Ricky looks around. The school yard is really crowded with people, seniors and juniors. They flock in front of a big board containing their names and class list. He is in his freshman year, along with Changjo and they are in the same class. This makes him happy. Although he’s cheerful and easy to make friends, having someone he knows in the same class always comforts him.

They promise to gather after looking for their class roster, but they still can’t find Niel—his best friend, a senior, a year older than him. Niel must be wandering around talking to people—as that what he will do. Ricky keeps looking around, Changjo is nowhere to be seen. But they already promise to wait in the school cafeteria anyway.

He finally sees Niel standing not far from him, in the middle of people. Finally!! Ricky shouts happily in his heart. He races to Niel and jumps to his back.

Ricky rushes to Niel and jumps to his back. “HYUNG! I’m looking for you everywhere!”

Niel looks surprised as Ricky’s weight suddenly befall him. “Ya! Get down. I’m in the middle of a conversation.”

Ricky looks at this someone Niel mentions. A girl. She has small built, only a shoulder of tall Niel, and has wavy hair. She has a smile on her lips, as she calmly watches Niel and Ricky.

“Oh, who’s she?”

Niel sighs, has no other option but to introduce her. “She’s my classmate. Han Gaeul, meet my stupid friend, Ricky.”

The girl casually bows and Ricky does the same, while mentioning their name.

“Move away a bit. I need to talk to her,” Niel commands.

“Hyung! I won’t disturb you two. Changjo is waiting for us anyway,” he says, feeling hurt.

Gaeul laughs. “Let’s talk about this some other time. We’ll be in the same class anyway.”

Niel looks disappointed, but he nods. “Alright. Some other time.”

She smiles at Ricky and bows. “It’s nice meeting you, Ricky. See you around.”

Ricky can’t help but smile along. “Nice to meet you too, noona.”

Then she walks away, leaving Niel and Ricky silently watching her walking away.

“She’s pretty,” Ricky says, alerting Niel.

“What did you say?” he asks.

But Ricky shakes his head and smiles again. “Nothing. Let’s go to Café Noir after this. I’m hungry!”

Niel frowns, he totally heard something back then. “You’re always hungry, Ricky.”

“What more can I do? I’m still growing!”

Niel is on alert more now that Ricky keeps asking him about Gaeul. And he always appears every time he talks to Gaeul in lunch time. Although he’s with Changjo—who’s more reserved than Ricky—Niel still feels there’s something wrong behind his actions. Ricky never acts this way. Usually he will stay away whenever he’s with his friends. But every time he’s with Gaeul, Ricky always joins them. Not that he mind that, he just finds it weird.

Until one day, when they were drinking coffee in a coffee shop not far from their houses, Ricky  suddenly asks.

“Hyung, umm… does Gaeul noona have boyfriend?”

Changjo and Niel stops sipping their Frappuccino and stare at Ricky. The three of them rarely talk about girls, but why now? “Why do you ask?”

Ricky blushes, he punches Niel’s arm to cover his flushed cheeks. “Just answer it, hyung!”

Despite still feeling suspicious, he answers. “Well… she never mentions anything about it. Why do you ask?”

Ricky rubs his nose, something he does when he feels nervous. And he’s totally nervous right now. “I think… I like Gaeul noona…” he whispers, blushing.

Niel and Changjo pause, trying to look for a trace of joke in him. But his red ears explain everything. He’s serious.

Changjo can only say, “Wow….”

On the other side, Niel grows uneasy. He never thinks of this before. He never thinks that Ricky will fall for Gaeul. Ricky rarely talks about girls, as he’s always playing pranks everywhere he goes.

Ricky turns to Niel and makes puppy-eyes expression. “Hyung, can you help me?”

Niel flinches. “Help with what?” he yelps.

“Win noona’s heart! Hyung seems to know her better! Please help me, hyung!”

Changjo stares at Niel with this warning look. Niel hesitates, clenching his fist to suppress his own feeling. He cares about Ricky. They are childhood friends, the three of them. And he will never hesitate to help Ricky. But now…? What should he do?

He gulps. “Okay…. I’ll see what I can do,” he quietly says.

Ricky automatically jumps and hugs Niel. “Aww hyung! You’re the best!”

Niel doesn’t look happy at all. “Okay, okay. Let go of me now. You’re chocking me.”

Ricky jumps away. “Oh, I’m going to order some pastries again. Do you guys want some?”

Niel and Changjo shake their head, and off he goes to the counter. Changjo waits until Ricky is far enough before he leans toward Niel.

“Hyung, is that okay?” he asks.

Niel pretends not knowing what Changjo’s talking about. “What?”

“Stop pretending to be dumb, hyung. I already know. You like Gaeul noona right? Why didn’t you say that to Ricky?”

Niel pauses, not knowing what to say. He doesn’t want to ruin their friendship, and it’s his first time seeing Ricky falls in love with a girl. Although he likes her too, he can’t trample on their friendship. Or is it the right thing to do?

“Hyung!” Changjo calls.

“What more can I do!?” Niel says in frustration.

“Hyung better tells Ricky about this. Or you’ll regret it.”

The next day and forth Ricky tells Niel to make him closer to Gaeul. Ricky is never awkward around anyone, so it’s actually pretty easy for him to get closer to Gaeul. But he needs to know a lot about her which he can’t ask himself. He never wonders why Niel has so many answers to his questions about Gaeul.

Although Gaeul is awkward around new people, since Ricky acts friendly towards her and talks a lot, she doesn’t mind his company. She doesn’t feel awkward around Ricky too. He’s like a little brother to her. She usually spent most of her time with Niel in lunch time when they were freshman, so she welcomes Ricky and Changjo’s accompany with them. But lately, she can feel that Niel is somehow maintaining some distance with her. But she shrugs it off since she sees no reason on doing it.

That day, the two of them promise to go out and do their pair assignment. They decide to work on the assignment in Café Noir, one of cozy coffee shop Niel personally recommends. They are already working on the assignment for two hours and finally have time to take a rest for a moment. Niel orders another cup of Frappuccino for him and chocolate mocha and croissant for Gaeul.

Having enough of talking about the assignment, both of them don’t want to talk about it and start talking away. Anything can be their topic.

“Gaeul…” Niel starts. “Umm… do you—have someone you like?” He doesn’t even look up as he bites on his straw. But he can’t help it but throws a glance at Gaeul, which he regrets immediately.

“Why do you ask?” Her heart begins to beat faster. She hopes Niel does not notice her flushed cheeks.

How should he put this? Say the truth? Now what? Sometimes he hopes their feelings are mutual, which he somehow can see it that they are. But he regrets it. He regrets everything. Why does it have to be so hard?

“I… just want to know…” he quietly says.

Gaeul clears , tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Well… there is someone…”

I don’t want to hear it. It will get harder if I know. “Ricky,” he cuts as he clenches his fist. “He takes liking of you.”

“Eh?” Now she focuses on Niel’s word, trying to understand what he means.

Niel understand that he can’t take back his word. “He really is my best friend, and he’s a good kid. He will take care of you very well. Although he sometimes acts like a child, he really can treasure someone he really like, in this case, you. I hope you two….” He looks up and went silent.

Gaeul’s expression is not of someone who is pleased to what she just heard. It’s heart-breaking for Niel. But he could not do anything. If he were to choose between his friend and a girl he likes, his friend will win hands down. No doubt.

A smile slowly appears on Gaeul’s lips, a sad smile. She looks down. “Are you… happy if we go out? I mean, Ricky and I,” she slowly says.

Niel is stunned, totally not prepared for such question. How should he react? How should he answer? What is the best answer??

I don’t know! Will I? I don’t think I will. I never will. But how can I say such thing??

Trying to stay calm, he answers. “He’s a good guy.”

Niel swears he sees glistening tears rolling down on Gaeul’s cheeks when she ducks to pick up something from the ground. When she raises her head, no tears are seen and she says she has to leave early, refusing Niel’s company.

And Niel just sits there, in the same spot for a very long time, staring at the couch Gaeul sat on, thinking on what he said and wishing that he could take back everything he said. Until the sun leaves traces of orange lines in the sky and black clouds start filling the sky like a shroud of black cloth.

“Hyung,” Ricky suddenly says. He rummages through Niel’s freshman note books.

Niel, who is playing tactical fighting game through his iPad against Changjo, only mumbles ‘what?’ without looking up.

“I think… I will confess to Gaeul noona tomorrow. After the school starts,” he continues while turning pages of the notebook. He stops on one particular page and stares at it intently, frowning so deep.

This successfully makes Niel turns his head in surprise. After ‘that’ day, Gaeul and he rarely talk. They avoid each other. No, Niel never means to do that. It’s just that looking at her hurts him so much that he cannot bear to look at all, and ends up looking at the other way. But avoiding her hurts more. He doesn’t understand at all. How can he feel this way? And the truth that Ricky keeps getting closer to her as they speak. It confuses him. What should he do? What’s the right thing to do?

Changjo stares at Niel, trying to convey that Niel should have listened to him and told Ricky in the first place. Niel feels Changjo’s stare, but his lips are sealed. He’s determined of not letting Ricky—nor Gaeul—know that he likes the same girl as his best friend. Nothing could be done now. It’s all too late.

“Why...?”

Ricky looks at him and throws a smile, the same cute smile he always has. “I don’t know. I just want to do it. I don’t know what she feels about me. But she’s so sweet, I want to tell her that I love her. Umm… that’s all. I think.”

Changjo finally pauses the game and puts their game down. “What if she rejects you?”

“Ya! Don’t throw a jinx at me. She might like me, you know.”

“But what if she doesn’t?”

Ricky jumps at Changjo and wrestles him on the floor. “Shut up!”

While the other two are bickering, Niel’s heart throbs harder. He cannot imagine what will Gaeul reply to Ricky’s confession. Does that matter anyway?

“Say, hyung. You’re her best friend aren’t you? Does she have someone she likes?”

His heart wrenches so damn hurt he feels like tearing it out so he doesn’t have to feel it. “There is…”

“There is no way she would tell him that! There is no girl in this world would ever tell a boy about someone she loves or likes, or whatever,” Changjo quickly interrupts.

Ricky looks at his friend in agreement. “You’re right….”

“You will find it out when you confess, whether she likes you or not. Although I will bet my lunch money on the latter,” Changjo continues.

“What?! I think she likes me. Don’t you think so too, hyung?”

“Eh? What? Oh… umm… I think. I don’t… know…” Niel quietly replies. But color seems to leave his face as he turns pale. He feels like running out of the room, keeping the world silent. He would love to just sit in the corner and listens to nothing.

He is determined not to tell Ricky about his feeling. But why does it feel so hard? His love for Gaeul is growing day by day. Not even one day in his life he would not think about that girl. Her smile. Her eyes. Her laughter. Her scent. Everything about her. He is able to mention everything about her in detail. Every thing. And his feeling. He would recite on it everyday. On every page of his notebooks.

“Hyung? Are you okay?” Niel looks up to Ricky’s concern face. “You look so solemn these days. Are you okay? Something’s bothering you? Do you have something to tell me?”

He reconsiders of telling the truth, but quickly shrugs it off. How should he say it? “I’m just… feeling a bit unwell. I am okay.”

***

BHAM!

Ricky slams the door open—the door to Niel’s room—startling Niel and Changjo who was in the room. Niel jumps a few centimeters in surprise as he was standing to pick up a book from the shelves. Changjo rounds his eyes and stares at Ricky in disapproval.

Ricky looks angry, ignoring Changjo’s stare. His face flushes red, his hand clenches into a fist. 

“Ricky! What…”

Before Niel can continue his sentence, Ricky swings his fist and hit Niel in the face. Not prepared for this, Niel loses his balance and falls on his bum. This throws everyone off guard, they can only stare at Ricky, who was panting, tears glimmered in his eyes, and his fist turns red.

“How could hyung not tell me?!” he screams, straining his voice, trying not to tremble. “I was getting excited like a fool, not knowing the truth, smiling like a fool! How could you!?”

“What the hell was that for?!” Changjo talks back, helping Niel on his feet.

Ricky points his finger at Changjo. “You! You know too right!? You know and you don’t tell me?! How could you two do this to me?!”

Getting his composure back, Niel reaches to his cheeks and tries to lessen the pain. Ricky really does hit him, hard, right in the face. “Ricky, please come down. What are you talking about? We don’t understand.”

“Yeah. Are you crazy?” Changjo interrupts.

“This!” Ricky throws a crumpled paper in front of Niel. “Don’t tell me you don’t know about that!”

Niel frowns as he bends to pick up the paper, and straightens the paper. To his surprise, it is Gaeul’s name. In his handwriting, which he recognizes it was written in his freshman notebooks—and Ricky borrowed them just some days ago.

He pauses, lost at words. What can he say to make this right? There is no turning back.

“Why didn’t you tell me, hyung?” Ricky says, his voice trembles. “How could you do this to me? How could I do this to you?”

“I… don’t know how to say it…. You are so happy I could not say anything about… this. I just cant. I am sorry….”

“If hyung tells me, we can have fair fight…. It doesn’t have to come to this….”

Niel approaches Ricky slowly, preparing himself if Ricky wants to hit him again. “But I already said that if someday we fall for the same girl, I would have given up, right? Did you forget?”

“But hyung also tells me that we are best friends! Best friends do nothing of this sort right?!”

“I know. I am sorry. I should have told you,” Niel says as he reaches Ricky to hug him.

Ricky throws his arms around Niel’s shoulder. “Babo hyung. It’s me who should be sorry, hyung. I am sorry.”

“You are so excited over discovering your new love that you are blinded to everything. That is love, alright,” Changjo said, crossing his arms and raising one eyebrow.

“Shut up, you fool.”

Changjo sticks out his tongue. “So, how was the confession go?”

Ricky gasps as he just realizes there is an important thing he should do. “Hyung! Do this right this time! She’s here. You should tell her straight in her face that you like her! Or I wont forgive you!”

“What? I don’t understand… what do you mean she’s here?”

“Here! She’s waiting in front of the door. Oh well, she rejected me, saying that there is someone she really fancies and she only thinks of me as his little brother.” Ricky turns to Changjo, who snickers. “Oh sod off, you.”

Niel rounds his eyes. “Here?! What are you…!”

“NOW GO!”

Niel looks at his best friends who were literally shoving him off to the door, and runs to the front door. To meet the girl he really loves.