reserved about it, I mean it’s freaking… South Korea. Someone said ‘gay’ and everybody loses their minds.”

“Said someone who took me to a strip club five minutes after he thought that I was going to commit suicide.”

This time they laugh together, loudly and carelessly. Donghae clutches at his sides because hell, everything still hurts and it multiplies as he starts laughing but he just can’t help it. To say that what happens to him is random as hell can’t even do this thing justice. Or to be exact, it’s Hyukjae that happens to him and still is happening. As their laughter subsides, Donghae remembers again what the thing he’s been wondering about is.

“Hey, about that, how did you know I’m gay?”

“I didn’t until you told me.”

Donghae opens his mouth to ask more questions, but after one look at Hyukjae’s gummy grin he stops himself. Donghae thinks it’s funny because it’s not really like him to have something left unexplained, but then again pole dancing with girls clapping and cheering for him isn’t him at all and yet it happens so another irregularity probably won’t hurt.

“So are you just gonna let things happen now and stop questioning everything? I could practically HEAR the little gears in your head start grinding, you know. It’s not that I have a problem with that, by the way. I mean, looking at you at the rooftop today you really look like you think about a lot of things, you feel many things and sometimes they get too much and you end up bursting at the seams because you just can’t keep it together enough to show that the things you think about and the things you feel don’t bother you. But they do… right?”

As soon as Hyukjae stops talking, Donghae becomes certain that this is one of Hyukjae’s word storms that he won’t be able to handle. The words Hyukjae just throws at him are so frank and so true that it stings more than anything anyone ever said to him. Donghae knows that Hyukjae has no intention of hurting him with his words, that much is certain, it’s just that they are so unexpected that Donghae has no time to compose himself enough for them. For a complete stranger to be able to say those things about him leaves him feeling crippled, exposed, and so vulnerable. So it’s really no surprise that in a matter of seconds, Donghae’s vision starts to blur, the corners of his lips start to twitch, and the lump in his throat replaces his ability to speak.

Donghae isn’t quite aware how long he’s in that state, but Hyukjae pulls Donghae out of his momentary trance as he reaches his hand towards Donghae’s face and wipes the tears along with its tracks away. He doesn’t say anything this time, which is weird because that’s exactly the opposite of what he’s been doing since they first met earlier that day, and Donghae reacts the same way he reacted when they first met. Despite the sudden misery that takes over him, Donghae finds it odd that he’s always left flustered no matter what Hyukjae does. Hyukjae talks too much and Donghae gets stunned, Hyukjae doesn’t talk at all and Donghae still gets stunned. It’s at this moment where Donghae slowly accepts that he just can’t prepare for whatever Hyukjae does, because judging on how inexplicably random the day has gone since he met Hyukjae, Donghae feels as if he’s been learning where the lightning has strucked before and yet he still gets strucked. Donghae can’t remember the last time anyone has this kind of effect on him.

Hyukjae smiles when he finishes wiping the tears away from Donghae’s face, looking kind of proud to know that he has done so. That smile slowly fades away though, and Donghae can actually feel his face starts heating up because Hyukjae looks at him so thoroughly that he’s almost convinced that Hyukjae will lean into him anytime soon and kiss him. But it doesn’t happen. For at least a minute, Hyukjae continues to inspect Donghae’s face as if it holds the answer to the mysteries of the universe if he looks at it close enough. Donghae has half a mind to ask what is it that Hyukjae’s looking for on his face but he stops himself. He’s trying a new thing now.

“Has anyone ever told you that you look like the lovechild of Pinocchio and Tinkerbell when you cry?”

It’s automatic, as soon as that question slips out of Hyukjae’s mouth Donghae bursts into laughter. He laughs so hard he’s in tears again, but this time it’s that good kind of tears, the tears that won’t leave him feeling like he loses yet another battle in his life. This time, Hyukjae doesn’t try to wipe the tears away and instead joins Donghae in the laughter-fest. This time, Donghae doesn’t care that people are starting to stare at him and Hyukjae. It feels good to not ask so many questions, and it feels even better to not care so much. How Hyukjae pushes him to the edge of despair and then pulls him back and flies him away to cloud nine in a matter of minutes is a question Donghae doesn’t want to ask just yet.

***

“Hyukjae, I just realized this, you’re like Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans in human form.”

“That’s probably the uniest way anyone has ever described me. But I’m intrigued, do continue.”

Donghae grabs a handful of popcorn and shoves it into his mouth, rendering him incapable to talk for a few seconds as he struggles to chew all the sticky caramel popcorn. Hyukjae laughs lightly at that and gives Donghae a few sips of his soda to wash them all down, before slapping Donghae’s hand away from the extra large bucket of popcorn as he tries to grab another handful.

“Don’t try to choke yourself with popcorn again before you tell me why I’m Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans in human form, Donghae Lee Donghae.”

“Okay okay, I won’t. You see, I just can never win with you…”

“Well, that much is obvious.”

“Do you want me to choke myself with popcorn again?”

“Okay fine, I’ll stop. Go on.”

“Since we met I can never guess what you’ll say or do. I tried, believe me I did but I failed everytime. It feels like reaching in to find a maroon-coloured bean thinking it would taste like strawberry jam but then it’s… liver.”

Hyukjae immediately covers his mouth with his hand, the veins on his temple looking like they would pop anytime soon as he struggles to keep his laughter inaudible. Although now it sounds like Hyukjae is keeping a mouse in his mouth because he’s emitting a loud squeak every now and then which leads him to receive a few angry stares and even a few popcorn thrown at him from the other people in the cinema. Hyukjae tries his best to bow at those people and apologize as much as he can. Donghae just grins at all the commotion they’re causing, feeling too buzzed and hyped up on sugar to care. With a little logical side of his brain that still works, Donghae thinks that having a few bottles of soju and then buying a large bucket of caramel popcorn and soda before a Harry Potter marathon in the cinema might not have been the best move.

This is exactly why Lee Donghae doesn’t drink. He’s a very light drinker and it doesn’t take him more than a few bottles of soju to start talking non stop about how the sky is a different shade of blue and that it compliments the colour of the tall buildings of Seoul. Donghae despises the fact that alcohol causes him to lose the ability to control and compose himself, and that’s why he swears off drinking. Nothing good can come from losing control, and he’s learned that the hard way. Then why is he buzzed up on soju right now, you ask? The answer is sitting right beside Donghae in the cinema, looking intently at him again.

“If I had known you’d be this fun when you’re tipsy I would’ve taken you straight to a bar the first time we met, Donghae.”

“Then I’d probably spray mace on your eyes and call the police because it would seem like you’re taking advantage of me. And that would definitely be a booger-flavoured bean.”

“But I took you to a strip club instead, what flavor is that?”

“Earwax.”

Donghae’s face has been a light shade of pink from the soju in his system, but it turns into an even deeper shade of pink when Hyukjae stops talking and starts looking at him like he did at the Hangang Park. He doesn’t ask any questions this time too, as he suspects that this will just be one of those moments where Hyukjae blurts out something that’s totally out of context and inappropriate like before. As soon as the thought crosses Donghae’s mind though, the grin on his face starts to falter because he’s absolutely sure that Hyukjae’s face is a lot closer to his own now than it was ten seconds ago. Then he starts mentally kicking himself for repeating the mistake of trying to map out Hyukjae and his behavior as he instinctively closes his eyes, and feeling a pair of lips on his own. Donghae should’ve known, not about the fact that Hyukjae has kissed him and that he’s starting to kiss back, but about how he never should’ve thought that he can predict Hyukjae. Something else that Donghae also can’t predict? Hyukjae’s actually a pretty good kisser.

“What flavor now?”

Donghae hasn’t even opened his eyes, and the taste of Hyukjae’s lips still lingers on his as he breathes out…

“Strawberry.”

***

Strawberry’s all Donghae can taste as Hyukjae kisses him again and again and again, and he doesn’t mind at all. It feels nice and it tastes even nicer. Donghae makes a mental note to ask Hyukjae what brand of lipbalm he’s using because goddamit it tastes really good. He doesn’t have time to think, or to tell himself that kissing Hyukjae is all sorts of irresponsible and inappropriate because he’s practically a stranger, he’s running purely on instincts alone as his hand tries to grab on to whatever part of Hyukjae’s body he hasn’t touched before.

Donghae can blame it on the alcohol, but he can’t fool himself into thinking that what’s happening right now is because of it. There’s barely any alcohol left in his system and he’s pretty sure that he can think straight and pull himself together and stop this before it’s gone too far. The only problem here is Hyukjae. Hyukjae is all sorts of wonderful, unconventional, unpredictable, and oh-so-exhilarating that Donghae’s pretty sure he can get drunk off of Hyukjae alone. For once, Donghae doesn’t know what sort of sorcery that takes over him to actually let this happen. And for once, Donghae doesn’t care.

***

“See? Letting loose is pretty nice every once in awhile. Especially for you, Donghae Lee Donghae.”

Donghae wants to say something in reply to that but he can barely open his eyes and he’s so exhausted he feels like he could sleep for a week straight. It’s been a really long day. Donghae can only manage a smile as he starts to drift into unconsciousness. But before that, Donghae can still see Hyukjae smiles back. He can see Hyukjae putting his shoes on and he’s pretty sure that Hyukjae’s about to leave. He tries to stop Hyukjae from leaving, he struggles to say or do something so Hyukjae will stay but it’s like he has no power left for that. His eyes start to completely close and the last thing he feels is Hyukjae’s lips on his again for a brief moment and the last thing he hears is…

“I hope that the next time you’re on that rooftop…it’s to take a closer look at the sky and nothing else.”

***

The buzz from the alarm clock is so loud that Donghae can practically feel it knocking on his skull. He doesn’t want to open his eyes just yet and sleep for at least a few more minutes but the buzzing just won’t stop. So he grudgingly opens his eyes and punches the button on his alarm clock, sighing in relief as the annoying noise finally stops. Donghae blinks for a few times as he tries to fully regain consciousness. He stares at the ceiling afterwards, struggling to put his thoughts back in order and to paint a clear picture of what actually happened yesterday. It’s really strange but Donghae can barely remember exactly what happened, it feels as if he’s being forced to describe how a finished puzzle will look when all he has is a handful of its pieces.

Donghae remembers crying, but at the same time he’s pretty sure that he laughs a lot too. He remembers the rooftop, he remembers leaving the hospital early, and for some reason he remembers being in a strip club. He’s also certain that he sees Hangang Park, and then there’s something to do with Harry Potter. Donghae remembers all those bits and pieces of memory but his head starts to ache as he tries to put them together. For a second Donghae thinks that it’s just a dream, but the images in his head are so vivid that it couldn’t have been a dream. But how come he’s now having the hardest time to be sure if it really happened?

Finally standing up from the bed, Donghae decides to get ready for work and figure it all out later. He will have another meeting with the hospital’s board of directors today and his heart sinks a little bit as he tries to figure out what kind of comment will come out of Siwon’s mouth today. He remembers that one though, the episode that leads to him running away to the rooftop because he’s about to blow up from the anger. It’s just that what happened afterwards is so sketchy for Donghae to remember. He mindlessly gets into the shower, his memory still running wild and gets harder to catch. He lathers himself with the liquid soap, and as soon as the strawberry scent invades his senses, his movements stop completely.

There’s a man, a man with an odd face, and Donghae can taste the strawberry. Why can’t he put a name to that face?

***

“Donghae, the meeting’s been pushed back to 3 PM instead of 1 PM so you can still take patients at least until 2 PM. Oh and Mrs. Jung’s already here for a check up, are you ready to see her? Donghae? Are you even listening to me?”

It takes Soohyun waving her hand in front of Donghae’s face for Donghae to finally be back to his senses and focus his attention to the female nurse in front of him. He shifts in his seat a little bit as he takes off his glasses and places them on his desk, realizing that he’s been sitting here in his office spacing out for a few minutes.

“Are you okay, Donghae? You seem a little…off, since you came this morning.”

“Uh… yeah, I’m okay. I’m just… a little tired. By the way, who took over my patients yesterday? Sorry I left early without telling you.”

Soohyun furrows her eyebrows and looks at Donghae with a really puzzled look on her face, as if she’s just witnessed a new set of eyes growing on Donghae’s forehead. She opens to say something, but then she closes it back as soon as she sees the equally puzzled look on Donghae’s face. The unsettling feeling that takes over him this morning when he wakes up comes back again. Why is Soohyun behaving really oddly?

“Um… nobody took over your patients. You saw them all, and then you went to supervise the new interns with Jonghyun until just before midnight. You left a little while before I did, you said you had to prepare for today’s meeting. Seriously Donghae, is everything okay? Do you wanna take a rest or something?”

At this point, Donghae’s pretty certain that he’s slowly going insane. For a second he wishes that Soohyun is pulling some twisted prank on him, but then he knows for certain that she’s just not that kind of person. Donghae quickly dismisses Soohyun after telling her that he needs to push back his patients’ appointments. Quite frankly, Donghae’s afraid that he might hurt them instead of helping them with the way he’s feeling right now. There has to be a logical explanation for all of this but as hard as he tries, Donghae just can’t find a single thing that can explain how he seems to be in two different places at the same time and experiences different things.

Donghae stands up from his leather chair and locks the door to his office, he’s really in no mood to see anybody right now. He leans his back on the wooden door and pinches the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes and sighing exasperatedly in the process. Images of Hangang Park, the cinema, strawberries, and the man with the odd face continue to invade his thoughts. Right now he just wishes that there was an answer to all of this.

***

 It’s only four days left until summer is over, and not much has changed since that one particularly odd day in Donghae’s life. Siwon is still giving him a hard time at work, and Donghae is still looking for ways to escape the pressure that seems to be weirdly attracted to him. He tries to talk about this with Siwon one time, but the latter apparently is still unable to let go of the grudges he holds against Donghae, and at that time Donghae knows for certain that he’s done enough. A little more effort then he will be the one completely stripped off of his dignity, there’s only so much he can do to gain forgiveness over something that’s essential for him to do. Donghae still thinks of that day every once in awhile, although he can no longer remember the vivid details of it. He continuously buys strawberry-scented soap as a result though, there’s something about it that calms him down and he likes that feeling.

The Yeouinaru subway station is as crowded as ever that day as Donghae steps out of the train. It’s the weekend and the day is especially bright, so it’s no surprise that even more people decide to visit Hangang Park. It will be the first time that Donghae visits Hangang Park ever since that eventful day, although come to think of it, Donghae’s not really sure if he was actually in Hangang Park that day. Today he wants to visit it for real though, not to look for answers but just to get away and lose himself in the crowd. If there is any memory that remains from that day, it’s that Donghae always feels at peace when he thinks about Hangang Park, and he hopes that today he will feel that way.

Donghae steps on the escalators leading to the exit of the subway station, hands in the pocket of his light jacket with Lou Reed’s Perfect Day playing on his ipod through his earphones. He stares at the top of the escalators, squinting a little bit as the bright lights hit his face. The closer he gets to the exit, the clearer his vision gets, and then someone catches his attentions immediately. That person steps on the escalators heading to the opposite direction as the ones Donghae is currently on, within a few seconds they will cross each other’s paths. Donghae feels a coldness creep within him that has nothing to do with the weather as he takes a closer look at that man, something about him feels familiar but at the same time he’s pretty sure that they’ve never met before. The man’s red hair contrasts so much with his alabaster skin, the full lips look too big for his small face, and that sharp jawline seems like it can be used as some sort of a weapon. His face is unconventional but nice to look at at the same time.

It takes a split second for Donghae to realize that he’s thought of these things before, about when and where he can’t really answer, but there’s no mistaking that this isn’t the first time he admires those qualities in that man’s face. Donghae looks at the man intently as he’s looking down and concentrating on his phone. They’re only separated by a few feet now and in a matter of seconds they will on separate ways and will probably never meet again. Just as they’re about to pass each other, that man looks up and catches Donghae looking at him. Normally in this kind of situation Donghae will just look away and pretend that he doesn’t stare to begin with, but this time he maintains their eye contact, and judging on how the man’s single-lidded eyes grow wide at the sight of Donghae looking at him, this means something to him too.

The moment doesn’t last long as they finally pass each other and head to a different direction, but Donghae turns his head only to find that man craning his neck to still be able to look at Donghae. If this is a scene from a movie, it will be in slow motion with some piano playing as background music. But sadly this is real life, and as Donghae reaches the top of the escalator that man is nowhere to be seen. He stands there absent-mindedly for a while, fighting the urge to turn back and run after that man for reasons unbeknownst to him at the moment. Just as he turns around to go back inside the station, he finds that he doesn’t need to, that man is now hurriedly making his way to the top of the escalator, passing people by and occasionally bumping into them.

Now they’re standing face to face, amidst the sea of people rushing into and out of the station. Donghae can’t find anything clever to say right now, too scared that he will come off like some kind of a creep, telling a man he’s never met before that he has strong suspicion that they’ve actually met. The red-haired man takes care of that for Donghae, though.

“I’m sorry, this will sound extremely creepy and stalker-ish although I can guarantee that I’m not a stalker of some kind, but… I have the strangest feeling that I’ve met you before. We haven’t talked to each other, that much is certain, but god it’s so ing strange how I looked at you before and felt really familiar somehow. Seriously, have we met?”

Even with the way that man speaks at the speed of light, it doesn’t bother Donghae in the slightest way possible. He feels as if he’s been on the receiving end of this semi-monologue before.

“I don’t think we’ve met before.”

“Okay, this is officially weird but whatever. I’m Hyukjae, by the way.”

A gust of wind flies by, and it causes Donghae’s sense to pick up Hyukjae’s scent. It’s strawberry.

***

“Babe, I’m going out to see a friend, okay? She’s that stripper I told you about. Oh and she finally gets a stage name, it’s…”

“Crystal Chandelier?”

“How do you know that??”

Donghae looks at the bewildered-looking Hyukjae and smiles before answering,

“Just a lucky guess.”

***   

It takes so long to finish this and it's long and it sounds better in my head. I'm sorry .__.

Inspired by this quote from Dumbledore : “Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

Oh and i borrowed the name "Crystal Chandelier" from an episode of Friends, unfortunately I'm not smart enough to come up with that on my own :P