JR beams as B1A4 files into his house one Saturday morning. He already has trays of breakfast food laid out with coffee for everyone except Sandeul. Sandeul will be drinking chamomile tea.

            “Hey,” Jinyoung greets with a chin nod. He ruffles Baekho’s hair as he passes him on the way to a chocolate filled croissant and Baekho grins at him. CNu immediately begins downing cups of coffee to stay conscious. Jinyoung said that JR had called them for a “very important meeting. More important than the time about the dinosaur shaped vitamins, even.”

            All the boys grab plates of food and settle on the comfortable couches in the living room.  To set Sandeul’s mood, JR turns on some soft ballads that play in the background. He takes a delicate bite of his own toast, then clears his throat.

            “I think you’re all wondering why I’ve called you here.”

            “Is it vitamins?” Aron asks. He likes that the word vitamin is the same in English. JR gives him a fond look.

            “No, not this time,” JR says. Aron tries to hide his disappointment behind his coffee mug.

            “Camping?” Baro asks hopefully. “Can we go camping?”

            “Well…it’s a little like camping. There can be camps,” JR replies. Jinyoung’s already eyeing all possible escape routes, but he’s pinned down on the couch by CNu who’s sprawled across his lap, struggling to stay awake while he waits for the caffeine to kick in. With a resigned sigh, he gently CNu’s hair. “LARPing, guys. We’re going to LARP.”

            “LARP?” Aron asks, his eyebrows creased in confusion.

            “LARP,” JR agrees with a nod, pleased that Aron’s clearly onboard.

            “LARP as in stupid hats, lots of weird rules, and gnomes?” Gongchan asks.

            “No, LARP as in life action role-play,” JR corrects. “And they aren’t gnomes. They are dwarfs.”

            “Stupid hats,” Gongchan whispers into Baro’s ear. “I’m telling you. And tights, dude.”

            “It’s ok,” Baro whispers back. “I’ve got killer legs.” Gongchan snorts. Minhyun raises his hand and JR smiles and nods to him.

            “Um…why are we LARPing?” Minhyun asks.

            “Because family bonding! So please start thinking about costumes and what you want to your character to be like. I’ve printed out some ideas that other LARPers have used.” JR pulls out a thick binder and begins to pass out packets to the rest of the boys around him. As they examine the handouts, JR begins to explain how LARPing works and the setting he has envisioned for them. No one is paying attention to him because they all found pages 10-40, which contain pinterest pictures and links for making LARP armor, costumes, and weapons.

            “I’m going to put runes all up on my staff,” Aron says, admiring a staff with a skull at the top.

            “I’m going to be a warrior,” Gongchan says. “A warrior archer mage cleric.”

            “Guys! Focus! Rules first, weapons second,” JR shouts. He pulls out a massive book. “If you turn to the last page, you will find a page for you to take notes. Minhyun, please pass out pens.” Minhyun obediently takes a box of pens and distributes a pen to each member. “Ok. Rule one. Know where your buddy is at all times. All times. Got it? Repeat after me. Know where your buddy is.” The rest grudgingly repeat his words. JR smiles proudly. “Very good. Rule two: your buddy is always Sandeul.” Jinyoung seems pleased by the rules. Sandeul frowns.

            “I’m my own buddy?” he asks. JR looks over at Jinyoung who shoots him a warning glare.

            “I’ll be your buddy,” JR says kindly. Sandeul nods. “Everyone got the first two rules down?”

            “I wrote them down!” Minhyun says.

            “ up,” Gongchan mutters.

            It’s nearly lunchtime by the time JR finally closes the book with a dramatic thump and sets it down on the table. By then, Baekho has done Ren’s hair in intricate braids, Gongchan beat Baro at tic-tac-toe a hundred and eight times, Aron wrote three raps—one for each ballad Sandeul composed, CNu snuck in another nap, and Jinyoung has no idea what JR was talking about. But he’s not too worried—Minhyun took impeccable notes.

            “Any questions?” JR asks. Minhyun’s hand twitches, but everyone except JR turns to glare at him. He keeps his hands folded in his lap. “Ok! Let’s order pizza! And I think we should take a couple of days to think about our characters and I’ll work out the game that we’ll play and then we can get started on props and costumes and everything.” He grins. “This is going to be the best thing ever, guys. Why don’t we have a meeting on Wednesday to discuss our characters?”

            “Sure,” Jinyoung replies, hoping by then that JR will have forgotten the entire thing completely.

            No such luck. On Wednesday, promptly at eleven after everyone’s done for the day, everyone gathers for hot chocolate and cookies and to talk about their characters. Everyone already knows Sandeul’s role, since they had a meeting on Monday about it. JR made the executive decision that given that Sandeul was Sandeul, he probably couldn’t handle the emotional stress of battle, so JR gave him special powers. Officially, Sandeul was a healer-minstrel-mage. But as The Buddy, he could never actually be attacked. If it even remotely looked like a sharp object was heading his way, all Sandeul or one of his buddies had to do was yell “ballad,” which would throw up a protective force field around him and Sandeul would be safe. Sandeul would also be able to heal his allies through his special Trot spell.

            Baro and Gongchan announce that they decided to be human warrior brothers who like to party it up. JR smiles and writes it down in a notebook, but reminds them that there will be no underage drinking involved. Gongchan doesn’t even try to hide his disappointment. CNu is a dwarf cleric, Baekho is a dwarf warrior with the manliest, swankiest beard in a five realm range.

 Jinyoung is an elf archer, Minhyun and Aron are both human mages, and JR is an elf warrior.

“What are you?” JR asks Ren.

            “I want to be a human rogue.” JR glances over at Jinyoung, who is trying to use suction through a stir stick to pick up a marshmallow. Jinyoung raises an eyebrow.

            “Um…well, Ren, you see…um, rogues don’t really fit with my plot that I’ve devised…” Ren looks at JR. To the untrained eye, Ren would look as blank as ever, but JR can see the underlying betrayal in Ren’s gaze. “Oh—I mean, I don’t—I’m sorry!” JR moves so he can sit beside Ren, who only blinks. “I didn’t mean to crush your dreams!” Jinyoung looks from Ren to JR and back to Ren and munches on his marshmallow.

            “I don’t know, Ren seems ok with this,” he says with a shrug. JR gasps and throws his arms around Ren, pulling him against his chest and his hair. Baekho steals JR’s mug of hot chocolate while he’s distracted by his emotions.

            “I’ll just be an elf archer like you.” JR pulls away and gazes down at Ren, guilt still sloshing in his stomach.

            “So, can we, like, move on?” Jinyoung asks, running dangerously low on marshmallows. JR swallows thickly, then once again takes control over both his feelings and the meeting. The next step is for everyone to work on their character design. He gives them until the weekend, because Saturday he has ordered a trip to the thrift stores. On Friday night, he invites B1A4 to spend the night so they can get up early to make sure “all the good stuff doesn’t get taken first, you know.”

            Jinyoung is lying on JR’s bed reading a magazine when there’s a knock on the door.

            “Come in!” he calls. Ren shuffles into the room and he lowers the magazine. “Hey, Ren. Something wrong? Are you thirsty?”

            “I’m good,” Ren says. “I’m just worried about my costume design. It’s sort of stressing me out.” JR squints a little. Stressed Ren looks pretty much the same to him as happy Ren which looks identical to sad Ren. “Do you think you can look at it?” Jinyoung sighs, but tosses the magazine aside and Ren hands him a sketchbook filled with little drawings and images from pinterest. Jinyoung flips through the pages then hands it back to him.

            “It looks really good,” Jinyoung says.

            “Oh. Ok. Thanks, Jinyoung. Good night.”

            “Good night.” Ren walks away and goes to bed. JR comes into the room.

            “Was that Ren? Was he thirsty?”

            “He just needed some advice on his costume,” Jinyoung reassures him. He holds his arm out and JR slides onto the bed beside him, leaning his head on Jinyoung’s shoulder.

           “I’m so excited for LARPing. It’s going to be the best thing ever.” Jinyoung keeps his reservations to himself.

            The weekend for LARPing finally arrives. Both bands have been consumed in a flurry of sewing, hot gluing, taping, painting, sculpting, carving, and singing ballads for hours on end. As they drive four hours away to the campsite for their grand adventures, JR reminds them all of the finer points of his plotline.

            “All right. So, we are villagers and there is an Elliot that has been terrorizing the people. The Elliot is a sentient elephant-like creature with terrifying tusks and glowing red eyes and loves gold more than anything in the world. Elliots have already conquered two neighboring kingdoms. It is up to us to stop them. But their skin is tough like armor, so we’ll have to be crafty.” Ren nods thoughtfully as he takes a long, loud sip of nearly empty frappucino. JR looks over at him from the passenger seat. “Do you need a drink?”

            “I do,” Jinyoung mutters. He has sorely miscalculated being an elf and his tights are itching him in awkward places. Baro and Gongchan are practicing hitting each other with straws and Sandeul has been practicing his ballad spell while Cnu naps, his head on Sandeul’s shoulder. Minhyun is studying his notes while helping Aron with Korean words he doesn’t understand. Which turns out to be a lot. Aron apparently didn’t know what was going on and just thought they were having a costume party for idols and that the theme was weapons.

            “But I kept asking Amber what she was going to the costume party as and she kept saying a level 42 druid mage,” Aron says, looking confused.

            “Oh, yeah, she does D and D. She was a dungeon master for a while. I think she’s going to a convention this weekend,” Baekho replies.

            “Wait, so we’re really LARPing? Like, for real? I don’t LARP. I’m not a LARPer.”

            “You are now,” JR says happily. “You’re going to the best LARPer that ever LARPed. Just believe in yourself. Look! We’re here! Everyone, camp!”

            They quickly run to the cabins to claim their bunks before JR announces that the game has begun.

“We have to fight the Elliots!” he dramatically exclaims. “Before they can continue their destruction and kill us all!”

      “Yep,” Jinyoung replies. “We should probably get on that.” He glances over at the mages.

“You guys have any spells for that sort of thing? Anything?”

      “I’m new and he can’t understand you,” Minhyun says with a shrug. “Sorry guys.”

      “Fabulous,” Jinyoung says. “So these things have skin like armor, so weapons are useless.” Gongchan and Baro look down mournfully at their clubs that they spent two entire days creating. “Ok, not useless. Just…not exactly beneficial in this particular situation. And arrows will do nothing against the Elliots?”

      “I’m afraid so,” JR says solemnly.

      “Well, f--.”

            “So…do these things have any weaknesses?” Cnu asks. “They can’t be invincible. Can’t we put some sort of trap down for them? Well, I guess if they’re armored…” Ren tilts his head as he thinks, sipping on a juice box. “Wait, maybe if we baited them and somehow ambushed them. Like if we managed to make a steel cage—”

            “With our wild supply of steel, of course,” Gongchan retorts.

            “Wait, couldn’t baiting work?” Jinyoung asks. “We create a decoy and launch fire arrows or something at them. You have fire arrows, right?” Ren nods. “Ok, so we make a decoy camp in the opposite direction of our village, flash all of our shiny at them, and then the archers can launch their attack. The plan is perfect. Go team.” He looks over at the warriors. “You guys. You’ve got muscle. Come help me make a fake village or whatever. Archers, hang out and wait for our signal. Sandeul, magic people, you stay here too. We’ll yell if we need you.” Jinyoung gathers his troops and they head out. “Does that sound good?” Everyone nods. “Does anyone need us to do anything before we peace out?” Ren steps forward and holds out his empty juice box.

            “Could you maybe throw this away from me? You’re going to pass a rubbish bin on your way out. Thanks. You’re the best.”

            “Oh, yeah, sure.” Jinyoung replies, taking the empty carton. He salutes the elves and mages and heads out with the others.

            After they leave, JR and Minhyun begin to strategize how else they can possible defeat the Elliots if Plan A should fail. No one seems to notice that Ren has wandered off. While they were having their grand strategizing meeting, Ren slipped Baekho’s dagger from his scabbard, took a magic torch from Minhyun, and some shiny sparkly jewels from Sandeul. He also took one of their health potions because honestly he’s the only one who really likes pomegranate juice anyway; Aron would actually rather die than take a health potion.

            Ren’s going to save his village, even if it means he has to be a rogue to do it.

            Unfortunately, as he wanders through the woods to look for the Elliot’s realm, it starts to get dark. And he has no reception in the forest because of course JR picked the most remote location in all of Korea to have them pretend to be hunted by demon elephants. And Minhyun did not properly charge his phone before they left and his battery is dying and nothing bleeds out battery like turning on the flashlight app.

            There’s a sudden crack behind him and he screams, whirring around and expecting to see a massive beast with glowing red eyes. Instead, he sees nothing. That’s almost worse. He grips Baekho’s dagger tightly in his hand.

            “Ok…ok…it’s ok. All you have to do is say “Ballad” and Sandeul will be right here and everything will be ok,” he mutters to himself. He gives himself a moment to feel concerned that he’s depending on Sandeul of all people to rescue him. But he’s a rogue and rogues are witty and clever and don’t care about rules, so it doesn’t matter if he wants Sandeul there. Rogues don’t care. And rogues don’t let elephants kill their people. And rogues aren’t scared of the dark, even if they are in the dark in the woods at night alone with only a carton of organic pomegranate juice for sustenance.

            And then he sees it. The Elliot. And it’s real and it’s in front of him and sure enough, it’s armored and massive and has tusks as sharp as spears and has glowing red eyes and he doesn’t even know how that’s possible. And then it roars.

            Ren jumps and shrieks and bolts, but he trips over a stump and falls to the ground.

            “Ballad! Ballad!”

            “Silence, mortal.” The Elliot is now speaking to him. Ren sits up and stares at him. He knows that voice.

            “Amber?” The Elliot sighs.

            “Dude, don’t break character. I’m the Elliot. You’re a mortal. I’m about to kill you. Ballad isn’t going to help you.”

            “I thought you had a costume—”

            “Mortal. I will murder you” Suddenly, more Elliots arrive and surround him. Ren swallows thickly. “Run him over!” The Elliots all growl and start charging towards him, but then he takes the jewels and chucks them away from him.

            “Get the shiny!” he cries. “I’m only here to make an offering to all powerful Elliots!” They pause. “Look. You guys don’t actually want to kill us. We harvest the shiny for you. You need us. So here’s what I’m thinking. You guys are big and strong, yeah? Like, your trunks can pick up stuff and carry it, right? So, if you would do us a favor and help us rebuild all the villages you smashed and helped protect us, we could pay you in shiny. Like, coins. Money. You guys know what coins are, right? Little round shiny things? So it’s like a…business deal. We pay you to keep us safe. We can even make unshiny coins extra shiny with vinegar. We did it in scie-alchemy class once. I got the top score. Does that sound good?” The Elliots look at him with their glowing eyes, then turn in a circle. He sits down on a stump and begins to drink his juice.

            “Mortal.” Ren looks up at them, sipping thoughtfully through the straw. “Wait, are you just drinking healing potion for no reason?” Ren looks at them with a blank expression. “Oh…ok. Whatever, mortal. Anyway, we accept this offer. But we want to do it on a contract basis. Take us to your leader and we shall discuss this…arrangement.” Ren nods. “Want a ride? I think I know where your camp is.” Ren cautiously approaches an Elliot and realizes they are just four wheelers with inflatable tusks taped to them. He climbs in beside Amber and they drive towards his village.

            When they get a few hundred meters away from camp, Ren hops out and walks towards his camp, followed by the Elliots. Sandeul screams, yelling Ballad as he falls to the ground and flails. JR drops beside him to comfort him.

            “Guys, it’s ok,” Ren says. “I talked the Elliots. They’re pretty cool. I made them a deal, but they want to talk to the leader about it.” JR looks from the Elliots, to Ren.

            “I thought you went with Jinyoung. He was supposed to be watching you!”

            “I snuck off. Don’t get mad at Jinyoung. No one knew. Also, Minhyun, get your charger. Your magic box is completely dead.” He tosses the phone back to Minhyung, then the jewels back to Sandeul. “Is Baekho still gone? I have his dagger.”

            “Are you a rogue?” JR asks. Ren his lips.

            “I’m a little thirsty. And the Elliots want to talk to you.” Aron gives him a water bottle and JR approaches the Elliot, making the signal to announce that he’s breaking character.

            “You found Ren?”

            “Yeah. He must have snuck out of camp or gotten lost. We didn’t expect to come to your camp so quickly and we didn’t have an epic battle or anything, but we can still attempt a battle later. Maybe we can ask Super Junior if they’d like to attack us? I can bring it up to Kyuhyun at D and D. But it was getting late and kinda cold, and Ren looked pretty thirsty and I almost made him cry, so I thought we’d better get him home.” They glance over and see Aron draping a blanket over Ren’s shoulders and rubbing his back soothingly. “He’s so cute.”

            “Yeah, he’s pretty adorable. Um, if you want we can just say we’ll sleep on this agreement thing until tomorrow. If you want, you can attack Jinyoung’s camp and chase them back here and then we can call it a night and eat dinner and all that.” Amber nods.

            “Sounds good to me. See you tomorrow, then. We’re going to go after your boyfriend. He knows how to get back to your camp, right? If not, we’re at campsite B and he can stay with us.”

            “Yeah, he knows. We come here all the time.”

            “Cool. Good night then!” The troop of Elliots disappears into the woods and JR returns to the others.

            “All right. We have yet to reach a final agreement, so we will see them again. But they will not attack us tonight. So let’s feast.”

            “What about Jinyoung and the rest of the warrior and dwarfs and hairy people?” Minhyun asks.

            “They took half the provisions with them. They’ll be fine,” JR replies. “Kimbap, anyone?”