“What’s the meaning of life?”

Jimin asked quietly while playing with his legos, trying his best to somehow create a castle from the plastic blocks. Namjoon laughed at the ironic image before him.

“Hyung doesn’t know either.”

Jimin pouted and looked at Namjoon.

“But you’re older hyung, you’re supposed to know.”

Namjoon smiled apologetically at Jimin and began putting his toys away.

“Maybe when you grow up and find out you can tell hyung.”

Jimin contemplated for a bit and finally nodded happily.

“Good”, Namjoon laughed and ruffled the younger’s hair, “Now clean up, dinner’s about to start.”

Jimin obeyed and started putting his toys in order back onto the shelf where they belonged.

I’ll definitely tell hyung when I found out.

“Hey! Hey look it’s that new rich kid!”

Jimin heard loud voices coming from behind him and a sudden thud after that.

“Why are you in this school? Was daddy bankrupt and had to put you in some lousy public school? Poor kid.”

He could hear the punches and cries happening in his presence but didn’t dare to look back or confront the bullies in fear of him being the next victim. He neatly stacked his textbooks in order and hoped that the cries for help would be drowned out if his music was loud enough. But the feeling of guilt in his chest would never subside. He asked himself what the meaning of life was.

Was it picking on those weaker than you in hopes of rising to the top? No, that wasn’t it.

“Jimin could you cover my shift for this evening? I’m feeling really sick today.”

Jimin read the message from Taehyung and with quick fingers tapping on the phone screen he replied: “Sure! No problem. I hope you feel better.”

He quickly threw on his work uniform and a jacket before going outside. Going to work at night was always a bother because of the cold and rigid air that engulfed the streets of Seoul but Jimin didn’t mind. He was willing to help his friend with anything. He hopped onto the small bus and took a seat all the way in the back. A few stops after a couple got on the bus and Jimin didn’t really notice until he could see the mop of orange hair a few metres away from where he was sitting. The person was turning his back on him but Jimin could recognize that hair anywhere.

“Taehyung?” he whispered quietly, not loud enough for anyone to hear.

Jimin felt cheated, he felt like such a fool. Why didn’t he just tell me that he had a date in the first place? He then asked himself what the meaning of life was.

Was it trusting people too much that you end up falling for their cheapest tricks? No, that wasn’t it either.

University could seem so dull and boring if it wasn’t for the teacher that Jimin had taken a particular liking to. He was handsome, funny, sarcastic and could sometimes be a little grumpy but Jimin liked that about his photography professor. It never dawned on Jimin that he could like a person that much until he found himself practically staring holes into the back of Mr. Min’s head. It wasn’t like the teacher didn’t notice, he wasn’t dense or anything and Jimin definitely did not do a very good job on hiding his emotions. But Mr. Min just ignored Jimin’s stares until the end of the class and after everyone left he would throw Jimin onto his desk and attack his lips, his neck, his collarbones, anywhere that he could get access to.

The forbidden relationship between a teacher and a student could never be brought up outside of the tiny, claustrophobic classroom but Jimin was fine with it, as long as he got to be Yoongi’s. But one afternoon while he was running to the lecture early to hand in his assignment he had walked in on Yoongi with his lips on another person, another student, and he bundled up his fist to prevent himself from doing something he would regret later on. Jimin ran to the bathroom and splashed water on his face, looking down at himself on the mirror he asked himself again what the meaning of life was.

Was it falling so hard for someone that you would do anything for them just to find out that they never felt the same? No, that’s not it.

Jimin held onto Namjoon’s hands tightly and the tears were falling from his eyes like the rain in winter: cold and harsh. Namjoon was lying on the hospital bed, eyes lazy and mouth dry, but hands still holding on strongly to Jimin’s. Jimin didn’t want to think about the meaning of life anymore, because it’s too painful to see the brother he loves so much, the only person that’s ever been there for him lose his own.

“I’m sorry hyung.” Jimin whispered through his sobs and held even tighter onto Namjoon’s hands as if using it as leverage, thinking that if he let go then everything would crumble down and disappear from his life. “I never got to find out what the meaning of life was but life without you would be meaningless nonetheless.” He looked up through blurry eyes at Namjoon’s face and saw the elder smiling.

“Jimin… it’s ok.” He said in a barely audible voice, “Because I’ve found out what it is.” Namjoon said and coughed a bit before continuing. “It’s growth Jimin. With growth comes knowledge, experience, hurt, happiness, sadness,... And let me tell you that you’ve grown into a terrific person.” Namjoon’s hold on Jimin’s hands tightened, “Don’t let the bad experiences waver you and make you lose your happiness because you deserve it Jimin. And hyung’s really proud of you, I really am. I’m sorry I can’t stick around much longer but watching you grow up were the best moments of my life. You’re a good kid.” Namjoon’s voice began fading and Jimin was trying to muffle his cries with his sleeve.

“H-hyung d-d-don’t say that… you’re gonna b-be here for a l-long time… please… don’t say that…”

Namjoon patted Jimin’s soft locks and his hands were losing energy as he did.

“Sorry Jimin-ah… hyung is sorry… cherish your life, not like hyung okay?”

He gave his younger brother a smile that seemed too genuine, too bright, too happy to be on a sick person and Namjoon’s eyes started closing tiredly.

“I’m sleepy now.” Namjoon mumbled and Jimin nodded in response, exiting the room after the elder had drifted off.

The next morning the hospital had called in to inform the death if Kim Namjoon at 2:34am. Jimin locked himself in his house and cried that day.

Jimin stood in front of Namjoon’s grave and added another flower to the now withering ones. It’s been a year since his death and Jimin has still been visiting regularly. He kneeled in front of the stone that read: “Kim Namjoon, beloved son and brother.” A smile filled with sadness and sorrow spread across Jimin’s face as he tried to remember Namjoon’s features which were slowly fading from his memory.

“Namjoon hyung, I came again. Did you miss me?” he asked quietly and laughed at himself. Who was he even talking to?

“I was just thinking about your last words again last night… and… I think it really helped me. It helped me from all those suicidal thoughts that ran through my head from time to time.” Jimin pursed his lips in guilt and looked up at the sky. Clouds were lazily drifting across the light blue canvas.

“I hope one day I’ll become a father and get to watch my kids grow up as well hyung, just like you did with me. I’ll tell you what a terrific brother I had and how wise he was, how he taught me about the meaning of life.” 

this plot is so y but i just love nammin too much don't kill me pls